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I feel so terrible. My ROCD striked when I was the happiest person. When my partner told me he loved me. When we were awaiting the New Year. I was to happy and then at one moment I had an innocent thought 'Why did I just spend a couple of hours doing my thing and didn't think about him?' I felt really bad, got so scared I felt my body numbing out. It got worse over time. At first, I was panicking as hell. Cried my eyes out, because I didn't know about ROCD. Then, I got depressed as hell. I lied in my bed for a couple of weeks, feeling almost dead from the stress. Then it got a bit better. I felt a lotnof anxiety, but the thoughts didn't attack me as much. I tried to live my life Now it's worse again. I want to cry all the time. I cannot study. I cannot do anything. Thoughts change rapidly. I feel a lot of guilt and I am very scared. Sometimes I say I want to die. Because I don't feel like myself anymore. I don't know who I am. I just want to be happy again with him. He's the best person I've ever met. God, please, I want this to be gone. I want this to go. I feel so terrible. I beg you please. I don't want to lose the person I loved the most. Everything beautiful has just begun then. I wake up with a feeling that I don't know where I am and who I am. Why does my bf has to love me if I'm like that? I hate myself.

So now I have another thing that's just confusing me. So I met this one girl back in 9th grade and we were together for a bit then split and became friends. Recently we've been talking alot more and I've actually started to grow some feeling and attraction towards her. She's really beautiful and awesome to get around but my thoughts are making me feel weird. It's like I want a relationship but its like I feel so isolated and alone and it feels like my feelings aren't vailed enough to be in a relationship. I still am dealing with hocd and ocd but it's like I'm just trying to be happy with someone. My thoughts just keep hurting me it's like "What if your in denial or what if you end up hurting yourself and her and what if your just getting with her to hind something about yourself". In trying so hard to not engage but I just feel so empty and sad and it's like weird man. I don't really know what's going on but there's like those void that makes me feels weird and isolated and it's like what if that void is the latent homosexuality coming out and it just feels like this is never going to end because I'm scared of the results and in afraid of doing something in the future that's not me

TMI 18+ I’m more aroused by erotic images of women in porn than men. I’m turned on by doing things with men but I’m afraid this is proof. I know women are soo sexualized and I have always wanted to be that sexy women to men. But not being turned on by naked men alone vs women in porn makes me so sad and anxious. God every day it’s something new

does anyone else feel like they invalidate their feelings and trauma? i’m currently 21 and i’ve had some very hard years since the age of 16 which have been a huge contribution to my excessive anxiety levels. the ages 16/17 i went through some really bad bullying (by people i considered to be best friends) which caused a lot of stress and anxiety. they picked on my looks and body. this is when my ocd first hit so i was feeling very alone and having people make fun of me for my mental health etc made it that much worse. i was also in a relationship at this point and it was starting to get toxic. this is the time i started to develop an eating disorder. i lost so much weight. my parents didn’t understand my anxiety at the slightest. then school was a big pressure for me and i had certain sets of teachers that used to be very nasty and belittling. in 2017, i was 18, my uncle passed away due to drug abuse. my anxiety and everything was high so i didn’t do as well on my a level exams as i thought so i didn’t get into the uni i wanted which caused a lot of stress. in early 2018 my granddad suffered a heart attack and was hospital bound for a week which made me feel very stressed and sad. but again, i invalidated my feelings and pushed them down bc my mind made me feel like i shouldn’t be upset. in the summer of 2018 my uncle took his own life which was a VERY horrible period for me and my family. it was my first funeral and i’ll never forget it. on top of this my relationship with my boyfriend was extremely toxic. in the summer of 2019 my grandma collapsed and was taken into hospital where they found a brain tumour. so the whole of summer was spent in hospital before and after her surgery. again, my relationship was very toxic. then when 2020 came along, the first week my intrusive thoughts were so bad and it was the first time i ever experienced false memory ocd and it was so so scary. this continued for so long and 2020 as a whole was so so difficult. with the pandemic and my relationship too. i was constantly called names, belittled, crying. i even self harmed for the first time because i felt so alone and upset and i didn’t know what to do. i don’t feel like i had the time to ever sit down and grieve everything that happened. even now i find myself invalidating my feelings and trauma. i always expect myself to be strong and perfect. i’ve had times during these years where i have acted out and not been myself which then adds onto the real event ocd. i’m now going to be 22 and i’m not in uni anymore bc my ocd was so bad i had to drop out, i’m extremely underweight and i just feel so sad and guilty all the time. i’m not writing this for any sympathy but i just wanted to see if anyone else feels like they invalidate their own trauma and not think it’s a big deal? i know this is a very long post so i appreciate anyone that has taken the time out to read it. ❤️

To my fellow female SOOCD sufferers: I had some really good two weeks with some moments of clarity where I could see through all the bullsh*t my brain is producing. However I got pulled back in the cycle and here we go again 🙄 Atm I‘m not even that panicked about liking girls it is more about my attraction to men that I‘m obsessing about. I don‘t get aroused by just seeing a hot naked guy. I do fantasize more about being touched and everything by a guy and being wanted by him. Sorry if this is tmi but I‘m stressed that this means I don‘t like men enough and that Leads back to my fear of being in denial about being a lesbian. Because then I worry that I could be aroused just by the picture of a woman even if that has never happened before. And also men can get of just by lookin at pictures of hot woman, does that mean that if I am a straight girl I should be able to get turned on by just looking at good looking guys? This has been confusing the hell out of me and the whole concept of comphet hasn’t helped as well. Anyone who can relate?

I fucking hate having ROCD. Once minute I love him to death and the next I’m not feelin it. I know I generally love him, and I know that I’m in love with him (OCD makes me doubt if I am or not all the time) but sometimes my head feels so empty when I’m with him. Whenever we get intimate it’s amazing. I always get flashbacks, and I miss his kisses, the way he knows my body so well. But when I’m physically with him something inside me doesn’t enjoy the moment and worries about the future. Because when I’m alone all I want to do is be with him, kiss him all over, lay on him, but when I’m with him, sometimes all I worry about is the future, whether it be about us, or the world. I’m not sure how to get out of it.

I feel like I can't think about anything or watch or read anything without my thoughts coming into my head. Even if I push them away or let them pass they keep coming back. It's worse when I see children in things cause I can make a comment or do nothing at all and then the thoughts start. I hate this so much and I need it to end. I'm also scared that I'll never stop thinking this and I'll never be able to live normally again without these things popping into my mind. I hate if here so much. I'm not diagnosed with anything.

Does anybody have trouble telling the different between children and adults in your imagination or sometimes through perception? Where like you try to imagine an adult that you are sexually attracted to and then your brain turns that adult into a child or makes you think that is child? Or like, your watching a video and for a quick second it makes the adult look like a child? Or it tells you its a child but its clearly not? Why is it doing that?

I send intrusive thoughts in emails to caregivers they get alarmed and think I act on it I don't does anyone express thoughts in email messenger and whatsapp

Dealing with a lot of feelings of guilt about how my OCD affects my boyfriend’s life. I’m constantly seeking reassurance from him (ROCD, health OCD, etc) and the worse I start to feel about it the more reassurance I feel like I need from him and it turns into a vicious cycle. I’m starting treatment next week but was wondering if anyone knew of any resources or support communities for partners/loved ones of those with OCD

quora is actually the worst site ever

Yeah man. Living life or not living is the same for me either way nothing changes nothing gets me out of my head completely. nothing makes me want to get up and do anything everything just sucks. I’m a just lay in my bed eat when I’m hungry and workout when I’m bored of that cuz doing any sort of exposure or any reassuring doesn’t do anything for me. I rather just avoid people all together now.

i feel like i HAVE to react to my thoughts in order to feel okay and secure, and by reacting i don't necessarily mean doing time-consuming compulsions etc but even making a disgusted face or shaking my head is enough. it kind of reassures me that i don't agree with my thoughts and that I'm a good person. i was wondering if anyone else's had this.

Tw: bestiality, false memories Sorry for bothering you... But I have a new false memory and it's really gross and idk what to do. I hope you don't hate me but I needed to confess to someone. I burst into tears last night and I feel trapped... In the past, I've had a false memory with my dog (that I had s-x with her) the other day I saw something that triggered me and I began feeling shitty again. Yesterday something popped up in my mind that was really scary and I somehow believe it. TW for grossness but I have the brilliant and disgusting false memory that I "m" ( stimulating my cl-t by rubbing it against her vag-na). I honestly want to throw up... And the shitty part is that I'm not sure.... You know that feeling leaving the house and thinking you forgot something? It's like that.... Ofc, it doesn't mean you left the oven on but you aren't sure until you check. And I can't check if I did it or not! I'm 90 percent sure I didn't do anything... The closest thing I remember was to "m" next to my dog. I was in my bed and she was in hers. That's it.

So scheduled my first therapy call with nocd. My brain is telling me i picked the specialist for the wrong reason and to change it or else my deepest fears will come true. (Side note the lady on the phone was super sweet)

Great I am super triggered bc I told my friend I was feeling suicidal and she told me ocd people don’t feel suicidal

How do you stop intrusive thoughts from occurring when you are suffering from real-event ocd? My ocd would like to jump to the worst thing imaginable, but at the time, I didn't know any better.😔

Okay, I think a lot of you need to hear this. It isn’t gonna help you, but it will hopefully be a piece of motivation to encourage you into ERP if you’re not there already. I had health OCD, I was debilitated with it, entirely convinced that there was something seriously wrong with me and I was just unaware. I went through ERP for that, and realised how absurd it was. I have a completely different reaction to anything health related now, it practically reprogrammed my brain and I’m more than glad that I took the jump to do ERP. I had HOCD, that also debilitated me and made me feel like my world was collapsing in on itself and I was convinced without a shadow of a doubt that it was real and that my brain wasn’t lying to me. I went through ERP and again, I realised how absurd it all was. I realised that the whole time I was straight, and that the fear was manifesting itself as an OCD ‘test’ ERP works. it’s scary, and feels worse before better, but ultimately, it will change your life. Sending you all my best wishes!!

Is anyone else here extremely scared of someone/people filing a lawsuit or litigation against them? I’ve had a traumatic experience in court, which I won thankfully and everything is completely clean, but I’m so afraid it’s going to come back and this sadistic person will haunt me again. This makes me so scared and has haunted me for the past 2 years to the point I feel like throwing up every day. It’s so painful being scared of everything and everyone, and has led me to be so cut off and detached from people. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Can you guys help me not ask for reassurance on this? Writing it out here usually helps me get the anxieties out without turning to my partner but I’m struggling with this one... Last night, me and my partner were hanging out and having a nice time. To be honest, we were both a bit under the influence ;) but anyway, he started massaging my arms and just dug in way too deep. It really hurt so I pulled away and said “ow, not so hard”. Then he did it again. I pulled away a second time and told him how much it hurt. He apologized and said he didn’t know why he pressed so hard and that he was sorry. It made me really anxious and I got scared that he was trying to physically hurt me. It was all I could think about for the rest of the night (but to be fair, weed does make me extremely anxious). Anyway, I brought it up again last night and this morning. He apologized both times and rubbed my arms nicely instead. However, I’m still thinking about it. Now I’m trying to replay the whole scenario in great detail to figure out if it was malicious. But of course, everything is super fuzzy so I can’t remember clearly. I’m trying not to bring it up a fourth time but am still struggling with it. Thanks everyone