Welcome to
the NOCD Community

What is something you wish more people would understand about what OCD is like for you?

really struggling here. i actually accepted the uncertainty for once about experimenting and now that doesn’t even bother me anymore i’m just letting myself be open to whatever 🤷🏻‍♀️ i was also trying to be so perfect with my sexuality and stuff and it really took a toll on me and i kind of let myself go and just said hey i’m not 100% straight but i would like to identify that way and i was fine!!!! but the main things i’m struggling with right now are: 1. because i accepted myself as 100% not straight i feel like i need to label myself as bi 2. i’m struggling with a false attraction 3. i think i’m in denial i feel like a lot of people are going to come at me and say i’m bi because i’m more open and not so “OCD” about being 100% straight anymore and that im open to the idea of experimenting even though i have no idea if i would even like that because i genuinely don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️

What are ocd moments you had as a kid?

how do i convey my ocd thoughts to my partner without scaring them off? my obsessions are about how i feel scared that “what if i don’t love her”. what do i do?

Does OCD cause loss of focus and loss of memory of any kind? I'm having trouble concentrating. My mind if not only filled with intrusive thoughts but also many other thoughts, and I don't know how to 'empty your mind and let your thoughts pass' I also feel like I'm frequently losing my memory and have trouble memorising things and/or concentrating This is highly affecting my studies and academic score

Does anyone have advice about dating with OCD?

I finally had sex with my partner. It was amazing but now I am having a panic attack! Maybe I really do wanna break up! Why would I cry about not wanting to break up with him.... I don’t wanna end my relationship! 😢 I wanna love him. There’s nothing wrong with my relationship why is this happening to me!! My ROCD calmed down and I still feel this way... 😞 is my 10 1/2 year relationship gonna end... 😢 I cried in the shower thinking I don’t want him to love someone else but then it feels like I don’t care... 😢 please... did someone go through this and still saved their relationship!!? Please I am so desperate...

please don’t judge about this. i know drugs aren’t great but i’ve taken them and it’s causing me a lot of uncertainties. so if anyone has insight into drugs, without judgement, please answer! mdma doesn’t hit me and i’ve taken it twice. i’m not on anti-depressants and the pills were 100% real because everyone i was with could feel it. i was the only one who couldn’t. i feel the effects of alcohol and i used to with nicotine too (though not so much anymore). but i’ve never felt ketamine really. and i don’t feel very high on weed these days either. with mdma, the second time i took it i was shivering a lot and had a clenched jaw. i felt ill aswell. i had all the physical effects but not the mental ones. essentially i’m just scared i’m like mentally different or lack the right ‘brain chemisty’. loads of my ocd themes circulate around psychopaths and narcissists and empathy and stuff so the fact i can’t feel mdma (an empathetic drug) really distresses me. but i hope there’s just a logical explanation, like i lack the serotonin in the first place or something. or my anxiety stops it. i really hope i’m not doomed! i mean i know i have empathy but what if i’ve been wrong all this time and i don’t? really scared about all this :(

Is this sexual abuse ? I was on YouTube and I saw a 14 year old on the thumbnail of the video . I was like “oh he’s cute “ . I had watched the video before and they said he’s 14 and I had a thought , “wait isn’t he 14 “ while also just looking at him and finding him cute. Then after that I was like wait is he actually 14, watched the video and it turns out he actually was . So then I closed it and panicked. So now I feel like a gross pedo sexual abuser even if I didn’t find him cute after looking at him properly . I’m 17 idk if it’s relevant . I went on stopitnow.org and they said it’s sexual abuse to find someone 3 years younger attractive ? Can someone please help I’m freaking the fuck out .

I relapsed hard as hell today. Been on this app and ocd reddit as well as schizophrenic reddit asking for reassurance all day. I went like 21 days without these compulsions even though I was still mentally reassuring. It feels so real guys. What the hell is wrong with me.

Maybe a TW! Somethings seriously wrong with me!!...I think this is worse than POCD and Pure-O!!.....I just wanna die!! God you didn't protect me!!...I wanna die!!....I can't believe something that happened with my cat!....I just wanna die!!

Does anybody else have the theme of constantly having to prove that you’re ‘normal’? For me, that’s constantly searching up what certain things I do mean, and why they’re relevant. Constantly trying to find reassurance online that I’m just like everybody else. The idea that I could be different in anyway is DAUNTING. When it’s bad, it takes up my days and it’s practically all I can think about, and it’s starting to impede on my social interactions as I’m constantly monitoring whether what I said was normal, etc etc.

This is a long one,but I need help. (Nsfw mention,triggers for pocd) I keep thinking about how I spiraled in a ocd server,mostly over obscene offensive jokes I used to make when I was 13-15 maybe 16-17 in some occasions. It started when I'd found a group chat gathering dust from 2017, and it was full of shock value images and people throwing hard rs and other slurs. I never said anything in the gc,and scrolled up all the way,but it triggered me to constantly think about it nonstop,and later on,to keep digging in my old social media. I spent the whole month of August digging through my old notifications,finding every obscene thing I could,and then spiraling about them and going to that server for reassurance. It did not help I couldn't see my replies but I could see others,so I lived in uncertainty of exactly what I said. I was at the point where I didn't think I deserved a good friends or life,and I told them I'd felt this way. I vented there constantly, and the thing I worry about in all this is how guilt trippy I came across whilst doing this. The reason I ruminate about this in particular, is because an old ex friend of mine had a habit of being guilt trippy in the way he constantly went "why do you guys care about me/I'm a bad person and the things I make suck/ etc. " I can't summarize it all too well,but I do remember how it felt at the time, and that me and my friends had to spend hours helping him,and that we lived in fear he would do something like hurting himself,because he would sometimes make statements that alluded to it. "I dont know where I'll be after tonight, etc." Theres a lot of terrible,terrible things he did that would take too long to go in depth on,but in summary it turned out he was a serial abuser and had several nsfw interactions with minors in their early teens.( We have tried to dig up sources to deal with that,btw, but we are still trying to figure out how because he's been trying to clean his tracks. My friend is dialing a few helplines they found that covers these things, so that helps.) I talked to another group of friends about him,and they said the worst type of manipulators were the self loathing ones,because just like he did they could use it as a shield for you not to say anything when they do a bad thing. This,obviously triggered something in me,as real event ocd made me feel that way,and that maybe I'd been doing the same thing. I spent this morning and last night scrolling through my messages in that server, and I'm resisting looking him up so I can compare our spirals,side to side,to see how similar I am to him. I'm also admittedly paranoid right back at the spot I started in,about the social media messages,because I found an account he was using and me and my friends decided to pose as someone just stumbling across his writing,I changed my name from the one I'd used ever since I was 13-15, and messaged him. He eventually gave a "I Know :) " message to me. This, of course,made me spiral that he knew it was me. And because it was for a minute my old user name, I ruminated that he would dig up something from my old social media to see if I posted something offensive and use it against me. He has seemed to stalk my social media before,and also has gotten a few friends to do it for him too. It made me angry to ruminate,because this dude wants me to be paranoid and to suffer, but I am. Ocd can't stop going "what if" with this fucking dude. I've always gone "what if I'm as bad as him because A b and c?" And this is just gasoline to that fire.

I am a student and this OCD is affecting my studies to a greater extent ☹️

this is non OCD related . my mom does not like my boyfriend . bc we dated in the past and it didn’t end well he didn’t cheat but he did have some unresolved issues and it was put onto me so we broke up and recently we got back together and she’s very upset about it and i’m 17 so she was saying how i have to pay my car bills and stuff now if i want to do whatever i want and i get it . but i just want things to be okay . i feel like i’m in the wrong and i tell her it’s not her place to make the decision for me and all this but she says that she hates him and i’m stressed out

I’m scared of the exposures I’m going to be asked to do with NOCD therapy.

NSFW Been dealing with stuff again. Unfortunately, I feel into compulsions. I have a memory of watching a video on pornhub of an 18+ year old who looked youngish. I am not exactly sure on the details, but it seems either I assumed he was his age, or I was unsure but watched it anyway (not into guys btw so it wouldn’t be attraction to him) if I was unsure of his age I probably would have been a minor myself but idk how young I could have thought he was.

Does anyone have experience micro dosing mushrooms to decrease intrusive thoughts ?

Hi everyone. Idk if this makes sense but I was driving the other day & I saw a man on the sidewalk & thought, "Oh, better not hit him. Or "what if I hit him? Or "I could hit him." Idk my thoughts were moving so fast. & I turned left whixh was away from him (plus I'm in the road anyways obviously not on a sidewalk) & then felt a bump & I know it wasn't a person but I just got so worried. & when I drove a bit further & looked in my rearview mirror I didn't see him or anything. I REALLY wanted to drive all the way back down the road to double check but resisted & kept driving cuz I knew it was more of a compulsion & I had a work meeting. But I felt so anxious at work. So an hour later I drove back anyways (I telework & had to use my parents' cable at their house since I have no WIFI). & I went back & didn't see anything that looked like an accident had happened or police or anything. But weirdly I didn't feel like I felt the same bump in the road though so that made me nervous??? Like, I feel like I'm remembering it right but maybe I'm not? & I know I didn't hit anyone but I keep obsessing that what if I did? If it was a normal bump in the road why didn't I feel it again when I went back?? I keep trying to recreate the exact memory but can't. Like to the point that it's throwing me off. When it happened 2 days ago, I just cried I felt so upset. My OCD seems like it's returning with driving anxiety. & I keep wanting to see that man again to make myself feel better so I know he's OK but obviously I'm in my neighborhood & have no clue who that was so idk how in my head I hurt him even though he was on the sidewalk & I was on the road. So it makes me think I don't deserve good things or happiness because I hurt someone. Even though there's no real evidence that that happened. Does this make sense for anyone? I know it sounds reassurance seeking/probably is but I'm just frustrated. You don't have to respond if you don't want to, you can just like it if you understand. I just wanted to explain myself.

I just want live normal life as other teens. I am really so exhausted. Sorry for this, but i dunno what to do at this point anymore. I dont know how to bare