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the NOCD Community

trying to sit with the intrusive thoughts and fear, it’s so hard. i don’t want this. i just want to go back to my normal self who only focused on what i wanted to and not this shell of who i use to be dying to just live again. pocd is the worst theme, it’s taken over my life. every move i make i am just overthinking everything. my brain tells me lies and sometimes i am so afraid i question if i am just “in denial” it’s so terrifying. i feel so so so much guilt, i would and could never hurt a child, it hurts me to even think about it. it makes me feel evil that i have intrusive thoughts. my brain tells me i am “attracted” to kids even though i know i am not, it’s hell. i’ve been having a huge flare up, maybe bc i am on my period, but it’s super difficult lately. i visited my nephew this weekend and i had so much fun, but of course my pocd ruined it and put intrusive thoughts in my head and said i was “attracted” AND I AM NOT, i was disgusting like ACTUALLY HORRIFIED. i wanted to go home so badly and when i got home i just felt so much guilt. pocd has ruined me. i want to be a mom, i want to be an amazing aunt. why is this disorder attacking me so much. :(

So I’m going to the school to take an exam today and I thought, “I should dress up a little nicer in case my old best friend is there” and I have this thought sometimes when I’m debating how I should dress when I’m going to the school and now I’m scared it means I like her and want to impress her. I usually try to dress up in case there’s any cute guys (lol) but since I started dating my boyfriend I’m not really interested in any of the guys at school. Ugh i don’t want her to think, “Wow she’s cute or wow she looks so hot” I just don’t want her to think I’m a slob who wears the same thing or just look bad compared to her but of course since I’m terrified of liking her my mind is going to use it as proof that I do

I don't know who I am 😔

I am doing therapy and think I have realised I am Gay? I was diagnosed with ocd and told I wasn’t but feel I know I am now. Is there anyone else come to the conclusion they are. Feel so misled for years been told o wasn’t and was just OCD. I have led a girl on for 10 years and she believed it was ocd and I wasn’t gay from what the therapist have said but I feel I know I am Gay now

None of us necessarily deserve to suffer from OCD, but OCD and all disease is the result of our fallen, sinful world. We struggle more than others with uncertainty and doubt. That may or may not change for each of us in this lifetime, but there is an ultimate hope! The central fact of all human existence is beyond all doubt - that Jesus Christ, the son of God, came to this fallen world to seek and save lost sinners (which is to say, every man, woman and child to ever walk the earth). He died a criminal’s death on a cross to become the perfect, sinless sacrifice to pay for our sin. Because NONE of us can possibly reach God’s standard. The tiniest fib or any other seemingly innocuous sin is enough to send you to hell. BUT PRAISE GOD!!! Jesus rose from the grave three days later. He now lives forevermore, and so can we! And because there’s absolutely nothing we can do to earn such a salvation, the best part is we don’t have to do anything! Here’s the deal - JESUS willingly suffered the death YOU deserve as a sinner. If YOU believe and accept this saving grace, and also REPENT (turn away from) your sin, then ALL your sins (past, present and future) will be washed away and forgiven! Then YOU will take on HIS righteousness in the eyes of God, allowing YOU to inherit eternal life with Him in heaven. To everyone who feels OCD has robbed you of the life you imagined, unfortunately there are no guarantees of a better life while in this world. But by putting your faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and walking with Him, you can look forward to the glorious eternity that awaits in the life to come! Remember: O - Only C - Christ D - Delivers

Im getting so tired. Started a new job and am sitting in the parking lot wondering why everything seems to keep getting worse. I broke out cause of stress and have gotten these huge pimples that now im trying to treat. Got some treated and they had a potential side effect of leaving an indentation and scarring which it did. Also trying out this new acne product that used to work for me in the past but has been causing a bad break out and now whiteheads or black heads on my nose... which i need to go to the dermatologist for again. I just don’t know what to do. I got my hair done and my scalp is flaring up. I feel terrible.

Getting all the “what if I recover from this and then realise I did have ocd but I’m also bi/ gay” thoughts right now. Just feel like I’m in denial, I hate this. Doesn’t help I keep seeing videos/ stories of women realising they were gay/ bi and they didn’t see all the signs before :( now I’m just constantly analysing myself and my life looking for “signs”

Its hard when you see people are normal with their thoughts and i feel like i have no chance to become like normal again 😢

I’ve always been terrified to ask for help. I’m been dealing with mental health stuff of years and haven’t been able to tell my parents. I really want to but I don’t want to ruin what we already have, I don’t want them to view me differently if I get diagnosed. I know they’ll still love me but they are also extremely judgmental and I think it would really hurt me. Just thinking about telling them that I think I have ocd and maybe adhd makes me panic and want to die. It’s so scary and I always think “when I’m better I’ll tell them” but I don’t. I’m also afraid bc I don’t really know if services would really help me and I don’t want them to force me to go on medication or anything. I’m full of shame and embarrassment and I really don’t know how to gain the courage to speak my truth. I don’t know how to tell them about intrusive thoughts without them freaking out, thinking I’m lying, or not taking it seriously. If I told them what I’ve been dealing with they wouldn’t take it well and I don’t want it to cause me to get worse

Why does meditation make my intrusive thoughts worse? I got my mind repeating obscenities. I’ve heard that it opens a portal to demonic forces to the mentally vulnerable.

I suffer from harm OCD intrusive thoughts. I’m trying to go about my day, and I’m literally having anxiety about having the thoughts again. Even just the anxiety of thinking I might have them again is awful. I’m so exhausted.

now i feel like every time i say “ew i am not a p” i am lying or in denial but i know i am not and i am terrified...please does anyone else go through this too with ocd? i feel like i am losing my mind to this disorder :(

I literally feel like i never liked my boyfriend at all and im faking it and im really in denial. i can’t stop crying idk what to do anymore

I’m scared that I might have a crush on my lecturer. I just looked through all of her photos to check to see :( I’m so upset with myself because it was such an obvious compulsion. She’s gay and is very masculine presenting, she’s very welcoming and so I felt comfortable asking her for help with work, but now I’m worrying that this was just me fancying her. I’m so tired :(

This is more social anxiety related but can anyone help me? I need tips for asking acquiantances to hang out without being weird? I am trying to branch out and make more friends but I am not really good at it. I have a couple people I know from college but haven't really hung out with outside of school so I was thinking of asking one to get lunch or something. I just don't know how. Is it weird to ask to get coffee? Will they think I am trying to ask them on a date lol? Idk I am terrible at people skills

I find myself so overwhelmed right now. I feel like I’m starting to like these thoughts, and like I’m starting to become what I feared. At this point I feel like I like these thoughts and I’m just resisting to act on them. I feel so confused and trapped. I feel like this is my fate and I won’t be fine until I act on these thoughts. Now I really feel like I could act on these thoughts and I’m so freaking uncomfortable. I don’t know what to do, I really feel like someone who would like doing these things but I’m just not accepting it. I don’t know how to escape this. I feel it getting closer every second. Help.

I'm absolutely freaking out. I remembered my friends may have dated at 14 and 16 but one of them may have been 15 at the time I'm not sure. I'm spiraling and I looked it up and a lot of people say it's weird and I was 16 at the time and I'm freaked out if it was my fault if I did nothing since I was a close friend and it was bad and I'm friends with them today. I think also I remembered my friend who was 14 when I was 16 filrted w me once or twice and I remember I think I considered if i liked him or wanted to date him. Though when he did flirt i usually just played it off as a normal compliment and/or responded in a way that indicated I cared abt him closely but only as a friend. I remember one time he was like "all I want for Christmas is you" and I said I think something like. "Aw thanks friendo!" And thought if I just said friendo it would not be romantic. Do not remember this clearly. I hate hate hate this I can't sleep and it's 1 am. What if it was bad and it was my fault and I didn't care and I let my friends do something inappropriate. I remember so little. Were they 17 and 15? I can't recall. And I'm too scared to ask abt it.

Please respond Guys I’m freaking out right now. I feel down the google compulsion hole and saw a picture on a porn site that may have had someone under age. I don’t know if they were though. The picture said “if this is your picture or child pornography report here”. I so scared what do I do? Am I gonna be arrested. I wasn’t looking for anything like that. I never wanted to see that or intended to see that. What do I do? I’m not looking for reassurance I am just really scared and don’t know what to do.

This May sound a bit crazy lol, but my girlfriend loves horses and animals. Like more than people almost (she’s one of those kinds of girls haha). My ROCD points out every “bad” thing about her and so I get very anxious/annoyed/resentful anytime I see a horse... is this connected to my ROCD at all? I’m going to see a doctor this Wednesday and am making a list of my triggers. Anyone else have any thoughts on this? Thanks!

Does medical marijuana help with ocd?