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Does anyone try to do an exposure and feel absolutely disgusted with yourself after and then weeks later your mind tries to say you did it for pleasure?

Hey guys. I’m at a loss what to do and was hoping maybe someone out there can offer some guidance. I’m running into problems time and time again with finding and getting qualified OCD treatment. The IOCDF website gives me a couple people but their waitlists are extremely long. Been on one for longer than a year! Same with NOCD. Nobody seems to know of anyone who does ERP AND has expertise with OCD in New Mexico. I’ve gone into so many therapists offices with the anticipation they can address my symptoms when come to find it’s just another “talk therapy” session, analyzing the thoughts themselves and how I can out-think it. My OCD just keeps getting worse, especially since mostly I deal with Pure-O. I’ve done other therapies, like DBT and it’s helped somewhat in crisis intervention and understanding my emotions. Really that’s all that’s available to me at this time that I know of. The confusing and frustrating part is I’ve done my part and can’t even access proper treatment. This might seem like a rant, but I was thinking what other option do I have, than to post for help, when I’ve literally have extended myself on a limb trying to find help. All I can do right now is slowly go at my own pace and do self-guided therapy, which is hard to keep going with it because of depression, and been inpatient multiple times. Anyone else gone or is going through something similar? Is treatment hard to find where you live and what have you done to try and get better? Thanks, any bit of support I’m grateful for! Anything. Cause I’m feeling totally bummed rn.

I have been doing great lately as far as not doing compulsions. But just now I have spent an hour straight googling stuffs, my main checking compulsion. Ocd is a persistent tricky jerk. We have to be on the offense all the time or OCD will attack us. I feel discouraged but at least I only spent 1 hour and not 2 hours googling stuffs like some other time in the past 🤣

Reposting this with an *adult content warning* *adult content. I have such a fear of getting pregnant and I have it in my head that I’ll get pregnant ..I didn’t hav intercourse but the male ejac*lated and wiped it off himself and a few moments later touched me like fingers in. Now I’m terrified it could’ve been on his hands even though he wiped it with a towel and he didn’t even touch it before wiping .. but in my head it could’ve been on his fingers :( idk if this is even possible

Reddit forums about dating make me cry. My biggest fear is being judged by my past (I tried a sugar baby site for literally 2 months and was exploited and traumatized, but to some it might sound like prostitution). The answers people give on reddit are sometimes positive and nice and others are so mean and judgmental, basically talking about girls with the past as some sort of used good not capable of love. It reminds me of my narc ex who would bring up my past mistakes and say he couldn’t possibly marry me. How do i even date again with this fear and my past experiences? 😞

My depressive voice loves to harangue me: “You mess up everything. You’re ugly. You’re slow. You’re fat. You’ll never finish work today. You’re cutting all the corners.” My therapist said to do thought stopping. I thought we weren’t supposed to thought stop?? He tried to explain it to me, but I’m confused. PS— I’m grateful for this app. It keeps my angst off FB, which wasn’t a good home for it.

Does anyone worry that if you've been I. A restaurant that the seat you sat on my have had corona and transfered to your clothes so you bring it home? I'm trying to do ERP with not changing my clothes but finding it difficult. I've agreed with myself that if I'm in a bar or something all day or have been in a few places that day I'll change my clothes and if I've just been to families houses etc or one place in that day I won't change my clothes.

So my mom is a diabetic and my dad has COPD (chronic bronchitis and emphysema). My mom wants to go back to working at her daycare and lunch supervisor job at an elementary school. She works part time and makes minimum wage. My father is the bread winner. They are both on the cusp of turning 60. She is seeking support from me to go back to working. I've told her repeatedly I dont support it - that minum wage part time is not worth risking her bread winning husband who has serious lung disease. Children are now known to be more efficient spreaders of covid 19 and my province in Canada is not making any changes to school. 5 days a week, 30 kids in class. Is this my ocd or am I being rational here? I really can never tell with ocd, especially when it comes to this pandemic. For those who arent familiar with my posts, I have contamination and health ocd really focused in on the pandemic. My mother knows this and still came seeking my approval anyway 🙄

I feel like I'm failing at life. The friends I do have left are already living their lives, going to college, getting good jobs. All I do is sit at home overthink constantly horrible things. I have a hard time suriving working at a small retail job. And I don't really have any passion for a career. I wish more than anything I thought normally so I could have a decent t least life....why did I have to be like this? I'm sorry for the random rant

Hey. So recently mu HOCD has been great, like I am not so anxious anymore and I am not in my head all the time. But because I am very sad and had fights at home with my parents, I think I will never have a proper relationship. My HOCD tells me that because I haven’t enjoyed sex with man and have not orgasmed that it will happen also in the future. And that the groinals I get to female pictures mean that I am a lesbian. i don’t get that to the male body. So yeah now I am scared that because I am not so anxious I am accepting smth terrifying.

I hate my hypochondria. I really fucking do. How am I supposed to tell the difference between my brain saying I’m going to die vs actually dying. It’s terrible. I feel so ashamed of myself because everyone thinks I’m an idiot for overreacting over such small things but I can’t help it. And now I’m obsessed with this lump on my vulva and I want to tell my mom about it so I can see an obgyn or something but it’s so hard because I feel embarrassed and I want to cry. I want to sob. This is all so humiliating, having my fucking brain focus on such things and it’s ironic how I always want to ask for reassurance about these things and show people but since it’s someone private I can’t do that!! Nope!! This is terrible! In my mind I have vulvar cancer and have up to 5 years, maybe more, to live— depending on how fast I get it checked out and what stage it’s at (according to google). I keep replaying my death over and over in my mind and it won’t stop I just need it to stop and the only way to do that is to tell my mom and get it checked out but that’s so awkward and embarrassing I feel so stuck even though I’m 18 I feel like an absolute child.

♡~ "I'm trying my best. But everyday is so hard. Holding my breath til I can say all of the words from my heart." "I'm trying my best to be okay." I don't know the perfect road to go down." And I'm trying and trying anyway because I choose to and I love to live, no matter how hard things are. Deep down I love to be alive. -> I've felt like a mother and father for over a decade, whilst going through my own issues, disorders, disabilities, and an (hidden) addiction. And I still chose to be a sister, a parent whenever needed, and also a friend even when I needed one the most. All just for my kid brother. I love him. And I think I now see why I feel like I can be a man or a woman because I've had to be both growing up. The father/mother figure (from time to time), when They weren't around/busy/stressed out. It's okay. Because it was worth it. Made me a happier person in the end; the end that isn't. Every day is a new beginning. I'm told, "go to school. get a job.. get a car.. get out more.." I will always be in school, I'm learning life. I will always be working, I'm working on myself and helping those around me. I don't need a car even if I want one, I have perfect ways of transportation through biking/public bus/family and friends- I am more than capable of driving and getting a car, yet I choose to use what is available to me at this time. Get out more? I love this one. I've never been more out there than anyone I know. I'm so out there. In my mind, in my heart, in my soul - the pros to my ADD and my existentialism. Yet~getting out there..Physically~ I work on it day by day. Sometimes my body says, not today-you're in too much pain. I'm tryin my best girl. I'm tryin my best. "Tell you to go out and find what makes you come alive. I'm trying to be a good example." When I'm away when I can't stay know my heart breaks every night that I'm without you." To my kids->my kid brother, my kid cousins, and my future kids. I love you. I'm trying. And I'm trying to be a good example. Thank you for bringing color in my life and loving me the way you know how. You try and I cheer you on. All the world and wonder in your eyes, I know you're looking for what makes you alive in this world. I will always be here. Trying and Living. I'm me, I will be uniquely unusually weirdly different forever and ever yes, Because I choose to. I'm looking for what makes ME alive. "All the hurting that comes without a warning... I'm trying my best, oh god bless this mess. Most of the time I forget to pray, when I close my eyes I just say: God bless this mess.. this is as good as it's gonna get." "I'm gonna hold you like I know it's gonna be okay again. I got a hurricaine in my heart. Keep ratteling the gooder part. And honestly, I'm just an honest mess, I'm trying my best. Oh, God bless this mess." xoxo You're wonderful. You are a beauty. You are an entire world. You have a story of stories within you, all of these are your own. ♡ be kind to your body and mind and love your heart and yourself. ♡ If you read this far: I can't wait to know more about you and I hope we can be friends one day. Good day/Goodnight you. :)

Hello, im mark from philippines. Sorry for my bad english. I just have a question, is anyone here has suffered from hocd?? I am sure that im straight. I want to marry a woman. Im not attracted to same sex. I dont want to be a gay. (No offense) Sorry for the rudeness. Im just so tired. In the morning everything is ok. When it starts to feel lonely because of the Quarantine/ lockdown. My brain keeps putting a thoughts. Are you sure? And it bothers me. I cried every time. Cause i dont know what to do. It destroys my mood. And i always just want to laydown allday long. Cause i know for a fact/ myself i am a Man. I want to have my own family when i finish my college degree. I idolized my father. Why is this happening to me? T-T Im straight. Even when im a kid. Im sure for myself that i am a man. Real man. Im a kid who got bullied when i was a kid always feel alone. When i turned 18 i met a girl and i am So in LOVE with her. And i want to fight for who i am. She is the one that gives me strength to fight through this. She believes in me. I want to be a father and a husband. Please help me. I am just a kid. I dont know what to do. I want to be back. Please help me. I feel like if i tell this to anyone they will think that im a gay but im not. I want to be strong. But im still just a kid. I need a help. Please. Somebody. We dont know what to do. I am a open minded guy. I have a cousin that is gay. And its ok. Why? Why me? Please. Help. I need some advice and help.

Anyone have Real event that caused them to also have pocd? I feel like I really might be ..pedophile :( ( I hate typing the word)

i feel like i use codependency as a form of distraction i had a best friend of 8 years who i basically texted almost every other day throughout the day for years and we would have 5 hour phone calls or longer just analyzing each others lives and laughing and problem solving mostly her problems becuase i prefered it that way and then when my depression got bad she couldnt handle that i was distancing myself and i just was frank about how i just didnt want to talk to her about what was happening and she blew up and i apologized and she blew up more on me and that was my first spiral of like loss of identity and crying like the world was crumbling and everything she said in a long rant were like my worst nightmare coming true in regards to what you dont want a best friend saying to you and i had to call my sister at 3 am and get her to tell me everything is going to be okay and ask for reassurance that i was a good person because i immediately started to think everything she was saying was true i wanted to believe it to make sense of what was happening so i could fix it but i also knew there was no going back from that moment and i went through three days of needing to cry to other people asking people what to do i even cried to one friend and then said what if my crying is manipulating you into feeling sorry for me and im a bad person and i went into a desperate search to understand what happened and i eventually had to delete basically all my social media in fear of getting another angry or passive aggressive message from her but i was too afraid to block her but i couldnt handle reading her messages it would drive me into a state of panic and so i was obsessively searching codependent friendships and saw that narcississts and codependent people are drawn to each other and i immediatley was afraid i was the narcississt and just didnt know it because how would a narcisist know they are one? and i would save articles on articles about codependents and narcississts trying to get reassurance that i was the codependent one because i heard they could be helped at least and i feel like since our falling out right before covid i have been going through serious withdrawals from the constant love bombing and reassurance and identity and purpose i would get from our friendship and then i moved from trying to focus on that to focusing on my sisters depression and how to "fix" that for my family but really for me and then two weeks ago after my sister said something to get me to back off of trying to have heart to hearts with her in a way that was kind of mean but maybe not intended to be ... i started second guessing my whole life again and then i smoked weed one night and all of my fears and obsessions and childhood shit came up to the surface and i just went into panic attack crying break down mode like my ocd was trying to solve how i got here by finding proof of all the ways im broken and all the intrusive thoughts ive stuffed down and ever since ive been scared of feeling that low again and i think my ocd is feeding on how intense my fear has been since that first panic attack and yeah im just hoping with the right meds and these sessions i can feel more like myself again but also like an improved me ... more me than i was before but i also need to learn to take it one day at a time and be gentle on myself its hard but im trying ... the lows are so low that i want that immediate fix but im just glad i have you guys and this app

Question about reassurance: One of my goals is to move back into the master bedroom with my husband. I've had a timeline for this that just continually gets pushed back due to my responsibility and contamination fears and exposures I've had to go through (I go to the hospital a lot due to another health condition I have). And I'm too scared I've picked up covid at the hospital and will give it to him. I know reassurance is bad for ocd, but I think I need encouragement and reassurance here to get into the master bedroom. I really do feel like I need him to say, "Cat, it's okay, we're safe. You're safe, you're not sick, we are going to be okay, move into the bedroom". I feel like I need him to push me or I will never do it. It's been months of me saying I want to move back in by this date. Tomorrow is our 8yr anniversary and I had really really REALLY planned on being back in. But due to an exposure I had yesterday I really cant. The thing is there will always be exposures. Theres always going to he something ocd makes me fear. I really need someone pushing me. I dont have an ocd therapist. Just a regular psychotherapist so shes not super helpful in this area. Can i get your thoughts on encouragement in this scenario?

I'm so sorry for reaching out but I need help... I just need a calming voice... I'm so sorry... I'm always asking for help... I keep thinking that I somehow m-Lested a kid 3 years ago... Idk what to do... I'm afraid I did something wrong because this is when my pocd thoughts started. They began as "are you attracted to this girl??" and it was during that day. I can't stop ruminating and ruminating and this has been going for 10 months or so. It's been hell. It started as groping, now it fully developed to "touching down there" She loved me! I have text messages from her older sister (my friend) that she told me that she had loved me. She was 8-9 at the time. I don't remember ever making her feel uncomfortable. But I'm afraid I did something wrong and she didn't notice or that she forgot about it. I never touched someone inappropriately, never! That I am sure. I'm so afraid of everything. I don't know if I'm a "p" or not because I don't understand my own sexuality due to unsolved childhood problems. My head is a mess, my life is a mess. I'm so afraid of getting help too... I'm so afraid of everything... I also remember feeling guilty that day but it could be because I had those thoughts and that I played with her in the pool (I gave her a piggyback ride) I don't remember every second of it and I have unclear images in my head that she sat on my lap and touched her inappropriately. I hate myself so much... I hate my life.

everybody vent what’s going on or what you’re stressing about. this is always a safe space 🌤🤍🌈✨💗

Anyone getting accommodations in graduate school? I’m starting graduate school in two weeks. I’ve always gotten accommodations for my autism and I’ve more recently added ocd and depression to my diagnosis. I’ve been approved for them for grad school but I’m scared my professors won’t accept it. The further I get in education the more I worry people will think I shouldn’t need accommodations, and also the more I worry I’ll be the only one. I know I need them and I deserve them but what I never know is how other people will react to it.

When did you hocd start and at what age.