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Anyone struggling with religious ocd? I can help out with questions.

Hi there. A big trigger warning. I can't understand anything. I'm so confused about my sexuality that it makes me doubt my whole life and who i am. I can't understand anything because I keep asking myself the same questions about the groinal responses. What if I can't get aroused by trigger because I feel anxious and extremely stressed? And groinal response is a manifestation of it all? Is my anxiety caused by groinal response or my groinal response triggers the anxiety? The problem with that I was so fed up with all of it that i decided to act on it hoping if i got used to my triggers I would be able to see what was really going on with me. So I acted. I was alone and made myself watch adult videos basically, (i don't know what language is allowed here so I'll be extra careful), i didn't try anything with anyone and i don't feel like i even can. So I relaxed and tried to calm down, I felt fueld up by allowing the situation to happen in mixture with strong storm of anxiety, I couldn't get physically aroused so i helped myself. It felt great in the beginning (in mix of some panic on the background) but at the very end it felt almost painful, it felt physically horrible not because of the idea of what I'm doing though, my body did it on its own. I even got so surprised by that it scared me. After I felt super nauseous. I gave it another try in an hour and at the very end it felt even more physically horrible and near to painful. I can't get I feel that way because I'm stressed or because it's just unnatural to me what i do and I'm not attracted. The problem with my feelings and sensations they are so controversial that i don't understand anything. I thought it would give some clarity but it sends me back to the square one over and over again. It happened before twice with the same results. I really don't even mind anymore being anything, bi, gay, straight, pansexual, asexual but it all is stuck at the same kind of uncertainty as before and didn't move an inch. The only thing is that women haven't been triggering me any longer but Female-to-Male guys again have and I'm sure they will switch places again quite soon. I just wanted to break the cycle. I'm traumatizing myself more and more and i have no idea what to do, if I do anything about it it gets worse if I don't do anything it gets worse. I don't see a way out. I can't afford a therapist at all, i can't even afford food sometimes, even if i could I'm neither from the states nor the UK and can't get help here. I'm so exhausted.

Hi, Ive downloaded this app because I dont really have a therapist yet. But lately Ive been feeling so alone. In 8th grade(5 yrs ago) something occurred that made me develop contamination OCD fears and then I was taken to a therapist for a week or two by my parents. I somehow overcame it by sophomore - junior year. It was liberating! Then senior yr we got news of the Covid virus and it all came back. That feeling of not caring what I touch/ who touches me became a problem again. My parents never really understood it or wanted to. My dad doesnt really notice but my mom does and she gets angry at me for thinking this way. When I got Covid in november along with the rest of my family is when I started worrying more. I lost my smell and taste. The smell came back fairly quick, my taste around 3-5 mths. But ever since then I have a fear of getting it again because I might lose that again, and also I dont want to be cleaning everything in my house. It makes me feel like im listening to my intrusive thoughts instead of actually follow cdc guidelines after catching it. But as of this week what has triggered my OCD the most is that someone broke into my car, as well as my neighbors. But i just cant get over the idea this person might have had covid. I cleaned my side of the car the day i noticed, but then after doing so i thought “my car is a sealed space the aerosols are still in the air inside my car”, so the next day I open up the windows a few inches to let any particles in the air to get out. Because i know it stays in the air for 3 hrs, i left it like that parked in my driveway for 3 hrs, and decided to not ride it until 7-9 days pass so any droplets in the air that fell right back onto the surfaces could be gone. But i still feel like they might stay there because my car is a sealed space and will ‘disappear’ if i were to leave the windows open for that many days straight or disinfect everything including the passengers side and the back because i didnt before and dont want anyone catching it from the amount of droplets that may be on it. The day i cleaned my side my mom touched the trunk handle that i touched but didnt clean and i know she wasnt going to wash her hands and then touch every door handle, her phone, her sweater, etc. and put me in a constant state of worry even inside my own house. I really would like to go to an actual therapist again on my own terms, but i dont have money and my parents dont understand and will get mad at me, i dont really know what to do. I just want to overcome this. I havent even been able to make myself go up and hug my mom and family members for months after i caught the virus because i feel they dont follow precautions with hand washing efficiently. I love riding my car and now i dont even want to, thinking that each time I drive I will want to clean myself head to toe after being in it because i didnt disinfect everything again. I think maybe if i clean it again properly it will calm my fears but I dont want to give in to these thoughts making me feel like im covered in covid droplets, when i might not even be. Anyway, the only person i think of reaching out to that will listen and could help me get help is my older brother but i dont want to be a burden.

I feel down right now. I did an ERP on my own i watched a video by stanford lectures and it was a lecture about schizophrenia. I was anxious as hell but I stayed through the video. Today before that ERP video was rough idk what to do or where to start.

HOCD success stories… I feel there’s a lack of information on HOCD/SO-OCD success stories. I think the people who do get better and manage this theme either move to something else, or just move on from typical apps or forums because they no longer need them to discuss. Is there anyone on here who actually has “beaten” or managed their HOCD to the point where it’s barely a blip on the radar anymore, if at all? If so, what skills or things did you do that worked?

So my therapist isnt really being too helpful atm. I think she thinks im asking for reassurance but im really not. Im overwhelmed and messaged her at 3 in the morning and she only responded at like 3:45. I understand that she has other clients but im really struggling here. The whole debate over like ocd or principles is messing me up.

Does anyone else have Relationship OCD and is also polyamorous. I am both and I am struggling to find any resources or community about how these two identities intersect.

I was just really triggered....i met a girl at my work and im freaking out cause im scared im attracted to her My heart is racing, im shaking and i feel like my head / face is hot Im really scared that if she were too ask me on a date id say yes (i wouldn’t) but the thought is starting to have me sweat and how do i deal with this Im so scared im attracted to her i dont wanna be it’s making me so uncomfy i just wanna be normal

A couple days ago I made a post about worrying about having a foot fetish. Truthfully, I think a lot of times when I post, I’m looking for reassurance. It’s something that’s so hard for me to combat. However, some of the comments I received on that post did the exact opposite of reassure me, and now I’m worried even more. I know this should maybe be the goal, because now I have to sit with that uncertainty. It’s just really tough. I really do think this worry of having a foot fetish comes from HOCD. I only have groinals when I look at women’s feet, and I think this is because I’m already anxious about how I might feel about women / parts of their body. Groinals are my absolute least favorite part of any OCD theme. It just makes my thoughts spiral even more. I’m trying to do things that make me happy today, but because I had a groinal response to seeing my friend’s foot the other day, I’ve convinced myself I’m horrible and a freak and a fraud and gay, so now I have absolutely no motivation to do anything. I feel so stuck and so lost. I want to confess to my boyfriend too, but I know I can’t. This worry is taking over my life.

I’m considering drinking a cup of white tea, I bought a small container of it (could never afford a normal amount!) to treat myself a while ago, but I never drank it. Thing is, I cut out caffeine entirely a couple months ago because I felt it was making my intrusive thoughts worse (although, sometimes it would help [but to be honest, I think it just encouraged me to ruminate more “efficiently”, which isn’t good]), and sometimes it makes me really happy and awake for one day but the next day I’m paying for it with intrusive thoughts galore. I’m not sure if this is an actual normal response or if it’s related to the fact that I was consuming a lot of caffeine during my worst spike ever, which was traumatizing, I’ve learned (if I am around similar things that I was around during that time, like certain music, smells, activities, places, I get every panicked, sometimes dissociate, and feel like the thoughts are going to come back). All that to say, I’m not sure if not drinking caffeine is an ocd-management or avoidance behavior. I really want to enjoy these things, I like the way I feel when I’ve drank caffeine (I have a very hard time feeling happy without it) but I also don’t want to induce a spike!

trying to sit with the intrusive thoughts and fear, it’s so hard. i don’t want this. i just want to go back to my normal self who only focused on what i wanted to and not this shell of who i use to be dying to just live again. pocd is the worst theme, it’s taken over my life. every move i make i am just overthinking everything. my brain tells me lies and sometimes i am so afraid i question if i am just “in denial” it’s so terrifying. i feel so so so much guilt, i would and could never hurt a child, it hurts me to even think about it. it makes me feel evil that i have intrusive thoughts. my brain tells me i am “attracted” to kids even though i know i am not, it’s hell. i’ve been having a huge flare up, maybe bc i am on my period, but it’s super difficult lately. i visited my nephew this weekend and i had so much fun, but of course my pocd ruined it and put intrusive thoughts in my head and said i was “attracted” AND I AM NOT, i was disgusting like ACTUALLY HORRIFIED. i wanted to go home so badly and when i got home i just felt so much guilt. pocd has ruined me. i want to be a mom, i want to be an amazing aunt. why is this disorder attacking me so much. :(

So I’m going to the school to take an exam today and I thought, “I should dress up a little nicer in case my old best friend is there” and I have this thought sometimes when I’m debating how I should dress when I’m going to the school and now I’m scared it means I like her and want to impress her. I usually try to dress up in case there’s any cute guys (lol) but since I started dating my boyfriend I’m not really interested in any of the guys at school. Ugh i don’t want her to think, “Wow she’s cute or wow she looks so hot” I just don’t want her to think I’m a slob who wears the same thing or just look bad compared to her but of course since I’m terrified of liking her my mind is going to use it as proof that I do

I don't know who I am 😔

I am doing therapy and think I have realised I am Gay? I was diagnosed with ocd and told I wasn’t but feel I know I am now. Is there anyone else come to the conclusion they are. Feel so misled for years been told o wasn’t and was just OCD. I have led a girl on for 10 years and she believed it was ocd and I wasn’t gay from what the therapist have said but I feel I know I am Gay now

None of us necessarily deserve to suffer from OCD, but OCD and all disease is the result of our fallen, sinful world. We struggle more than others with uncertainty and doubt. That may or may not change for each of us in this lifetime, but there is an ultimate hope! The central fact of all human existence is beyond all doubt - that Jesus Christ, the son of God, came to this fallen world to seek and save lost sinners (which is to say, every man, woman and child to ever walk the earth). He died a criminal’s death on a cross to become the perfect, sinless sacrifice to pay for our sin. Because NONE of us can possibly reach God’s standard. The tiniest fib or any other seemingly innocuous sin is enough to send you to hell. BUT PRAISE GOD!!! Jesus rose from the grave three days later. He now lives forevermore, and so can we! And because there’s absolutely nothing we can do to earn such a salvation, the best part is we don’t have to do anything! Here’s the deal - JESUS willingly suffered the death YOU deserve as a sinner. If YOU believe and accept this saving grace, and also REPENT (turn away from) your sin, then ALL your sins (past, present and future) will be washed away and forgiven! Then YOU will take on HIS righteousness in the eyes of God, allowing YOU to inherit eternal life with Him in heaven. To everyone who feels OCD has robbed you of the life you imagined, unfortunately there are no guarantees of a better life while in this world. But by putting your faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and walking with Him, you can look forward to the glorious eternity that awaits in the life to come! Remember: O - Only C - Christ D - Delivers

Im getting so tired. Started a new job and am sitting in the parking lot wondering why everything seems to keep getting worse. I broke out cause of stress and have gotten these huge pimples that now im trying to treat. Got some treated and they had a potential side effect of leaving an indentation and scarring which it did. Also trying out this new acne product that used to work for me in the past but has been causing a bad break out and now whiteheads or black heads on my nose... which i need to go to the dermatologist for again. I just don’t know what to do. I got my hair done and my scalp is flaring up. I feel terrible.

Getting all the “what if I recover from this and then realise I did have ocd but I’m also bi/ gay” thoughts right now. Just feel like I’m in denial, I hate this. Doesn’t help I keep seeing videos/ stories of women realising they were gay/ bi and they didn’t see all the signs before :( now I’m just constantly analysing myself and my life looking for “signs”

Its hard when you see people are normal with their thoughts and i feel like i have no chance to become like normal again 😢

I’ve always been terrified to ask for help. I’m been dealing with mental health stuff of years and haven’t been able to tell my parents. I really want to but I don’t want to ruin what we already have, I don’t want them to view me differently if I get diagnosed. I know they’ll still love me but they are also extremely judgmental and I think it would really hurt me. Just thinking about telling them that I think I have ocd and maybe adhd makes me panic and want to die. It’s so scary and I always think “when I’m better I’ll tell them” but I don’t. I’m also afraid bc I don’t really know if services would really help me and I don’t want them to force me to go on medication or anything. I’m full of shame and embarrassment and I really don’t know how to gain the courage to speak my truth. I don’t know how to tell them about intrusive thoughts without them freaking out, thinking I’m lying, or not taking it seriously. If I told them what I’ve been dealing with they wouldn’t take it well and I don’t want it to cause me to get worse

Why does meditation make my intrusive thoughts worse? I got my mind repeating obscenities. I’ve heard that it opens a portal to demonic forces to the mentally vulnerable.