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the NOCD Community

Sigh ever feel like yup im straight and u know deep down u are but then all of a sudden you get this doubt of but what if you arent or what if. But then you remember its just thoughts but then more doubt.

success stories welcome, please i’m so hopeless about the future. i’m going to be seeing an ERP therapist soon, I have a hypnotherapist right now, and i’m starting medication today, but i’m so terrified none of it will work. i can’t keep living like this where every day is so impossibly hard. please, any encouragement or success stories very welcome

ive always wanted to become a psychologist or work in the mental health field because im passionate about learning how humans work, psychoanalysis and i have a fair share of savior complex but... ocd hit me in the face. im too weak and vulnerable to have a job of such status im literally mentally ill and hypersensitive. who would want advice and mental help from a messy bitch with mental illness. ive always enjoyed reading about mental conditions and human behaviors, but now it's just triggering because i start thinking "oh what if i develop this severe disorder" or my biggest one "im afraid im a narcissist". this was my only dream and passion i had faith in and now im losing it. im not capable of achieving my only dream because of circumstances.

Can i talk to someone who got rid of hocd or almost got rid of it?

Does anyone know if there are any ocd specialist who work with clients worldwide? I‘m from Germany and I‘ve been in therapy for about a year now. It is does help to some degree however I don’t feel like making significant progress. My therapist also doesn’t use erp and tells me „thoughts are just thoughts“ which doesn’t really help me when I‘m in a bad place. It is hard to find help for this subtype where I live and I‘m honestly sick of living like this and falling back into dark holes everytime I get triggered.

if i imagine a family member dying and feel like the pain would be unimaginable that means i really care about them right??

I must be bi or gay its like i find men more attractive than women. I just want to love women like i once did and have that desire back 😥

Does anyone think OCD makes it hard to be spiritual. I’ve slowly become a Christian over the years. And it really makes sense to me. It aligns with my personality, and beliefs I’ve had before I was even religious. The doubts I have aren’t rational doubts. They’re telling me I’m delusional, immature, and crazy. They’re thoughts targeted at me, basically that I’m being stupid. And since one of my fears is going crazy, I’m worried I’ve gone crazy and come to a spiritual conclusion because I’m insane. It’s frustrating because it makes kind me of unable to further my relationship with God. I also have existential OCD, and I’m afraid that’s why I believe in God. But my OCD makes me feel like if I don’t have all the answers that it’s not ok, but I know I can never have all the answers.

can ocd cause forgetfulness? my short-term memory is declining and i keep forgetting what i thought of a couple of minute or seconds ago

Rant I’m trying to fight my compulsions the best i can its not always pretty but hey. Instead of taking multiple showers i instead took a new like one ounce bottle of hand santizer (since it was new and I remembered seeing it and was like ok so i dont have to look around the house for this) great. I can just use it to basically combat the showering and just place it on the area thats “unclean” or feels that way. Yes i know its still a compulsion but im not washing myself im basically doing a half assesd compulsion which i feel like is better than doing the full thing and will help me come down from it. Anyways im in the middle of doing that and trying to figure out my laundry situation half dressed and then my dad is at the door so i have to throw a towel on and he comes in and takes it away (im guessing because my mom told him) how often did you use this bottle? My answer:Only once. Which i did only use it once on myself and once to clean the bottle itself. After hes like well how many paper towels have you used from this roll my answer: none. And hes like well you still cant use this and takes it away to give me a half used one. I tell him this and hes like well you can’t you that all in a week right? To which i reply thanks and close the door. Im so agitated. Like when i ask for help directly my dad barely does it or it becomes a whole battle (idk if he thinks what im asking is an compulsion or what i consider erp is weird to him) but then hes so sure what i need and what to do after my mom says something its annoying. I know they’re trying to help but I DONT WANT IT. Lot of the time it just makes it worse and prolongs it. Like I seriously am so annoyed. So annoyed. I cant even put it into words. I dont want this half assed half used bottle. I was going to go on Amazon and buy some more because i ran out and found that and was likenoh ok i can save some money but looks like im gonna have to do it anyway. Annoying.

I’m new here and was excited for my first therapist appointment Monday to begin what I’m really hoping is the recovery process from debilitating Contamination OCD that I guess I’ve dealt with for many years but in recent months has destroyed me mentally and to a certain physically since I’m afraid of eating food (how’s it safe when nearly all of it was handled by other people?) or working out since it isn’t easy to do hygienically but they cancelled on me and I’m hoping a new appointment is scheduled soon. I’m losing hope here. I’m even afraid of showing my precious dog affection since this damn virus could transmit from animals and he’s so close to the ground (which besides anything other people touch terrifies me the most) and I’m losing the fight of wanting to continue living because of how much I’m suffering from this. I’m really hoping that if the vaccine is ever distributed it’s going to decrease my symptoms since that’s what I’m most afraid of but until then every minute of every day is pure mental anguish and I don’t want to suffer anymore. A psychiatrist prescribed Effexor and while that’s helped with depression the side effects are really rough and the debilitating OCD is still there so on my next appointment Friday he’s going to probably switch me to an anti anxiety drug called buspirone and I don’t know if that’s going to help any. I need help. 😢

I am a girl and I am struggeling with sexual orientation ocd. It sounds so crazy just writing that. I have a problem with social anxiety in this too, and it plays a huge part for my ocd. I am curently spending some time with friends form Uni, But i have so much social anxiety around my girl friends all the time. I struggle with speaking in front of new and many people. When I come home from being with them, I start questioning things like; did i get nervous because I liked some of them, or one of them? Like it so painful both physcially and mentally. What should I do? I also never had a boyfriend, and I am 19 years old. I dont Get feelings so easily, and that makes my ocd Worse. Help.

any fellow law students with tips on studying distressing content? onto my second year but feeling pretty unprepared and worried

The intention of Exposure and Response Prevention therapy is NOT to get rid of the thoughts so that you can live the life you want. It is to live the life you want WITH the thoughts. I would love to hear about what you are doing to live your best life, even though your OCD thoughts are present!

💫Something positive to try help distract... What's one thing u have learnt about urself from the pandemic?... One thing OCD has taught u?... What are you looking forward to once lockdown is over?...

im beginning to doubt my own memories and fundamental things about myself :\ every time i make a claim it's like my brain gets a little foggy and i start questioning it. for example i might narrate an event, or state a fact about something or someone, and question whether that really is true or happened. and when i get that thought it's like my brain goes blank and i don't know how to get back on track. i constantly feel like a liar. i also had a phase where i excessively doubted my identity and personality. every time i expressed a strong opinion or emotion, or made a statement about who i am as a person i got an unwanted thought that said "is this really who you are" and my mind would go blank again. id also feel anxious and hopeless. i compensate for this by taking personality tests on the internet to reassure myself that im secure in my identity and have an actual personality, but it can also be triggering sometimes because when im unsure about something i start feeling like i have no identity again ;( this is stupid i know

i sometimes get this rush of feelings that i want to be gay and date women and be happy and then i panic because i don’t want to be gay and i don’t want to date women ( although it feels like i do) but at this point i feel like i’m just hanging on to my heterosexuality to stay closeted.... i don’t even know is that makes sense.... but i know my parents wouldn’t want me to be gay (hopefully that doesn’t offend anyone) and when i think about that it makes me panic because i obviously care what my parents think and then i panic even more because actual gay people worry if their parents would accept them or not but then again i don’t want to be gay but when i say “i don’t wanna be gay” i feel like i’m lying because i know being straight is “the right thing” this is all over the place i’m sorry if you don’t understand me my point is i don’t want to be gay but yet it feels like i do.

I am so frustrated. I hate OCD and the things it's telling me. Tomorrow is finally my first proper appointment with the OCD specialist. Im worried he wont be any good. I have lost too much to this disorder already. Im sick and tired of every day hearing thoughts of how everyone hates me and how Im all alone and cant open up to anyone. And the compulsions is hurting me and my close ones. Its terrible and Im so upset. I cant stop crying. It has to change. I just need some support.

Does anyone have any experience tracking rumination like Ali greymond suggests? I’m a little fuzzy on how to do it.

NSFW 18+ PLEASE DONT LOOK IF YOUR A MINOR I used to masturbate to to lesbian and Futa hentai. (Futa is basically chicks with male genitalia having sex with women) and my HOCD (if it even is HOCD considering I’ve never been diagnosed) has been targeting this now. I only want to be with women my age. I constantly gag and sometimes vomit whenever I try to do exposures of reacting to explicit gay thoughts. I don’t want to be with men and I never will. I don’t want to be gay or bisexual in denial. I have been dealing with this for 10 months. I just m/o’ed to this futa thing too. I thought it wasn’t gay because it’s a woman having sex with a woman. I honestly thought it wasn’t gay. 1. Is this gay porn or not? And 2. Is this even still HOCD anymore?