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the NOCD Community

Hey ladies I just wanna have a girl talk with y’all. I’m 15 and every girl at my school has boobs and I’m have small boobs. I want body confidence and accept my body ever since I was a kid my mom and her friend would always tell me I should eat more to grow my breast for me to be worthy of guys cause they said “you should get big boobs so guys want you” obviously I know they’re judgemental and have confronted my mom about this. That was in 5th grade ever since that day even when it was hot outside I still wore a jacket cause if I wore a t-shirt I was insecure of how my boobs were mind you I WAS 10 years old worrying about body confidence. “It takes a second to call a girl fat, and years of starvation”- Harry Styles I’m still slowly recovering from this words any tips to wear t-shirts when it’s hot out so I don’t need to cover with a jacket

when you’re on meds does the emotional numbness go away?

I’ve already posted this once but I only got one response so I’d appreciate it if someone could offer some advice :) also possible TW (I mention eating disorders) I’m aware you can get OCD about pretty much anything but I’m wondering if I have OCD about this- I am quite skinny and tbh I’ve not had the best relationship with my body image in the past BUT recently I’ve decided I love my body. I genuinely love how I look and I’m finally happy with my weight and body shape. This is great but I’m also scared that it’s going to change and that I’m going to get fat ( I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being fat, I don’t mean to be hurtful but I guess it’s just an irrational fear of mine). I’m pretty sure I don’t have an eating disorder because I eat all three meals and snacks every day, I don’t want to loose any weight and I rarely restrict but I do weight myself a lot and because I spend a lot of time on tiktok, I’ve become very aware of calories (because it feels like that’s all anyone talks about right now). Basically, I just want to stay at the same weight I am now because I love how I look and I’m scared I’ll randomly gain weight (even though the logical side of me knows this is very unlikely). The reason I think this might be OCD is because I keep getting thoughts telling me that I have an eating disorder or that I’ll get really fat in the future. I try and reason with myself and stay logical but the thoughts don’t stay away for long. If it’s OCD I know it’s pointless trying to reason with it but I’d appreciate it if someone could share their thoughts on whether this might be a theme of OCD so I know how to deal with it instead of answering back to the thoughts. It just feels obsessive and it’s annoying because I love my weight and I want it to stay the same but there’s these thoughts always telling me that I’ve got an ED or I’ll get fat. Thank you for reading all of that, I’m sorry it’s such a long post. I hope it all made sense :)

I was able to have sex with my partner. It was amazing.But then I started asking myself if I enjoyed it enough. Then I started asking if I am attracted to him enough. I should be if I was actually able to make love. My anxiety is peeking though... I had thoughts saying I wanna break up. I told my partner what I’ve been feeling. I told him I was worried I didn’t find him sexually attractive... I started crying. I need therapy... 😞 now I am worried everything was right....

i am quite prone to feeling envy which i hate. and there’s one girl in particular who i put on a pedestal and feel so ugly to in comparison. she obviously has flaws but i still see her as perfect and a million times better than me. and i hate this! i hate the way it makes me feel. i hate the resentment towards her it breeds in me. i love women and don’t wanna be angry towards them. but i literally don’t know how to not feel this way towards her. like i’m so envious of her it’s awful! she’s like a ‘queen bee’ at my school. and of course she’s very pretty, but there’s other girls equally as pretty as her who i don’t feel envious of. i don’t know why it’s always HER. does anyone else experience this or have any advice?

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE REPLY TO THIS? I’m so scared that a memory I once thought was false is real and I keep getting evidence that I’m really a child molester? In grade 8, I’d often put my hands on my sister while we were sleeping to be warm . Nothing sexual , id just touch her arm or put my leg on her leg , normal stuff cuz house was cold . I have this memory of touching her innapropriately during then but it doesn’t make much sense . It randomly popped into my brain once because when I was playing with her her clothes were loose and I saw skwnfjijg and then freaked out wondering whether seeing that was sexual assault and this memory popped up . What if I’m remembering the sequence wrong ? Now the evidence that it may be false is that I later developed false memory ocd and ocd in general . Except idk if this is even good development of ocd , like in grade 8 I’d ruminate on this but it didn’t take up my life , grade 9 I’d get groinals if I touched my friends accidentally innapropriately and wonder if I sexually assaulted them but the worry dissipates in a few minutes , if I ever had a fantasy my best friends face would just pop up , but it didn’t make me too anxious just irritated and annoyed . Then I had an obsession over whether I ya HIV and ruminated on that but then that worry dissipated tok after a few days and I would do compulsions for that one . In the summer later I got POCD since I worked on a children’s summer camp so never let them close to me , then in grade 10 I had pretty obvious ocd . In grade 9 I was also randomly worried that I liked my friends little brother who was 12? I’m so scared that grade 9 wasn’t ocd and that I’m actually a molester because I had the obsessions just not the compulsions . Is this evidence im a molester ?

I was wondering if anyone uses medical marijuana or CBD oil and what your experiences are like?

Just gonna rant a LOT. It’s so hard to navigate a regular relationship when every little “thing” feels like it means something huge about the relationship when it doesn’t and that every time something is a little off I feel like running away or examining the relationship from every angle. It also doesn’t help that in the back of my head I worry if I’m a lesbian in denial that’s gonna wake up some day and realize I never truly was in love with my partner. It’s been 5, almost 6 months since I’ve seen him and honestly I’d kill just to have him hold me again. I hate this long distance and even though we fall asleep on the phone each night, I wish I could fall asleep by his side. I miss his bright smile and how patient he was with me before he joined the military. He’s still patient with me, but we don’t the same kind of time we used to. I don’t know how to balance yet as we’ve only been able to call for about a month. On one hand I feel like exploding to him about everything he’s missed, but on the other we just don’t always have that time to catch up and some days we just want to relax and play video games together or look at memes. I wish I could do more for myself but I can’t right now. I used to look forward to classes, band, hanging out with friends, school and club events, etc but now I don’t have access to any of it due to the pandemic and it sucks. He’s on the opposite end of the spectrum, he gets to go to class every day, has roommates to always talk to, liberty to go out on base on weekends and I’m so happy for him I really am because he was going crazy being cooped up at home but I wish I had the opportunity to do more for myself so that I don’t drag him down and so I don’t drag myself down. I was exploring hobbies back in November but then in mid December my so-ocd hit and I lost so much motivation and time. Now it’s hard to get back to where I was because of how much time I wasted ruminated and being anxious. I shut myself off a lot and I’m still scared to go back to “normal” because I’ve been on the defense from the thoughts for so long that I forgot how to do anything else. Sometimes I feel like me finding out about my ocd just made me way too hyperaware of my thoughts. I’m going to start trying to do more for myself, but I’m scared. Scared it’s going to mean my thoughts will manifest themselves into the things I fear. If anyone could give me advice or words of wisdom for exposing myself to normal life again that would be so amazing and needed right now, I can’t keep laying in bed all day on my phone. Not only is it dragging me down, but also my connection to my amazing partner and to my friends and family.

I have question for y’all, not really sure if this is ocd but it is definitely obsessive, I have always had a problem with my self esteem but lately it has seem obsessive and I’ve been try to fix it but I feel like I’m making it worse! Seem familiar to anyone? If so any tips?

does anyone else ever wish they had ANY other theme but pocd? I feel like society is much more accepting of all other themes, but this one. I suppose I understand, I often see people yelling "Stop trying to normalize pedophilia!" online which is far from what I'd want but.... i just think pocd sufferers deserve compassion.

What if when I get to my first session they decide that I don’t have OCD and I’m sent back on the quest from therapist to therapist to find out what’s wrong with me, desperately hoping that one of them will figure it out and I’ll finally get the treatment I’ve always needed

Trigger warning !!! I’m just tired So from my previous posts about this thing that I feel isn’t pocd anymore or whatever im just tired I’ve tried to convince my self that it’s just thoughts but they are becoming more graphic and worse,different images are popping in my head and i do not want to think them .I try to think about NormaL attraction but for some reason kids pop up and it scares me .I’m 26 female and always wanted kids .but now not so much anymore ,when I see kids or kids are mentioned now I get like anxiety and Start to wonder I’m I attracted The feelings are feeling very real and the attraction are .I try to surprise them but I’m like maybe it is true I have never watched cp or desired an child ever and the very thought makes me sick or make me uncomfortable.I have masterbated To taboo Things in The past.I have been battling this for a month now it started after I was watching a show or a music video and it’s been heck every since the Intese anxiety isn’t There like before but I’m too The point where I’m feeling maybe I am just accept and I cannot Live like that. I try to avoid looking at kids or even thinking about having future kids it scare me I don’t know who I am.I don’t have money for a physicatrist.it’s to the point where I’m having dreams about kids and what not I read somewhere that your dreams are who you are deep Down ,everyday all day from sunup to sundown the thoughts are there

i’m a 2 on the kinsey scale :/

You know how when people are afraid of something they know they should try to do it still. Afraid of talking to your bf: just do it! Afraid to make a phone call: do it! My problem is that it's often not anything in particular I'm afraid of so I get stuck on figuring out what I should do. And when there's nothing I should do, I try to figure what I want to do. All free time is spent figuring out what to do, and I don't know how to do exposures for this. Would it be to just do anything? And then my problem is how do I figure out what this anything should be!? Don't know if this makes sense, but I truly need some help with exposures and ways to deal with this. I just want to do something but keep compulsing instead because I don't know whats the right thing, or how to decide.

Pure O - OCD and Racism - need a friend Hi. I really need someone to talk to who is suffering from the same thing as me. For years I have had all types of OCD. Then the last year I developed a fear of racism and ocd. I am afraid i will say something racist. The only thought that goes through my head is that i will say something racist, and i get a severe panic attack. However once i start talking i calm down, and all thoughts disappear. Then the conversation is over and the fear is right back. I just started medicine, and therapy but I am afraid I will never heal or get better. I wanted to talk to someone who is going thru the same.

Does anybody find themselves trying to seek out the intrusive thoughts? My brain is finally settling down and focusing on positive things but because I’ve been struggling for the last 2 months and having those thoughts is all I’ve know, I find myself seeking out those thoughts to try and prepare myself for them if they happen I’m the future. But it’s just silly to seek out those thoughts. Please tell me I’m not the only one that does this 😔

sexuality can change & mine has changed because of my so-ocd. it’s been eight months of thinking about liking certain people that now i actually just do like them. i enjoy the thoughts i get, maybe i don’t enjoy the fact that i enjoy them n maybe i don’t enjoy them emotionally. but my body enjoys the thoughts sexually very much and even then the thoughts make my mind turned on and enjoy them as well. it’s very scary. and i wish it wasn’t true. but i’ve definitely conditioned myself to change my sexuality. and now i’m just going to hide in my room for the rest of my life because i absolutely hate what i’ve done to myself

Hi friendly friends! I’m new to this. I’m seeking some stories of hope & advice. I’m 23 & lost my brother in a traumatic way at the age of 12. Have always struggled with anxiety (been told GAD) about my health, the future but this past year it’s been on maximum overdrive. I’ve been in a healthy & mainly happy relationship for almost 4 years but now that it’s time to plan for the future I have developed ROCD. “What if I’m too mentally ill for him?” “What if I’ve lost ability to love?” “What if he’ll never move in with me?” I’m also scared when I scroll through social media I’m not living my life to the fullest. I don’t like my job and want to leave it all & travel the world or move to California. However, I’m not an independent person hate traveling alone etc. I’m scared I have been misdiagnosed & am doomed to be unhappy & have doubts constantly. Before this happened (around December) I felt so sure he was the one now I am constantly nervous and googling articles & seeking reassurance. I guess I would like to hear of hope & other people having successful lives & relationships with OCD. Hopefully this isn’t considered a compulsion? Oh well.

I feel no love for my partner... no romantic feelings.... 😞 I know I am still in love with him. I am really depressed... my partner says I seem angry.., I am angry.... I am angry at myself for letting it get this bad... I love him I really do... he’s my gin gin (he’s a ginger) (nickname) I think about how I use to be and I want to feel that way for him again... 😢 why why can’t I love him..... I don’t like the idea of being with someone else... or him for that matter.. I can’t tell if I am just super numb and that I am reading too much into it... or I am just completely in denial.... I want my relationship back to normal again... I want to be in love with him bc it felt amazing when I was and I wasn’t scared like this bc I knew I loved him more than anything in the world... I want this to be ROCD. 😭 I miss making love to him... I miss being happy.... 😞 my ROCD was getting worse last year and then my partner had that talk that turned my life upside down.... 😞😞 Has anyone ever Doug so deep to the point they feel nothing at all!?

Considering switching therapists/frustrated by “core fear” questions Sorry to post again in quick succession—I had a pretty frustrating therapy session today. I had a therapist ask me to try to uncover my “core fear” today. It’s not the first time a therapist has asked me this, and it (at least for me) feels incredibly unproductive? Like, I have a neural network that inclines me towards obsession, I feel like I know how it formed, I’ve looked at my emotional history EXHAUSTIVELY (it’s literally a compulsion), and now I just want structure and guidance to help me take steps to stop ruminating so that I can allow that neural network to atrophy. But instead I have to use up a bunch of sessions doing psychoanalysis on whether I’m afraid of being alone??? I guess I’m asking whether I should try a different therapist. I feel like I’m asking for very specific help and I’m not getting it.