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the NOCD Community

Anyone out there have ocd where everything you do throughout the day involves a ritual? I have a ritual for laying in my bed, if I touch the covers a certain way I have to continuously touch them with my left and then my right arm and then touch them to each part of my clothing. I have a ritual for getting out of bed, washing my face, getting dressed, going to the bathroom, showering, you name it. Lately I began liking a boy and the uncertainty and anxiety I feel about it has me spazzing out with excess ritualistic behavior. The type of compulsions I have are things such as - touching the cabinet 7 times or doing everything with my right ring finger touching the object ( such as putting the keys in the door, applying makeup, anything has to be with my right hand with my ring finger touching) this has been going on since I was 8 and I’ve gone to countless therapists and am currently on Prozac which has helped to an extent, but I’d like to see if there’s anyone out there with similar rituals or any advice? Also, every time I try to stop my rituals and like quit my ocd cold turkey SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS and just further perpetuates my fear and makes the OCD stronger ;(

What is your OCD story? I’m curious to hear about what other people’s journeys with OCD have been like. When you were diagnosed/what kind of treatment you have tried/what kind of OCD or symptoms do you have/what has helped you most? For me personally I don’t have a lot of people that I feel comfortable sharing my journey with in real life so I like having the chance to let it out on another platform. I’d love to hear whatever you are willing to share. I’ll start by sharing my journey. I was first diagnosed with and treated for OCD when I was seven (12 years ago). It started when my parents noticing that I was constantly smelling and washing my hands. I also worried a lot about my family’s safety and had a lot of magical thinking: I couldn’t throw anything away, had special walking rituals, had to touch things certain ways, etc. When I got to high school my symptoms got worse. I was re-diagnosed with OCD, dermatillomania, social anxiety, generalized anxiety, panic disorder, and depression. My OCD had morphed into just right/perfection obsessions (took me hours to do a simple homework assignment and I spent hours per day reviewing my interactions to look for mistakes), contamination OCD (couldn’t go outside, in my car, downstairs in my home, etc.), magical thinking OCD (knocked on wood over 60 times per day), health OCD, fears of losing control and intrusive thoughts. My life was consumed by my disorders so I entered a partial hospitalization program for OCD for 12 weeks. Two years later I was still struggling to function. I felt like I had tried everything. intensive ERP, 13 different medications, 11 different mental health specialists so I decided to enter residential OCD treatment. I was there for 3 months. It helped a lot to have the intensive ERP and 24/7 staff support. I got also got a much better grasp on my issues. I still struggle but I know how to deal with my obsessions and compulsions. I doubt anyone made it this far but if you did thank you for your time. I’m definitely interested in reading other people’s stories no matter how short or long they are :). Have a great day.

*Potential hocd trigger alert* So my therapist have decided that it was a good idea too make me sign up for a community kinda app as a homework kinda thing. //she originally wanted me to sign up for a dating site but I’m both a.Way to shy and ugly for that and b.there aren’t really and good dating apps out there for gay girls// She think that I need to leave my comfort zone and socialize.... so basically what I’m trying too say is that umm if anyone would be interested in chatting sometimes or something my sc is ellsadw I can’t guarantee that I won’t be a awkward sarcastic mess tho hehe

I am a full recluse. I panic when I try to step outside. When people ask my parents about me, they tell them that I just like staying at home. I hate that. People must believe that I don't consider them worth my time and effort. My parents ( particularly my Dad) seem to be trying to hide my mental illness. Dad said that it's a reflection on him and that people will think I'm mistreated. I can't stop thinking about it. I just feel physically and mentally trapped. I don't know what to do.

BEAT THE BITCH (OCD) - Lets b realistic, ocd is hardwired, its connected with the brain, its physical not psychological. - that means we cannot cure it (u r not going for brain surgery) - we hv to manage it so that our quality of life improves & we hv a sense of control back in life. ---------------------------- Lets know it : -ocd will throw at u a thought fueled with anxiety and doubt. -the thought wont go away. -the anxiety wont go away - the anxiety will increase if u try to push it out. - u cannot shut the thought with reasoning & logic, u r just wasting ur time (bcos the hardware/brain is malfunctioned). - pills & psychologist wont work. - u r in hell & no one knows it. -ur family & friends cannot understand it. - its a curse. ----------------------------- How to Manage ? - identification : as the thought pops up, identify it as ocd, if u hv doubt that it is ocd or not then it is definitely ocd. - acceptance : since we hv accepted that ocd cannot b cured therefore do not b afraid of the thought,let the thought stay. - the anxiety : know that the thought will start to generate greater & greater anxiety, may b u will get headaches, stress etc.. - divergence : now start to focus on breath, when u breathe in say 1 (in ur mind) & when u breathe out say 2 (in ur mind), breathe normaly. - focus : focus on breathing for as long as u can, 5 mins,10 mins, 15 mins..ur mind will wander off in seconds but soon u will remember u had to focus on breathing then bring thr mind back to breathing. - the technique : this is meditation technique, we are not pushing the thought away & we do not want the thought to leave but we are just focusing elsewhere. So we are not fighting ourselves. - the result : meditation clears up the mind & it will help u out surely. & meditation can help in physical & mental ailments. -the challange : everyone has some challanges in life, everyone suffers in there own ways...which are unkown to others. This is your challange. ----------------------------- try this & comment ur experience. (m battling ocd since 2001) peace.

I’ve never heard of HOCD. When I read about it, it says “fear of being homosexual when you are straight or vice versa,” yet it’s still called “homosexual OCD.” I’m a lesbian and I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this concept because honestly the symptoms sound kind of homophobic? Constantly FEARING you might be gay? I’m trying to think of it from other people’s perspective and trying not to be insensitive, it’s just that when I was questioning my sexuality it’s because I was actually gay, and the symptoms sound a lot like someone just discovering their sexuality but being struck with fear and hiding it. Thoughts?

I literally hate suicidal OCD it makes me feel crazy from the time I get up until I go to sleep!! I literally just want it to go away I wish I could just stop caring about it because it’s robbing me of happiness !! I think to myself why are you wasting your days worrying about this stuff but then I continue to worry ??‍♀️??‍♀️?

I have had this app for a while now and have never felt like posting so hopefully airing out my mind will help me.. I have dealt with pure ocd for so many years now, everything from sexual to violent intrusive thoughts pretty much every thought/obsession you could imagine having and it has found a way to disrupt everything in my life that should be beautiful, it has it has weaved its way into area’s that disturb the peace so much so I feel like I don’t want to part take In enjoyable activities such as intimacy in fear that these thoughts will arise during those moments, for the record I for the most part have had a really good sex life in the past but a real issue I am having right now is losing arousal due to what is happening in my head, It is very confusing for me to even explain, and there are many many different variables of how this can play out... this has happened to me in the past with my ex girlfriend who I thought was a very attractive girl and had no issues with in the beginning but later in the relationship I would literally have these intrusive thoughts saying she was ugly or that she looked like a man or just other really nasty things that could come in all forms that I felt terrible about while having sex (this is one of many different obsessions that have affected me in this area), I would have this rush of anxiety and lose any arousal I had and couldn’t continue with sex or struggle to perform.. now she knew about my ocd so I could tell her exactly the thoughts I was having though be it a struggle..but it was like a weight off the shoulders when I did but very upsetting for the both of us but I would calm down and be okay again for a while at least... So ever since we had broken up which also had a devastating effect on my mental health I really hadn’t gone to great lengths to be intimate with many people because of all the issues and the stress of having to tell a new partner can be overwhelming.. so a couple of weeks ago I met up with maybe one of the most beautiful girls I’ve ever had a shot with, so we ended up in the bedroom and It all just kicked in, automatically I was making up in my head flaws that she did not have, like tiny hairs on her upper lip were just blown out of context and all I could think about was that she had a moustache and that’s all I could hear, it was like my mind wanted me to think she wasn’t good looking or looked like something she didn’t when in reality she was gorgeous, this is really making me lose sight of what beauty is? I feel like I’m having trouble seeing beauty in anything.. it’s just grey now..I used to be able to just appreciate the way women looked and never be afflicted by this shit. this is seriously one of the most debilitating things and it makes absolutely no sense I could literally be with a super model and have this happen and as a result I am so overwhelmed by anxiety and guilt, that I couldn’t have sex.. try explaining that to an insanely good looking girl, I should have been the exact opposite of what I was it was fucking awful because I’m quite literally making up insulting things about the person without them knowing. Not to mention the effect it’s having on me FOR NO REASON! Ruining any real chance for to finally be happy, it’s so hard when there is no real authentic belief in these thoughts the fact that they come in to sabotage the moment and so frequently.. and the adverse effect it has on me physiologically me think there really must be some sort of truth...I am so depressed, have I dug myself so deep in this that I have created pathways for it to completely attack no matter who I am with.. I don’t know anymore I have no drive to meet any girls now because I’m terrified this will happen again. What do I do?

Does this make me a bully A few years ago there was this boy who loved in my street and I heard that my friend had seen them miss treat there kittens and I love animals so I wanted to know so I asked him and I kept asking him and I think I said you don’t deserve to have animals and that the rspca should take them and I think he was only about 11 and I was about 17-18 I was younger minded not that it makes a difference he once said he was going to tell his dad and I saw his dad come out but he didn’t say anything but it’s making me think did he think I was a bully was in in the wrong to say things what if it really upset him I don’t think I really thought about what I was going I was just upset but I feel like I want to know if he thinks I was a bully ? I don’t mean to be I wouldn’t never want to be I hate bullies ?

So the cycle: Obsession Anxiety Compulsion Temporary relief Can an obsession be an intrusive feeling rather than obsession?

I used to get intrusive images and like scenes played out in my mind that used to make me really anxious but they don’t bother me so much now I know its only a thought but sometimes now I’ll get intrusive thoughts that start with ‘I want...’ or ‘you want..’ even though I know I really don’t want those things and it feels so opposite to me but its stresses me out so much is that still classed as an intrusive thought?

Has anyone realized their OCD stems from trauma? Not just serious abuse necessarily although that too but other things too? My therapist and I discussed some family stuff of mine and how it could be related to my need to protect everyone or worrying about them being harmed hence harm OCD as my main theme. Plus I was kind of picked on a bit from elementary to high school and made to feel weird and bad about myself so I started to think there must be something wrong with me. On some level I think I still feel that way.

Does anyone else ever have this fear that maybe they are gonna be stuck with this illness forever? I keep getting mixed answers so I never know if OCD really can go away or not and even though I'm doing alot better now with medication, I sometimes get really sad and start thinking that I'm always gonna be like this and that I don't want a life with OCD

Just a quick message of caution. Before I was diagnosed with HOCD, I was convinced I turning exclusively Gay, so I went to a therapist, shaking, full of dread, fear and anxiety, I explained to him my instrusive thoughts, urges and feelings.... And to paraphrase, he said the reason I was feeling this is way is because, and I quote "you are repressing your sexuality", "if you do not come out as openly gay and live the lifestyle, you will forever be miserable and always anxious", "I advice you to re concile between your faith and your sexuality or else you will continue to remain depressed forever" and he went on and on and on (I was shivering with extreme fear the whole time) That was without a doubt, one of the worst days of my life, I left the room with extreme fear, believing everything he said, convinced I needed to come out and begin the process of living as a gay man, even though I WAS DYING internally. I am not homophobic however I don't desire to live as a gay man (even if i do have sexual intrusive thoughts about males) I don't desire to be sexually active with the same sex, again my own personal choice, nothing against those who choose otherwise. So please be cautious regarding the therapist you see, ensure they are a OCD specialist because a general therapist who has NO idea regarding Pure O OCD will only make things worse.

People in the UK with HOCD: have you been afraid to seek help because you’re worried that your GP won’t understand and neither will a therapist? I really need help, but I’m scared they won’t believe me, esp as I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD before.

I don’t even know how to begin ignoring my obsessions. I know that’s the only way to get rid of them, but I just don’t feel like I can. My habits are out of control. I can’t even use the bathroom in my own house without REALLY REALLY bizarre rituals.

How do you all deal with Sexual Obsessions? Let me just state that I have severe Relationship OCD as well as intense sexual obsessions. Most of these obsessions are actually pleasurable. Sometimes I have images about family or kids but for the most part, my sexual obsession are over someone i actually I find attractive. It is pleasurable to think about them sexually, but then I find myself feeling absolutely terrible and guilt for thinking about them or masturbating about them. My partner and I have just broken up for like the 4th time this year, mostly because of my anxiety. I feel intense guilt and feel ashamed. Because I cannot just have the thought, enjoy it and be done. It turns into “You have to break up with her.” Or “You clearly really want to have sex with this other girl so do it.” And just constant fantasizing and feeling ashamed because I get obsessed with literally any attractive girl I see and I hate it :( It’s very hard because my partner and I were in a long distance relationship, so we couldn’t be intimate very often and I just stopped enjoying it when we were because I was so in my head. I also am very hooked on pornography which I think might be a compulsion to my sexual obsessions. Thank you for reading. I know this is long. I was wondering if anyone had the same thing or if they had tips for how to deal with sexual obsessions! All I can do is distractions right now.

Guilt/ confessing compulsions: anyone else hate this theme? It seems like I have to tell every detail of things to my partner or I won’t be able to live w myself or it makes it “inauthentic” very frustrated

When was the first time you realized you may have OCD? Or what was that “final straw” that pushed you to get help?

Possible TW? Does anyone else with POCD see/read things like "You know you're not a pedo because it disgusts you" and wonder am I disgusted enough? or "pedos feel distressed at their thoughts" and think I'm distressed about these thoughts too? Or see people say "pedos are distressed that they won't be accepted and have normal lives" and think oh my god, I'm scared I won't have a normal life? It seems like anything people say that is meant to make me feel better or convince myself I'm not a pedo is only twisted around in my head so I'm even more convinced I'm awful and that all of these things are evidence of that