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When I talk about HOCD on here and people try and reassure me by saying “Well, everyone’s on the spectrum,” and “Sexuality is fluid. It could change tomorrow,” I want to ball my eyes out. I don’t think people understand: I do not want a relationship of any kind with a woman. Not sexually or romantically. The idea gives me headaches (that sometimes last hours), makes me cry and makes me feel sick. It’s like saying “Oh, she feels sick around spiders but she must be in denial and secretly like them.” UGH! Guess what: I dOn’T wAnT tO tOuCh A sPiDeR. I mUsT sEcReTly LoVe ThEm AnD bE iN dEnIaL.” Jesus Christ alive! It’s the same as saying “It might be clean one day and not the next,” to someone worrying about cleanliness. Now, they’re going to start cleaning that thing more. DRIVES ME NUTS!

I just had a real deep talk with my best friend about my ROCD and HOCD and the only other person I have had deep talk with is my bf and it made me feel so much better but now I have intrusive thoughts about what if I like her or what if I am comfortable being gay now because she said she would support me and who even cares anyways

No offence to actual bisexuals but while technically correct, calling myself bisexual makes me want to kill myself. I hate that I was attracted to men even though I enjoyed it at the time. Fucking shoot me. I want to be with women and have always been. Women feel true to me. Men do not. Even though I am attracted to the. Fuck this. Even saying I like men makes me feel like my life isnt worth living.

Everyone says “ you are not your thoughts “ but when i had thoughts about being with a boy ... was that not me ¿ everything is so confusing

False memories What do I do?? I keep asking for advice, for help, for a miracle.... I don't know what to do. Ocd destroyed my life. It took my joy. It took me everything. I have false memories regarding having sex with my dog and abusing a child. It is destroying me. I just want to kill myself... I am in too much pain. Sexual themed ocd started because I started masturb- (which happened by accident). It made me a monster. I feel like such a sexual deviant. I want to die....... But I don't want anyone to mourn my death....

I'm thinking that I was briefly attracted to a few men before the OCD even though I always referred to myself as homosexual and even though I know I never have to actually date them and absolutely do not want to the thought of calling myself bisexual makes me suicidal. I desperately do not want to be bisexual. I hate the implication that I like men even if I do not have to be with them. It feels so untrue to the core of me and who I am even though I enjoyed liking those guys. My soul doesn't yearn for the the way I yearn for women. I always thought that the only way I'll be happy is with a woman. I now do not call myself anything, just say I like women and don't care about anything else, but I still have to be technically homo or bi? In the long tun I still want to call myself a lesbian because it feels the most right but I also have no idea how to treat that I was momentarily attracted to a few guys,even though my attracted to them lasted only a few weeks and then I forgot about it, plus I only liked very specific looks of them and any other loom was ugly. I still love one of them but I do not think I love him in a romantic sense. Or maybe I do, since I sometimes can't stop thinking about him and talk to him in my mind. Ugh. It's tough. I just needed to get this out to release some anxiety by sitting with it and I'll go play some game now.

God I’m just so angry ocd makes me so angry!! And I feel like I just have such a short temper these days and I just get really angry inside or I cry. Anyone else like this? Anyone feel like one day they are just going to break. Ugh I hate this!!

Hi, I’m new to this app and I’m not sure if it’ll help me, but I’ll try anything to get better. For anyone who wants to read, here’s my story: I think I began having OCD when I was young, after my parents divorced and I went through being abused by the parent I was living with, while also going through bullying at school. I went through a trauma, and that’s when it set in. I’m now 21, and within the past 2 years I’ve got my first car, first real job, moved out on my own, and had a baby. So a lot of major life changes. This has thrown the OCD into a state that’s just unmanageable. I can’t fold laundry because it’s impossible to get it perfect, so it stays in the dryer. I can’t clean up anything without having absolute silence and taking hours. It’s hard to shower, having to OCD anything I touch. It’s hard to make dinner, it’s hard to wash dishes. Everything is hard anymore. I tried medication, but it just gave me severe headaches and dizziness, which only agitated my OCD more. I just want hope that this is something that can indeed be treated. It only keeps getting worse with age and it’s extremely hard to live a normal life like this. If anyone has similar stories feel free to share, I will definitely read them.

Hi, This is not OCD related but I still would like to share it with you guys. I apologise beforehand as it's a silly, silly rant. Also, I would like to let you know that there is great chance that you will get bored if you decide to read all this non-sense. But even if you do, I will still be thankful for giving it a go. Lately, I've been feeling like a failure. I don't think I'm a good friend, sister, daughter and/or girlfriend. I think I've done a lot of things which I deeply regret. I wonder if I'm a mean, evil person. And because of that I wonder if I deserve to be treated with so much love, kindness and respect by so many people, especially by my family and friends. I wonder if I deserve to have such a nice boyfriend. He is so sweet and caring (sorry for the cheese) but I don't think I've offered him enough. It seems like sometimes I complain too much, or pay too little attention to him. It seems that I shouldn't be with such an amazing human. It seems like he can do better. I wonder if I deserve to have such a loving brother. He counts on me and sees me as his awesome sister, but I can't even tell you how many times I ignored him or was rude to him because I was busy with my own world. I wonder if I deserve to have such awesome friends. I mean, I clearly don't: I just messaged a person whom I decided to ignore and cut out from my life a few years ago. It was a terrible mistake, and I'm so, so sorry for doing it that. I feel miserable for my behaviour. She clearly didn't deserve it. I don't think she'll reply back but that's fine, it's understandable. I wonder if I deserve anything good at all. Most likely the answer would be a great 'no!'. I think that what I deserve is to be unhappy. For the past couple of days, I've seen myself as a terrifying human being. I hate my body. I hate my mind. I hate how I feel. I hate who I am. I hate everything about me. And this brings a lot of sadness. I've failed and dissapointed so many important people in my life that it hurts to only try and think about it. Well, I guess this is it. Unfortunately, it's pretty poorly explained, I really need to expand my vocabulary. Thanks for reading this.

What do I do? Tw:pocd, false memories, sexual assault I'm still stressing over this.... My false memory is that 3 years I touched (caressed?) a child down there while giving her lap (which is also a false memory on its own) on the pool with 2 witnesses (my friends) there.... If this had happened would she still liked me (because I know she did)? And she was 8-9 at the time so I think she'd be aware if I had done something this bad? Plus there were 2 witnesses there... But I have the stupid feeling that I somehow tried to what I did when they weren't looking. I even asked one of the witnesses if she remembers anything wrong that happened during the pool and she doesn't remember anything and said that I was always nice to everyone. I don't remember her reaction... And I don't remember this happening. But I do have images about it (that hopefully are false). I've been trying to not ruminate but I'm still so afraid I did something wrong...

Right now I feel convinved and defeated. If I see a child and feel nothing like I normally would, my brain takes this as a challenge and makes me picture them naked and then in sexual situations. I don't know what to do. I'm so scared that this is just some secret desire I managed to go all my life without noticing. Or that because I have all these images all the time that I'm going to DEVELOP an attraction.

*Trigger warning* *CPTSD related* Hello, I was wondering if I could have any advice, im a little confused on what to do for exposures without it turning bad, as the majority of my obsessions result in things I can not control even if I can do anything about it like compulsions. Sometime my compulsions work, sometimes they don't. And i fixate on my compulsions to ensure I am not going to end up in danger, even if I'm not. But my brain thinks I am. most of my obssessions are a result from CPTSD and for example one of my triggers is having interactions or being in a room alone with someone, I can not stop analysing their body language, their facail expressions and tone of voice, i over think about how i should respond, how i am saying it, to ensure I don't antagonise or cause conflict for whatever reason. Now the reason I'm struggling with trying to find an exposure to challenge is because as a result of my cptsd triggers, I could dissociate, wet myself, or throw up, or just go into a pure panic as this can happen even when I do my compulsions sometimes, as sometimes I have no control. and i am not to sure what is a safe way to approach using an exposure and as i can not live like this forever and I feel if I don't try to use exposures in fear of the reactions my body goes into, i feel like i will never get better. Is there anyone who has any advice of safe exposures?

Y’all this is dumb but I’ve been looking into the past about early signs of ocd and I wanted to see if these things were ocd related or you experienced them. I feel like it may be obvious but here goes lmao TW for counting and possible scrupulosity? talking about demons and shit The thing that stands out to me the most are counting my steps when outside or in my house between sidewalk blocks and thresholds in my home. I would see other people not step in a block an even amount of times and be agitated or I would nearly trip and die trying to make sure I stepped in the sidewalk block just the right amount of times. I remember counting one day on my way to the bus stop for school and knowing that I didn’t do it right but I pushed forward anyway. I ended up going back because it distressed me knowing I didn’t do it right so I went and did it until it evened out. This went on well into high school and probably now without me noticing. In my dorm I would have to turn off the bathroom light and shut the door a certain way or a demon or ghost would be upset. The shower curtain had to be closed when I got out a certain way or it would be “a sign”. Even sometimes now (i think I lessened it some when I realized it might be a compulsion) that I would have to step between cabinets or around the kitchen a certain amount of times before the microwave got to a certain number or I would have to sell my soul to the devil. Anyway I’m not sure entirely if this was ocd or if I was obsessed with paranormal stuff and it just formulated that way? Or maybe both? Idk but lmk how u feel lol

Was with my boyfriend last night and suddenly thought about squeezing boobs, like squeezing his chest like they were breasts. I am equally afraid and feel like I’m turned on by it. Going to try to channel this into ERP

OCD attacks what you value most, which means you end up neglecting/avoiding what you value most. The way to recover is to return back to your values. What does your OCD attack the most—what do you value most?

Ive been doing really well! With each day the anxiety lessens, and the thoughts have less significance in my life. I hope this carry’s on because I love the feeling of when I haven’t thought about it in a while and then I’m like wow! There’s still some doubt that I’m just lying to myself and everyone else, but it’s way less than before. Stay strong everyone!!

Someone here has Maladaptive Daydreaming?

How does a gronial feel for you all? I got a gronial when I thought I was in denial :(

I'm think I have OCD, I'm convinced. I'm 16 years old. Quite often I end up late to school because of my rituals for Checking OCD. I'm also bisexual and closeted to parents so that makes it harder

Just had the best ERP session wow it works so well