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Any tips on how to focus on studying while having a million thought?

Is this normal? I deal with violent intrusive thoughts and lately I’ve been trying to sit with uncertainty. But uncertainty came with a feeling of not knowing what kind of person I was, and it was desperate. I was afraid to be a bad person and a psycho, but I fear there is no way back to my normal self and I already turned into a bad person. How do I make sure I’m not a monster, I’m not a psycho? I hate not to be sure with myself, it’s distressing.

I'm gonna puke. Please help....

Accepting uncertainty isn’t accepting the thoughts as true. It’s accepting their presence without giving them meaning.

TRIGGER WARNING: COMPULSIONS, FAMILY ISSUES, DEATH (DEATH OF DOG AND FAMILY), FLASHBACKS, ETC. hi friends. i’ve been having a very rough time recently went i need to rant to someone other than my tik tok account lol. i struggle with severe older brother issues. my brother died when i was 2 in a car crash, so i never really had a brother. i had a cousin who was a brother figure, but he’s not around anyone kn the family anymore. i had a dog who was like my brother for nine years as mine wasn’t there, and he died, too. it was christmas night and he was having seizures. he couldn’t breathe. then i had a guy friend who was like an older brother, who left and stopped talking to me. this has formed severe older brother issues for me. i become attached to any man older than me, and start seeing them as my older brother. because of what has happened in the past, i cling on and become protective of them, knowing they are gonna leave eventually, which ultimately scares them away as i over share. this has happened too many times. and last night i was having a really hard time. i was missing my real brother, which led to me thinking about my dog and other people. i was really not okay last night. this triggered so many compulsions in me and it was so uncomfortable. it was probably almost the worst it had ever been. just thinking about it wants to trigger me. i hated it. i felt so weak. i tried to write a letter to my future self to help, but it didn’t really do much. only made me worry about my future. i finally went to bed around 5:45 am. this morning, around 9:30ish, i heard someone screaming. i thought it was just my dream, or a compulsion in my mind saying “go check on something” so i tried to block it out. suddenly the thought of it being a compulsion turned into a serious compulsion/thought, a deeper one that i’ve never had. so i got up, got my phone, and ran to the backyard to see. there, my mom layed on the ground with my dog, hysterical. my dog got a ball stuck in his throat. he couldn’t breathe. he almost died. my mom had just saved his life. when i got out there he was still traumatized, and the look on his face looked like the look on my dogs face when he died. this triggered too many compulsions and flashbacks and now i just feel numb. it was so scary. it is too ironic that last night i was so hurt because brother figures keep leaving me and i almost lost one of my brother figures today. i don’t know if that feeling was a compulsion, or a gut feeling, as they all feel the same. it’s been a really strange past 12 hours. thank you for letting me rant.

How do you sit with harm ocd thoughts? How do you accept that thoughts are just thoughts? Example: if I have a thought that You could kill someone or something what do you do ? Do you engage with the thought and run through what killing something would look like ?

question ; can ocd go away on its own (like without therapy)? i'm aware it's considered to be a chronic disorder, but what i mean is, is it possible that it can go away for a year or so and then come back at certain times (ex; when you're stressed). also just wanted to say, i've never been diagnosed! i know it's best to see a professional but i haven't been able to yet:) i've had anxiety my whole life so it could just be that i had bad intrusive thoughts with my anxiety (which is a bit different than ocd). thank u!

I am going to do a chemical castration. So I am 18 year old male and I am suffering from pocd for last two months. I am not really rich enough to afford a therapist. So I am going to see for another 3 months if I still not able to get rid of this I would probably do a chemical castration. I am no longer sure if I am a phedophile or pocd but if I done chemical castration I no longer need to worry about it. If Chemical castration allow me to have a normal life I am more than happy to do it. My only problem is I am a catholic and I want to it is not a sin. Personally I think it Is not a sin because even the Bible says if your hands led you to sin cut it off. Instead of burning in hell with two hands you would be on heaven without your hand. I would love if you have any further advice on thanks 😊

I honestly hate my life. No cap, no nothing. I currently have a bunch of themes and I can’t have one day without constantly being scared of everything. My hardest them is pocd, it’s a very dark theme, and I hate it. I get triggers from all of my themes daily and I can’t relax. I’ve been hating myself a lot because I get messed up thoughts that no good person would ever get. I hate it. I’m scared that I may be some monster, and I feel as though I don’t deserve to live a life. I feel like a wasted life. I’ve had big goals in my life and I plan to get to where I want to be, but I can’t. I can’t because I feel like a monster. Also just writing how I am depressed and want to end it all, feels like I am one of those manipulative people who say they are suicidal to get their victims to feel sorry for them. It’s all messed up. I don’t even know if I am a good person or just a monster. I have a therapist who is good, but I’m not getting better. I’ve been trying to practice talking to myself and relaxing. It works, but it’s not the cure. She told me on time that she would get me into a group of people who also go through the same thing, but that never happened. Sometimes I feel like the appointments are inconsistent. One day she tells me we will be doing 2 appointments per week, that turned into 1 per week, to 1 per two week, and it goes in a cycle. I’d prefer if I had a consistent appointment like 1 every 2 weeks. So that I’m not always guessing what’s next and that my therapist can be reliable. I know this sounds like me talking shit, but I just had to put this in. Funny kind of, but eh. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad I have a therapist. It’s just that I want to find a more reliable therapist who doesn’t have a whole bunch of other people to work with and forget about what I need to be better. Jesus Christ, I’ve been writing more about my therapist than my ocd. This should’ve be a complaint post about my therapist rather than a post of how depressed I am. But anyways, the short story is that I honestly hate my life. I don’t feel like I should be happy, and I feel like a monster. Plus I don’t like how my therapist is working with me. I am not getting any better. I really don’t like how my therapist is such a pain in the- ok that’s it. I’m sorry for any therapists out there. It’s just that’s she’s such a- alright too far. I gotta be nice. She’s a very good person. Very lovely therapist. 10/10. I need a new therapist. Ok that’s it. (It’s a joke, I like my therapist tbh. Or do I?) (Naw. She’s a really good person honestly. She helps a lot. I just wished she was more reliable with what she promises)

Honestly it seems so much easier to just die then deal with childhood mistakes and now the OCD that is attached to it. I don’t deserve to live

I had a really bad thought and kind of ignored it because i knew checking would only make it worse but it felt real and I had a thought of "thats what you want" and I am really afraid now. What should I do?

Sometimes I would want to give up and say that "Yeah I'm bi", but the thing is I don't even know if I'm genuinely attracted to girls. Beyond the physical level (like appearance and such), I find it weird if I do engage with them in a romantic or sexual way.. but even if I do say that I'm not interested in them in that kind of way, it feels like I'm just lying to myself 😣

Anyone struggle with real event ocd? I can’t stop thinking about things that have happened in the past and it is ruining my life

all i think all fucking day is how i’m bisexual in denial but would someone in denial really even ruminate 24/7 about BEING IN DENIAL like i don’t know i don’t think so. that’s the only thing i can think that calms me down a bit. the anxiety gets so bad off and on to where i’m trying to come out to my boyfriend in tears but it doesn’t make me happy. like what the fuck someone with hocd doesn’t do this.

So I have a crush on this girl (idk if I do or not ) but then I looked at her profile Pic where she was wearing shorts and I just looked at her leg , I’m not sure if I was attracted to her profile picture or not , and then realized that she hadn’t changed her profile pic from grade 9 and we are in grade 11 now . When I realized I stopped looking at her profile picture . She’s 14 in that and I’m 17, and she’s on my class so I’m freaking out . I mean she’s facing back in that photo , And when I looked again knowing her age I felt nothing . I feel like this means I’m a pedophile . Idk if I was looking at the profile picture with sexual intentions or not . Ugh

can i ask someone for advice i’m really scared

Here's another question. I absolutely hate taking ocd meds. I hate the idea of something to depend on. Like, I abhore it. I hate being unable to fight things on my own, the whole dependency on big pharma is a trigger. I don't trust it. Maybe it's another theme. Who knows? Moreover, I'm very sensitive to meds, so the dose I can tolerate gives just a bit of relief if any, and the dose that might provide more relief gives me anxiety. but it takes SO MUCH mental energy and effort to deal with it on my own. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted ALL THE TIME. I don't know what to do. On the one hand I might actually really need it because I'm suffering, on the other hand, the thoughts of being chemically dependent on something is so damn scary.

Anyone here ever beat real event ocd?

my infuriated thoughts are getting much intenser. my therapist told me not to reassurance but i can’t help this. i want to believe these are not my actual thoughts and i still have myself, but i don’t know anymore. i’m getting too used to have these thoughts and i’m scared. am i really like this? is this ocd? i wish i could just reset all the memories that i have and restart everything.

I need to vent. Like I’m so fucking tired of bullshit. So trigger warning: mentions of panic attacks and so on if that triggers you I’m 24 (F). I have OCD. I’ve had almost every subtype ever. I’ve had depression and I was on Prozac in 2018. I came off of it. Compared to how I feel recently I would rather face the worst of my OCD and depression. I fucking hate this. Background on me, I took bupropion for about 8 months. I started it last year because celexa made me gain weight and it killed my sex drive. I was having a bad ocd flare up so I took bupropion. It worked well. I had no complaints. Until I got lazy at taking it. I was on 150 mg XL. I got covid for Christmas. I thought I was recovering and everything was fine. But due to my own ineffectiveness at taking the meds and I guess not recovered all the way from covid, I had a giant panic attack at work at the beginning of February and I’ve known no peace since. I became agoraphobic out of nowhere. I’ve had anxiety all my life but NOTHING like this. I came off the bupropion because we thought it was withdrawals. Took Effexor and I had a horrible reaction. My doctor wanted to treat the anxiety and it just kept getting worse. I had a few panic attacks and then they let up, until this week. I’ve had three panic attacks in the last three days. I feel like I’m in a constant fight or flight all the time. I’m constantly anxious. I’m exhausted all the time. I have brain fog. My head feels like it’s buzzing. My circulation is poor now. My hands and feet are always cold. My BP is super low now since having covid. But my hr can shoot up to high 90s just from sitting! I feel like I can’t breathe. My ears feel stuffed. Dry mouth/I feel like I can’t drink enough water to save my life. Light headed. Highly sensitive to light and sound during panic and after. The depersonalization/dissociation is the worst I’ve EVER had. I feel like I’m going crazy. Am I going to go into psychosis? Of course being in a constant state of anxiety makes my ocd act up so it just convinces me I’m dying or worse. That I’m never going to get better. My ocd wants to act like Sherlock Holmes but it overreacts. It’s not going to solve it. It’s convinced me I’m dying or I’m going to have a seizure or a stroke because it’s not used to this. I don’t know what’s left over from covid or what it is but this is not normal for me. I’ve had panic attacks but never like this. I go to a cardiologist in a week and a half. I am in CBT. I’ve got 10 mg of hydroxyzine and 0.25 mg of klonopin in my cabinet. My psychiatrist wants me to start Zoloft but I’m so scared to take it because of my bad reactions to bupropion and Effexor. I’m so sick of SSRIs. When I was on Prozac and celexa it got me over the hump of depression but it took away so much more. Still anxiety and depression was manageable. This sucks. I cry every day because I’m scared of it and I want my old life back. Everyone wants to throw pills at it and I feel so sick. My dad wants me to just take the klonopin to see what happens but I’ve seen him grow dependent on muscle relaxers for years. I’m so apprehensive to benzos because of family history and now my intolerance to SSRI/SNRIs. I’m thinking about asking for buspar... I don’t know. End of my venting. I’m just sad and I don’t feel like myself. This is the worst part about having ocd with other problems. It tried to be a sleuth but it’s not a very good detective. It just ends up making me feel like shit