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the NOCD Community

Is ocd just a coping mechanism for resisting feelings you don’t like? Something has occurred to me in my recovery process. I’ve spent years fighting my feelings and thoughts. I tried everything - meditation, yoga, Cbt, somatic experiencing, Ativan. I wanted to escape the pain I felt and the anxiety and bad thoughts. Now that I think about it, my dad turned to alcohol for that and maybe I turned to OCD. I always had general anxiety as a kid, some depression too. Over the years, my anxiety attacks and panic attacks decreased, however my ocd has gotten completely out of control. The last few weeks I’ve been working on exposures to anxiety and my thoughts. It’s horrible stuff because I have to let myself just feel the anxiety attack and all of the horrible sensations (including derealization!). Just ride it out and let it do it’s thing. However I noticed that when I get anxious these days if I just let it do it’s thing it’ll peak and come down after some time. And I actually feel some relief afterwards. It feels very natural. The old me would try to squash it using Compulsion strategies to escape that feeling. Has anyone else encountered the notion that OCD might be a coping mechanism for dealing with difficult feelings you don’t like?

Everyday I see a trigger that most people can walk away from but having contamination ocd I’m really struggling. Today I saw blood on the public bathroom floor and while I saw it before I stepped in the stall, I’m just really struggling now as I got close to it and public bath and blood are my trigger. Really looking for tools to fight that ocd voice please.

[Long im sorry] Hey everyone. I took a break for a while. I made a mistake a week ago and i googled a bunch of things i shouldnt. They worked their way into my ocd and its been harder since it morphed. I have good days and bad, since ive been working out trying to cut down on ruminating and compulsing and working on responding instead of reacting to my intrusive thoughts. I broke down and ritualized twice the other day. I tried being kind to myself since i know im human and it happens. Its just hard because im stubborn. I know my truth but my brain wont accept it and im too stubborn to go along with it to stop the obsessive wheel. It constantly feels like im being dragged against my will. I tried to join the HOCD reddit board but my situation is so unique i dont feel like i belong enough to post, which i think is hurting me the most. My self esteems in the toilet. Why would a gay trans man be afraid that hes a lesbian? I know that its stupid, hypocritical and ridiculous but honestly its been one of my biggest fears in talking about my issues. I feel like such a niche case, despite all my symptoms being spot on and screaming "hocd". Ill try to be kinder to myself today, work with mindfulness, try not to get so wrapped up. Ive just been so depressed over it all and needed to just get it out.

Is it possible to have POCD about someone else? Like I fear that other people, especially my bf, are pedophiles. Is that a part of this OCD, because my life has been hell for the past few months analyzing everything my bf does to see if he’s a pedophile. It’s caused so much anxiety and depression, especially since we have a one month old together now.

Is it possible I need to be on medication forever? Like does my brain have less serotonin than it's meant to

I believe in God. Recently I was in the church with my boyfriend. At the end I was praying and I heard from God something like: ‘you two won’t be together’. I don’t know guys what to think about it. Maybe he is trying to tell me this. I pray less and less because I don’t want to hear that. Help me please ?

So I’ve had some anxiety crop up related to POCD this week. Intrusive thoughts, etc. it’s happened once before but I wasn’t educated on OCD then or seeing my therapist so I’ve never talked about it. I’m terrified to tell my therapist because I’m terrified of being reported. I’ve never done anything harmful or even WANTED to do anything harmful. I am NOT a danger and I know it! I just want help dealing with the thoughts but am scared to share in therapy. Anyone else experience this?

Hello everyone. I feel like everyone talks about similar obsessions and compulsions. Let’s shed some light on the different ones and talk more about them. I always feel like nobody has the same ocd as me and that frustrates me so much. Let’s Leave below some your crazy, weird, unique, and different intrusive thought, obsessions, compulsions, and feelings. Let’s see if you find your ocd twin.

I have had hocd for a while now almost a year... and I am in a happy realatship with my boyfriend but I still get the feel of doubt like what if I don’t love him... and then the next day I will be completely fine and now I was just laying in bed and then all of a sudden I thought what if I become transgender and my heart just dropped I had like serval mental break down I have been doing so many compulsions because I know I am heterosexual and I love my boyfriend like why am I thinking of all it ? I am so scared please help

LONG POST: Can someone help me by answering this? I’ve had intrusive thoughts before but I used to just push them away. In September, I had intrusive thought about life after death and it sent me into a spiral of fear and anxiety. I had trouble falling asleep and focusing during the day. I went to see a therapist a month later. It was a walk-in session and they told me to do CBT. Accept uncertainty and move on. This gave me even more anxiety. Eventually, with meditation, i was able to keep the thoughts at bay. Then in December, I began to have intrusive thoughts about my sister. They were sexually disturbing and I even wished that I could have intrusive thoughts about death again. I then it switched to sexual thoughts about my brother and he’s only a kid so I feel even more disgusted by myself. It’s been like this for three months now. I’ve tried meditating but it’s not doing much. I’m ashamed to tell my parents and I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid I’ll act on the thoughts all the time. Then I wonder if I actually want to have them. It’s so draining. I hate waking up each day to these thoughts. I wonder if I actually want to have them since I have had them for so long. I’m so frustrated with myself.

I feel triggered by the sight and shape of breasts. My anxiety goes away when the other person puts on a coat. But when she takes it off, I feel like I am trying to have a normal conversation while strobe lights are going on from her breasts. I am female. I feel distressed at this fixation and sad because it interferes with my ability to connect with the other person, and I really value my image of myself as sociable and warm. But I just can’t shake this sense that breasts are an aberration, that they shouldn’t be there, and I’m puzzled at how people can go on with life as usual when they have these weird things on their body. Breasts, to me, feel “other.” When this anxiety arises, I wonder: Is this OCD, or should I just accept myself as queer, or is this sense of breasts as “other” actually a psychological outcome of having very petite breasts and a mother with literally no breasts? Or maybe all three explanations are in part true? Whatever it is, the scariest thing is that it may always keep happening to me. It’s been going on now for almost 30 years! I did OCD treatment but am not entirely sure that OCD is the best explanation of what’s going on here.

Anybody elses experiences being afraid og getting depressed? And are afraid of getting negative thoughts like "Nothing makes sense or makes me happy" even though you know Its not true? - Its like getting instrutive thoughts about depression?

Today it happened. I got out the prison of my mind for the past 4 years. 1 year of therapy and today IT FUCKING HAPPENED. I came out of MY IMPOSSIBLE I am even scared to say it knowing that I will doubt it or remember how I got trapped in the first place. BUT IM FUCKING OUT GUYS. I MADE IT OUT TO THE OTHER SIDE AND I FEEL LIKE ME AGAIN. WOW. I sill never thought this was possible.

Rocd help I have rocd the other way around Im terribly afraid that my boyfriend might stop loving me or might not love me. I’m always checking how he feels towards me, checking how often he says I love you, checking if he is attracted to me... He tells me that I don’t need to worry about that but I’m unable to trust or believe him. Always questioning: What if he doesn’t love me and is afraid of telling me? What if he lies to me? What if he thinks he loves me but doesn’t? What if he pretends to protect me from pain? Im always trying to be the nicest to him and to please him I do a lot of researches on the internet And because I fight against jealousy because of my intense fear of loss, I’m afraid of him going out by himself. He might find someone else or start thinking that I’m boring... my fear is so intense that it actually feels like a physical pain in my heart. I told him about all of that and my fear He said that I wouldn’t need to worry and that he won’t leave me, that he loves me and that he only wants me and no other. He already said that very often because I’m questioning so much... Well today I looked at the horoscope and I regret it Because it says that I will get news tonight ( when he goes out with his friends after a long time) I then went on another page and there it said that my love life will struggle... im now TERRIFIED ARE THOSE THINGS TRUE? I don’t want to lose him! I ve had rocd before but I feared not loving him... I have the same patterns like before Which is why I’m also asking myself if I have rocd from another perspective now... I don’t know what to do

I'd love to hear other people's issue or experience with HOCD and any successful, healthy relationships? A thing that sometimes gets to me is that I loved men for the longest time and used to have all these crushes. Recently it feels like I don't have any feeling and no excitement. My boyfriend and I just broke up and it was because I was doubting it too much. HOCD never came up until the end.

anyone else scared theyre a bad person? and get worried and try to find parallels to prove they’re not evil when watching movies and stuff?

I didn’t know incest OCD existed, but it makes me feel better knowing so because I struggle with it too. I was molested by my older half brother but now that he’s out of my life it makes things better that I’m not thinking about him, but the thoughts are towards my own father and whenever I think about them, they don’t affect me as much as I want them to; they don’t bring on intense anxiety and it scares me because I think I’m enjoying them? Can someone also have more than one subtype of OCD? I have thoughts of harming others, incest, and pedophelia and my mind continues to find something else to obsess over nearly every month to every 6 months. I’m lost, could someone please share their answers or insight, it’d be greatly appreciated!

I had an awful intrusive thought/half-dream (I was in the weird place between awake and sleeping lol.) and it actually started off fine but then my brain said “this is a child” and I literally panicked. I was kind of aroused when it started and I feel so guilty about it. I know the body responds to what is “sexually relevant” but it’s such a scary, awful, disgusting feeling, I feel like a terrible person for having this come into my head. Like I secretly want it

I can’t tell if I’m purposefully thinking about my unwanted thoughts, or if they’re truly intrusive. Could someone help explain the difference? I’m very confused. Also I keep telling myself if I don’t enjoy the thoughts then I’m okay and normal, but the anxiety behind the thoughts don’t stop. I need some clarification stat!!

Are their any doctors with ocd on here? I want to go to medical school soon but everyone in my life tells me I shouldn’t because I have ocd and it’ll be too hard for me.