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I cant carry on with my life until this is gone

How do I know when it’s time to call a crisis line? Or seek help? Has anybody actually been hospitalized for OCD? I’ve been crying everyday and I can’t stop worrying about everything and looking up stuff online and reading for hours a day about everything I think about. When I read things that confirm my suspicions I freak out and start shaking a little or jerking. But if I read things that confirm that I’m going to be okay, I start thinking of every single reason why it’s not going to be okay, and how could you ever think it’s going to be okay. I am not managing my life very well. I feel guilty about everything. I keep telling myself that I don’t deserve happiness and I don’t deserve food or nice things and I feel incredibly guilty every time I do something for myself like make food and I convince myself that it means I am the worst person and eating food when others can’t or don’t have food. And then I get sick and nauseous and anxious. I constantly have worries about my health and I’m constantly reading stuff online. I think I have schizophrenia sometimes cause of the voices I hear something when I’m stressed. So I spend so much time on forums looking for people who have disorder and comparing my experiences to theirs and then I keep thinking I’m faking symptoms for attention and can just stop doing things but then I do them again and I hate it. I am having a ton of false memories about what is real. I feel like the world is floaty and unreal. I just want this to stop.

I wish I were exceptional and it affects me. By exceptional I mean popular, or standing out from the crowd, being celebrated. Idk if this is perfectionism ocd but I want to lay my triggers out. I’ve noticed that people who go to Ivy League schools get famous more easily. They even accidentally make popular memes and Twitters. It’s like they know how to capture the public. They’re exceptional. In high school, I didn’t get into any Ivy League I applied to. Now, I noticed two recent triggers. In the tv show The Crown, Prince Charles (who is a jackass in it, I know) is super jealous of Diana for how much people love her. And everyone says how he should be happy and proud of her. That is healthy, but I would be mortified in his position. Imagine everyone telling you you need to be a country’s leader, but someone else is doing so much better than you at it. And the whole world sees it. I know that’s egostical, but bare with me. Another is Victoria Justice and Ariana Grande. There’s viral memes of Victoria going “i think we all sing” while people are saying Ariana loves to sing. Both of them come across as bitter, but I understand them both. I’m a writer, and I feel this mentality affecting how I share my writing. I don’t want to share it because I feel like no one will care, or they’ll cringe at it and then say someone else’s is so much better. I know this is unhealthy and that it probably has to do with high school trauma (was bullied). I also know that not everyone is good at every role. Maybe Prince Charles would be a bad king but a great actor, or something. But I don’t know how to fix this in myself. I feel very inadequate if most people don’t talk about me like that. There’s also a reddit thread I read about how people will treat an ugly and pretty person differently to their face. Their description crushed me. I have friends in my life. I also do have hobbies and plans for the future. But I don’t know how to respond to this feeling. I could be mindful of it, but I don’t want to just ignore it. I want to genuinely remove this jealousy and know how to enjoy myself and like what I do.

I need to vent. I am really trying my hardest to not give in to my compulsions but it’s very hard. I was doing good just a few days ago. Now I’m back to square one. I’m not feeling well, I feel emotionally and mentally sick. My distress is so real. For these past few months I haven’t even been sleeping correctly. I go to bed at like 2/3 am. 😭 and That’s not like me. It’s just so crazy how this has affected my life. No I’m currently not in therapy, but if I’m being honest, with the current climate we are in, I’m not interested in phone therapy. I need to be in a nice calm room, talking to someone face to face. The environment is very important to me. And as far as meds, I can’t get them without being prescribed them first. the fact that’s it practically December and I literally saw myself struggle with this the entire year & no improvement to my life makes me absolutely sick to my stomach. I wouldn’t wish this mental disorder on my worst enemy.

“The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice - you don’t. You have no choice. You have owners. They own you. They own everything. They own all the important land. They own and control the corporations. They’ve long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they’ve got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies so they control just about all the news and information you get to hear. ...It’s a big club, and YOU AIN’T IN IT! They don’t give a fuck about you. They don’t care about you, at all! At all! And nobody seems to notice. Nobody seems to care.” —George Carlin Hey, “progressives”? Instead of burning down and looting small businesses and attacking random people, and/or calling anyone who has a problem with that a bigot, take your outrage to Capital Hill (going on vacation without passing a stimulus) or Wall Street or Silicon Valley or Bezos’ estate. And stop cheering when your own people do the exact same shit (blatant corruption, bombing civilians including American citizens, spying on you, censorship, persecution of whistleblowers, mass incarceration, austerity, further cuts to all social services while they increase defense spending, which they already spend way more on than all other government spending put together, even more) that you rightly criticized Trump for. “Biden and Harris are like my mom and dad!” “A return of decency to the White House!” “YAS KWEEN, GIRL BOSS, MORE 👋 BIPOC👋LATINZXZ👋WOMXZYXN👋 TORTURERS!!!!!” All of Biden’s appointees are monstrous war criminals from the Bush administration, but the corporate “progressive” media with the memory of a goldfish is acting like they’re awesome people. Our one-party government has never been more obviously so. People are so brainwashed. Republicans refused to appoint Obama’s Supreme Court nominee because “too close to the election” (a year away), but then they appoint ACB a month before the election, and Republicans are fine with that. Democrats continue to parrot the unfounded accusation that “Russian bots” got Trump elected, and for the past four years have called for simply ignoring the Electoral College and staging a Coup against Trump, but now “how dare anyone even suggest the notion of impropriety with the election results?” I know it’s not people’s fault, they’re brainwashed by the media, but as a result they’ve become so shockingly unprincipled that they’re completely willing without hesitation to support or oppose almost anything based solely on which of the “two parties” the politician belongs to (in reality, we have only one party in the US. Kamala Harris and Lindsey Graham fist-bumped because off-camera they’re all friends and “partisan gridlock” is political theatre to provide a flimsy excuse for why all of them continue to fuck you over). Possibly, some politicians are mildly less terrible than others, but at the same time maybe that’s not true? Bernie is definitely a sellout, and most likely was always a fraud and a sheepdog (even if his sheepdogging might have unintentionally had the opposite effect). AOC was groomed/manufactured to be appealing to a certain subset of the voting base (young coastal city-dwelling upper-middle-class and-above liberal voters), she’s a career politician from a rich family not a “normal person”, and as soon as she was elected she voted the same way as Pelosi Antoinette and everyone else in Congress. “Oh, we can totally pressure Biden to do shit for us,” you couldn’t even pressure him to lie that he would before an incredibly-close election (and the fact that Trump even stood a chance in hell of winning just shows how pathetically terrible the Democrat ticket is). Once he gets elected it’ll just be more excuse-making (“he needs to not do shit for us or the Democrats will lose in the midterms”.) Americans put up with too much shit. They’re grown used to it. If European politicians fucked over their citizens even close to as badly as US politicians constantly do, their citizens would overthrow them. Not that there isn’t shit wrong with Europe (arresting people for offensive tweets, etc), but overall it sucks a lot less than life in the US.

Anyone else feel angry at their OCD? Like why do I have to accept a disorder that makes me miserable? I see people talk about their neurodivergence, and I see people openly accept that depression and anxiety is part of them. But no one I know accepts that OCD is a part of them. Cause it’s not who we are. It’s the last thing I’d want. Sorry for the rant but I miss who I was before OCD. I remember how happy and carefree everything about me was. Idk I’m tired.

I wish so bad that I could go back to being how I was before the anxiety and OCD had taken over my life, and the subsequent medications and their side effects . It’s mostly bodily sensations now. Tension headaches daily. Fast pounding heart rate. Feeling like I’m constantly out of breath. Feeling like I’m going to pass out. My eyes moving involuntarily. Feeling intense anxiety for no apparent reason. Feeling like the ground is moving under me. I’ve tried so many things. Many different meds, many different therapys, and I only seem to be getting worse as the years go on. I’m loosing hope that I’ll get better than I am now.

Just wondering if anyone else has fears about the world ending, or dooms day type stuff that would in all honesty probably never happen; like asteroids, alien invasion, nuclear war, government take over, science fiction stuff. These are constant intrusive thoughts of mine after I heard about conspiracy theories about aliens and other science fiction stuff earlier this year.

Can someone help? My POCD is taking over and I'm terrified to even look at children and everytime I see one I'm afraid I'll feel something and everytime I do I completely shut down I dont want to hurt a child not do I want to be with one, it disgusts me so bad but I'm scared that I'm actually attracted to children and I'm hiding it and I'll eventually enjoy it but just the thought of that makes my anxiety go out the roof I just want it to go away.

I need help and comfort ASAP. I’m bipolar and had a one year manic episode / psychotic break. During which I acted totally inappropriately and set fire to my reputation. I mean I really did terrible things that I can’t forgive myself for. I keep thinking I can’t continue to live and some days I throw up over how disgusting and bad I feel. Please could anyone give me advice? 😔

Has anyone here recovered from ROCD? What helped you and what do you recommend? Was there any truth to your obsessive thoughts?

Success Story Sunday! Let’s here it, guys, what success did you have this week? And if you struggled, what’s your plan for the week ahead? My success story is I got back in the gym after two weeks off with an injury. I listened to exposure scripts during my workout.

Does anyone ever worry that doing the opposite of what our mind tells us to do slowly becomes another obsession. For example, on my way to work I have the exact same routine, and sometimes I will do something not in routine as exposure but then I start to do that thing every time...like let's say I always start walking down the stairs with my right foot first but then I step out of my comfort zone and step with my left foot instead BUT then that becomes what I do every time and my obsession of how I walk down the stairs is still there😫

Omg my ocd is baddd I wish I was normal

Question for those struggling that are also Christian? I was wondering what you guys think when it comes to OCD and spiritual attacks. As Christians we know the enemy tries to steal, kill, and destroy. We live in a fallen world so the enemy is all around. However I’ve also heard we shouldn’t give the devil credit for every bad thing that’s happened to us. Just because our car broke down on the way to work or we burned the popcorn in the microwave doesn’t mean it’s the devil screwing with us. So when it comes to OCD, I know it’s a mental illness and it seems like it attacks us with the thoughts/feelings/urges it presents, but sometimes I get frustrated and think is this really OCD going at it or is it the enemy filling my head with these horrid thoughts? For example, one of my main themes is suicidal OCD, so everything about suicide. I know I don’t want to kill myself and enjoy life, yet OCD being OCD, it fills us with doubt, confusion, intrusive thoughts saying otherwise. So I try to look at this as OCD messing with me with intrusive thoughts, but at times as well I think what if this is the devil playing his fittest by trying to fill my head with this and hoping I’ll do it. This can go for any theme I believe. This worries me more because I ask whether I’m on the right track of dealing with this: both/either as a mental health issue or a spiritual attack. When my OCD first appeared, I truly believed it was a complete spiritual attack. I threw away many of the things I enjoyed for fear they were not of God, dedicated myself to only listening to worship music, reading only my Bible, throwing myself completely in the church - in hopes God would miraculously heal my mind of this attack of the enemy. It wasn’t until I ultimately decided to go to therapy where I learned I had OCD and started ERP for it which has helped a ton. However I still wonder otherwise. What are your guys opinions on the matter? It makes me feel torn.

Hey! Can someone with experience with the diagnostic call tell me what to expect?

how long did it take you guys to reach out for help, get diagnosed and start treatment? im just curious because ive seen many people say that they first started having intrusive thoughts when they were 14 for example but only got an ocd diagnosis and started therapy multiple years later which is kind of odd.

Vent: Kinda just want to go back to having regular teenage problems again. Getting sick and tired of the same shit thoughts ruminating over and over again and I'm sick of remembering the stupid mistakes that I've done. They're embarrassing. They're dumb and it shouldn't have ever happened. I hate that I even tried to experiment sexual feelings in my life because all they've done is brought me nothing but trouble, stress, shame, insecurities, and low self esteem. I don't want to deal with it anymore. I've never been in a relationship before and all I've wanted was to be with a girl my age that appreciates everything about me. Even the bad parts about me while I accept the bad parts about her but I guess everybody can't get what they really want. So I don't care anymore. I don't want to deal with anything sexual at all because all it's done to me is make me feel horrible about what I've done even if I didn't know any better. I hate that I've tried to use pornography to get away from my feelings especially since it just made me feel so much fucking worse. I hate the things that I've seen, I hate the things that I especially didn't want to see, and I hate feeling like I'm a horrible disgusting person that doesn't feel forgiveness and only deserves nothing but jail for my mistakes. I hate when my mind tells me this almost every day. I hate being anxious. I just want to be a regular teenager again. This is now how I wanted to feel during November at all. I just can't stand it anymore

I am really upset right now, mad. My sister knows about my real event ocd that involves her, the thing is that happened 10+ years ago and she has beeing rude and mean as fuck recently. Dont know if its because her period or what, but she has been being an asshole with me, my mom and dad and now just because I said that probably she gave me covid because she went to doctor recently and started feeling cold and fever, as me as well and now she is accusing me indirectly of entering her bedroom while she was asleep last night. Like really? REALLY? The only thing that she knows I can end up killing myself, because I cant forgive myself in the past. I dont want to see her again nor talk to her anymore. I would never do that. I still cant believe and she is still talking about it. Really. I cant go on.

Anyone here Gay/Bi?