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hi everyone, i’ve been using this app for about 2 weeks now, maybe a little more or less than that, i can’t remember exactly when i downloaded it because these past 3 weeks have all been a blur. ive mostly just been lurking and observing other people’s posts and conversations. i’m currently suffering from some bad existential ocd. i haven’t been getting a lot of sleep since lockdown started. i’ve known i’ve had ocd for awhile now but i’ve never gotten any kind of help for it. i don’t talk about my problems to anyone and keep all my thoughts bottled up until i get over things on my own. but every time i go through a phase like this it gets worse each time it comes back. i haven’t felt like this in over 3 years and i thought i was done a finally free but now it feels like my life is over. i had a doctor’s appointment this past Tuesday and i’m going to be getting counseling (i’m not sure if there’s a difference between counseling and therapy, the word my doctor used specifically was counseling. she might have just said that but meant therapy or maybe there is a difference im not sure) but i don’t see the point. everyone tells me to ‘embrace the uncertainty’ but i don’t know how i can go on living happily with the possibility of my worst fears being true. i won’t say what they are in this post but if you’re curious I’ll tell you. i put a trigger warning just in case i get into the conversation of what exactly my worst fears are with anyone and i don’t want to trigger anyone who’s also dealing with the same problems as me. i just thought, in case im wrong-which i hope i am-that it wouldn’t hurt to talk it out right now. my mom and dad don’t fully understand and i don’t want to scare them and it might be a few more weeks before i start counseling.

I don’t know what’s going on with me but I feel like there’s no repairing whatever it is that happened to my mind and most of the time I feel like I just want to be trapped in this world I made up in my head. It’s feels as if I may have a sort of mental illness, or maybe just trying to figure out myself and how I view the world, but sometimes I feel like I’m going insane or have gone insane. Getting through everyday with my head is hard but I’ve kind of already gotten used to it and I don’t think I could ever go back to being normal. I just get all of these thoughts to do things I don’t want to do but my mind tells me it makes to much sense not to do it. I just feel like a sort of genius that has started to see and understand things that others don’t so it will forever separate me from other people and I’m going go to spend the rest of my life pretending to be normal. I don’t know if this is a form of psychosis or unhealthy escapism, but I can’t get out of it no matter what because I literally don’t know what else to think about. I have a problem with absolutely everyone now because of my thoughts and I feel like I don’t love people like I used to or that I even have the desire to be around people anymore. Something just got really messed up in my head and I could go on forever about the stuff in my mind but I don’t think anyone would read it. I’m just tired of sinking into weird thinking but it all just become very complicated but all my mind does everyday is over analyze and try to figure out my head and things I could possibly never answer and create problems. I just always feel so confused. I think if I saw a therapist they would take my thoughts too seriously or think I was pretending or stupid. I actually don’t even know which one it is either, but sometimes I feel like I don’t even want to get help because I don’t deserve it and that I don’t even want to change. I just think so much but I can’t imagine thinking any other way because I’m so used to this and I don’t think there’s a cure for overthinking so it’s not like any of this could be undone.

i really don't think it's ocd... like i'm so gross.. i cant see myself the same.. like i think i genuinely got @roused by thinking of lolis :(.. and i feel like because of that one response i can't see the person the same anymore.. i feel like i'm a predator to them when i'm literally 15 and wish them the best.. i'm so disgusted. also i'm so scared. i feel like i could get @roused by anything even shit i dint like. and then i think " i don't mind doing this" i feel so gross omg

Help I don’t want to be atheist

I just can't do this anymore. I am not sure of anything. I can't do this.

I get this feeling of supression of emotions where I no longer feel anxiety over the intrusive thoughts and no longer can cry and even though Im distressed I don't feel physical anxiety. It makes me question if I'm accepting that I am a P. Then I remember that trying to make yourself feel anxious on purpose will inherently make you not feel anxious! I dont speak to a psych for meds till monday but I feel like an imposter thats using OCD as an excuse. Repeating "its OCD" doesn't help and I know its because its a compulsion. I'm at a loss

I'm really anxious right now. Can anyone talk? (Especially if you are a Christian, because you may understand better what I'm going through)

I don't feel like I deserve to exist. So many good people die, why am I still here? Im so messed up in the head I don't deserve to be here. Everyone I know would be better off if I had never existed 😔

Any moms on here that have been or are pregnant dealing with ocd? Any advice? I feel like I’m losing my self.

I’m really suffering. Harm OCD is really sucking the life out of me. It’s gon beyond thoughts. It’s now trying to show me evidence.

I'm having a full on panic attack I can't stop crying. I moved into my new apartment and I just miss my parents and my home so much. I'm crying and I can't breathe. I wish I had never grown up I might pass out I've never had this before and I'm afraid. I feel so alone and I don't think I'll ever be able to get friends cause I'm so shy and introverted. I thought I wanted to live alone, I've always been more comfortable when alone but now I wish I could be home with my family.

im about to hve a anxiety attack u guys im sleeping in a dark room and im looking at the ceiling and its dark but it lookedd like the shadows were moving nand im so scared of having schizophrenia u guys plessde is that normal im about to have a anxiety attack

Hi I needed a few questions answered. Can someone please help me? I have had OCD for as long as I can remember and im an asexual. I recently developed an obsession that I'm not actually ace. Is this fear common or has anybody experienced it? Also I have homosexual ocd and I fear that I might be L :(. Is this also something anybody has experienced? Or has as an asexual person? I could really use some help atm

Tomorrow is my first therapy session with nocd. Any advice on what to expect during the 90 minute "diagnostic assessment"?

I know this sounds bad but sometimes I think what if I’m not strong enough or capable enough to have a happy life bc of my ocd & I’m scared I’ll suffer everyday of my life because I was symptom free for 10 months but cut back on my meds & relapsed. I’m scared I just want a snow glob to look in to see if it’s worth fighting

Hello everyone. I am a desperate mother looking to help her son. He has Pure OCD he is struggling really hard but he would not get help. I don’t know what I can do as a mother? He stayed in his room at all times. He is not interested in school or activities. Please any recommendations. Does this ever happen to anyone?

I thought ERP was about letting your have the obsession & not do the compulsion. Today, I talked to my therapist about a past theme I overcame (not knowing if I dropped money on the ground) & how I overcame that. I overcame that by simply letting the thought (what if I've dropped money) be there & then not doing the compulsion (checking). I asked him if this was ERP, but he never told me. He said if a client was struggling he would have them purposefully drop money on the ground. So I don't understand. Is ERP letting yourself have the obsession & not do the compulsion or is it doing the content inside the obsession? I am very distraught because I feel like nobody is on the same page when it comes to what ERP is & how it works I am so overwhelmed right now, everything is confusing, I don't understand the way this therapy works. I never have. It's never benefited me. What I do know has benefited me is letting the thoughts be there & not reacting, but apparently that's wrong?? I feel like this is a sick circus game or something.

PLEASE HELP ME okay so basically ever since like 2 days ago i had this thought and, i basically like felt something really weird, but it was so random. i literally just woke up, thought of that , then had that weird feeling. ever since that day i hated myself and couldn't forgive myself. i feel like i'm a p*do and deserve to die. i feel like i crossed the line for sure. i've already tried ending my life multiple times. also for some reason these days i literally am so confused because i don't even know what's going on anymore. like for some reason i keep on doing things that i wouldn't think, but then regretting it the second after that. it's so gross of me. i hate myself. i want to promise myself that i'll stop. its like i know i'm not attracted to children but for some reason it feels like my mind wants me to be a p*do. and the thing is it isn't even random thoughts about children, it's like about anything, literally anything. i even had a thought about a table. also i'm literally 15 i think i ruined my life

If I have a fear I will try and end my life one day, what’s an exposure to try and overcome that??

It’s been a while since I’ve posted - I have been doing moderately well. My biggest obsession were false memory obsessions but since getting over that, I can see however my mind trying to grab many different things to obsess on. It has been mainly around intent. When changing my kids or wiping them when they decide they would rather not use the toilet, my mind is so much more attentive to where my hands are and what my thoughts are. And I recently(last night) had a thought that I knew would instantly latch on to me last night when I was wiping my son. And it had to with just gross stuff where I’d wipe him and my mind would connect his butt with like a typical female butt and I’d see it move because I’m wiping him and I’d get these weird thoughts / phrases in my head. And than I had to wipe again because I mean it was everywhere lol. But now I’m like did I wipe him again because of thought and I wanted to see his butt like move? Like I know that in this moment that seems just like junk to me but I can’t help to wonder what was my true intent or whatever in that moment? I know because this has happened a lot these last few weeks, almost like a new theme or way of obsessing. Because I get very guilty over this stuff and I just want to have a normal interaction where I can wipe my kid and not have a thought or even try to fight the thought and than question my intent. I’m trying to be like well that was weird, let’s move on. Anyone know if this is common? I am just trying to see if I need to label this as junk mail?