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anyone with hocd want to talk right now? I feel alone and confused atm :(

I can't deal with how blasé my partner is in regards to corona virus. She touches surfaces and then touches her hair without washing her hands. So now I think corona virus is in her hair and the she will lay down on the sofa or in our bed and everything is contaminated. Arrrrghhhhh she keeps doing it and it's driving me mad!!!! There are no safety behaviours that I can do to avoid her doing it. What can I do????? I think maybe I should just accept the risk and and just not worry about it as I can't do anything about it but it makes me resentful of her. It really is driving me mad I feel she is cintaminated and now our whole house.

Is there a therapist on here who can tell me what ERP’s to do on here? I have HOCD. But I also have weird thoughts that pop up for women now and that has gone on now for a little less than 2 yrs now. I caused it by overdoing my ERP for HOCD. My concern is that by doing ERP for women to quiet the weird thoughts that pop up will only make the HOCD thoughts louder and vice versa. Obviously quieting the HOCD thoughts means increasing the thoughts of women but since I get weird thoughts that pop up for women it’s not a great feeling either. For the record I already know some of you guys on here are therapist who act like a person who has OCD to make us feel better about ourselves and that we’re not alone. I don’t have money for therapy so please if someone can help me with this on what to do cuz I’m having sleepless nights and obsessing over this stuff too much.

Hi I am new to this app and didnt know what else to turn to. My parents dont understand me at all.. my ocd or anything I go thru. I have almost 2 years clean from drugs, have extreme anxiety, and pretty severe OCD and trich. I am just having a really hard and traumatizing week. Two nights ago my freezer caught on fire( which I didnt even realize was a thing) and there was no one there to help me. I was frozen in shock and I just switched the breakers off until my apartment maintenece could help in the morning. Of course I didnt sleep bc I just kept thinking it was still going to catch fire. The power has gone off 3 times this week.. once while I had a cleaning service here to help me clean my apartment( which is a hard enough exposure for me anyway, to let other people in touching all my things especially during covid). The last thing is I have been worried for a while that there is something physically wrong with me (my dad is a physician and I have physical symptoms to back up this theory). I wont share my symptoms cuz that could take a while but as someone with Ocd you think are all of these symptoms real/fake and related/ unrelated issues that I should or shouldnt worry about. Well my concierge doctor called me with intensive lab results they did as a result of my worrying and it turns out my ANA is pretty high and she wants to refer me to a rheumatologist. ANA being high is the first sign of an autoimmune disease. She was trying to write my fatigue off as sleep apnea but they did find something pretty significant in my bloodwork. Im just really scared. This is too much for me to deal with and worry about. I just feel like shutting down, I cant deal with this all by myself. Any advice or just support? I do have an Ocd therapist, have been thru exposure therapy, and currently take meds for it.

I don't know if this is ocd related but I'm scared I'm not feeling emtions or thinking like a normal person. I've only lived life through my eyes and point of view, what if I'm not doing it right? What of I can't think or feeling anything right and I'll lose it and go crazy. I'm scared I'll never think right again...I really need help with this😣

Tw: suicide but please help if you can . . . . . . Today I was accidentally exposed to something waaaaay too high up my hierarchy and I cant handle it. I'm at the point of planning suicide. I've come up with a new plan and I really feel like it would spare me the pain of ocd and my fear playing out. I was already on a crisis line today but cant share the urge to hurt myself. The crisis worker tried to help me but I honestly felt like I was just wasting their time and they could have been helping someone else so I said I was fine and got off the line. I'm not, I cant stop this overwhelming urge. I know we are supposed to sit with discomfort but this one is a lot. I keep imagining different ways to hurt myself and I'm itching to do them.

I need some help. I'm doing really badly today. It because a real trigger actually happened. I was doing so well up until now, weeks and weeks went by of me doing really well. Then last night I came across something disturbing online and now I'm back to square 1. My brain keeps making up stories about it and telling me I'm a bad person.

How do I move on from this obsessive thought? I verify accounts at work, because if my stress anxiety and focus, I double check things. I feel like I have to report myself even if I did verify because I can’t remember clearly. Mind you I excel at my job and just developed this problem. Now I have in the back of my head I didn’t properly verify accounts and the doubt/guilt is like you owe them something but I don’t remember anything and I know I do my job right I just want to cry and escape this misery. I don’t want to quit I love my job and I am one of the highest performers. How can I erase the doubt and guilt associated with the irrational memory if the anxiety that made me feel like I didn’t do my job right?

i hate stereotypes so much.

Hi, I need a wee bit of help. I realise I've posted alot on here lately and Im concious everyone else needs help too so I will try to help others as best I can but I am in the middle of erp at the minute and struggling everyday. Due to corona virus I hve a ritual around washing clothes. I strop off clothes that may have been cintaminated frim outside and I put them in the wash basket. When I am doing the washing I'm so careful not to cross contaminate do I bring the dirty washimh downstairs and then I wash my hands an the basket that I touched, and the washing machine handle and then my hands again before I put the clean washing in the basket to hang up. I rarely let my partner do the washing as I know she thinks this is over the top. She did the washing today and I'm having anxiety as normally the clothes sit in the basket for 24 hours before I do the washing and clothes that were in the basket from being out last night were on top. She did none of my cleaning behaviours so now I am freaking out that the clean clothes are no longer clean and that corona virus is all over them and the house. Again If it was a totally irrational fear I coukld rode out the anxiety but corona virus is real so now I'm scared that we will get it. What do I do?? Are my behaviours that I have outlined over the top irrational?? Did she do the right thing?? Are we safe??????? Please help.

What keeps you guys going on your hardest days?

I just realized I never had a sex dream about boys but I got it with girls after hocd omg!!!! Im so scared. What doest his even mean!??. I don't want girls at all. I only want boys and only them. I saw a dream today that I was rubbing my vagina on another girl and I feel so disgusted but I'm not anxious or panicking. I'm so scared I'm gay. Help!!! I've been crying and Im getting self destructive thoughts every now and then

Is there anyone I can talk to?

I had a OCD “low” today and my main theme is HOCD. Though today my brain latched onto the thought I have BPD/ Cluster B personality disorder. Has anyone’s else’s ocd done this to them? I don’t want reassurance I just don’t know whether ocd can actually do this as it’s not HOCD.

[ 24, F ] I apologize for intruding... I finally got courage to post here because I know I'll be seen with poor eyes however, I am ready for any criticism coming my way. I'm really sorry for making this post but I need help. 3 months ago, my gf broke up with me (yes, I'm gay) and ever since I haven't been able to move forward. I've had a few good days but all in all, I have either dealt with the mourning of the relationship or, as most of you know, my horrible ocd. She is a wonderful woman and I wish her all the happiness in the world but she broke me badly... Her reasons to break up were: my ocd, my suicidal tendencies, the long distance, my dependency on the relationship to be happy/alive, her own private matters, that we had never met before (though we made video calls) and others I don't know about. I'm not going to lie. I'm overly suicidal over this. She was the one for me and we had a wonderful future planned, only to give up on me... I feel betrayed but I don't blame her. She deserves better.... I never deserved her anyway and that is what I keep telling myself to cope with the pain. It helps me to stay rational. It's easier to take all the blame than to fear being unfair to her. Because in the end, she didn't do anything wrong. This was my first and last relationship. I never met her in person, it was always long distance. She was the best thing thag ever happened to me. And I know I won't be able to love again.... Because of countless reasons: - I don't easily develop a romantic interest and I don't forsee that ever happening again. - I'm a piece of shit... I don't deserve love - I won't be able to trust again. Telling me "I won't leave you" was a lie... - I feel like I am betraying her... She was the one for me... If I date someone else, I have lied... I'd feel like our relationship was nothing... I would feel guilty. Does it make sense? Like a fairy tale... I guess. I loved her... I shouldn't love someone else. - I feel like I still have to look up to the image people have of me and that is "(my name), never dates! She's superior to those things" Yes, I know what you are thinking. Innocent, gullible, childish, I know. I don't believe in soul mates and all of that but I believe in the goodness of people. I take dating very seriously and I fell in love pretty hard because she is a wonderful person... And we were compatible. I could never date for fun (please don't think I judge. This is my choice when it comes to dating but I respect every person's lifestyle as long as it isn't illegal or toxic) I need help... Or just someone to talk to. I don't know what type of advice to look for. I just want someone to talk to, I guess. And before I go, I just wanted to say that I'm really in pain. I started dating her because I really liked her and I saw a potential future. She is wonderful, sweet and we were super compatible. When we broke up, my heart broke in half. All the plans we've made, everything. It took me by surprise because I thought we were going strong as always. Apparently not because she failed to communicate me her fears... This sucks... My fucking life is over. I have nothing to live for. Life gives only to take it away to make me suffer. Thank you for reading.

tw // abuse i don’t exactly know if this is related to ocd, it might be but anyway if you’re a victim of emotional abuse, do u ever find ur self making up excuses like “it’s not even that bad, it was a long time ago it doesn’t matter, people have it worse than i do, am i even being emotionally abused”? im dealing with narcissist abuse from my mother and i have been for most of my life and my mind keeps telling me that i’m making all of it up and it’s not as bad as it seems. it even feels wrong calling it abuse. i told my therapist this and she reassured me that this IS abuse and that self doubt and confusion is common but idk why i cant allow my self to accept it. i plan on moving out bc of this reason, but again my mind will tell me “u don’t have a strong enough reason to move out, ur being so dramatic” ugh this is the worst feeling

Need suggestion: Top-of-hierarchy contaminant may have touched the quilt on my bed. Washing the quilt feels like giving in, but I’m having a difficult time imagining I could sleep in it, or have anything touch it. Avoiding it and washing it seem like the two options lol. Any suggestions on how I could make this a useful experience without doing a bigger ERP than I’m able to do...?

On Tuesday I was super happy that my intrusive thoughts diminished. Today they are ramptant. My therapist said that the distress from people with ocd comes from not actually wanring to harm others as opposed to actual bad people, their distress comes from not wating to get caught. And now Im wondering the true reason for my distress. Ocd (karen) keeps saying," I just wanna kill someone." And even writing this I feel like Im faking it. It doesn't help that I was woth my parents last night and I imagined hitting my dad with a metal tool. Im in this place where I struggle and wonder who am I? What is happening to me? Ocd says Im faking it. What have been

I got really triggered by reading on a vegan page on Instagram. It said killing animals is nicer and immoral. And as long as man massacres animals they will kill each other and cannot feel joy or love. I gotten even more triggered and confused when I went to the comments. Some said it was wrong to eat meat then others said it was natural. One comment scared me saying McDonald's has human meat in their food.... My harm thoughts are up by a ton. I'd never hurt my pets or family....I can't take these thoughts..

I work at a college. I have to start working in my office again on Monday. I'm petrified. I feel like I'm being gaslighted because admin is saying it is safe when I know it isn't. I keep trying to explain my extreme anxiety about returning to campus, but I keep getting responses like "we're anxious too" etc. They don't understand that my anxiety is more intense because of OCD. I went to campus 2 weeks ago and my first interaction was with a campus cop who didn't wear a mask or keep 6 feet apart from me. My college also had a flu outbreak earlier this year so I do not trust that campus will be safe from COVID. I'm in the process of getting a diagnosis, but in the meantime, I don't know what to do. Even if I did have paperwork, OCD is not a "risk factor" for COVID and HR doesn't have to do anything. I feel like I'm shutting down. Any advice about returning to work during all *this* would be appreciated.