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Hello dear friends. I hadn't been on this app for a while, I've been getting by. Today I just need to vent and to feel validated and understood. I have OCD, I consider myself in permanent recovery. It is an everyday job. I am ina relationship with a wonderful guy. I deeply love and care about him, but he doesn't understand anything about OCD. I've explained it to him a million times. I've directed him to online resources. I've talked him through what to do to help me get out of a loop without giving me reassurance. And yet, he never knows what to say or do when an episode appears. It is tiring to pull myself out of the loop and then having yo explain to him what just happened to me, over and over again. I think, in general, he lacks empathy for other people's feelings, but, when it comes to me, I can see that he tries but achieves nothing. I think I don't have ROCD, I have diverse thoughts. But the last few weeks this thought got into my mind: what if he has met someone else and they are texting each other and flirting and he's gonna leave me? (He left his girl to start a new relationship with me). And he are apart due to the covid-19 epidemic, so we didn't see each other almost at all during last year. Of course, I had been able to keep this particular thought to myself, buy yesterday, it just came out of my mind after him not picking up the phone. He was in shock. He reacted defensively (which I completely understand), replied that he had nothing to explain to me as to why he couldn't answer the phone when I called him and that we was surprised that I asked him such a thing (if the reason why he didn't answer me was that he was talking to someone else). I knew it was just an OCD thought of mine, but I just couldn't keep it to myself any longer. Of course, I apologized to him and had to explain it had been an OCD thought. He was supporting and understanding and told me everything was ok and to forget about it. This morning I feel sad that he couldn't recognize this for what it was despite all the explaining I have done. I have dealt with my ocd on my own, despite being in a relationship. I just needed to vent and would like to read your thoughts about this whole thing. Thank you in advance for reading and replying.

SOME PERSON ON THE OCD FORUM ON REDDIT SAID OM DEALING WITH INTERNALIZED JOMOPHOBIA!!!!! I DONT WANT IT TO BE INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA I JUST WANT TO BE WITH A WOMAN.!!!! IM NOT EVEN ANXIOYS ABOUT THIS DHIT WHAT THE FUCK

To all the people who have HOCD and who knows they are straight. I am a straight woman and i have almost overcome this journey ive had. And im finally getting therapy for my ocd. The thoughts have gotten alot better now. They dont intrude me as much. Ive lost sleep, appetite, and have had many panick attacks and anxiety attacks as well as major insomnia and lost the fight for school and education. I am here to remind you to not give up. It does get better. Over time your brain will learn to just start having the thoughts and in the middle of the thought will forget about it. During towards the end of this fight like me right now you will feel a sense of loss and loss of hope. You will also feel like you have lost yourself and your personality. Thats a good thing it means ur almost done. And you get to find your way back to yourself. Those who are just beginning know that theres always hope and light at the end of each tunnel. Always pray to God and get on your knees and beg Him to help. Ive delt with this for almost a month now. And im a strong woman who has a ton of fight and i still got alot left for this. Dont give up. Ive also learned to stay off social media it will trigger your spikes.

Can someone tell me some things that could help with my ocd like for example does sleeping help you control the thoughts because I haven’t gotten a lot of sleep and these thoughts seem to be taking control of me more. Anyone have some things that could help me be more neatly healthy to help with ocd?

I don’t know if I’m ever going to get better, if I’m ever going to feel good, if I’m ever going to be able to carry on with this 10 years down the road. It’s torture with no exit, for me recently. Every time I bring up my OCD around family, they get annoyed. I can’t go to friends because it has only been of temporary relief. I am literally tearing up as I write this. I’m afraid I’m so close to convincing myself of the horrible lies my OCD has been telling me. I just can’t, I don’t know if there’s anyone or thing that can make me feel better. It’s been like lifting gigantic boulder up a steep mountain the entire day—and I could be crushed by it if not careful. If there is a god, why must he put me through this? I have already been through some many enough hard times in life, this OCD has only magnified any insecurities, anxieties, feeling of loneliness, self hate, and negative emotions.

Only girls reply please 😁 just feel better that way So basically I’m feeling quite insecure for still being a virgin at 17 and I keep telling myself to not be so upset by what society expects of me but I literally can’t help it. Apart from a dumb relationship when I was 14, and a few pecks with boys when playing spin the bottle these last few years, I’m never been intimate with a guy. And it just makes me feel really shit about myself. I KNOW it shouldn’t matter at all but I can’t shake it off. And beyond this, I’m also worried I’ll use a guy one day just to gain experience and that’s a horrible thing to do. I always sorta told myself that before university, I’d go abroad with friends and just go wild, but if it’s all because I’m insecure, then that’s not fair on any of the guys I’d be with. At all. So what am I meant to do? At this point, I just wanna lose it and move forwards, or become more confident!! Losing it would make me feel good (but guilty because I fear I’d be using the person) yet confidence is such a long journey.

I have harm ocd pretty severely. I tend to go through spells where I hide things like kitchen knives so I won't hurt someone, scissors so i don't cut my hair off, and I get anxiety driving about driving off the road. How do I explain this to my country boy boyfriend who likes his guns so much? They are the biggest trigger for me. We've been together 2 years and are expecting our 1st child (which presents its own fears for me). I figure if I cant make him understand my only option is to leave and look completely crazy.

Recently my OCD thoughts have been about someone who I work with. I identify as straight and today I was taking a sexuality quiz (which I shouldn’t have done) and one of the questions was who do you ship, then my mind thought about me and this girl. Now I’m freaking out because it felt so real.

I just want this HOCD gone from my life. If it’s even HOCD. I accidentally say homosexual stuff constantly while I’m acting and it triggers me. I can’t even get a girl to save my life. And I get all these fucking intrusive thoughts and feelings. I just want a girl man. A girl who will stay by me and love me. But I can’t even have that. Cause I’m dealing with THIS SHIT!!! I’m in a phone call with my friend and my HOCD is giving me intrusive feelings along with the thoughts of “I want to be gay or bisexual in denial.” I keep getting this rising feeling in my chest and shit. Like I’m getting feelings like I want to be gay or bisexual but I don’t. It’s horrible. I don’t want to be gay or bisexual in denial. I nearly typed “I want to be gay or bisexual but I don’t” and I have no anxiety about it. I fucking hate it. I don’t want to be gay or bisexual. For fucks sake.

Can anyone help with mental compulsions side of things, how can I stop my brain from compolsing 🤷‍♂️ this seems like an undoable equation 😫

How do you even focus when you have intrusive repetitive thoughts? It's always the same thing and there's a constant ringing in my ears. I stopped seeing a psychiatrist and medicine because I can handle myself, but sometimes you just constantly beat yourself up when you can't focus.

Someone just asked me “how can you have OCD if you’re a messy slob” can someone help me with a response to text back this really pissed me off

To my fellow female Hocd sufferers- I‘m kind of panicking again 😔 I‘m really worried right now because tmi but when I fanzines about sex I do not picture the male part with a lot of details. It‘s more about the Situation and sex in general and I‘m worried that this means I am in comphet. I have a boyfriend and felt sexually attracted him before ocd got so terrible but dealing with hocd made sex really hard. That also really triggers me and makes me feel like I‘m not genuinely attracted to him and men in general 😭

TW: brief suicide mention, could also be triggering for POCD sufferers I’m feeling horrible right now. I’ve been getting this horrible feeling that I’m starting to like my thoughts and am starting to want to fantasize sexual things with children. And I’m scared that I really just caught myself fantasizing about it and am just pretending that I don’t like it. And I don’t even know if it’s true or me just going down the rabbit hole of ruminating. I know I never felt like this before! Ever! I never wanted this before! And I’m terrified that because I’m thinking about it all the time I’m starting to become like “you know maybe it isn’t as bad as everyone says”. I hate seeing the words pedophile, pedo, MAP, because I don’t feel disgusted as I should and I get this feeling like “that’s you!” I just feel like I’m starting to discover this thing about myself and I feel horrible. I sometimes have these scenarios in my head where like I’m being interviewed with some of my favorite YouTube personalities and since this whole thing began something always wants to label me as “the first openly out pedophile” when I know I’ve never thought that before nor ever wanted that. I just don’t know anymore. Everything is so screwed up. I don’t know who I am anymore. I want to cry but it’s like I can’t. It’s like it’s saying crying is an excuse and you’re just saying you want to cry because that will be proof you don’t want this when really you do. It’s similar when I think about if I want to commit suicide. I don’t. And it’s like “yeah you don’t want to commit suicide because you’re happy with this. You know secretly this is who you are.” It just keeps going further and further downhill and no relief. Checking and ruminating hasn’t even given me any temporary relief, and I don’t think it has for quite some time. I think I’m just completely numb to any kind of reassurance now. I’m struggling with ERP because I just don’t want to do my exercises. Because I know it will make me anxious and I can’t handle being anxious. Especially when it involves POCD. How can I do these exercises when the subject is about something so horrible. It would have been easier if I was just dealing with my TOCD or SOOCD. It would still be okay even if I did turn out to be lesbian or trans. I know I’m not trans. Jury’s still out on the lesbian thing. But pedophilia is not okay. Ever. And it never should be. It just feels like I’m being condemned. Like “you’re going to be this thing and I don’t care if you don’t like it. You’re going to learn to like it cause you’re stuck with it” OCD had in a way helped me feel more for the LGBTQ+ community and sympathize more with them over the years (I grew up in a very conservative oriented surrounding). I worry that it’s trying to make me feel the same for pedos. I don’t want to understand them. I worry I’m one of those non offending pedos who don’t want to be that either but they are. I wished I had never learned about these kinds. That way I could be blissfully unaware and feel no sympathy at all. Does that sound really horrible? Yes. I know it does. I’m not proud of it. I’m sorry this is all probably nonsensical rambling but I just don’t know what to do anymore. I wish I could take these thoughts and feelings and rip them out of me and throw them away.

Had sex with my wife and keep having thoughts about sex with a dude in the middle of it... but I stayed hard cause she was kissing on me and of course I was stimulated. But it seems like I legit want it now. And it’s killing me. I barely feel anxiety anymore or uncomfortable just no I don’t want to be gay but my mind is giving me every reason why I am. Therapy’s not working for me. Cause it doesn’t seem like I’m triggered by anything anymore.

I’m getting this constant feeling and thought in the back of my mind that’s telling me I’m gay or bisexual when I don’t want to be. It’s so hard to distract myself. I honestly hope that it’s HOCD and not denial.

Spiraling. An ocd chat group im in ended up excusing and supporting people who like to see pedophilia and abuse and incest romantically in fiction. And I shared a lot about my struggles there esp with ocd and pocd and my nsfw themes and now I feel weird and uncomfortable and all the advice they gave me with my struggles knowing their viewpoints. Im now questioning and second guessing everything. Especially since I'm really passionate against that sort of thing. And I've felt gross all after noon like im the one who condones it and I've had to resist compulsively checking my messages over and over. Please help

I have HOCD and i am 19 years old always have been straight. But im battling this for 3 weeks now. Do i just have to sort of fake accept in my brain to let it go?

Please help and read through! So im in a bit of a dilemma. I feel like the answer should be obvious as this point but ive been stuck in bed feeling depressed and not eating again so maybe its not. I need to constantly watch something or do something because i get bored or i get anxious with the thoughts. Mostly i just get bored though, but for some reason i feel really off at the prospect of watching something or listening to music while going shopping. It makes me feel like anything id buy would be contaminated and so I haven’t even for school supplies. I feel like i should just do it without the music and such but its been a few days now and i cant get myself around to doing it. Idk if im being childish because i feel upset that I can’t do it in the way i wanted to or what but i really need to get over this.

Anyone able to provide with a smart trick or smth to decrease or stop rumination?