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Hi, I'm a girl and I'm 20 yo I'm Italian, so first of all, I'm sorry for my bad English. I've always had an anxious and obsessive personality since I was a child. when I was 9, I saw a gay couple in a movie, from that moment and for about a year I was constantly afraid that I could be homosexual. with the beginning of middle school and high school, however, I acquired more maturity, I probably moved all my anxiety into the study as I was getting panic attacks almost every day bc of school and exams. A year and 3 months ago, with the end of high school, I met also my boyfriend and I can say that between us it was love at first sight. but after a while I started to be afraid that our story might end at any moment, I was afraid of the future, I started to question my feelings towards him, and lately I am scrutinizing my gestures and my behaviors when I am with him, believing that my feelings are not spontaneous. I don't know if mine is a rocd, but I know that I constantly think about these thoughts, sometimes they seem so real to me that I can't be productive in anything. sometimes I feel I love him, other times idk. I fall asleep and wake up with the same thoughts. when I am calm and without anxiety, I fall back into the vortex because I tell myself that if I have no anxiety, then it is all true. sorry for writing so much. I wanted to share my story. I am not very good with English, I only get by with writing. Thank you and have a nice day

i have a question. when my ocd first began, it wasn’t like i was like “no, i’m straight.” it was more of a “woah, am I gay?” and my compulsions weren’t to “prove” to myself that i was straight but rather to “figure out” if i was gay. did anyone else have this experience? i was also quite young when this started, around 12/13, but prior to that I had been boy crazy my whole life starting at 4.

For people that struggle with HOCD/TOCD, do you get personally offended when you come across a homophobic/transphobic post on social media?

Is ruminating on a thought a compulsion? Even if you don't know it was intrusive?

Does anyone have any OCD/ERP questions they want to ask someone who recovered? After my recovery I didn’t visit this app regularly, and I want to help people. ✨🙂

TW 18+ I’m 3 months free from my porn/masturbation addiction. It was horrible and it caused a lot of pain to me and my relationship. As proud as I am to say I’ve beat it, I am also extremely ashamed and guilty. My OCD has focused on making me feel guilty about it every second of every day. I was introduced to porn at age 9 by my dad. By age 14 I was already a regular user and I never went more than 3 days in a row without it until age 26. I feel so guilty to have hid this from my partner and I was only able to break free from it once I came clean. I feel like a horrible human being. I know a lot of people will claim that porn addiction isn’t real but I’m here to tell you that it is. It ruined my life. The fact that my partner still wants to be with me is surprising to me. I feel both grateful and unworthy at the same. Coming clean enhanced my ROCD and Cheating OCD. I became suicidal because of the shame. I feel like my relationship will never be the same, but ill die trying to make it up to her. I’ll do everything in my power to make my partner as happy as I possibly can and if she decides to leave me then I guess I deserve it. I know this post isn’t too OCD related but I just wanted to get this off my chest. Thank you for allowing me to vent.

Lately whenever I cry I kinda force myself to. Like I’ll purposely watch sad things or trigger myself with sad content. And me and my OCD are terrified that this is proof I’m a terrible evil person who can’t cry naturally. I cry a lot when my family are mean to me, but the times I make myself cry is watching sad things. It’s because I want to feel human and compassionate.

I’m depressed cause turns out I’m only able to have proper therapy at the end of Feb or March and I don’t know if I can last that long. I just want help why is it so hard. If I broke my leg the hospital would cast it instantly but, if I go back to the ER for being suicidal I have to wait hours just to be given meds and then be sent back home told to wait till there’s an opening. Mental health isn’t treated equally to physical health I feel let down and uncared for.

I was getting ready to post a question on this site and after I click "Share", a message shows up saying that it is important for us to avoid seeking reassurance and then forcing me to check boxes asking me to promise not to ask for reassurance and some other promises to make. Well how are we supposed to learn anything if we cannot ask questions?? I was trying to get insight from others here about an issue I am having but seems like now I am censored.

dealing with real event and hocd together SUCKS. i once saw a post of this girl talking about how she wouldn’t mind trying out sleeping with a girl and i agreed with it. my hocd is using that as my proof and i can’t let it go. it won’t accept that i didn’t mean what i said. it’s also making me doubt whether or not i wouldn’t or would sleep with a girl now even though i know i wouldn’t. god this is so hard. i feel so alone. nobody relates to my situation 😞. advice is very very appreciated 😞💞

ive been having a hard week or two ive been triggered a lot lately i also let my erps slip my pocd has been getting really bad i thought i was getting better to the point where i even was like maybe im making this up and was wishing for bad thoughts just to make me at ease that i have ocd and the ocd is real but now im having them and i regret that wish... this sucks whats worse is sometimes it feels so real i was watching a show and didnt realize one of the people in it is a p*** and one of my biggest triggers i guess is that ive been alone my whole life no relationship history and this person hadnt either and the similarities are what make me feel that i am i turned it off once he was saying these things about liking who he is god god god i just i really dont want to be that i hope im not that i want reassurance and i know i wont get it my current erp is to listen to a recording of me saying maybe im a p*** and i should be listening to it 4 times a week but ive been slipping to once a week that is only my 9 on my hierarchy when i get to my 10 i have to read articles about people who are p***s next and i dont want to do that i think for me the biggest triggers arent really even young people its people who are definitely p***s and then if i find any similarities in us i freak the fuck out and i guess i do that with anyone psychopaths, lesbians, anything i dont want to be but could be if i find enough similarities if there are similarities and i guess also im constantly looking for explenation to being 28 years old and alone with no relationship history my brain is constantly looking for answers but the answers are always scary and freak me out is anyone else this way or ever feel this way i feel like a freak if anyone knew what was in my head id be locked up my therapist knows whats in my head but we never really go into detail like sometimes im worried like if she knew this thought she wouldnt help me anymore sometimes i think i make up that its ocd to relieve me of guilt i was getting so good at accepting uncertainty too and my exercises were becoming easier but its just i mean i feel like thats a normal thing no one wants to listen to a tape of them saying to themselves maybe they are a p*** like since my intrusive thoughts had lessened and my mood was better i thought okay yeah i feel better i dont need to do these much anymore i just feel like a failure and a fraud and scared ... its not the worst ive ever felt but its definitely reminding me of bad times where ive been at my worst ... also im pretty good at didtracting myself from things and so if i stay busy im better and if im not im worse i feel the need to want to confess on here and to my therapist but i know i shouldnt but i just feel like an evil person i feel evil and i want reassurance i want relief

Just read about the different types of empathy and I feel so anxious. I’m worried that I only ever use cognitive empathy (when you simply imagine how they feel - this is quite easy to do). Like I’m good at understanding emotions but now I’m scared I don’t FEEL those other emotions. Even though I think I do. It’s so distressing. I know I have emotional and compassionate empathy too as I often feel sorry for people and often cry in movies. If someone was being bullied, I would feel for them and try to help. I’ve always supported the underdog. And in films I tend to cry more when someone else is also crying. But my OCD won’t buy it. Like sometimes when I help people, I’m just using cognitive empathy and I’m scared that’s really bad of me for not feeling what they feel. This could be because I often help people online and not irl so it’s harder to see their facial expressions. But still. I’m just really scared that I don’t have emotional empathy but I think I do. I worry that’s not true though.

nsfw: my hocd is telling me that because i watched lesbian porn and liked it that it means i’m bi and because i said i wouldn’t mind trying it out with a woman for fun it also means i’m bi. i feel so alone and this genuinely sucks.

I just put my hand round my wrist and the coolness felt really nice and my wrist felt nice in my hand....then my mind goes puts the image of a little kids wrist into my mind because my wrists are very thin. I hate this. Anyone else get this ? I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance but this really freaked me out

Hello! Lately I've been experiencing weird about myself. I think I switch to another theme but I am not really sure. Whenever I talked to someone. I started to observed how I talked and wonder how can I automatically reply and give a speech to the person who I am talking with without using my comprehension. Sometimes everytime I noticed that I tend to stop in the middle of my speech because I feel like my head is empty and wonder how can I talk like that without using my brain. Sometimes It feels like I am just watching my own self talking to people and wonder how can I possibly create those words that come out to my mouth without comprehending it first. I dont know if it is nonsense to others but it bothers me. It is what you call somatic ocd?. (sorry for my grammar I am not english speaker) I hope you can still understand. Please help me how to deal with this.

Hey guys, I've been staying with my parents since March (I'm in my mid 20s) because the virus derailed and paused my grad school plans. I used to struggle with severe contamination ocd, which had eased significantly for a while with medication and therapy, but it has come back full force because of COVID. I think COVID has helped me justify my ocd to myself and left me unable to tell what is considered taking normal precautions and what is excessive and unhealthy. My biggest fear is getting my parents sick. I have not seen anyone besides my parents and doctors (for separate medical reasons) in person since March, and this has deeply impacted my mental health. I want to meet with friends outdoors with masks, but I fear it will cause unbearable anxiety and I won't want to come home, or I'll sit in my room for two weeks wearing a mask and avoiding my parents. I don't know how to stop this feeling, and I see no end in sight until I'm able to move out of my parents' house. Anyone have any solidarity or advice?

What if I’m just questioning my sexuality and dont have hocd?

hi, i’m a hocd sufferer and today i have just given in, and said i am bi. and however much i want to say it has helped it hasn’t. it doesn’t feel correct, i don’t feel comfortable with it and it just doesn’t feel natural. and i feel more upset about it now i have given myself this label. me being straight feels correct but i can’t get these thoughts out of my head and it brings me so much pain and discomfort. i don’t know what to do with myself, i thought just going along with it and saying i’m bi would make it feel better but it hasn’t.

Your dreams are the biggest ERP ever . How you respond to it determines everything. 😁

How to deal with anxiety over future? I wanna stay in present but Idk how. I keep worrying about not having a job or not making money and this stops me from living in the present and trying to do something. I am scared and hopeless. I have posted this many times, sorry for bothering.