Welcome to
the NOCD Community

is it true that no amount of anxiety can change the future?

A year ago I made a paper about how I overcome some symptoms of HOCD, I hope it will help some people: I made this paper to help people overcome their symptoms as I was able to do. So it will be a list of my symptoms and solutions that have worked for me to overcome them. Doubts : Not paying attention to it they aren't legit doubts, it's OCD. A legit doubt will be accompanied by a true desire.Groinal responses : Not paying attention to it, there is no desire, so it's OCD.False attraction : Not paying attention to it, there is no desire, so it's OCD.Intrusives thoughts/images : Not paying attention to it, there is no desire, so it's OCD.Testing your sexual orientation in your head (by scenarios or other things) : Stop doing it, it will not work.Testing your reactions about member of the not desired sex : Stop doing it. The more you test, the more likely you are to have a reaction, not because you are excited but because you focus on the genital area, it is worse if you check physically.Fear of becoming gay : Firstly, not paying attention to it, there is no desire of men, so it's OCD. Secondly, a bit of education, sexual orientation can't changes overtime. I repeat : SEXUAL ORIENTATION CAN'T CHANGES OVERTIME. On the other hand, the sexual identity can change. Let me explain :  Sexual orientation is defined as a physical, sexual, emotional and romantic attraction to people of one or more particular sexes or genders. This is the sexual orientation. So, if you are a man attracted to women, you're straight. That's your sexual orientation. And you will choose to define yourself as heterosexual: it is your sexual identity. Let's keep this example of a man but let's change it a little. This man has never liked girls, has always had his eyes on boys, but defines himself as heterosexual. Is it straight? No, but it will define itself as such. Then one day, he will realize that he is using the wrong term and will choose to use another term: gay. Has he changed his sexual orientation? No, he just changed labels. This is called sexual fluidity. When people tell you that sexuality is fluid, they talk about it.Fear of being so deeply in denial that you won't know it: Not paying attention: it's not possible. And you're going to tell me: but you didn't mention anxiety? I didn't mention it because it's the anxiety that produces it. Anxiety produces doubts and symptoms. We have to get rid of it first to make things better. After a while, the symptoms no longer bother us and gradually they disappear. You may wonder why I didn't mention any other symptoms:  First because these are the most frequent cases I have had, and second because each case is different. I repeat: EVERY CASE IS DIFFERENT! And this is a list of thing I was going through: rentry.co/HOCDSymptoms

Today is a really difficult today. Maybe it doesn't seem so to other people, but it's extremely difficult for me. I feel like I'm trying to sober myself up after a really long and crazy night. I woke up with a great disgust and shame, and I can't stop analysing my feelings and thoughts. For those who don't know, last night I experienced an urge to hurt my younger brother while he was asleep in my room. The most frightening part is that it felt like I really wanted to do it. Of course, he is fine, I would never hurt him. A couple of days ago I thought I could do it but I was so wrong. I'm back at it. All I want is to stay in bed and face noone. I'm a terrible human being. A terrible sister. Daughter. And friend. Thanks to myself for ruining my life.

Boy am I going through it at the moment! I have been struggling tremendously with my ROCD. Me and my boyfriend have been through hell and back this quarantine. My OCD completely kicked in full force and my relationship just completely has been effected to the max. At times I get scared it permanently got damaged and can’t be fixed. My boyfriend and I struggled with about 5 deaths this quarantine. One being his bestfriend along with 3 other friends and I lost an uncle. We’ve been struggling both with our mental health, money, jobs, communication, etc. To make things worse his anxiety went up the same time my OCD went through a major spike and that completely took us through a whirl wind. This is also his first real relationship so there’s certain things that we bump heads on because he’s just learning or getting used to. This is my first healthy relationship so it triggers the hell out of my ROCD. At times it feels like he’s almost manipulating me (my obsession at the moment) because he’s such a nice person to everyone and tries to make everyone happy and I’m just so used to seeing on social media and friends around me that them being nice to everyone is just weird and have a bad meaning behind it. He likes complimenting people to uplift them and we talked about it today a bit more and he told me he just always wants people to feel good when he sees they’re down because he never had that growing up and he said he knows how it feels so he always tries to be nice to everyone but I’ve just dealt with so much manipulation and exes that flirted with everyone that to me it seems so much like a threat ( I’m actually freaking out as I type this). He also at times misunderstands what I say and I misunderstand what he says because details get left unsaid. For example, today we also talked about how he wishes we could backtrack and start fresh and that completely set me off. I took it the wrong way and started spiraling. I saw it as if he regretted our relationship up to that point and that he disliked how we were doing things at the moment and that our foundation wasn’t stable enough. He ended up later on explaining to me that he meant it as in he wished to just treat me way better than what he initially started with. He said he felt he only gave me half of what he was capable of and that he wished to give me more. He said he only felt he gave me half of what he was capable of because he felt we moved too fast, he was just so excited about his first relationship that he wanted to do everything right away. I then told him he could still do that without starting from the beginning. We both agreed on that but my mind remained on the negative thoughts like always. I just view everything negative and I know it’s not my fault I just can’t help it. We’ve been dating close to 8 months now but it feels like more with everything we’ve been through already. I see it in a positive way though, I know mostly anything wont get in the way of us anymore. We’ve decided to just let go of past traumas and move forward.

I am third year Med student and due to OCD I AM notable to focus on my studies Please guide me?

I can’t no matter how much I try to ignore the thoughts it doesn’t go away wtf am I gonna do ???? I feel okay here and there but it’s ALWAYS there first thing when I wake up these dangerous harm killer thoughts

Okay, so I have a problem. I think my cousin is a sociopath, and it worries me cause she says that she wouldn't care if anyone died, and I understand that because it's not her fault she cant care. But shes admitted to manipulating people to get what she wants-- like using their emotion, usually pity. And she told me to remember shes not a good person, and that's for my own safety. So now I'm worried. I asked if I should set boundaries for myself, and she said if i want, but i dont know what those boundaries should be? She usually just vents to me about her problems and i don't want her to stop doing that but i also dont want to get manipulated. My paranoia is just going nuts, especially since she'll sometimes talk about death and murder so nonchalantly-- but I dont think that's something she'd do. But what do I do? I cant tell anyone else about it because I told her I'd keep it a secret. At least shes trying to fund a therapist, but in the meantime, I dont want to be a replacement for one.

Hi. My boyfriend of 2 & a half years broke up with me two days ago. It was very uncalled for and I don’t wanna get into it. There were no major problems in our relationship but we did lack a bit of communication skills. I’ve been crying for those two day’s straight, and today in the morning. Then I randomly came across a video on manifestation on tik tok (I didn’t look for it, it was on my “for you” page) & there were others on how to get your ex back and the number one thing it said is to stay positive and continue to think that we’re still together & that he loves me & not to cry because it negative etc etc. Ever since I read that I can’t cry anymore. So now my ocd is kicking in on why I’m not crying anymore & don’t feel incredibly sad, even though I think it’s because I have hope we’ll get back together. Also, my ocd is telling me I wanna be single and experience “new people” meanwhile I know I love him and want him in my future. Past ocd like my fear of flirting & cheating is coming up, and it’s telling me that’s what I wanted all along. I’m just confused and want ocd to leave me alone during this hard time. I’m hoping for the best for him and I. I love him.

OCD photography Hello, Perharps I have OCD and type Perfectionism. I always liked photography and taking many photos. From March, April I was In cycle of urge to take photos and videos and I mean many variants of them. It was my collection of game consoles and games. I taked a lot of photos and too selfies with something changing on desk table where it was. Few times I thought that OK, everything is good I have all. I put it in the closet and I got an idea again doing this. I do not wanted to do this, I wanted pause. I wanted to plan what to do next time, what photo or video of that collection. Month ago I fall in cycle of another. I taked photos of my new camouflage shoes collection. It took me few days, I spend 7 hours doing this and I thought about it and I feel anxiety before this. I felt it on heart. I was taked many variants and tell myself it is enought but next day I was again doing this and again tell myself it is enought. I wanted to do this again but my mother by the time rearranged furniture in living room. And i do not want to have bad memories with that room. I hope it ended because I told my mind that will be okay but I again wanted to do more. I had this last year on summer I was taking photos and videos of my new living room in first floor in house. It was only furniture there and nothing more. I soend a lot of time doing this. Before I too had cycles but it was shorter and I do not know that something is with me. I am asking myself what happened to me

I feel so lonely and helpless. With transitioning from high school to college, I’ve completely lost touch of my old friend group. I haven’t really established a new friend group yet. I don’t go to therapy anymore because my mom dislikes my therapist. My mom refuses to accept any of the diagnosis or what my therapist has to say, so I haven’t seen her in months. I don’t have a boyfriend. I’ve never have. My family doesn’t care. I receive no support with my mental health sometimes not even my physical health. I’m always assumed to be over reacting, so even when I’m in pain they just get mad at me and tell me to get over it. I just don’t have anyone. I don’t know what to do. My OCD is starting to get bad again and recently I hurt my neck. I talked to my mom, dad, and sister about it. The general response was stop crying that doesn’t help, maybe if you weren’t so lazy, just put heat on it. I know crying doesn’t help, but it’s my response to my pain. Leave me alone. I’m in so much physical and emotional pain with no one to support me.

Hi guys, I've got a dilemma at the moment (well, I've got lots of them but this one is currently the most triggering and upsetting), and I would like to ask for your help. I would like to apologise beforehand for any distressing details and for the post being so long. Thank you in advance for any help! Okay, here goes: my brother likes to sleep in my room (he falls asleep and then I take him in his room because I'm too scared to sleep with him in the same bed). Just a few minutes ago he asked me with he can sleep there tonight. Initially I said 'no', but after a lot of begging from him I changed my mind and said 'yes'. Well, here goes my fear. I said 'no' because I'm really, really scared that I'll want to touch him in an inappropriate way while he's asleep. (I'm really sorry! I feel disgusting foe sharing this.) While I was having the thought, I felt like I was having a moment of revelation, and by that I mean that it felt that I actually wanted to do it (to hurt my brother). I can't really describe the feeling, but it was sort of: 'This is it! This is the true me! I wouldn't mind doing it.' (Ew!) My stomach dropped and my body went in a sort of paralysis for a few seconds. It was so weird! But it truly felt like I wanted to harm him. And the worst part, it still feels like I want to. I'm really scared to let my brother sleep in my room. I really don't want him to. I really don't! But I've promised this to him for so long, and been postponing it for days. He got really upset when I said 'no', and it makes me feel really bad because I think he feels ignored. That's why I said 'yes'. I'm in the UK and it's half 9 here. My brother will want to go to bed soon. And I'm so terrified that I can't even express it in words. Something's going in my body and I can't really understand what. It's fear mixed with terror and uncertainty. But the worst thing of all is the doubt - the doubt over whether I want to act on my thoughts and harm my brother or all this being just another game of my OCD. I know I should try and use the SOS tool but I'm to anxious for that. I'm sorry. I don't know what to do from here. I really don't.

Tw: pocd, romantic fantasies (23, F) OK... So a few years ago I created a character. I used to enjoy to create original characters and just have fun and this was one of my favorites. (I was 20 when I created her) I don't remember the age I gave her, to be honest. I think it was 15-16. Im not sure... Unfortunately. I think she was 15 in her away to 16. She was a light spirit but very mature for her age, personality wise. Not long after I started imagining that she had a crush on another character that was based on me and vice versa. But this self-based character was in love on her older brother (who was 19). Moving on... Later on, I started having romantic fantasies with this character. Nothing sexual. Just flirting and one kiss. And despite at the time being 21,22, I imagined to be again in high school (17) and her ofc (15-16). I feel terrible... At the time I didn't notice how bad this could be. 15!! Seh was 15! I just... Ugh- I didn't have a crush on her because of her age but because I liked her personality.... Idk. It wasn't a huge crush. It was nothing sexual because I never imagined myself having anything with anyone under 18 (unless it was an intrusive thought which has happened).. I feel ashamed and embarrassed and I feel like the worse disgusting piece of shit out there... I don't know what to do. I'm so gross...

how do i live with the uncertainty? i don’t even want to believe i did such horrible things. i was young, but thats not even an excuse. i feel horrible. i still have no attraction to absolutely anybody my age. not even any romantic or sexual feelings. which i’m sure is because of depression.. but my ocd makes me think it’s because i’m into one of my fears. hell, i literally did it! i enjoyed it too! that sure as hell means i like it! there’s no backing out. it’s over

Friendly chat for dealing with HOCD! ☺️

im so desensitized that i'm doubting this ocd

Get ye propranolol! It's boss for OCD. Common and safe anti-anxiety, I have no doubt your primary care physicians would be happy to give you a prescription. Confidence: https://www.newscientist.com/article/2133500-drug-that-boosts-confidence-in-your-own-actions-may-help-ocd/ - I remember locking the door, and I feel confident about the memory - I attended an interview, and I feel confident in my own positive assessment of how well I did. I don't feel that I need to analyse whether I'm correct or not - I know I made a mistake on the test, and I feel confident about both that I did put the answer I believe I put, and that the answer I put was incorrect Information gathering: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6083454/ - I have a sore throat so I googled and concluded in 5 minutes that my symptoms are the same as strep. I feel pretty confident about this and don't feel that I need to do any more googling 'in case' it's something else/scary - my therapist told me that it's common after experiencing abuse to feel guilty/responsible/like you're unfairly making it into something it's not. I know that she is a professional and I have confidence in her statements. I don't feel a need to Google it - I know that it's unlikely that I did anything inappropriate at the bar last night, so I don't really feel like I need to memory-check about the entire evening or test how people feel about me to try to get clues - I recognise that I have the compulsive symptoms which characterise HOCD or POCD. I find it easier to accept this diagnosis, and feel less inclined to do more research to find out whether there is some way I might be an exception to the rule, or to ask other people what they think, or to seek reassurance that other people share my symptoms - I know it's very unlikely that whoever stole my phone can get past the encryption, I don't really feel the need to research whether there's some way that they could And the grand finale... fear extinction: https://www.mdedge.com/psychiatry/article/191908/anxiety-disorders/single-dose-propranolol-tied-selective-erasure-anxiety People with a phobia/OCD (or a memory which causes a strong emotional reaction, as with PTSD and real event OCD), expose themselves to a huge trigger- reactivating the bad memory, or scripting, or any other exposure. The exposure should be brief (a couple of minutes). They then take 40mg propranolol (oral), and go home. They *sleep*. The next day, the same triggers (the stuff in the script, or the memory, or the exposure) no longer cause any strong emotional response. The effect lasts at least 1 year. This is done with fear in the study, but works with anything else: guilt, anger, distress, etc. Your actual memory is left exactly the same as it was before, the only thing to change is your strong emotional responses to it, replaced with calm. The more more jolting the experience of NOT having your normal expected reaction to the memory is when it is first re-triggered to see if the process worked, the more permanent the effect is. Doing this to work up through the entire hierarchy could allow your brain to actually learn, in terms of FEELING not just knowing, that it's all ok. Serious implications for real event OCD and rumination in pure O, likely for everything else too. We don't always realise it, but it's always the EMOTIONS associated with our thoughts which disturb us and cause us to feel the need to resist and assert against them. If the intrusive thoughts, or the memory of your current worry theme, were to appear sometimes but never cause any actual unpleasant or upsetting emotions for you, it would become vastly easier to decide to not do compulsions in each moment, and it nukes the obsession. Even if you're quite neurotic and you wonder whether you should analyse to see if your lack of response means you're some kind of a psychopath or have damaged your brain or that you now have nothing to stop you from acting on the thoughts, that reactionary OCD theme can *also* be treated with the propranolol protocol. Once those things no longer freak you out either, that's it- no more feedback loops. You're free to just live by your values of e.g. not stabbing anyone- values which you retained 100% through the treatment. You're left with all of those thing that you usually use against your OCD when you're triggered, you feel more confident about them, and nothing which pops up to oppose them actually feels convincing. It may even feel safe to stop scanning for new themes. However- I DO NOT recommend anyone attempt this one without medical supervision, as the dose is a little higher and it's not fully proven for OCD/hierarchy systems, only for phobias.

Anyone else knows this feeling when you are getting better and start to do things in life again and get a glimpse of normality back and then OCD hits you with "you don't deserve this" "you forgot that you did a bad thing" "you can't go on without having it figured out"...? I don't want you guys to tell me what I should do, I know I should accept those thoughts and continue. Is it reassurance seeking if I would like to have some support on this? ?

When I was a kid I would get physically and emotionally abuse by my sister after school. I'm 20 years just told my mom accidentally and I can tell she doesn't believe me. I'm now realized how much it really affected me. That same little girl who was scared back then is the same voice as my OCD... Its like my brain forgot a lot of the memories that happened during the abuse. But I can tell you the address to the apartment each room were it was . the apartment was like a maze. I can tell you where the kitchen was and how it looked. I remember the kitchen because the front door was there I ran to it a lot but didn't seem to make it. But somehow I keep thinking and feeIing I was just too sensitive and it really wasn't that bad. I'm being over dramatic and I feel guilty and God doesn't want me to talk about it and he's mad at me for mentioning it. I just don't understand. I feel so broken and conflicted...

Please someone recommend something to read or watch to help me tackle my intrusive thoughts..

It’s been over a month since I’ve stopped listening to secular music. For a month I have only been listening to Christian music and I love it:) I don’t have to worry about if the song I’m listening to is alright or not. Sometimes it’s kind of annoying because I could be pissed and plug in my headphones to block out my family and I’m hit with “glory hallelujah ~~” ?lol I encourage you all to try something new. It could be listening to a new music genre or just a new diet. :)