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the NOCD Community

I remember I once came across a tiktok where it was signs of comphet and it was things like, If you think, “I’d date her if I was a guy”, “I wouldn’t treat her like that”, “She’s cute” “She’s hot” , “I’d date someone like her” and ever since I saw that stupid video my mind automatically thinks those things when I see any girls. It’s like the more I pick up about what it’s actually like to find girls attractive, the more my brain throws it at me. I was watching Teen Mom and her boyfriend called her a bitch so I thought, “I wouldn’t treat her like that” and it’s just crazy and annoying because I can’t tell if it’s real or not anymore.

Question for people who’ve been doing ERP for a long time: do you feel like you have to keep doing exposures continually over time, in order to stop obsessive thoughts? Or do you feel like once you’ve done them long enough you’re able to clear the obsessive thoughts and stop doing ERP? In other words, do you feel it is an ongoing way to manage OCD or do you feel it can stop it from recurring?

Anyone else always get triggered by people Brie Larson? Always seems like she’s always fancied by women and it terrifies me :( Lots of little things triggering me today

someone please help what i often do is try and imagine scenarios with the same sex to see if i like it, but lately i have had a thought: what if these are fantasies and not compuslions?!?!?! i am scared these are fantasies that i like especially because i have been getting groinal responses and haven't felt disgusted by them (bit of background: when my hocd first started i used to feel so nauseous every time i thought about it and never had groinal responses but now i don't feel anxiety nor disgust and i am getting groinal responses) does it mean i am gay????

I'm not doing well

Hey everyone, today I’m struggling with accepting that I feel like I want to have a same sex fantasy and what that means. I have been doing really well being non judgmental and open with my thoughts. But this particular thought is really scaring me. Does anyone have any mindfulness techniques to move through these feelings and thoughts?

Guys I feel like I'm on the verge of figuring out this is just denial even though deep down I know it's not. Like I know I don't want to be with a woman and know I wouldn't be able to be in love with one, but it's just starting to feel so true that it feels like it's time to just admit to myself that I am bisexual. I've tried even telling myself I am and there's no anxiety, but it just feels wrong. What am I supposed to do?

I have such an irrational fear of emotionally hurting my fiancé that I have completely stopped talking to women as a whole. It’s not that I want to but I feel like if I have a conversation with a woman, I’ll overthink everything I said to make sure I wasn’t flirty or too nice and it’s gotten to the point where I rather not even talk to them. But I feel like this makes me look so awkward to people and I don’t know what to do :/

What if you think people in your life are deliberately trying to trigger your sexual orientation ocd? I ended up watching pornography that didn't align with my sexual orientation and it got pretty graphic and weird and I think my fiancees family somehow saw my history. I mentioned this before but there is yet another trigger I think they left for me to see that is supposed to represent the graphic pornography I watched. I feel I want to tell my therapist exactly what it is but I'm so embarrassed. I keep getting triggered over and over again and I really think it's on purpose but I can't bring it to attention because then it will be known what I watched and what I've been going through. I don't know how to handle this. Anyone else feel like they can't even say exactly what they are dealing with, without their whole world falling apart?

I’m kind of confused on the trigger I’m facing right now? I’m watching ESPN cuz I always watch ESPN but I’m feeling this anxiety right now that isn’t associated with what I’m watching. My head keeps turning to look at my window as if someone is looking at me. I don’t know to keep watching tv or to turn it off and let whatever I’m feeling pass or keep watching tv and feel this anxiety that’s mainly on my groin area right now? So I’m like what should I do? I’ve explained to a therapist this but they kind of didn’t give me a good idea or any idea on what to do. I’m feeling anxiety. Like I’m not trying to be an ass and not think about what I’m being maybe forced to think about but if my mind won’t go there what am I supposed to do? This is where I keep failing at. This issue right here is what makes me give up and not continue. An ocd specialist that I worked with thinks its a form of psychosis and wanted me on an antipsychotic. I’ve taken 2 different antipsychotics each for at least a month but I would stop cuz this supposed psychosis piece didn’t go away while being on the antipsychotic. So I’m like the only time I would feel relief is when I would be able to think about sex with a girl which relieved this anxiety. Now if I were to watch tv and a girl popped up I’d hear an ocd thought so I’m like well ok I was able to think about sex with a girl but yet still see an ocd thought pop up when a girl showed up on tv. So I’m like ok. I must’ve been triggered by a girl from a distance and I was able to think about sex with a girl but yet when I’m faced with a girl I still would see or hear my ocd saying “big dick, good dick, guy, gay,” so is it actually even worth being triggered about something I can’t actually think of when I’m out and about or watching tv because I’m seeing or hearing thoughts “big dick, good dick, I’m gay,” like my ocd is still there and I’m still struggling. So cuz of everything I’m saying in this is why I give up and feel like I can’t actually get better cuz I’m doing this blind with no help and I don’t know what to do when feeling like this. This is really hard to do when I don’t have a therapist guiding me through this anxiety. Like I was told to seek a higher level of care but I’m like “ I thought I’ve told you I’m not actually able to seek a higher level of care?” I don’t have regular insurance so why am I being suggested to seek a higher level of care when you know I can’t actually do it? I’m actually trying to get better. I want a normal life but everytime I go see a therapist they’re like they don’t know what to do with me. They tell me I have a lot of knowledge of ocd and erp already and I’m facing my fears already but I’m like I’m obviously failing at an exposure that is keeping me like this that has been called a form of psychosis but yet being on an antipsychotic didn’t help so what else could it be? From what I see in my head of what thoughts continue popping up repeatedly I think the reason why I’m feeling what I’m feeling is due to my ocd that I’m faced with when seeing a girl. But I had hocd. I’m not sure how much erp I should do with this new ocd that affects me from actually asking a girl out and talking to a girl like normal. I don’t want to do an exposure too long that will bring back hocd cuz I want to be able to talk to dudes like normal but also want to talk to girls like normal so I’m kind of lost as to how to go about this. I know this is a lot but I don’t know what to do.

hi i just recently joined this app and i am terrified. i am a 15 year old girl that has been dealing with intrusive thoughts my entire life. my first recollection with it was the constant fear that my siblings would forget how to breathe. i would stay up all night just to check on them and ensure that they are ok. it went away but then i started having problems with my religion. i was so constantly scared that every move i made would disappointment god and that i would be sent to the devil. it got to the point where i would feel as if a demon was watching me while i slept. now i am dealing with my sexuality. i have known my entire life that i am straight. only ever had romantic feelings for men and never thought of women as anything more than a friend. cause of quarantine i have developed these intrusive thoughts where i feel as if everything i do will make people believe i am gay. i am an ally to the lgbtq community but i keep having these unwanted thoughts of me being homosexual even though i have never felt attracted to women. i need help. i am just a teenager but i have been suffering with ocd my entire life and just now i decided to acknowledge it. i am also way too scared to tell my parents. they are so loving and protective of me that i feel as if i will disappoint them. im sorry this was long i just needed to let it all out. have a good day!!

so lately, my thoughts have been more focused on me obsessing about the fact that “i’m a girl”, or “i don’t feel like a girl anymore” and it’s very disturbing. i feel like i live in my mind and that i don’t own my mind anymore, it quite literally has a mind of its own. the internet doesn’t help because it only says things about gender dysphoria, when i know that isn’t the case here, as i still feel like i am a woman, but my mind chooses to tell me i don’t feel like a woman. these thoughts are often triggered when something happens: for example: when i here my voice and it sounds deep, my mind thinks “your voice is too deep to be a girl’s voice, you must be a man”. or sometimes when i see someone who is going through transition, i think “what if that’s who i am?” these thoughts cause me so much sadness and have made me lose sight of who i am/who i want to be. don’t get me started on how this affects my feelings towards my relationship. because i don’t feel as feminine, i feel like i am lying to myself and my boyfriend, and he is the last person i want to hurt. he is aware of my gay thoughts, and has been so supportive, but lately, i find myself scared telling him about these thoughts because i fear he won’t understand/won’t react well and just tell me “stop, you’re a beautiful girl”. that’s another thing too: whenever someone refers to me as “girl” “daughter” or “miss”, my mind always goes to the “couldn’t be you” place. thank you for anyone who took the time to read this, and i appreciate any advice or tips from anyone who suffers from/has similar thoughts 💗

If you have HOCD this one's for you. So to set some background I'm currently 20 and have had cycled through many, many of the different types of OCD since the age of 10. I've probably had every type by now. But when I was about 13 I had hocd and it was bad. Really bad. Had 80 absences from school that year bad. And I was only 13 I had no idea what the hell it was I was dealing with, I had no idea what ocd was let alone hocd. So I suffered and suffered until I finally found a fourm somewhere about this thing called hocd, and I finally had a name for what I was experiencing. I fought it by myself because I was too scared to tell anyone about it, in hindsight I should have though lol. But I just stopped giving those thoughts power. I accepted it and was like "yeah maybe I'm gay, maybe I'm not" or "yeah that guy in this movie is pretty good looking, does that make me gay? Maybe, maybe not" and eventually it lost it's power and faded away. Unfortunately my ocd continued to bounce to other topics I've had to fight that have also been hard. But I just want you to know if you have hocd you will get through this. I'm 20 now and have an amazing girlfriend and I literally can watch brokeback mountain lol (that woulda been impossible in my days of hocd)and just be like "hey that was a pretty good movie" without any ocd trigger or worry of being gay. You got this guys! Also one of my big compulsions was looking at male celebrities for hours and seeing if I had any attraction to them or what we now know as "groinal response" I know many of you might have a compulsion like that, and it's okay but you gotta try and not do that it'll only feed the ocd. I hope this may have given some of you some hope.

I cant take ssris. I can, but they do literally nothing. Does anyone have experience with other meds that have been helpful? Maybe someone who also doesnt respond to ssri?

The hardest thing about ocd treatment is to stop doing the compulsions. I have "pure O" and I do alot of mental compulsions and I've been doing them for a long time and I got used to them. I don't even need to do anything or expose myself to anything to trigger my anxiety. The thought can just pop in my head and I start getting anxious. I know I shouldn't be giving them attention or engaging in them but sometimes I feel it's too hard and I just can't resist. Can anyone give me any helpful advice?

I have a huge problem and I don't know what to do. I think my OCD is starting to affect every single area of my life. I started obsessively thinking about basically everything and it makes me really worried. The other day my mind made me think that my boyfriend is cheating on me without any reason. He's perfect and has never shown any signs of disrespect towards me, but for some reason my mind made me believe that he's cheating on me and he's a bad person. Deep down I KNOW it's not true, but it feels like my mind purposefully wants me to be miserable and alway finds something for me to obsess over. I'm afraid it's going to negatively impact my relationship and I really don't want that, he makes me so happy. Have any of you experienced that? Do you have any advice for me? Thanks so much to whoever reads this❤️

Do you think trauma is an underlying cause of OCD or think it’s genetic/chemical/physiological??

I honestly don’t feel like doing anything with my life anymore. I feel like my life was over once football was over for me. I’ve tried reinventing myself by becoming a fit healthy person. Then I tried being a fun outgoing person. I tried getting a good job a crappy career but it payed me somewhat good enough smfh. I’m just tired. I mean no my ocd isn’t helping either but I just don’t feel a need to prove it anymore. I don’t feel enough want to prove anything in my life anymore. Everything sucks. I’m completely off of all supplements other than having coffee and that’s about it. I meditate everyday and I just feel empty afterwards not really having a desire to show off or anything just going about my day not giving a shit and just chill.

is tinder a trigger for hocd? for anyone else? but its also like im lonely but then the idea of meeting these guys in real life gives me anxiety and the thoughts of yeah your gay or asexual start popping up and then im like yeah i cant go on a date with these guys like theyre going on a date woth someone who has these intrusive thoughts they deserve better and what if i kiss bad and then there proof im gay its just and im 29 like i have literally kissed two guys in my life when i think about how little men ive done anything with it just confirms more to me like yup thats gay but i also think i should go on these dates as exposures ... i went on one recently but there was a little less pressure because it was a set up it feels worse when i think the guy is cute because if i go and there is no attraction well boom there we go proof my thoughts are right

What do you do when your medicine effects your sex drive? Every anti depressant I’ve ever been on had this as a severe side effect and I obviously know being mentally in a good place is more important then sex but I have ROCD and HOCD and this can see really worsen it. Feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.