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Is anyone on? Really need some help on my last posts

Long post. Idk if anyones even gonna read this, but I just need to let this out there somewhere besides my friend’s inbox who has heard the same problems over and over again. Ive had OCD for almost 3 years now. At first, my obsessions were mostly POCD. That was my main problem, and it persisted for most of these three years in varying intensities. I still struggle with it, but it’s gotten better. However, over the past two-ish months, i have a kinda new set of obsessions - Sexuality and gender OCD at the same time. I have known for nearly a decade that i am a trans man (meaning i was designated a girl at birth and have been transitioning to a man). This whole time, my whole life, all i can ever remember, is that I have been exclusively attracted to men, too. I have always found girls aesthetically pleasing, a lot of my favorite characters are girls, but have never felt attraction to them. I have questioned myself about this before, but not really in an OCD way even since I have been diagnosed with OCD. That changed two months ago, when suddenly i started questioning both if i secretly like girls AND if I have been lost this whole time and id actually be more comfortable as a girl. Its so distressing to think about, all day every day like when I first got diagnosed. Joy has vanished from my life. I cant feel attraction anymore besides from what feels like false attraction. I question myself every time when i see someone of either sex if i’m attracted to them or if i want to be them. I miss finding my boyfriend attractive. I scrutinize every feature in people to try to answer these questions. It fills me with anxiety and dread to even think of relationships now. I feel like i’m living a lie and i dont even know it. The groinal responses are constant. If i feel just a tiny bit of attraction to a man, i feel like i’m lying. If i think a girl is pretty, i feel like my ocd is right then too. I just dont know what to do anymore. My only source of income is doing commission paintings, of which all have been of romantic couples. Its so hard to work now because i pause drawing to question myself if im attracted to who im drawing, if i want to be the men im drawing, if i find it “cute and romantic and heartwarming” enough. I havent felt this hopeless in a long time. Im scared to pay for therapy when i finally have the money to because what if theres nothing wrong with me after all, or im too far gone to help, and its just a waste of time and money? I dont know who i am anymore.

i’m going to be honest, completely and truly. if you’re in anyway transphobic, racist, sexist, against the lgbt in anyway! you’re a terrible person. especially with this new terrible intrusive thought i’ve been trying to cope with i will never understand how someone can just be intolerant and disgusting and a shit person!! all people are people, regardless of gender or sexuality or the color of their skin!! we all bleed! we all have a heart and we all have emotions! how can you fear becoming something terrible if you already are if you’re any of the things i mentioned! i understand the fear you might feel of losing yourself for fear of being gay or anything similar but remember to be kind and respectful with your words.

i’m having intense anxiety right now because i keep ruminating about if i have deleted every single account and email with my real name on it. (one of my fears is my name being on the internet) i can’t breathe currently. i already know i couldn’t have deleted every single thing because when i was younger i didn’t care about that stuff, and it drives me insane knowing that i can’t go back and remove it all. does anyone have any tips to deal with the anxiety? i would like to sleep tonight.

So after going for things way too high in my hierarchy list thinking I could handle them and failing, I’m now left feeling worse by far. I reverted to my safety behaviours and routines But because my ocd is primarily to do with mental contamination, I’ve mentally contaminated some things i really love doing, hobbies - and now I no longer feel the same way about them because they feel contaminated as well as bring back bad memories. This has left. Me feeling really down, what can I do to get back those feelings of love for these things that I had, is it even possible? I notice that I’m now avoiding doing them because it reminds me of what I’ve lost Any suggestions would be much appreciated

My parents don’t take my mental health seriously. Sometimes I’ve even yelled out that I have suicidal thoughts (sometimes I do have them but sometimes it’s to get their attention) and they literally don’t care or say “ok do it then what are we gonna do, we have our own problems”. I have a therapist, but it’s just messed up how parents don’t take this stuff seriously.

Just read something about astrology that was kinda triggering. This girl was going through different ideas (for example ‘most toxic trait in each sign’ or ‘something each sign needs to hear’) and truthfully I found each thing SO relatable to me. I’m an Aquarius and whilst I’ve always found astrology cool, I’ve always felt it was a bit fake and inaccurate. But what I read in her videos was almost too true. She talked about jealousy issues (which I have struggled with for over a year now) and how aquarius’ never express it. I always repress my envy for people because I’m ashamed of it. There were a couple other things she mentioned that I resonated with. A lot. So when she went on to talk about how Aquarius’ have God complexes and hierarchy issues, I got anxious. Being a narcissist is my worst fear and obsession with OCD. She said my sign lacks compassion which scares me too. Naturally I wouldn’t care too much because I see astrology as a little far fetched sometimes. But the fact that she got some things spot on is what makes it so believable.

I often have lots of health related OCD issues, and because of COVID-19 everything has gotten so much worse. I had to go to a dr appt and now I have to check my oxygen levels and temperature 50 times before I feel they’re accurate. So worried I caught the disease and have to repeat things constantly to calm down. Any tips on interrupting these thoughts? I feel like I’m constantly drowning in panic.

is it normal for POCD to make you feel like you’re doing something sexual to a child even though you’re not? i’m trying to not let it affect me spending time with my toddler sister but it’s so difficult, i’ve always been very affectionate with her since i love her a lot and she’s so cute. Everytime after i’ve for example hugged her or carried her or changed her diaper i get so many thoughts that are like “did you just do that for sexual gratification” and it makes me sick and then i start ruminating over whether i did :(

I really need help I'm just so scared. I feel like I've turned gay and i don't feel like I love my bf at this point, I really don't feel connected anymore. Everytime he says he love me or shows any kind of affection I feel it's fair and now it's gotten to a point where I don't seem to care nor do I reciprocate his feelings back. I'm so scared. Coming on to my hocd, it has been screaming that I'm gay and that id like a relationship better with girls, I don't want one but it's still making me think this. It has completely destroyed my libido. It's also making me think that I'd like sex and kisses with girls more and it's just scary rn. I have never thoughts of girls like this and I don't want to. I feel like I'm turning cause I'm in my early adolescence stage :(. Even when I hit puberty 5 years ago there was only one thing on my mind and it was guys, I'm just so scared that I really am changing :(

I feel like I am going insane. My ocd has never been this bad before. I’m waking up every morning with extreme dehabilitating anxiety. I am gagging and using the restroom all of the time. My pocd has reached an all time high. I work in a law firm and read a very disturbing case involving child abuse and child pornography. Ever since my world has been twisted upside down. I feel like the line is so thin. Like anyone can cross it in a split second and their world can be flipped upside down in an instant. I have a daughter of my own and that night after having read that story at work, my intrusive thoughts and feelings were at an all time high. I was changing her diaper and had intrusive thoughts which I knew was going to, givin the triggering and emotionally draining day I had. I quickly pushed them out of my head and then what happened next is some what of a blur because I have spent the last five days ruminating it over and over and over again in my head. I was trying to get her to lay down in her crib and she kept standing up. I was gonna lay her down in a way that required me to maneuver her with one hand and that one hand would be in between her legs, over her clothes and her diaper. I see people carry and handle their babies like this all of the time but I always avoid it. This time I didn’t. I fought the compulsion to move my hand. Because it is in fact, not a sexual thing at all. But in my mind I had it made out to be. I remember moving her super quickly in that fashion and immediately feeling guilt like I did it in a malicious sexual way. Even though the movement itself is not sexual at all, because it has been in my mind forever as a sexual place I’ve always avoided it. I was attempting to fight the compulsion and now as a result because I didn’t move my hand, I feel like I have done something horrible. I feel so guilty. All because of a quick 5 second movement. I keep imagining me without my daughter, going to jail, her not having me, my family disowning me. I can’t handle the immense amount of emotional distress I am feeling because of this event. I keep feeling like I could’ve moved her in a different way, why did I have to move Her in the way that required my hand to be between her legs? Was it me trying to somehow act out on the intrusive thoughts I had previously? I am so torn apart by this. I would never ever intentionally hurt my baby. Ever. My biggest fear is her being abused. In an attempt to stand up to my ocd and desexualize that specific action, it has launched me into the worst ocd episode of my life.

If u have OCD is it normal to be afraid of everything yet nothing if that makes sense

Is anyone else here a therapist or social worker who struggles with ocd?

So yesterday my therapist asked me if I identify my thoughts revolving around my ocd theme as ocd thoughts or just regular thoughts. I told her most of the time I see them as ocd thoughts but when I’m spiraling bad sometimes I can’t help but fear they are real. Anyone else experience this? Honestly for the last day I’ve been scared whether she was actually asking if my thoughts are a reflection of my actual self and my desires or if they are ocd. Like she herself was unsure. Can anyone relate?

I really need some advice on how to deal with pocd. I had gotten so much better, but then yesterday my great aunt told me that she foresees that I will have a daughter as my first child and it sparked my pocd again. As I mentioned in my last post, I get more uncomfortable around girls than I do with boys. I also think it has to do with my hocd and pocd mashing up together.

This is TMI and maybe embarrassing to post :(( I keep feeling this desire to make out with boobs. Like BIG boobs. I’ve always been aroused by big boobs but never wanted anything to do with them. I’m fairly busty myself and so I’ve always wanted a guy to do these things to me. But now I’m wondering if I’d also wanna do it.

PSA: As an individual who has recovered from Ocd, i have learned the main nature of this illness and would love to share it with you.. Common to all themes and subtypes, we must realize that the specific thought isnt the issue. If it was, the thought we have now accepted or are not afraid of would have cured of us our anxieties. Please have faith from mental health professionals that we must abandon the importance on specific thoughts. Because what is so scary about these thoughts? It is the emotion that they bring. Ocd uses unpleasant emotions or sensations, (often extremely debilitating ones) to scare us into submission. Please know. That if you learn to sit with, accept, and learn that you can handle all emotions and sensations, all levels of anxiety, depression, everything, ocd will no longer have anything to scare u with. Noting helps. "I am noticing I am very very scared about the thought I had about ____. I am noticing I am feeling very ____. Sitting with this intense emotion, I am learning that I can handle it." Acceptance, of the good and the terribly uncomfortable, is the only way to treatment for ocd, but also many other emotional and mental problems people come across. I am personally with you as you struggle. I have had diagnosed severe ocd for 14 years now,, just recently been recovered. I. know. the. anguish. But please hear me, the only way to rexovery is embracing, and no longer fearing or trying to get rid of that anguish. We are not our ocd. This reality, along with having the courage to face any emotion (debilitating anxiety), to stop doing compulsions, and to expose yourself daily (preferably around 15 20 minutes or so), will help all you beautifully minded people to recover and to live even fuller lives after this experience!

I feel like I should just give up at this point. My case/symptoms are so different from others and there's just too much evidence. All I want is to live alone for the rest of my life. I'm tired from these thoughts and these constant doubts that stop me from being happy. Sorry for constantly posting, but I'm done.

Ocd ruined my future For a year, I was dating this wonderful person who i loved very much. 3 months ago she broke up with me. One of the reasons was she couldn't keep up with where my ocd was taking me. I'm doing better but I was devasted/suicidal with what ocd has been taking away from me. And in the end, it took away the only thing I care about. My only consolation is that she deserves better so it's a good thing we broke up. I've become so numb that I won't ever be in another relationship again. I won't love anyone else nor vice versa. I don't care if I'm dead or alive. Theres nothing for me here. My birthday is next week and it will be bullshit I'm so sorry for venting.

I keep getting intrusive thoughts about admitting I’m in denial and coming out. It’s plaguing my mind and I’ve got this crazy feeling that my future self is asking me all of these questions because I keep experiencing deja vu. I don’t know whether I’m being irrational but my mind is making me believe that my future self is visiting my present self and asking me whether I’ve accepted myself. It’s causing me a lot of stress and anxiety because I hate all of these intrusive thoughts yet they seem so real and I’m starting to believe them. I don’t want to be but my mind keeps giving me this verbal messages as if my future self is confronting my present self. It’s daunting and horrifying. I’d do anything for it to go away. Absolutely anything.