Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Hey! I would really appreciate some advice. If it seems like I am asking for reassurance, you don't have to answer but my current theme is fear of rebelling and fear of being called lame and rebelling. It all started when I couldn't stop thinking of this guy I knew in high school. I went to a small Christian school and his mom was my Bible teacher but I knew that he was having sex before marriage and it really bothered me. He seemed proud and I felt like I was being judged by him in my head all the time. Like he was making fun of me for being so innocent. This morphed into my brothers friends and others making fun of me in my head for all sorts of things, my job, my bedroom decor, my values, all sorts of things and it made me fear that I wanted to start doing all sorts of bad things to prove to them that I wasn't a goody two shoes. Ir made me feel so anxious because I just wanted to be good and not think about what anyone else was or wasn't doing. It made me distresssed and is still my theme todat. It makes me avoid things that may get me made fun of like my job (selling clothes), asking my family to play board games, anything that may seem too young, shopping with my mom etc. not bc I don't like those things but bc I am really afraid of someone who is doing things I disprove of making fun of me and me going crazy (and doung worse things that are awful and would land me jn jail) to show I am not too childish or broing or something. It's ruining my life. :( Also please don't judge my values, I am not trying to judge you if you have done any of the things I disprove of, these are just things I would really prefer not to do :/ and something that is making me anxious

I think this is my religion/existential OCD? I think I’m having an identity crisis because I feel like I know who I am. What I mean is that I place my identity in my values, and my passions. But I feel so incredibly guilty about that. Because everyone says to live through Christ. I’m having lots of doubts. Maybe I’ve made everything up. If I want to be a real Christian then I need to place my identity in only Christ, and to me I suppose that means to make religion the most important part of life. If I’m honest, I don’t think I can put God first. My passions and purpose seem to go before Him, even though I know that’s wrong. Or is it. I don’t know. I’m having an existential crisis at 17 because I’ve been through the ringer. I’m just so confused. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to put my worth in Christ. And I feel like an awful person for that.

Tw I want to kill myself but I also want to be alive so badly. I have two exams this week and one tomorrow and I haven’t even started studying and I don’t know anything. I hate it because I was irritated when my parents kept telling me to study but I can’t do anything I just want to die I don’t even think the material is that hard there’s just a lot of it and I can’t even remember the last time I was able to focus I just wish I died right now what’s the point of studying if I’ll hate myself forever lmaooooooooooooo

Lately I’ve been dealing with severe anxiety. I haven’t had a panic attack in a few days but I feel this fear every day. There’s times in the day where I convince myself I’ll be ok but then it comes back. My boyfriend tells me I keep letting it get to me because I sit there and think about it instead of trying to keep my mind off of it. I feel I have to fight with myself to leave the house. I only leave to go to work and back home or to church. I’ve also been dealing with separation anxiety from my children. I only want to be with them since I find comfort in being with them. I have intrusive thoughts on and off and I try to tell myself that they’re only thoughts since I know better than to act on them. I don’t feel bad about my life. I have a good life so I don’t quite understand why I’m feeling the way that I am? I don’t feel worthless or like I have no point because I have 4 children whom mean the entire world to me so the fear of death has been crippling me. I’m so scared to one day lose it and do something dumb. How can I overcome this? I’ve tried Zoloft and Prozac but they gave me horrible side effects of Insomnia, my pupils were huge like I was on drugs and I felt super antsy all over my body. My psychiatrist prescribed .25mg of Xanax twice a day and she also prescribed Trazadone for sleep. Can anyone please give me some advice? I feel I am causing myself such stress and want reassurance that I’m not suicidal. I’m also always googling symptoms. Just hearing that word brings such fear to me.😭

I need help with OCD when your partner did something bad and you feel you can’t get over it but you don’t want to leave. I need help. (No he didn’t cheat) I am having a mental breakdown and told Him I need some space just now but it’s been weeks since we “resolved” and it’s not a resolve bc some days I’m fine other days I keep thinking I should break up over it and it sent me into a downward spiral of ocd, making my depression worse, and I officially am having a mental breakdown right at this moment and I don’t know how to make a decision or function or decipher the difference between ocd and what I should be this upset over or not

So I took the plunge and tried shrooms. It was the lightest and happiest I’ve felt in forever. It’s been 2 days since, and I can say something happened to my brain to make my ocd anxiety die down a lot. I’m able to address my thoughts or simply ignore them rather than worry a lot. Yes I still have moments where I get extreme anxiety and I give into my compulsions. But it alleviated a lot of my symptoms. Even if it’s temporary, I have hope when it comes to medicine and shrooms being used for things like depression and OCD. I’m going to try it again soon. Give my brain a rest and see how the next few weeks go down. I have an appointment scheduled for IV ketamine. The doctor told me a lot about how people come in to treat OCD and leave feeling almost cured. Hope that’s my experience too. If anyone has any questions, I’m here.

Spiraling now please help. I went on a late bloomer thread on Reddit and people were saying how they didn’t even consider a relationship with a woman until they fell in love or realized their feelings for friends because of compulsory heterosexuality. One of them even went through intense questioning before she realized that she was gay because of internalized homophobia and could not accept the truth. Now I am like what if I just cannot accept the truth. I have really wanted to be friends with some girls and really sought out their approval and thought about them a lot. Now I am worried that I actually liked them and was just suppressing romantic/sexual feelings for them because also some of my favorite tv characters growing up were women. I also just had sex with a guy and I thought I was really into it but I wasn’t turned on. I wasn’t super boy crazy growing up either but I had a boyfriend in middle school who I thought I really liked but now I just think that is a lie and I just liked him as a friend. Some people on there were telling the person to go out and experiment, but I don’t want to be with a women but is that just me in denial. I am sorry for the long post I feel horrible and hopeless any help would be great

Does anyone else see things as "signs"? For instance if you see a box that says "Phoenix" and you happened to have a friend that lives in Phoenix and they have been on your mind lately, you think it is a sign that God wants you to be living in Phoenix?

Hi folks nine months since coming off meds cipramil for twelve years and then changing too prozac and then too quetiapine and then cipramil and quetiapine only after Prozac didn’t work for two months being on. Well a few tablet changes. I am suffering with crippling violent ocd thoughts of knives going across my wrists my organ being taken out biting my finger off my tongue you name it I have it the most gruesome thoughts and then of harm too everyone and everything going to peoples houses me doing harm. Me me me it’s all about me failing miserably. I had a trauma In my life recently where I was accused of falsifying a claim I had which was definitely not the lcase. I swear on my life on This. Since changing meds and this trauma I am basically left like this suicidal and all nothing had helped me so far. Has anyone else had the same thought or is it just me most people don’t say but I’m not afraid to say this here and now as nothing is more frightening then living inside your head everyday as when these thoughts of this gruesome nature show up nothing could have much more pain this. I know you all are going through this sort of thoughts dint be afraid to speak out as this is what people with ocd need to do let it all out. I really hope someday there is a cure for this Monster that tears every fibre Of your being down and allows you to not recognise yourself when you look in the mirror. Anybody else feel the same or have the same violent thoughts

TW!/ su/cide guys this is really urgent. my partner has been suicidal for months now. i am almost sure/positive that they have ocd. i've tried explaining to them to not compulse but i really am not good at it. can someone please, I BEG comment good articles explaining what compulsions are and how to avoid doing them? please. ill do literally anything. i can draw for you. just please help me.

I’m scared about something but then idk if this is just normal. I see everything in my life as related / connected to me. So for example, if my home town was on the news or something, I’d feel really proud. Or if someone mentions a show I know or a place I’ve been to, I feel proud and ‘connected to’ or ‘part of’ that thing. And same goes for people. Like if my friend did something awesome I’d feel proud in knowing that I’m her friend. Or if my favourite singer becomes popular, I’ll feel proud in knowing I am ‘a part’ of her. If my family members come across a certain away, I feel like it reflects onto me. Does this make any sense? I’m just scared it’s super vain and egotistical of me to extend myself to all these things when they are their own things without me. Like I’m not that special lol, and I’m scared I think I am. The worst one is when it extends to people because I worry I don’t recognise people as separate living being with thoughts and emotions beyond my needs (which is bullshit and I know that I do, it’s just hard to believe that when I worry that if others judge my friends or family, they will - by extension - judge me). I care for people and don’t want to hurt anyone. But then why do I worry that, if they are judged, then I will be judged? Narcissistic people see others simply as a supply for themselves, and they don’t care. I don’t see people as a supply, but my OCD says I do. I’m so scared of using people. But surely in every relationships, you’re seeking your needs to be met, and that’s not vain? Anyways yeah, the judgement one is definitely what trips me up the most. I know it’s not uncommon when you’re little to be scared that your peers will judge your parents, and then judge you by extension etc. But I hate that I still have this mindset at times as a late teenager. But I’d never tell anyone to change.

Is it possible to have an OCD attack without feeling something? No anxiety just thoughts

So I was just talking to the counselor that I was seeing 4 years ago when my OCD first started getting really bad. He basically told me that programs like this can help take the edge off OCD but I will most likely have these horrible intrusive thoughts for the rest of my life. He said they might get better with age but there's no guarantee. This is devastating to me because I've been struggling with this since I was 16, I'm 20 now. Does this sound true to anyone because I don't know what to do anymore?

Hi everyone my OCD is really bad right now.

Can pure OCD make you ‘adopt’ the mindset of the type of thing you fear being? Like I’ve started thinking differently and I worry I’m perceiving the world how the group of people I fear being would.

Had a few good months. Although I am still not sure whether I have real event OCD or am just a horrible person, I managed to have quite a good daily life and could even talk about marriage again with my bf, which was a hard trigger before. Yesterday, while cleaning, I accidentally read a private sheet of paper, laying on his drawer. I glanced on it and looked righ away but I read something like an affirmation for an upcoming exam. In this second I got the urge again, to confess, to tell that I invaded his privacy, which I know he doesn't like. To confess my mistake and to let him know what kind of girlfriend he has, for he has a right to know and so on. Unfortunately, I wasn't strong enough to resist this compulsion so I told him in the evening. And after that it pretty much went downhill. All those questions that I stopped answering in those months popped back up and seemed as urgent as they could, I remembered more things I may have or have done wrong and that he "has a right to know" and I am devastated. It was so hard to get to a point where I could endure this thoughts even though they felt real. I feel like I have to start all over again now. It is so hard. I am from Germany, we are in a hard lockdown, I can't see no one and there is no perspective. I have to study but I can't anymore, I studied law and I should do more but all I can manage is watch TV and play video games so I don't have to listen to my mind. I am so tired, and now I feel like I am back to zero. OCD is such a bitch, if you give in one time it snatches right onto you again. I know that only a few of you are actually going to read all this, but I feel so lonely. I really try to cope with my mental health issues, but the lockdown makes it incredibly hard to do so. I know that I just need to do the same things I did before. Small steps, acceptance & commitment, accepting uncertainty. But maybe you could leave a few kind words or just any words at all. I just want to connect to people, I feel so isolated...

why did that first intrusive thought ever have to pop in my head 💔 now I'm a shell off a person who believes I actually want to be a bad person. I feel like I must be insane.

Day 16 since I cured myself from OCD. Feeling great and happy 😊 Good night sleep and no thoughts at all. Learned in my therapy how to turn off rumination. There is almost 9 inches of snow outdide. Excited to go out after I finish my coffee and breakfast. I wish everyone speedy recovery ⛷

Yeah I think I’m done. I’m just not going to try anymore. At least I got one good workout in before I finally give up. Even when my mind wants to get back up I’m just going to ignore it and stay miserable. It’s like I’m missing out on nothing or no one. It’s time for me to give up. I’m seriously for now on just going to stay in my room until I decide to finally die it’s pointless trying to fight people making me miserable and just be miserable. I’m done getting frustrated. If being miserable and killing myself is what will come of my life than so be it. I don’t care anymore.

Man I can’t go back to sleep smfh. I hate when this happens. I hate how sensitive my body is when someone looks at me. I can just feel a warm sensation on my back as if someone is staring at me smfh. Even took an antipsychotic but oh well. I guess I’ll stay up till I can’t anymore. Pretty much the only thing I can do.