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(Warning for my fellow contamination sufferers)My anxiety has recently rapidly become so intense that I don't even go to the washroom enough, miss meals and am dehydrated... My biggest fears have always been related to the toilet, yet have recently snowballed so fast I cannot keep up. My longest lasting compulsions are more intense, more wasteful (I waste more rags/facecloths cleaning myself and waste sometimes an entire pack of alcohol wipes a day). The only change in my meds somewhat recently has been upping my clomipramine by 25mg, last month or so... but that shouldn't make my anxiety rise so much depite me knowing last time I heightened my dose above 50mg I was more agitated (to the point I was almost violent, hit some things like my bedroom door...) I worry about every little thing in the bathroom, from toilet paper bits (the teeny tiny pieces that fly off into the air and sometimes onto me) to whether dirty hairs are in my pants and might go through and end up in my bed or somewhere else. I still wipe my clothes every time I use the washroom, same thing for my exposed skin, which I clean using facecloths/rags with water and soap multiple times. I fear bugs (+ dirty hair) so much I take like 30mins to check my sheets every morning and night to ensure there are none there. I have literally peed no more than 2 times a day the last week or two that much of my pee is literally mucusy in texture by forcing myself to hold it in as much as possible and drinking less than I ever should be limiting myself to... I'm just so scared that I'm the closest ever to being actually suicidal... I've never been truky suicidal to the point of considering picking up anything deadly or googling how to die because I', so afraid of pain and sharp objects + overdose etc but I just feel like the world is trying to push me to that edge... I keep finding bugs at the worst of times, for example, when I'm most echaysted and hoping to quickly get to sleep... it's exhausting. I've literally slept at least half the day away most days this week while also staying up late on my tablet reading to try and calm down enough to sleep. I was relatively stable for over a year until the end of last year I noticed I was dipping down a bit emotionally and now I'm just so scared that even if I get a bit better again, i'll just end up falling back down into this hellish amount of terror I feel every day :"'"( It has been 4 years since I first severely suffered from y OCD, which came out of nowhere in 2017. I have not attended school in person since a few weeks of september or so in 2017. I have already lost nearly all my years of adolescence to this despicable disorder. I love my family who have always been the most supportive they could ever be and have friends I wish to see more alongside family that recently moved closer but its just so tiring I'm afraid while waiting to see specialists for help I might just truly crash and burn...

My attraction to women is so low but they still excite me and want to pursue them. I have a date Sunday but afraid I won't feel anything 😕

DON'T read if you're paranoid. I need opinions on whether or not to confront a friend. I am so upset! A friend of mine and her then boyfriend had a habit of recording conversations (without my knowledge) years ago. He would record her and her friend's convos, sometimes she even knew about it and didn't tell us. I remember at the time that I was very uncomfortable about it, but I was too "kind (naive)" to make a fuss about it. This went on for years, on and off. They even recorded me and another friend's conversation (about 3 hours) while none of them were even there and listened to it the day after! Wtf. One time I was at her house (this was years after the beginning of this), it was just me and her, talking about all kinds of stuff, as friends do. I had an ongoing joke (a disgusting joke that went all over the place, that I regret more than anything) and I made some weird impulsive comments. Later that night I felt my foot touch something under the couch. I looked under and yet again the recorder was on! This was years after she was with that other guy, so there was no excuse for her to still be doing something that deceitful against one of her closest friends. She sent some parts to her ex boyfriend, but later claimed to have thrown her own copy away. It's been 7 years since that episode (have seen her under 10 times since), but we are still good friends.🤷‍♀️ Suddenly this whole thing came back to me and I am so mad about this completely unacceptable behavior that she was never really confronted about. At the time she was 28 years old, no one that age does stuff like that. Now I'm thinking about the disgusting jokes and feeling sick to my stomach. I am feeling extremely traumatized by this whole thing, and paranoid. Should I bring this up 7 years later and ask her what happened to our convos?? Sorry, so long! I am just so pissed☹️

When I do sexual things with my girlfriend and I climax, for a split second an intrusive thought of doing it with someone else pops in and I never want them to pop in so I quickly get them out of try to focus on my girlfriend but sometimes it might not work so I feel like I’ve cheated when I know I haven’t, and when I try to expose the thought I get scared that I don’t love her and don’t care for her and just be another one of them boyfriends that don’t care about their girlfriends and just cheat, but that’s literally the opposite of what I want

Hello everyone, I was wondering if anyone had some tips on morning anxiety/OCD. I have Harm OCD In particularly I’m scared I’m going to commit suicide and these thoughts fluster me in the morning. But after a while they calm down and I’m not as nervous about it and I don’t think I’m even going to hurt myself at all. It’s so crazy how it feels so real and then doesn’t. Please help me out with anything you guys may be doing to assist with this. Best, Fran

it makes me a little sad because maybe if i had gotten the help when i recognized the issue at 12-13 then i would’ve been far better off than how i am now. it kinda makes me wanna cry bc i don’t feel like it’s reversible now

Hi, I'm new to having an OCD diagnosis. I've experienced symptoms for most of my life, but it was usually written off as me being "particular" or generally anxious.  I have other diagnoses as well and one doctor thought my OCD symptoms were a result of mania because of my bipolar diagnosis. Another practitioner thought it was just an extension of my PTSD. Recently, however, I've been able to talk more about my OCD symptoms in therapy due to some alleviation of my other mental health issues. It's still very difficult to distinguish what symptoms are OCD and what symptoms are something else.  I have a tendency to intellectualize most of the issues I experience with my mental health and it's been frustrating, because my OCD seems very random like a puzzle that's missing pieces and that's in the wrong box altogether. I have these graphic and disturbing intrusive images of harming animals and occasionally people I love and I know that this is not who I am, but I start to feel so guilty and sick when I have these thoughts that I'm going to do something terrible. I sometimes get so lost in these thoughts that I'll have convinced myself it's already happened until I'm able to ground myself. I often dissociate during these times and have occasionally had episodes of derealization where if feels like I'm stuck in some sort of dream or nightmare with this ever-present feeling of dread or guilt that I'm going to do something violent or even sexual. Something weird is that these Obsessions aren't really connected with the compulsions I experience which are more focused on things just being done the "right" way. In the car, I don't let my teeth touch if I'm driving over shadows. I struggle to walk over lines/cracks. When I'm at a desk or table, things have to be arranged a certain way or I become very anxious. Every food I eat has a ritual and I count a lot of things that I do, but the behaviors are subtle and go unnoticed unless someone is paying close attention. Does anyone else have seemingly unconnected subtypes? I deal I have Pure O Harm OCD (with pretty much exclusively mental compulsions) and Perfectionism/Symmetry OCD (with outward compulsions).

how is everyone doing?!

NEED ADVICE/HELP. my boyfriend is very respectful of me and treats me well but i'm overthinking our sexual life. he's my first and we've only done it a couple of times. all of which were consensual btw. the first time we did it, he was very gentle and patient with me (it hurt the first time) though i overthought something after. before penetration, we had our first kiss and he undressed me right away. i wanted it as well because we've been sexting and exchanging nudes months before but i guess it just felt a bit fast. i didn't pace myself right but i understood since it was all pent up sexual energy. it was my first time too but when i told him to take it slowly, he listened well. also respected my wishes to wear a condom. the second time, days before we met up he has been expressing wanting to do if raw and i had expressed i wanted to as well but we had to wait and see if its safe and also assess the risks. i told him it was a safe day but i was still a bit hesitant to do it raw. well the day came, we made out did foreplay and in the moment, he penetrated me (gently) without a condom. i knew i wanted it too (was a bit hesitant doing it raw cos its my first time) and it was all probably cause its in the moment but it got me overthink should he have asked first? like consent to do it raw? BUT I KNOW 100% That if I told him to stop and wrap up, he will. He's very respectful and doesn't want me feeling pressured or forced. In fact, days before this he had told me he wanted to try raw but no pressure on it. He was just expressing but if I wasn't comfortable, it's fine. The sex was great, I don't regret doing it btw. I never stopped him too and he took care of me during and after. This is just making me overthink if he should've verbalized consent by asking and if its wrong he didn't but I know not all couples do this. In no way am I painting my bf as someone careless or doesn't care about me bc he's the opposite of it so this is also making me feel guilty. He does find me extremely irresistible which makes him wanna go fast and skip foreplay n stuff but whenever I tell him to slow down, he does. He also takes care of me and makes sure I feel pleasure and check to see if he's hurting me. So why am I overthinking this? I keep seeing online about what consent is and what isn't. Which is making me overthink more,

Long ago I used to flirt with a friend while horny (yes I know that’s bad) and I’d lead him on to think I was into him by accident twice. (Again I’m horrible) One time I couldn’t take it anymore and I fully admitted I didn’t mean to do that and that I won’t do it again, although I knew he very much liked me. I felt guilty but then I started dating other people and stopped talking to him. Only saw him as a friend completely afterward Now I’m with a longtime boyfriend and I’m having these “stop and go” type thoughts. One day I am really happy with him but when we fight or something drama related happens I go completely the opposite way and threaten to leave a lot constantly and then I stick around and I’m like “wait don’t go.” And I’m left wondering “am I being the same way I was with my friend I lead on?” “Do I actually love my partner? Or am I just horny?” Because I’m usually happiest when I’m ovulating. Everything stops bothering me like a house could collapse or a fire could burn it down and I’d just not give a shit. That’s how happy I sometimes get on my second or third day of my period. I start to wonder “is this feeling gonna last or am I gonna be miserable with my boyfriend next week. I’m hoping this lasts” Yesterday I was looking online for the types of wedding dresses I’d want for me and I remember thinking “what if this feeling doesn’t last and I’m back to doubting the relationship next week and start thinking about my old colleague or hot coworker again? Also, what does this all mean?” I’m really confused and wondering if I only see my current boyfriend as a friend secretly like I did with my guy friend I sadly messed with a while back before we dated, but don’t wanna admit it since i don’t wanna be alone or if I truly love him and actually want this to work so I say “wait don’t go” Please help. Today seemed like a really good day with my boyfriend. I was really happy and felt alive. But I’m worried it’s my hormone levels that’s making me happy and not my true self But I’m not sure

As someone who suffers from OCD, particularly intrusive thoughts and mental compulsions, I understand the debilitating experiences others go through because of OCD. I've been there. Before I had the tools to combat OCD, every time I had an intrusive thought, I'd spend the entire day in mental analysis, logically deciphering a thought in the hopes that it would eventually disappear. Of course, that never worked. If this sounds familiar to you, I can tell you firsthand that you don’t have to endure life in despair. Even if you’re paralyzed by intrusive thoughts and mental compulsions right now, your days can be so much better. You can stop ruminating and live mentally free, but it takes a change in perspective. Life is short with no time to waste. Read more about how I stopped ruminating and started living. I hope that what I learned on my journey can help you live a good life and overcome OCD.

Has anyone used any kind of cannabis for ocd. I tried it a couple of times and it just made my anxiety worse (I'm told it's the thc). Any info will be appreciated.

This post is for all my religious/Christian brothers and sisters on here. I wanted to share an experience I had about 10 years ago that I think might be a strength to some of you who have dealt with scrupulosity/religion based OCD. Ive had scrupulosity since I was 6 years old. Took me until I was 21 to really figure out that something not normal was going on - owing to the subject matter of my anxieties I never felt comfortable bringing them up to people. So I figured that my obsessions were God/my conscience telling me I was doing bad things. Back in 2011, I didn’t know I had OCD. I hadn’t even considered it. I knew I had anxiety and was on medication for that. I had never heard of ERP. One particular day I was ruminating pretty hard. I had remembered something “weird” I had done as a teen. I had become convinced that it was somehow illegal (it wasn’t,) and that the only way I could possibly gain forgiveness from God was to turn myself in and serve a lengthy prison sentence in order to “pay” for my sins(WTF.) So, as was my regular compulsion, I knelt at my bed saying repetitive prayers begging God to help me feel as though I had been forgiven, and begging that I wouldn’t have to go to prison or any other such horrible thing. And as was par for the course, no relief was coming. Not from God, not from myself, and not from anyone else. Suddenly though some inspiration cut trough all the noise right into my center. And it was something I had never really considered. I didn’t hear a voice, but the inspiration was clear enough that was almost as if I had. The thought that came said, impactfully, “Stop. Stop praying. Stop fighting. Lay down on your bed and just let yourself feel it.” So I did. A few minutes passed of me just feeling anxious and not trying to stop it, at all. And then, suddenly, the anxiety just… basically melted away and I was filled with the most brilliant feeling of love and acceptance I have probably ever felt. And I realized something important: when I have anxiety, by accepting it and not fighting it, spending time in that dark place, I am following the example of Christ in some small way when he willingly allowed himself to suffer and die for each of us. And that in a way, when I allow the anxiety, and don’t try to run away, I am spending real time with Christ in that moment when he prayed, saying “not my will, but thine be done.” It wasn’t until a while later that I started learning that what I have is OCD, and started hearing something about ERP. When I heard about ERP for the first time I was floored, because in its basic form it was essentially what God in his mercy had taught me to do a few years prior. So everybody. To me, ERP is the REAL DEAL. Not just scientifically but spiritually. Keep up the good fight, do your exposures, and spend those dark moments with the Lord. Have a good day and I hope my experience and witness of Christ can strengthen you in your own fight with OCD in some way.

My problem is ruminating. Before this onset of OCD I was an over thinker, over analyzer, basically everything in the book along those lines. With social anxiety to boot. The reason this is so bad is because I am an introvert not only that but I prefer to be alone, I thought I was asexual in middle school but I ended up liking a girl so I decided that didn’t make sense. But after she rejected me I had a crush on a girl my freshman year of high school but she was like levels above me so I just admired from afar, did the whole “find a pornstar that looks like her” thing that all weird high school boys do. I even remember the Actress I chose for her doppelgänger, Leah Gotti… lmao. Pretty inappropriate I know. But with that out the way I said before that ruminating is my problem. But with things like body dysmorphia that shares similar symptoms with OCD my ruminating helped me in the end. Since I’m new to this severe OCD game I don’t know how to control this. I have always been a deep thinker and I usually spend months on one certain topic be it how I can improve myself or an insecurity or a fear. Usually a logical explanation worked… but with how I am right now I fear I will take a step off a bridge in the future. It’s like my mind had turned on me, I can ruminate and be aware but that doesn’t take away the anxiety for long, it’s like it’ll target each and everything that can possible be perceived as gay in my mind which there are practically no ways that can prove I’m not but a million that can prove I am. I don’t think I’m in denial but even saying that makes me feel like I’m in denial. I’ve practically beat away every obstacle that it has thrown at me but I’m overwhelmed now. This is too much, I haven’t cried but I’m on the verge of tears because of this. I miss the person I was, I miss the confidence I had in my sexuality while I also miss my overthinking towards everything else besides this. So this is destroying me, my dreams, and my spirit. I’ll tell you nothing helps because I won’t let it subconsciously, I know I’m not gay, I hold off complete distress with my overly logical mindset. I don’t even know compulsions to natural instinct anymore. Im still attracted to girls but it’s like it’s locked behind a door, I know I don’t really fit under these terms like internalized homophobia and basically everything surrounding denial. But my mind obviously says otherwise. It seems everyday it throws something completely different at me. Like when this started it was mainly fear that I was just gay because no reason at all. I did research and made it worse, became fear of sexual attraction with having sexual intrusive thoughts, then I basically overcame that within a week or two, and then it targeted romantic attraction, because I researched again while I was in a state of minimal anxiety. After that I’ve been dealing with fear that these are urges and not intrusive thoughts, but now it’s weird because it’s like I’m not worried about romantic or sexual attraction, it’s just I’m hyper aware to the point of being ridiculous. So a week ago I started ruminating a lot with the lack of intrusive thoughts because I had basically loss all stress about sexual intrusive thoughts and they basically never came anymore. But I disguised my ruminating as mindfulness but it was just me ruminating in the end of the day. So the romantic attraction didn’t last long, it was way too far fetched. Soon I realized that I was doing a lot avoidance compulsions, walking into the back room at work to be away from people etc. but anyways that is still something I do. One thing though that just started today. Is my hyper awareness got waaaay worse. Before I would look at a dude and think that was a reason to say I was gay. But now if a dude is even in my peripheral vision that is also a reason. It’s so silly and when I really think about it I find it so ridiculous. But it seriously fucks with me man. Anyways with that I wanna ask what are some tips to stop ruminating?

What works for me (living with POCD) (Sorry for my bad english, feel free to correct me). - Leaving the house, yes I will be that is difficult; - To walk; - Doing my Hobbies (reading and writing). - Stay with the family; -Being alone and noticing that I won't do anything bad; - Eating even if I don't want to; - Leaving social media and meditate; - Pretending that thoughts are clouds; - Throughs are just Throughs, you can't move a feather w your throughs; -Accepting groinal response doesn't make you disgusting or are some kind of verification about your feelings. THIS IS YOUR ANXIET/OCD (seriously, I have this without throughs or images). Stay safe, guys.

Anyone else on here have a spouse/SO who is also OCD? I’ve kinda figured I’ve had it since just after we were married. We’re now just starting to both realize she has it too. Mine isn’t the “stereotypical” versions of OCD everyone’s familiar with so it took me a while To figure it out. Hers also isn’t but it manifests so differently than mine that it kind of flew under our radar. What are the odds that two OCD-Havers would end up getting married without knowing they had OCD?

Do you ever feel like even though you're looking at 18+ porn that somehow you're doing something wrong? I never use to feel like this until I started getting all these POCD kinda thoughts now I see it as a sex drive out of control even though before this same behavior really didn't bug me.

I have severe Pure O. It’s around my OCD thoughts themselves (OCD about OCD). I can’t stop noticing my thoughts - 24/7 - and it brings me deep anxiety. I fear my life is to be lost to this looping existence and the longer this goes on the more evidence accumulate that this is true. My compulsions include deep rumination about the problem, Googling, buying books on OCD and well, doing posts like this. I’m with an OCD specialist who specialises in ERP. I’ve done a lot of the E but I think I’ve been struggling with the RP. I’ve reduced the active/positive compulsions but I really cannot stop my brain looping and ruminating - which is by far the worst of it. In a situation like this - do I (a) try and stop the thinking/rumination or (b) learn to accept that thinking/rumination? Because I find it almost impossible to do (a) - it tends to get worse when I try and stop it. Any help folks can give would be gratefully received.

what is strange to me is that when i don’t fantasize about a threesome or something lesbian my hocd is like nonexistent and then once i do and orgasm my hocd starts to get bad it’s like it’s the only trigger now which is good and another thing it takes me longer to orgasm to my boyfriend than it does if i add a girl in there. i honestly just want a future with him and to have kids experimenting isn’t necessary to me but it’s so weird. i wanna know why it’s like that for me.

so when I was about 10, I remember was sleeping over at my friend’s house. i remember nothing else except when she fell asleep, i was staring at the ceiling and I was thinking to myself “i’m a lesbian.” nothing had happened, but for some reason i was thinking that. i’ve gone over that night a thousand times over and over but I can’t remember anything else. then, when I was 11, I remember I was thinking about being a lesbian for a few days. during these few days, i looked up the hashtag #lesbian on instagram, stared at girls butts at volleyball practice trying to see if I liked them, and one night, i went downstairs to sit with my parents far past my bedtime. my dad had been drinking and for some reason, the topic of who i would marry came up and he said “when you marry a man, hell you might even marry a woman!” and I felt happy that he had said that because I was thinking about it at the time and i thought to myself “oh my god he just said that” and i sat down with my mom. so i think what caused those few days of questioning was a “crush” i had on an older girl at girl scout camp. i say “crush” because i don’t know if it was; i don’t THINK it was. I thought she was very cool and I wanted to be her friend and she dressed so cool and I was excited that we were in the same group and so in my head I was like “you have a crush on her” but I was like ????what I don’t think so anyways after those few days of questioning, i completely forgot about it and just carried on being completely boy obsessed. never crushed on girls, never looked at women in “that way”, i was really just boy crazy. later that year, I had my first “big crush” on a boy at school. I thought he was the best person to ever exist. my heart raced when he texted me, i thought about him 24/7, I was in a generally euphoric state during the period which i felt I was in “love” with him. i would lay awake at night happy crying because i liked him so much. id write his name on the shower door, id talk to anyone and everyone about him, etc. this carried on for about six months, but he was never interested in me so i moved on. fyi i’m young for my grade so this all happened in sixth grade/summer leading up to 7th. I also started puberty at around 9. then, on december 21st 2013, i went to the mall with my friend and my mom and all day, i had this weird feeling in my vagina, like just there was a feeling like an ache, and it was literally to every single woman i saw- old, fat, ugly- it didn’t matter. then we were in line at the food court and i remember thinking, “this means you’re a lesbian” and I was like “no, i dont look at girls like that!” but then I was like “oh jesus do I??”. then it went away for like, 2 weeks, but as i spent time alone watching movies over christmas break, i just kept getting these thoughts that i might be gay, like creeping into my head like "you need to think about this" and id be watching movies and feel like a single pulse to completely non sexual stuff of women. and so i did think about it and it was all i was thinking about, but I wasn't having like terrible anxiety, it was more like I just was thinking about it so much and felt removed from myself. like id be looking at a conventionally pretty actress in a movie, and i would feel ****sorry this is NSFW***** a single pulse down there? it was so weird, and nothing I had ever felt before but I didn't like it. anyways, i went to school after break for one day and i was still thinking about it, and so I said "if this is still happening, then I'm going to talk to mom about this". and so I told my mom, she told me it was perfectly normal to be thinking about this because i was going through puberty, and she told me it didn'[t mean i was gay or bi. then she said, even if you turn out to be a lesbian, we will love you no matter what. and I felt so happy that I wasn't a lesbian! I was so relieved. I went to school on cloud 9 and was my old self, but the doubts came back and i became wildly anxious and depressed and whether or not I was gay was all i could think about.