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I'm feeling suicidal...

I’m having delusional intrusive thoughts, does this happen to anyone else?

I had gotten pretty good at living with the uncertainty of whether I was attracted to minors or not. However, now that I've opened myself up to dating it's becoming a problem again. I feel like it's something a prospective partner should know at some point, especially if they have daughters. I also question my motivation for finding someone I'm physically attracted to. In other words, I'm afraid of dating someone I don't find attractive because I think that means I'd rather be with a minor who I notice is attractive. I don't know if I made that very clear 🙃.

After being diagnosed by three separate professionals, I still do not believe I have OCD. I want this to be OCD, but I genuinely do not believe it is. It’s exhausting because everyone is operating under the assumption that it’s just ocd and they kinda don’t understand why I’m not getting better. It’s because it’s not OCD and I’m so tired.

I have a massive fear of ‘what if I develop depression and then commit suicide’ and I am so terrified of depression Ive has this fear for years but its been a much higher anxiety for the past 4 months or so I am 17 years old and terrified my life is over before it even began, I am so scared that ill never not be afraid of depression again. The daytime for me is fine, but after 5pm in the evening my anxiety comes crashing in and I just feel so helpless about it and cry which scares me more (yes im scared of crying because im scared of depression) Has anyone got any tips or encouragement? I really really need it

Hello. I am still trying to figure out if I have OCD or not. 4 weeks ago I had a random bout of what felt like paranoia, intrusive thought/image that really really scared and disturbed me. I never have had something like that before. At the time I had been put on meds benzos which I had been on for a couple weeks just for bedtime but also zoloft I had just started for anxiety and dealing with grief. I have posted in here before but I’m just curious I have since learned that people get intrusive thoughts often but it’s more like people with OCD that they get stuck and we dwell on them and spend time trying to analyze and figure out and also feel anxiety or emotion from them. I have spent 4 weeks being afraid of this and thought that it made me a bad person or that I might do the things that popped into my head which seemingly came out of nowhere. I’m 36 and never had this. Always have been positive and though I have dealt with some health anxiety off and on and been a little bit of a worry type of thinker it has been nothing like this. I have been unable to focus on hardly anything else and I have been trying to find out why it happened? It seemed so intense it literally is opposite of who I am or thought I was but has made me question so many things and have doubts of my own character and just be overall scared it will happen. Has anyone experienced an onset of this from a medicine adversely like an antidepressant or a benzo before? I thought maybe I was going through interdose withdrawal from the benzo or perhaps since I had just stated the zoloft it was a negative side effect? Regardless of the reason it has bothered me for weeks and interfering with my life and normal thought processes. Since then it seemed like the specific thought/image I had morphed a little into all different scenarios and I don’t understand. Maybe that’s my anxious mind exploring the thought and consequences of it? Catasrophizing? Either way it’s just so bothersome and I just don’t get it. I thought it could be OCD because I googled thoughts and found out all this information. I have been seeing a therapist before this even happened for anxiety and CBT. But now I’m just so confused? Anyone else have this type of experience? I feel like I’m just over analyzing this and ruminating on this and it’s been far too long. I want to just let go of this and start living my life again, but it felt so intense and the images can pop back in now intermittently. I don’t know if it’s because I’m still trying to figure it out or what? I should say since the initial thought/image happened I since stopped zoloft and tapered the benzo since I had been on the benzo for a few weeks and those aren’t good to stay on. In some ways I have felt better than before and made progress from a lot of the anxiety and mild depression I was having due to a sudden loss. But in other ways this worry about these thoughts have completely consumed my thought process. I listen to podcasts all day about learning about intrusive thoughts and tips, read this community posts, just searching for answers. I realize that maybe my compulsion. I also find it’s all I can talk about and looking for comfort and reassurance. Which I realize now may be a compulsion. I just wonder is this how my mind is now? Does anyone relate at all?

To the gamers on here: What games relax you or let you escape your mind for a few minutes/hours?

Does anybody ever take a minute to think to themselves how they were before OCD came into their lives? How you may have thought beforehand, what you did, the hobbies you had, the feelings you got, or even the people you've met and still might be with now? I've been getting that a lot lately. Whenever I'm not dwelling on my past actions when I barely knew better or thinking about how my future may turn out, I eventually think about how I used to be when I didn't know what OCD truly was. What if I had thoughts like these but they were either repressed completely or I just didn't react to them at all? Did I always worry about the future back in high school? Possibly. Was I perfect? Much like the others, absolutely not. Have other people find8 through things that I can relate to or had it worse than I did? From what I can remember, they have. But, they all seem to be fine and we're able to let go of the past. Why can't I?

everyone says that in order to determine if it’s hocd you need to examine how it started. i feel like the way mine started is CLEARLY not ocd and rather just a sexuality crisis. I was 13 and had thought about it 2 times before, once in the 5th grade and once in the 6th grade. i can’t be straight if this has consumed my thoughts since then.

When will this end?! I am so sick of living like this. I can't even go to the bathroom without having panic attacks thanks to my contamination OCD. I purposely not drink enough water throughout the day to avoid trips to the restroom. I used to love drinking water throughout the day keeping hydrated...it was all about keeping healthy. Now I can barely function like a normal human being this past year and a half! This is a nightmare and I just want to wake up from it already. After four therapists I still feel no relief. I am set to see one on here through NOCD, but not for another month and a half. I feel like I am not going to make ot until then. :(

I keep coming up with reasons why I don’t love my partner and testing myself to see if it’s really me! I am so sick I wanna throw up! I don’t wanna break up with him! 😭😭 I can’t take it anymore! I remember a long time ago when I first had ROCD I told him I didn’t love him but I feel like if I say that now it will be the truth!! 😭😭

Anyone with Relationship + Harm OCD?

I want to learn more about Christ... But... How? I feel like an intense study of the scriptures would help, but I rarely feel the happy warm feeling I want to feel when I read about Him... I feel like I read and just feel kind of neutral when I feel like I should be like mind blown and crying with emotion... Haha. I know that isn't realistic. But how do I form a deep relationship with Christ, without... Feeling like I have to study him in the perfect way for it to count? Or without feeling that I am bad for not having some huge spiritual experience every time, something I know isn't how he works? Anyone relate or know how to chill out about this / be more successful?

For anyone that’s done ERP, what’s usually the goal and purpose of it? I start next week and I know I’ll get more answers then but just curious of anyone’s experience, and I know everyone’s situation is different but I don’t really fully understand the goal of ERP

My OCD is horrible today. I've not given up and just got into bed from the fear in a long time but that's what I've done tonight. I know in the past I've tried to convince myself of things that I now know aren't true such as if I did something wrong I tried to convince myself I hadn't done anything. Now I bet I have some of those patterns of thinking in other areas and I'm so frightened that in another way I'm lying to myself. Does this make sense? Please someone help me

I swear my life is cursed i feel like im attracted to men more than women. Sometimes i get little flashes of my attraction back. Can someone tell me some of the things they say in there head if they do ?

Lately I’ve been having this thought about if I have to experiment with people sexually. I don’t really want to and sex isn’t really my thing anyway, but I keep having this thought “you should experiment with girls” “that’s the only way you’ll know for sure” can I know for sure without experimenting? Can I trust myself? I was trusting myself, but now I don’t. I feel obligated to do this thing that I’m honestly afraid of and don’t want to do.

how open are you about having ocd? for example do you share your subtypes/themes with people or someone your close with? I am starting to be more open about it with one of my former teachers that I still have a friendship with outside of school and I don’t know how specific or vague I should be. I want him to understand what ocd is and what I live with but also ocd themes can be taboo and uncomfortable to talk about. I have the same question for what I should tell my family.

people with religious ocd: is anyone else terrified of doing ert because you’re afraid it’s gonna “harden your heart” towards sin? because that’s the main reason i haven’t done it :/

Have not came on here in a while and this is the only platform I can write what's on my mind . I'm really tired, frustrated, angry sad and depressed about my fucking life. I dont know why I'm alive. Like I just bursting out in tears. My whole stupid family is shit too. They dont give a fuck about me. My dad dont pay attention and ruined the whole family, my mom quarrels too much and she beeve tries to listen, understand and sit down to talk she just shouts and gets mad and stressed herself out and my sister does not care or pay attention about me, she says she loves me but she always lying about that . Me on the other hand , i am suffering so.mich with mental illness, anxiety, depression, OCD and who knows what else. I feel so alone, in a dark place. A place I am trying to get out of, it's tough. I cry everyday and I'm not happy and I feel like I have NO ONE. Fuck friends too, they dont care about me. I have tried to be a good person to everyone and that's the life I get. I have given my all, showed love despite my.moody attitude tried to make people smile when I was down.. I dont know what to do. Just give yo at this point. No point in living , no point in life. MY LIFE IS GARBAGE, A PIECE OF TRASH , THE FUCKING WORST.