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the NOCD Community

I feel doomed. Like I could never have a normal life anymore. I feel out of my mind and terrified. I don’t think there’s anything anyone could do to help me. I feel crazy. Every second my brain comes up with something new and I can’t imagine myself coping with this for the rest of my life. I feel like I don’t love anyone anymore like I used to, not even animals and I used to adore animals. It feels like I’m just going to eventually lose the entirety of myself to theses thoughts and over analysis. This is not the way I imagined my life ending at all. My brain isn’t working at all like it used to. I feel as if I’ve lost my empathy and I’m only doing things just to cope. It sucks when support from my family doesn’t even work because I feel like I don’t even love them anymore. I still feel like I’m making this all up to an extent, because I know these thoughts aren’t real but they feel so real in my head. Everyday is so hard. I just want to sleep but I can’t just spend my life sleeping forever.

alayna joy on youtube triggers me so much because she was bisexual, came out to her fiance as gay... and when she was going over the lesbian masterdoc she said she feels uncomfortable calling herself a lesbian because she was wrong about being bi so she said she could be wrong again.. but today what triggered me is her video about tiktoks that made her gay, and people’s comments under the video saying tiktok made them realize theyre gay too. it brought me so much anxiety even to see the title and read the comments without watching the video, especially because i get some lesbian content on my for you page on tiktok.. this one tiktok really made me anxious about this woman who came out to her husband as a lesbian after 6 years of being married to him :( people say their tiktok represents them so well like theyre fbi agent knows exactly who they are and ive gotten straight, bi, and lesbian tiktok i think it’s on my page because i like the cottagecore aesthetic but it made me scared because i didnt know that could mean someones gay?? it triggers me to find women pretty too because i used to find women aesthetically pretty and not think that much of it but now my HOCD makes me think i have to break up with my boyfriend because i feel gay 😭 i digned up for NOCD therapy but my diagnostic meeting is on the 30th.... idk what to do

Will this ever go away? I feel so hopeless

Distraction post: what makes you happy when you feel down?

"pOCD and zOCD false memories" I'm so sorry for venting... I need help... Or just someone to lend me an ear. I'm suffering from really serious, really bad false memories that are not only illegal but also make me feel like a monster. Basically, my false memories are extended to these two topics only and are always of a sexual nature. 1. That I used my pets as tools to obtain sexual gratification. (and or touched them) 2. That I touched a child (during an actual real event) inappropriately. I don't have images for these false memories... It's more fears than anything else! I feel like I forgot about them or I'm just in denial. The 1st one comes from a situation where I masturb- near my cat. (she was in my bed but I can't recall where she was standing). There's also another situation that I have also masturb- near my dog but in this case, she wasn't near me. Just in the same room as me, in separate beds. The 2nd is from a real event where I played with this child in the pool. I can only remember one physical interaction that was giving her a piggyback ride. In conclusion, I'm so afraid these are real and if they are real, then I should be punished! I don't want to go to jail because I'm terrified of that place so the only option is to kill myself. I don't deserve to be happy or even alive...

My mind is so blank that I don’t know if I should write anything or do anything for my fuck up. I wish I knew how to get over my fuck up because sitting with these feelings of knowing I fucked up less than 2 yrs ago just leaves me empty and blank. I don’t know if I should write or email my therapist’s or just sit here and do nothing and feel nothing anymore. Drinking enough alcohol to get me drunk just makes me numb and when I took an edible about 2 yrs ago it made me feel like shit. I have absolutely nothing to keep me happy or make me happy everything I know all makes me feel nothing I’be tried to do things that me happy but idk anymore.

I need help. I have attempted suicide 4 times. My ocd was in remission. But know it's back. I have been struggling for over a year.

i’m not sure if this is alright to ask, but i would be interested hearing first hand experience of perfectionism ocd. what type of thoughts occur + what compulsions take place ? hope everyone has a great day 🌸

I just did an exposure (post something on social media) and now I have to do the response prevention part (not checking social media for comments and likes) I have done this erp exercise before but the urge to check seems stronger this time. 😑 But I have to do this for myself and my children whom I love.

I made it one hour into work before I started feeling overwhelmed. Working alone, in an empty place, doing manual labor just isn’t a good idea for my mind. I need to pick three places to apply to before the end of the week. Maybe my fears/worries will prevent me from accepting any job offer, but I gotta start somewhere.

I keep waking up and immediately become angry either about the littlest or no apparent reason. It makes me mad at my s.o. when they didn't do anything. They asked last night if I didn't like them anymore, which is one of my rocd thoughts. I told them I do because that's what I want, but this anger thing keeps happening. I just want to wake up happy to see them and feel good about us again. Idk what it is or what to do. Any ideas?

I’m afraid I might’ve promised God I wouldn’t get married

Anyone else a new mom here going through postpartum OCD?

I wish people around me could be more supportive of mental health, I’m dealing with a bunch of mental health issues and can’t speak to anyone about it. I tried to talk with them about it but they just don’t understand what I’m going through.

Is anyone dealing with responsibility OCD? I don’t see it talked about much, but it’s one of the subtypes I struggle with the most. I just feel like everything I do is in order to “protect” my family and friends. That means everything from magical thinking, to repeatedly calling people to make sure they’re ok, to bargaining with god to keep them safe (even though i’m not religious at all). I spend A LOT of my time worrying about other people and trying to control what they do. For example, I’ll try to talk someone out of taking a trip because I feel like something bad will happen, or I’ll stalk someone’s Instagram to make sure they’re posting regularly, because that means they’re ok. Logically I know I have no control over other people, but OCD tells me there’s always at least SOMETHING I can be doing to keep them from getting hurt or sick. And obviously the pandemic has made this 1000x worse. Can anyone relate?

I took off my sheets and found a dried up brown bug skeleton and I want to just die. My brain 🧠 is telling me what it is and my heart is telling me I could be wrong. I’m so tired of suffering. I have no friends, no support system. I’m just a broken scared human

I am having some fears regarding sexual assault from a cruise I took back in 2011. During the cruise I was with some friends, and we went to a dance floor later at night. I am pretty sure this dance floor was 18+ as there was a ton of security checking ID's and checked my friends backpack and saw he had alcohol (he was 18) and took him and I to head of security. I did not give him the alcohol but he kept trying to claim it on me, I refused to sign anything so he finally admitted to it and signed the document and they confiscated the alcohol and we returned to the dance floor. I was visually upset and drank a significant amount of alcohol. I do remember we were all dancing on the dance floor and the first lady who was clearly taller than me danced asking where I was from. Later that night things got more crazy, people break dancing and others drunk. There was one girl I recall was dancing with many men including one of my friends and they were placing a song where the lyrics say "go low low low low" so I iust put my hand in her hip and did the same movements. She didn't force me away or anything, but during the song someone took a picture of us and freaked me out. She stood up turned around and held my wrists looked at me in eyes like "oh your not who i want to dance with" and walked away. Later that night I remember just putting my hand on someone elses hip and dancing they didnt do anything so i just solo danced. This was 9 almost 10 years ago. I have now thought what if I sexually assaulted someone or somehow one of these girls was a minor? I do remember a heavy security presence there, lota of cameras, clearly a lot of people there. Some girls wouldn't dance with me because my face looked young so they thought i was in highschool (i was 24 or 25). I think being drunk doesn't excuse it but my memory seems faster than what it was being sober some of the images in my head are a flash. I feel like a terrible person but then I am also thinking if I did do something, I assume Security would have done something, there would have been a complaint or I probably would have been arrested on American shores if this was the case What triggered this I guess was seeing the Ron Jeremy arrest story.

Hey me again. I was wondering again. So I’ve always been attached to babies and children. Kind of like an uncle. But I’m a teen. Like I’ve always found babies adorable. But I fear that makes me a p3do.

guys i'm very very scared :( so basically everytime i get an intrusive thought my brain goes like " its okay because.." it's as if it's trying to justify p*dophilia and its disgusting. or like " its okay because it's funny " IM SO TIRED. this is disgusting!

Idk whether this is OCD or if I should actually feel bad. During the George Floyd protests I can’t remember if I might have re posted a video where a protestors face was visible on my Instagram story. What if I did ? I cannot remember. So if a racist person hunted them down and killed them , or if a cop killed them it would be my fault .