Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Big TW // bugs & checking this seriously set me off years ago and I don’t want to start an obsession for anyone else on here about this so be warned . . . . I have this SEVERE PHOBIA of bed bugs. 5 years ago I learned about them after seeing bad hotel reviews, and it turned into this severe obsession. I never had them before but (TW!!) I have learned everything there is to know about them and how easily it is to get them / how hard it is to find them and how they are the hardest to get rid of. This beyond terrifies me. 5 years ago I would be up all night for about two months with the lights on compulsively checking my bed seams, and my arms / legs If I ever got an itch, u would only sleep once the sun came up at around 5am and I would need to play a certain type of sleep music so I wouldn’t “hear them” (as if that was possible ?) It took me so long to get past the obsessing, now it’s just a background phobia that only heightens when I go to travel, etc. Fast forward to now. I’m Home and I just found five small bug bites in a perfect LINE on my inner thigh. I haven’t worn shorts outside of the house for a week or more but I do wear shorts only to bed. I know beg bugs are the only known bug that bites in a line!!!!!!!!! I am FREAKING OUT. I don’t know how I’m supposed to sleep tonight. I fear I’m going to fall back into the whole sleep-with-the-light-on until 4 am and keep checking and lately I’ve had enough insomnia as it is, I don’t want to make that worse. I took a melatonin which I hope helps but I normally have pure-o, so I don’t really know what’s helpful to do with this situation. I already checked my bed and couch just to see if there were signs because this is a very unusual bite pattern and I already know it’s the only outcome there is on google?. But other than the bites, there were no other signs thus far. I always have other bumps on my legs from ingrown hairs but these five bites in a line are DEFF bites. I keep thinking maybe the other ones I just brushed off bc I thought they were just itchy from not shaving bc I have sensitive skin. I asked for reassurance already and took a lot of pictures of it and researched images and facts again. Nothing i didn’t already know. I know that it’s time to stop the compulsions with asking and researching. I already checked two places but I didn’t check “fully” or other places I should check but I’m tired and I’m trying to stop myself here from OVER doing the checking. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to sleep without constantly *thinking* about them now. Any distraction methods or tips?

So I scheduled an appointment with my therapist when I was suicidal and now I’m super embarrassed to tell her anything tomorrow

Anyone get super anxious when change happens or making a big decision? (Tattoo specific question) Mine might be minor but I have anxiety about wanting a tattoo (or more) one day. I really like them and would like to get some, but it makes me nervous to do so for a couple of reasons. One is the opinion of my parents. Even though I’m 24, I still live at home (happily I might add) and they (especially my mom) don’t like them at all. I’ve made choices in the past that they didn’t agree with, like color my hair a bunch, but I think maybe because hair can be changed back and a tattoo really can’t that that part gets me? Two is how I’ll react to it. I normally like change but I don’t tend to react to it well which is an interesting predicament. For example I normally have brown hair but I went and got it silver blonde once because it was something I really wanted for awhile, but it was so different that I broke down crying thinking I made a mistake even though this was what I wanted! I got over it eventually and then I liked it! So I’m afraid that if I get a tattoo that it’ll hit me what I did, even if I do like it, and just break down again (so annoying honestly). I’m also indecisive about it, as in the type of image or words I want. I’ll have an idea and just sit on it for months at LEAST to make sure if it’s what I want and I end up changing my mind. Lately I had an idea I wanted for over a year and I still like it, but I’m still nervous I’ll change my mind again and regret it. I also am worried about changing my look so drastically. I see images of people with super cool tattoos on their arms and legs and whatnot and I’m in awe they look awesome! And I’d want some too! But then part of me feels like I’d be someone I’m not, even thought it’s been something I wanted for actual years, if that makes sense. Any thoughts or opinions on this? I feel like once the virus has lightened up and it’s safe to do more things it’d be cool to maybe get one on my birthday, starting off small, but I don’t know!

Any advice on when to disclose my OCD to a new significant other? I don’t view it as defining me but I don’t want to drop this information too late into the dating process. Thanks

I don’t want reassurance I just want to vent, I genuinely cant tell if I’m a good person anymore. I feel like I’m just pretending to be one at this point because most of my thoughts are weird / gross. I know they’re not real but because my ocd strives from my senses it feels like it is / the fact that I pay attention to them even when my ocd isn’t really messing with me makes it even worse, like I’m okay with it and I’m just in denial. I don’t really know what to do anymore

Question about delayed obsessions. Tonight I did my groceries and wiped them all down (contamination ocd) and washed my hands and arms before heading up to shower. As I dried my arms on the hand towel I was feeling really calm. I debated putting the towel in the wash but I was feing confident and said "nah, just deal with it, Cat". Now three hours later I hate that I have been washing and drying my hands with the same towel and touching my phone. I am working really hard to not sanitize my phone. I'm in bed with it now just trying to sit with it. I plan on just sitting with the discomfort. The towel was used on clean hands and fomites are not the major issue with covid 19. Cdc guidelines and no more. My question is, why was I so confident in the moment but three hours later am having the obsessions? It makes me feel like I have to do compulsions even if I think I'm fine because later i will regret not doing it. What's up with that??

My gecko died, I knew it was coming, she's been sick for awhile. It's still horrible, but I don't feel emtionally sad like I should and my thoughts seem worse. I cried some but I felt empty like I do now....I don't know how ocd related it is but i really hate I'm not feeling how I should..

Hey guys. I'm a young teenager living with severe ocd. But my family tend to make fun of me for it. I have mainly the thoughts, over thinking, and perfectionist. But they won't let me get help. I have SPD. (Skin picking disorder) which has tagged along with my ocd...and I've been doing it for awhile..the worst its ever been, was when I peeled my thumb skin all the way back and u could see everything bc the thoughts said "if you dont than you wont be able to tell if u still have control, who knows u could take this pen and gouge someones eye out" typical thoughts. I just need help..coming to terms with my ocd..and informing my family that it's not getting better.

I’m so tired . Why does my brain want to destroy me ?

Ugh I just saw a tik tok that was like “I always admired women never liked them and now I’m bi” and my anxiety spiked fuck this I was doing so much better

please help. This is so urgent dunno what to do it’s every thought hi! so my friend has ocd (he thinks, never been diagnosed). He has recently told me about this and I want to do something to help him. He keeps thinking about something he might have/ might not have done in the past and hes worried he will go to jail in the future for it. He cannot do anything now because he’s obsessed with the thought of “why should he be happy if he’s just going to go to jail” he told me basically he cannot watch any YouTube anymore, hang out with friends, do well in classes because he’s like “what’s the point if he’s just going to end up in jail and lose all of his friends anyway” can someone point me in the right direction to how I can help him??? Backstory: he was involved in findom which is where men feel submissive and decide to give money to others in return to be hurt, humiliated, blackmailed..etc. he also sold lots of feet pics. He stopped doing this 3 months ago. He was worried at first about hurting them even tho they’re the ones that hurt themselves. Then he got worried about blackmailing even though it was consensual and they asked for it. He had recently gotten into the scary thing of like “omg what if I blackmailed and it was not consensual” or “what if I threatened someone and they didn’t want it” he’s been FLIPPING about this and can’t do anything with his life because he’s sooo flipping afraid. It’s gotten him to the point where he doesn’t wanna wake up :/. I’m gonna forward this link to him so please make responses OUT TO HIM. He doesn’t wanna post to reddit for private reasons. Thank you! Thank you!

I find myself doing things to face my fears, like for example kissing my daughter, holding her, being very physical with her. But I am overcome with doubts and second guesses about my motives behind those affectionate gestures and the feelings they provoke. They provoke feeling in me and it’s not sexual arousal but it is a good feeling. I feel then bad for kissing her or whatever the physical touch may be. But I do them anyways as a form of not giving into the compulsion of avoiding physical contact. But then I start to feel guilty for having an emotion, and start doubting what emotion triggered me to be affectionate and physical with her...I’ll do things like be extra affectionate to try and stand up to my ocd but it ends up making it worse because I feel guilty and gross for kissing on my daughter. Like last night I was experimenting with being super affectionate and not letting my ocd get in the way of being affectionate. I ended up kissing her on her cheek and neck and nibbled on her chin, in a very affectionate, playful way. I did it in front of everyone and it happened really fast. And immediately I was worried I did it out of an intrusive, sexual feeling I was having. I am now ruminating in the action. Why did I nibble her chin? It’s the same as when people kiss babies feet right? Is that sexual abuse? Why would I put her chin in my mouth? What was my motive behind that action? Am I sexual deviant who can’t control her actions? Not seeking reassurance just wondering if anyone can relate.... I keep replaying the event in my mind and it gets worse and worse with each replay.

What is “real event” ocd?

Somebody with tinnitus ocd can help me understand

Anyone else have a triggering workplace? I work in a criminal defense law firm and I have to read horrible police reports and stuff all day long it’s very emotionally bd raining and triggering. I worry when I read the sexually explicit ones that I am enjoying it somehow. I worry when I read the ones about people snapping and killing their family members or loved ones or abusing their children that it’ll happen to me. The human mind is so complex and I’m reminded of that everyday at work. I feel like I’m always one small step away from ending up in jail, or hurting someone I love.

anybody else feel the need to read every single post on here because if they don’t they think they will miss sometning important?

*not seeking reassurance* just wondering if anyone can relate... my contamination OCD has many things throughout my house that I avoid, but I find myself THINKING I touched them when I walk by them or got too close. Does anyone else experience this? And how do you handle it? Because the “WHAT IFS” have been kicking my ass lately! I just want to enjoy my life and stop walking on eggshells everywhere! Even in public! A 15 minute target run turns into an hour because I have to avoid walking to close to others or if a kid runs to close to me I have to put everything back and get a different one of each because my OCD tells me then I’m taking these “germs” home with me...

Real event ocd related Why cant I forgive myself for what I did? I have a heavy guilt and the strong will to confess to everyone. I think i cant forgive me and that I probably already confessed in public and this can be a bad thing. I wish I could take what I did, along wirh ocd to my grave

Is anyone on? Really need some help on my last posts

Long post. Idk if anyones even gonna read this, but I just need to let this out there somewhere besides my friend’s inbox who has heard the same problems over and over again. Ive had OCD for almost 3 years now. At first, my obsessions were mostly POCD. That was my main problem, and it persisted for most of these three years in varying intensities. I still struggle with it, but it’s gotten better. However, over the past two-ish months, i have a kinda new set of obsessions - Sexuality and gender OCD at the same time. I have known for nearly a decade that i am a trans man (meaning i was designated a girl at birth and have been transitioning to a man). This whole time, my whole life, all i can ever remember, is that I have been exclusively attracted to men, too. I have always found girls aesthetically pleasing, a lot of my favorite characters are girls, but have never felt attraction to them. I have questioned myself about this before, but not really in an OCD way even since I have been diagnosed with OCD. That changed two months ago, when suddenly i started questioning both if i secretly like girls AND if I have been lost this whole time and id actually be more comfortable as a girl. Its so distressing to think about, all day every day like when I first got diagnosed. Joy has vanished from my life. I cant feel attraction anymore besides from what feels like false attraction. I question myself every time when i see someone of either sex if i’m attracted to them or if i want to be them. I miss finding my boyfriend attractive. I scrutinize every feature in people to try to answer these questions. It fills me with anxiety and dread to even think of relationships now. I feel like i’m living a lie and i dont even know it. The groinal responses are constant. If i feel just a tiny bit of attraction to a man, i feel like i’m lying. If i think a girl is pretty, i feel like my ocd is right then too. I just dont know what to do anymore. My only source of income is doing commission paintings, of which all have been of romantic couples. Its so hard to work now because i pause drawing to question myself if im attracted to who im drawing, if i want to be the men im drawing, if i find it “cute and romantic and heartwarming” enough. I havent felt this hopeless in a long time. Im scared to pay for therapy when i finally have the money to because what if theres nothing wrong with me after all, or im too far gone to help, and its just a waste of time and money? I dont know who i am anymore.