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I don’t see a point to treatment anymore. I am making out wi try my girlfriend and constantly analyzing and checking whether I like the kissing or whether I don’t like it and am therefore gay. I don’t see how ERP can help with HOCD.

my intrusive thoughts aren’t like fully formed phrases or a voice saying “you’re in denial” it’s more just like a persistent feeling that i am. i’m worried because everyone else’s are like a voice or full sentences or words

Has anyone ever got cheated on and had ruminating thoughts that I don't love this person and they're ugly you don't want to further the relationship but you do want the future with this person but OCD gets the best of you. I'm sorry if this didn't make sense.

An Update (it does get better) : About a 140 days ago, I checked myself into a psych unit and a hospital around my house. I had been on NOCD for a bit of time, and my previous posts showed my spiral into a deep and dark depression stemming from my OCD theme. I didn’t feel like I was myself. I was engaging in risky behaviors (specifically surrounding the medication I was on), and suicidal thoughts I hadn’t had since the age of 13 returned. It had been days since I bathed or had taken care of myself. I started gaining food aversions because of my intrusive thoughts, and I was afraid to sleep alone. I can say that those 5 days in the unit completely changed me for the better. I got the medical help I needed and I got the psych treatment I deserved. I had a therapist before going to the unit, but having a psychologist who can come up with a complete treatment strategy was what was needed. I could eat again, sleep alone again, and remember who I was before OCD took its control. After the unit, I continued therapy with my current therapist. She isn’t an OCD specialist but she does her research and is completely understanding to OCD and wants to work with me to increase her knowledge is treating OCD patients (wonderful lady and one of my truest rocks). I also confided in my mom and she has been the person holding my hand throughout this whole thing. I’m currently on medication, though I am looking at other medical options. Some things I am looking at are dTMS, therapeutic ketamine, and therapeutic psilocybin. I know those things sound scary, but the research behind them is insanely promising. CBT has also been a great source for me. I’m still working up the nerve to do ERP because my OCD theme scares the hell out of me and I’m afraid ERP will be deeply triggering (however don’t let this disuade you from ERP is works!) This post isn’t made to talk about how good a psych unit can be. It was meant to show that even when OCD drags you to your lowest and most difficult point in life, it can get better. Don’t give up on yourself. Find someone you trust who won’t judge you whether it be a parent, friend, therapist, etc. Talk to them and explain the grief that comes with OCD. Having people to talk to is godly. Explore medications and therapies, but also know that standard SSRI’s and CBT aren’t your only options (I’m not trying to push alternative methods by all means, but consider looking into the new studies for new options especially if you feel like you’re treatment resist to standard methods). And lastly, you deserve to feel good. You deserve to feel loved and accepted. You deserve to feel like who you were before this bully in your head decided to take over. Yes you’re currently still “you” but there will be a day where you have a moment of peace from OCD. I wish you all the best.

Hey so Ive been smoking weed for about a year now. however, I have developed CHS from smoking so much and have just started to stop smoking. (CHS causes me to throw up non stop until I get dehydrated and have to go to the ER) ever since I stopped smoking I have been having really bad intrusive thoughts about harming myself, animals, and my girlfriend. I think I subconsciously was smoking so much to block all of these thoughts out and ever since I stopped they have been really bad. My thoughts get worse at night and often are really scary because I know I would never do these things and that I’m a good person at heart. Any advice or help? I really hate these thoughts and often struggle with getting them out of my head. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

I can NEVER fucking shop. I always think I’m going to get the wrong thing. So I keep looking for the BEST OPTION because that way I get my money’s worth. I feel like I have such bad luck that even if I get the best quality, that should last for years, it will only last for 6 months. So I keep checking the reviews and keep looking for better products. Sometimes things stay in my cart for fucking months. Friend also noted that I’ve mentioned buy a thing years ago, but I never got it cause my OCD said it was right or good enough. Urghhhh. I just want to buy a fucking weighted blanket without obsessing about which brand is best or right!!! CAUSE THERE IS NO RIGHT!

I really need some help/guidance with this struggle. I really want to and need to start working but my pure O makes it very hard because I do a lot of mental rituals and it’s so hard to break out of it and get myself to focus which is currently why I’m not working. The anxiety gets so bad and then I fear messing up so I constantly wanna perfect stuff in my head so I can focus but it’s time consuming and exhausting and plain out not okay for me to do. I just want to work and be able to focus and not fall into rituals mentally because I can’t do that at a job. I see an ERP therapist but this is a topic that’s hard to get advice on.

Hello everyone! I just wanna give a heads up that this post might not be for everyone and you should all do research before you even think about trying what I did, but I just wanted to write about and remove some stigma around magic mushrooms. I just had a psylocibin trip and it has already changed my perspective on life. I don’t know if I’ll feel this way for a long time but as of right now I feel happiness and self love, something I haven’t felt in months. I was diagnosed with GAD, OCD and depression and I am also battling addiction (I’m about 3 months sober now) I felt extreme guilt and shame for years but as of 2020 I felt myself going down a bigger spiral. I completely isolated my self from family, friends and even my fiancé. I’ve had 4 therapists in the past months and I’ve been going CBT and I just started ERP but I felt so overwhelmed with everything that I was having a really hard time forgiving myself. I found myself calling the suicide hotline often and I started googling on what would be the most pain free way to do it. I knew I needed help. I saw studies that psylocibin was tested to be helpful with depression and I came across videos on how it might benefit OCD as well and I decided to do it. My theme is ROCD. I fear that I am not good enough for my fiancé and I have intrusive thoughts that make me believe that I may have flirted or maybe even cheated on her in the past even though I have no recollection of doing so. I made it a goal to go into my trip with the mindset to heal from this. I ate the dose and I turned off the lights in my room, threw on some healing music on YouTube and closed my eyes. I don’t know how to describe it but I visualized my ROCD as a giant octopus whose tentacles had wrapped around my fiancé’s body and was strangling her. The more I fought the intrusive thoughts about not loving her, the stronger it squeezed her. It was really intense but eventually (maybe 2 hours into this) I realized that by not letting go of the thought I was hurting my fiancé more than if the thought was true. I realized that I’ve been putting her through so much by feeding into my compulsions and confessing to her and asking her for reassurance. Once that hit me I decided to not fight the thoughts and just observe them and I even started to agree with them. As soon as I did that the octopus let her go but her body was dead. I guess that is the way the mushrooms showed me that if I kept going in this direction I was really going to lose her. I cried so much and this was honestly a terrifying experience but I feel like it was just what I needed to realize that I can’t keep going like this. It was so hard for me not to do my compulsions of ruminating, confessing and seeking reassurance but now I understand that it is only making it worse. It’s like it all clicked once I surrendered to the thought. I have a new mindset now. If my worst case scenario comes true and I really did do those horrible things then I will deal with them when they present themselves. Even if we get a divorce and she never wants to speak to me again, I know that everything will be okay. I’ll always love her and I’ll always treasure every moment we shared together. I chose to live in the present and enjoy every second we have together. I hope this helps someone that’s in a similar situation that I was. I love you all and wish you all healing.

Does anyone have any suggestions or experiences dealing with fears of having done something unforgivable in the past? I had an ex who had emotionally abusive behaviors and took advantage of me sexually, and my fears are that I could’ve done something to him and forgotten or just not realized it was wrong in the moment? Any suggestions or help would be wonderful :)

Any uplifting success stories here? I’m in need of a pick me up. Some inspiration would be nice.

Today I had an OCD though/ false memory of something really bad and for a while it seemed real but I didn’t really care. I know it didn’t happen and usually when I have little anxiety it doesn’t seem real at all but this time I had little anxiety while it seemed real. Has anyone else had an experience like this?

I have a question.. I think my friend has ocd.. but obviously I don't want to diagnose or like make her uncomfortable but she does ask me for ALOT of reassurance i noticed of whether she is a good person and /or whether the thing she did will make her sick.. and her hand washing has reached a point where her skin is cracking... What is the right thing to do here? I am happy to reasure her if that's what is good for her but I do clearly from the outside see that she's in a loop... So am i enabling her? .. I obv don't know if even she actually has it.. cause she's never been diagnosed or even thought about it.. But I don't want to cause more harm.. idk.. I'm just getting concerned.. shes been living at her parents who are not the best people.. and has not gone outside even in her yard for fear of the neighbours breath coming in her yard.. and i feel like she's getting worse... Idk what to do.. feels like it's none of my business except that she always gets her reassurance from me.. o.o Thoughts?

.......... There was a tiktok on my for you page specifically in calling out the viewer for being gay and struggling with identifying it and being born in the 90s and being fragile.. and I swear to god it's like it was MADE to trigger me into thinking I'm in denial what the HELL. My skin like went cold.. I made myself finish watching it but I feel a bit sick. I deleted that and marked it as "not interested" Really trying to avoid trying to place meaning on it.

Apparently no one on here has had the experience I am having.

Does anyone else’s OCD attack your relationship with your family? There are things about my family that I find upsetting, but normally I’m just able to accept that these things make me mad, but I know they’re still good people and I love them all. Lately, it’s like my brain is dedicated to ruining the relationship with my family. So, then I go through a cycle of feelings with almost no relief. The biggest feeling is terror, because I am afraid I’m going to let these things ruin my relationship with them and I’m never going to see them again. Then I feel guilt. It’s never ending guilt. First, the guilt is because I’m causing my family a lot of distress and I’m so convinced my fears are real that I feel guilty like “they don’t realize these things are really going to happen and they’re going to lose me”. Then I feel guilty when I get so tired of fighting the obsession that I start thinking “what if I’ll be okay if I never talk to them again? what if I’ll be able to move on?”. Then I feel guilty cause I refuse to allow the obsession to be real and the only way out I see is killing myself, but that would hurt my family too. Then I feel guilty for trying to be happy, because then I’m betraying somebody else (it’s a complicated thing I will explain if someone reads this and wants to know). Then I start blaming my family for these feelings, cause I do genuinely feel that they’re wrong about this one thing. Or not wrong, because they don’t have any bad intentions, but...again it’s complicated. THEN I feel guilty for blaming my family for these feelings, because they’re doing their best and they just don’t see certain things in the same way. And throughout it all I feel an overwhelming sadness. Just so SO sad.

How do your “thoughts” come to you? Mine are so random and just pop out of nowhere. I think the feeling I get is the most disturbing part to me. I get chills, my stomach aches and I feel like I’m going to vomit. I get shaky. The fear is so intense and just instantly out of nowhere. What I struggle with the most is the guilt and fear “feeling” and because I’m feeling this I most be guilty or the thoughts are true because no innocent person would feel this. Does this happen to you guys as well?

So before this POCD spike I read a lot of erotic fanfiction (none about minors or children) and listened to nsfw audios (again, none involving children or minors). It never disrupted my day to day and I also looked up non sexual cute things, but with how much I read/listened to them, does that mean I was developing a sex addiction? And also I remember starting to look up lesbian porn again even though I swore years ago never to do that. I never thought about having another woman do those things to me or wanting her to (as far as I know), and now this makes me nervous for the future, especially in regards to remembering that I looked up the shota hentai.

Is anyone having problems with the exercise portion of the app? I want to utilize it but all the stuff on there is from months ago. I’m not seeing an option to add anything new or delete anything old (they might not allow that)

Help me! Oh no. I'm remembering some thoughts I had that felt real and like i wanted them. I need to analyze! It feels more like I wsnted it than I didn't even though it made me anxious! I want to think about it amd see so I can continue my day what do I do?

Struggling hard today. Really hard. I seem to have identified my “core fear” that’s underlying most of my recent themes: I’m afraid of myself. I’m afraid of who I am “deep down.” I’m afraid my identity is a fraud. I’m afraid I don’t know myself and never will. And I’m afraid to know who that “real” person is. I’m afraid knowing it would mean losing all attachment to everything I have in my life now. I use quotes because rationally if I were talking to someone else on here I know I’d tell them there is no “deep down,” and there is no secret more “real” person. I’d tell them to sit with the doubt and learn to tolerate it. I’d tell them it will get easier with practice. And yet right now, I am at such a high distress level I can barely think. I’ve been having an anxiety attack for 4.5 hours now. And it won’t stop. All of this was triggered by being home with family for thanksgiving. Being home means being in an environment with people who know me and have known me my whole life. I know they have a specific image of me and think they know me. And sitting next to the people I care about most in the world and not being sure that the image they have is “real” is terrifying. If I’m someone else entirely, I worry I’ll lose them. And even if I don’t lose them, I worry they’ll lose me — lose their daughter that they have known and loved for so long. I would hate to make them mourn the loss of me and have to accept some new/different version that even I barely know. The distress of defining my identity and being comfortable with it has been weaving in and out of my themes the past few years: ROCD, HOCD, TOCD. I’m not sure how it fits into my themes from youth (health ocd and existential ocd.) but it may if I dug a little deeper. I don’t know who I am. And I’m trying to remind myself to do what I tell everyone to do: “maybe there are parts of me deep down I don’t know. Or maybe not. I don’t know. And I don’t need to know with any more certainty than I have in this moment.” Sit with that. But the anxiety just won’t stop. I wish I knew exactly who I was. Being so unsure makes me feel uncomfortable just being with myself. And I can’t believe that we all have to live with a disorder that can make us feel this way based on absolutely nothing but doubt.