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I can’t even tell myself I’m straight anymore.

I feel like im just thinking about men all the time sometimes it feels like im fantasizing and being gay i feel like im going to have this stuck in my head forever im so depressed 😥

What’s the balance between ruminating and researching on a social justice issue -over doing it vs not doing it at all vs doing it the “right amount”? Previous advice I’ve seen on here says “just don’t try to solve that problem”. But really my VALUES say that people aren’t investigating enough their own biases - how to remove obstacles at work based on ability, race, never identity. For example, we’re problem solving at work for our equity plan. We’re changing our curriculum to make sure it’s not just white males, adding our pronouns, adding accessibility for the blind, etc. but I’m constantly thinking about it. It seems a bit heartless to say “we’ll just stop. Just stop trying to improve things for people” Thoughts on the grey area of when it’s “too much”?

Everyone please listen to me carefully, YOU ARE NOT GONNA CURE HOCD. There i said it, its basically not curable. But there i something you can do. You can sit there with the thoughts and just let them be there. Wow u feel like your thoughts, so scary. But are you ever gonna act on them, HELL NO. If you know yourself and who you really are, ur not gonna act on them, if you get in a situation where u could act on them, your gonna think this is so stupid, why would I do this. Hocd is just anxiety, I don’t even look at it as Hocd. Your overthinking if your gay like bruh. I got the thoughts over night back in june and I’ve been struggling until yesterday I had it and I’m just keeping the Thoughts in my head because I know they can’t do anything towards me. If you know your not gay, you not gay, simple as that. I want to grow up and be a ocd therapist now that I’ve been struggling with this. Trust me guys, u guys are gonna get through it. I still have the thoughts but they are not powerful, if you need help just let me know

How have people here kept their faith throughout this? I have prayed hundreds upon hundreds of times and received no help. I've just watched this get worse and worse while I beg for it to end. Whenever I rarely try praying again I get no help with every single time. (I'm a christian)

*HAPPY POST* and lots of advise. I have OCD with the main symptoms being gronial response with extreme anxiety, and some intrusive thoughts. My triggers are towards incest theme, pocd, and even animals. Its god darn brilliant! (sarcasm intended, it's ruining my life) Recently I've been living with a family member who triggers my OCD a lot. Its been really, really difficult for the first week. However, I've been meditating and and doing some excersize. I've been constructively letting go of some really negative feelings, and putting myself in situations that feel uncomfortable, without any judgement of what response I might have when triggered. (ERP technique) Yesterday I noticed that my anxiety towards certain triggers has gone down massively. And my ability to handle the feelings I get when they do arise is better. There's certain things that would bother me, like when I would be in a quiet room and hear my family member breathing. It used to kill me, it used to sound so loud like it was the only sound I could heaar in the room. However, The other day I realised that I wasn't even paying attention to her breathing, it was just a background noise. Like it wasn't even a trigger anymore. What a moment. Recovery is real. Don't get me wrong, I still have many moments where I'm triggered, and still have many moments where I hate myself. And this one trigger is the tip of the ice berg. But if I've learnt one thing that's seemed to change things for me - You need to keep reminding yourself that when you are being triggered, your not actually in a dangerous situation, there's nothing to actually be FEARFUL of. When you feel that fear, just remind yourself that you are actually safe - and start to remove the emotional attachment to the trigger. Once you start to sit with the fear, disgust and shame - and almost treat it as an uncontrollable fight or flight response - It makes you notice how unhelpful your brain can be. And once you have sat and felt those feelings, and realise that actually... your still okay, your still alive, your still YOU. The trigger actually has so much less ability to harm you. Yesterday I had a kind of lightbulb moment where I realised that no matter what I feel, FEAR isn't needed here! (This will take time so don't give up hope) Even writting this makes me feel emotional, because I know the pain im going through, and the pain you all are too. (Nobody even knows about my problems and I've sufferers for 6 years now) But Ive decided I think it's really important to stay positive, I see a lot of negative comments on hear, and I've been negative alot of here too. And Ive realised that being negative only feeds into the issue. You need to be positive, you need to make conscious and CONSTRUCTIVE choices, every day. I urge you all to start writting positively on here too. I urge you to understand the power of your brain. The same power that has created neurological pathways that have made you sick, is the same brain that has the power to pathe new roads for itself. I actually believe people with OCD have really powerful brains, you just need to learn how to harness it right. And recovery starts with accepting the past, accepting the present, knowing the future is uncertain but LOVING yourself anyway. This man talks through a mindfulness meditation- he bases it specifically for the OCD community. (He used to suffer with OCD) I think he's been very helpful for me. Please listen to it. Please start your day right. Please understand you have worth, no matter what your brain tells you today. Think of these thoughts and feeling as a bully that does not belong to you. There is no place for the bully. And mainly, no matter what this bully might say or do to you - Do NOT not let it ruin your day, or your perspective of your self. Goodluck everyone.

This erp doesn’t help me at all smfh. I wish it did but it doesn’t. I’m still stuck in my head. I still see weird thoughts when I see girls show up on the tv smh. This whole erp my previous ocd therapist has orchestrated behind my back still doesn’t relieve anything. It just hasn’t. I still don’t feel right.

this honestly worries me a lot. most of my friends say they are always dripping wet when having sex and really aroused and i never get super wet and i’ve never experienced it soaking through my underwear and stuff and i’m really sad because like it’s not normal and i just feel different and out of place and sad. and just wish i could experience that when i’m having sex with my boyfriend. but i don’t.

Ok...i know I post a lot. But I could really do with someone to talk to. I’m having an OCD (if it is ocd) attack

Did great for a little and now I’m back to the fear of being a lesbian. All because I was aroused by this description in a book about women pulling up their dresses and having sex with men.

It feels like I’m truly gay now and I’ll never be straight again... how do I reverse this, I don’t have anymore anxiety or anything, I don’t even know what I like anymore, all I know is I’ve lost all attraction to girls. This sucks

I feel like I’ve become hyperaware of how I come across to people and it just makes me feel so fake and unauthentic

Lesbian porn addiction Hi, I just need to get this out. I’ve been suffering from HOCD on and off for about 6 years. When I was younger I remember playing mommies and daddies with this boy and girl and I don’t know if that fucked my head up. I probably watched porn from about 13 ? But I’m not sure why lesbian porn always stuck out to me like scenes in movies and I used to watch Sexectera ? (Not sure if that’s what it’s called) but I never fancied a girl in my life. Anyway I think I’ve become addicted to lesbian porn. In school girls used to say ‘oh I’d let a girl eat me out’ and I kinda started to be curious about it. Even writing this I feel disgusted because I don’t want to be bisexual or lesbian. It just doesn’t feel right. I mostly watch girls being eating out by other girls and I’ve been curious as to whether I’d like it. ( I sometimes think of this instance to check if I get a groinal response). Reading erotica and watching porn revolving around lesbian sex has become kinda uncontrollable during quarantine. I feel empty and disappointed with myself become I wanna stop. I also feel trigged as I feel like all influencers, rappers and singers are coming out as bi (not to be homophobic) and it makes me feel uneasy and my brain says (you feel uncomfortable because that’s you). I know porn doesn’t define sexuality but I notice it triggers these intrusive thoughts. And I reassure myself as I also like gay porn and other fetishes which I can get off to. I’ve done extensive research and see that a lot of straight girls prefer lesbian porn but my mind takes it else where. I’m scared that if I get in a relationship will the man want a threesome and will I turn it down ? I feel scared that what if a lesbian comes on to me in the future will I say no ? I know a part of getting better is sitting with the anxiety but I can’t break this. When I’m like ‘no I’m not gonna stop’, sometimes it’s hard to shake and I feel like I want to masturbate. Then I end up reading or watching something involving around lesbian porn and getting a thud/ sensation down below. Once I finish I feel so bad and frustrated like ‘why can’t I get past this’. I feel like there’s pressure as I’m 21 and a virgin and I feel like all the guys I’ve liked has been a lie. I acknowledge that I have this porn induced fetish as outside of masturbation I feel no attraction to girls sexually or romantically. I even talked to a few girls on a chat room (dirty talk) and I was turned on when they spoke about being stuff to me but when I came my turn to talk about what I would do to them I felt disgusted and turned off. Has anyone been through this ? How can I stop this porn addiction ?

This is what I would have wanted to hear a few months or years ago. It’s going to get better. Trust the process. Keep moving forward. You’re going to be okay. For years, I have suffered from rOCD without knowing it. I dealt with constant anxiety in a previous relationship that, although I though I had found “the one,” the constant doubts and anxiety brought me to the point where I decided I had to end the relationship. Years later, I found myself in a new relationship feeling the same way. It’s worth noting that I am a Christian and believe that the Lord had directed me to both of these partners. I share this in case it resonates with some of you here. Anyways, my new girlfriend and I were drawn together and experienced a deep and meaningful connection but I had constant doubts. Not knowing I had OCD, I would confess these things to her in a way that was extremely hurtful to her and caused damage to the relationship. Years later, we ended up in premarital counseling and our counselor, also a licensed mental health counselor, suspected that I might have OCD. The idea seemed ludicrous to me as I consider myself to be a normal, mentally stable person, besides the intense depression and anxiety that I had felt connected to my relationship. But OCD? How could that have anything to do with it? I took a DSM5 test and because I didn’t understand my compulsions were compulsions, we weren’t able to diagnose me then. I started seeing a pastoral counselor who had a strong discernment that the issues that I was complaining about in my relationship didn’t have to do with my partner or the relationship but were issues with me. He didn’t know it was OCD but he helped me at least see that it was something that I could work on. We ended up getting engaged. That triggered my depression and anxiety through the roof. I then started seeing a psychiatrist. He didn’t diagnose me with OCD and unfortunately said some very triggering things that fueled my doubts about the relationship. Nonetheless, I held on and kept moving forward, trusting that my fiancé and I had something that God was in and encouraging me to move forward in. I was on Lexapro. It didn’t seem to help. All the while, I was learning so much about myself and about my relationship with God. What trusting God really means. The difference between fearing the Lord and fearing making a mistake. We got married. Things got really hard. I feared the worst. I feared that I had made a huge mistake. Everything I thought I was learning about my faith I feared wasn’t true. Our honeymoon was extremely difficult. This was my worst fears coming true. I couldn’t sleep at night. Every morning I’d wake up with debilitating thoughts and anxiety. I shared what was going on with my wife and she graciously would listen and encourage me. But I couldn’t tell her everything. It was too much. I would talk to friends. They would try encourage me but no one understood what I was going through. Then I found out about rOCD. I felt like finally something was starting to make sense of what I was experiencing. Long story short, I found NOCD with a mix of hope and skepticism. Would this actually help me? My counselor diagnosed me. That helped. We moved through the sessions and I still felt skeptical. I feared that this would be yet one other thing that I would try and not work, leaving me hopeless as I had felt for the last 9 months. Then one day it started to click. I did my first ERP session and it didn’t seem to work. My counselor encouraged me to do ERP for 15 minutes each day. I did that first session and it felt like my anxiety was stuck at a 6 and would never go down. I stayed with it. After 30 minutes, it just dropped. I asked my counselor if this was normal and he said yes. Okay, I’m getting it. From there, I approached the work with vigor. Intense sessions with my counselor and ERP every day. Resisting compulsions throughout the day. Okay, I’m getting it. My quality of life started improving. My anxiety started going down. Right now, I’m done with my 60 minute NOCD sessions and moving into 30 minute sessions. But I’ve got my hope back. I can truthfully say that I love my life. I’m so happy that I made the decision to marry my wife, despite my unknown rOCD. I love her and although our relationship is not perfect, we are happy and we love each other. I’m experiencing more joy in these days than I have in years. For years, I wanted to know that I was going to be okay. That there was light at the end of the tunnel. I don’t know what the future holds. I’m not “cured.” I still experience thoughts and anxiety. But it’s so much less. It’s manageable. It doesn’t affect my feeling of hope about my life. And that’s the most important thing. Hold onto hope. Hope is real. You will have to do the work. You will have to hold on. You will have to choose to hope. But if you stick with it, you will come to the light.

If I accidentally liked a transgender that used to be the same sex as me am I gei

Could anyone help me out? I’m feeling super discouraged right now and could use some encouraging words. My compulsions are extremely hard to resist because OCD tells me it’s 100% logical to do them and my obsessions are 100% true. I’m resisting as much as I can, but I feel horrible when I don’t do what I think is the right thing to do (I have moral OCD and obeying my parents is super important to me). From resisting these things I end up feeling horrible all day. Due to physical health issues at first and now OCD, I haven’t been able to live a normal life in 2.5 years. I don’t know for sure if I’m depressed, but due to being unable to live my amazing life for so long and watching my peers pass me by, I get really sad really easily. OCD makes me unable to enjoy anything and the mental torment and guilt and panic is SO bad! You know how it is. 😭 Due to all of this AND the discomfort of resisting compulsions, most days I end up feeling really terrible. At the end of the day I feel like crying because I could barely enjoy anything, and I dread waking up the next day. Sometimes I do see progress and I enjoy life more, but it’s not consistent, and right now I’m going through a backdoor spike. 😔 I don’t want to have a victim mentality. I WILL fight to get my life back. But it’s so hard to resist compulsions and aim to get better when my brain is screaming at me “NO! YOU HAVE TO DO THIS, IT’S THE RIGHT THING TO DO AND YOU’RE NOT *SUPPOSED* TO DO ERP FOR THIS! It’s right to be concerned about this!” I really could use some general encouragement if anybody has any! Any general encouragement on resisting compulsions? Or when it’s going to get better? I’m just so discouraged. I know I can’t get better until I do ERP, but my logic says not to do ERP, and I feel trapped!

I'm feeling a bit down when reflecting how much time I've lost to OCD. I was housebound and stuck in compulsions for 4 years (age 18-22) and I feel as though I'm grieving. I'm doing much better nowadays compared to before but I'm still so sad this has been my life. I feel like I shouldn't complain considering I am doing a lot better, but when I see all my friends having their degrees already and having lived their early 20s happily I can't help but grief what I lost. Does anyone else feel this way too?

say “i” if you almost know youre in denial😭

i need your help : im generally sensitive to loud sounds, i don't hear that well, and my dad's family side has a history of hearing issues. so today right before an online class i was listening to music on an unusually high volume, and after that while taking a test on online school i could hear a strange sound kinda like the sound a broken radio makes if that makes sense and i couldn't tell if it was coming from my left ear or from the table lamp. i couldn't concentrate on the test and started panicking trying to figure out where the sound was coming from and although i don't hear it anymore i have terribly anxiety rn and i feel the need to check whether i can still hear something. i went and checked whether the table lamp or the computer in my room were producing any weird sounds and they weren't im so concerned this means ive damaged my ears without knowing.. i don't know if this is an obsession, ive never had health-related ocd before but im really concerned and confused on what to do any advice would help

I hope this can be a bit of encouragement to anyone in a dark place right now: A couple months ago I was at the lowest point I’d ever been at, constant stomach aches and anxiety attacks, It was literally painful to be awake. I cannot tell you how many times I told myself I deserved to die or that the only way to stop thinking or stop hurting myself or others was to die, but i can really see now how much power this disorder had over me. I got on medication (if you can also, I would highly recommend it) and at first It was still a little rocky, but I finally feel like I have my life back again. One of my biggest struggles was feeling like I didn’t DESERVE to have my life back, I would constantly ask for reassurance that my memories were real or that I wasn’t evil etc, and I feel like I’m in a spot I didn’t think I deserved to be months ago. Idk if this helped lol, but if anyone is going through something similar, please know you aren’t alone! And you can and will get through this. No matter what your obsession is, doesnt matter if you think it’s the worst in the world, you will get through it. Love you all and thank you for all your help, this app also really helped me get better❤️