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This post is going to be kinda long so I don’t really expect anyone to read the whole thing. I just wanna get this out there because it’s very prevalent in my life right now. In the nicest way possible please don’t use this post as a preaching opportunity. I want there to be a god but I’m agnostic, and frankly becoming more atheist the more I get into science. Tied into all my other OCD fears (worrying about lifespan, never achieving goals, etc.) is this need to have a higher force watching over me, even in a world where there is no sure justice for those who do good. And no guarantees of life after death. Accepting the uncertainty that there’s even a possibility of some higher power seems like a stretch in itself. I feel like it’d be foolish to simply have hope; because those who know the most about our universe seem to believe that there isn’t anything out there. The way I understand things (and this is just my personal take, not the gospel truth or anything) is that we have evidence against the religions of the past, but no evidence FOR some higher force. If there’s even a possibility that there is some higher form of consciousness, who’s to say they care or know about us? And there’s no guarantee of an afterlife, or that whoever out there is able to make it happen for us. It just sucks especially because I’d been catholic all my childhood and always thought I’d be able to see my parents again after they die someday. And even now I’m still searching for hope and coming up with nothing. Even in my early twenties life is beginning to speed up and I don’t have that time buffer i once had as a child; where i could just hope that things will go right someday without having each day be faster than the last, and each year feel like a mere month. Death is on my mind, and I really really want to be a kid again. When i tell people this they say “don’t we all”…but when i say it i truly mean that i have this intense craving to be small again. Everything sucks right now and hope is quite scarce.

im super scared right now i think im start to be delusional. i had this thought and it won't get out of my head "your sister wants to kill you" and i can't tell if i believe it or not i don't believe it because it's just simply not true there's no logic behind it but why do my emotions just feel like i believe i believe it. this is my biggest fear what is going on i don't believe it. it's so not true idk what to do right now

do groomers/pedophiles realize what they did wrong and feel guilty about it?

!!TW!! Venting (not in the sus way) I’ve remembered something I did to my dog when I was around probably 11-12 and I feel sick. Like ever since yesterday I’ve had a headache and I feel like I’m gonna throw up. I feel so bad. I wish I’d have never done that. Which leads me to something else. Lately, with all the things I’ve remembered doing, I keep thinking “Why haven’t you killed yourself already”, “You should’ve done it when you had the chance”, and things along the lines of that. I feel that because of the things I did I don’t deserve to live. I feel so close to doing it. The reason I think so It’s because I couple of months ago I had already sent a date for when and It’s creeping up. I’ve already give my mom important things away and I haven’t been eating much because I keep getting the thought that I don’t deserve food and I only eat a couple of snacks or whatever my parents give me. I’ve become emotionally numb and only feel the slightest emotion around my family and pets. I don’t want to do it, I really don’t, but I no longer feel like I deserve to live. I stopped crying because I found out my sibling can hear me from their room and it has caused me a headache. I don’t know what to do anymore. I wish I never did any of the things I did. Even if I stopped doing them I still feel disgusted. I’m sorry this was long. I’m not seeking reassurance. I just wanted to vent.

Hey guys. This is a semi long post but if anyone of you could read it and respond it would really help me out. So if you saw my earlier post about me and my dad falling out, this is an extension of that. Im just not sure how to interact with him i asked for an apology and he refused saying if i want to hold a grudge thats on me. He’s gone back to acting as if everything is ok and i don’t know if I’m comfortable with that. I still live in his house, drive the car he makes payments for, and use the phone he also makes payments for and until i get another job i rely on him for food at the moment. What i mean by this is he takes care of me. Earlier today he asked if me and my brother if we could come out of our rooms and spend time with him in the living room and i just don’t know. its obvious that he goes out and tries to engage with others because at home his own family wont. My mother is the same, now shes started branching out and trying to find people to spend time with because me and my brother don’t usually like to hang out with her or my dad or even each other. My dad has usually been the social butterfly always hanging out with people, and now so is my mom. my dad and mom do seem a little closer for it now. Anyways my mom is in Africa for a bit visiting family and my dad has been out the house for basically the whole day hanging out with friends or new people (at least kinda new to me) ever since she left(past two days) and idk im tired of feeling guilty but also tired of feeling like a bad person and daughter but also tired of feeling put down by my dad. I know this was a long one but if im upset or don’t get along with my parents how should i interact with them if they dont change their ways or they know i dont like some actions they take?

If anyone wants to vent to me, you can <3

So today was absolutely horrible like it just do anyone feel like they've honestly be come their thoughts they were fighting hard and extra hard the case may be in his case I deal with religious OCD and apparently isn't so exencial o c d and it's like I used to pray and cry out loud and Fast like I just really be persistent you know I would do everything I was even you know for myself cuz I'll be so mad at myself for the thoughts towards God insults you know just a blast with me towards God but now I just feel that these thoughts well I know that these thoughts and have become my feelings all the add-ons it's become how I actually feel towards God and it's scary and you try to you know fighting but it's like you're in denial like like I can't deny that anymore and I don't know how to deal with it and I had to get that off of my chest

I'm really worried. I feel so bad at social interactions. I was messaging this guy (something I never do) and he asked me a couple questions and I responded with a few sentences for each one (not sure if it was that much but...) and he didn't reply back. We had been chatting back and forth and I feel bad he didn't reply or at least like my messages. I didn't ask him any questions back this time and i feel like maybe he's done messaging me and thinks I'm selfish. I wanted to ask him how his day at church was but I didn't want to send too many messages at once. I don't know if now i should ask him? I don't want to be annoying :( i hate how bad i am at making friends. It makes me want to give up sometimes

i need to talk i am crying someone help

i am actually convinced i am gay in denial. i feel like i like it and want it, i barely get any anxiety AND i get thoughts that sound like denial such as "you won't be accepted that's why you're in denial". i can actually see myself turning out to be gay in denial and been hiding it all along. even saying i don't want it feels like denial. i just want to kms at this point

Why is real event OCD so hard to overcome? I’ve dealt with HOCD and POCD and had great success overcoming it. I’ve struggled so bad with real event, I guess because it was something that actually happened. Any advice?

My sister just told me I was crazy for having OCD and needing to go to therapy, and I shouldn’t go to school to be a psychiatrist because “crazy can’t help crazy.” Are we crazy? I’m seriously going to cry.

My husband has been really struggling with his disease focused OCD. He constantly asks me to remind him that he’s ok. He has taken more blood tests to ensure he’s ok and donated blood so they check it as well. He wants me to tell him that his blood tests are all negative. What is my response??? I only know how to confirm over and over that he is OK. My friend says that is not what I am supposed to say. Any ideas?

Do I even deserve to live if I'm convinced I'm a pedophile? Do I deserve to eat? To have a home? I feel so extremely worthless. All I do is lay in bed. I don't deserve to do anything else. I should rot in my bed.

“Negative reassurance-seeking”? Is that a thing? I don’t know that reassurance is something I seek because when I worry that I’ve done something immoral I tend to get angry with people who try to tell me what I want to hear, and only listen to people who will condemn me. I’m not diagnosed with OCD (yet) but this is one of the main things I have doubts about. Reassurance doesn’t ease me nearly as much as like... repenting and confirmation that I am bad.

Just wondering if anyone else has this too.. i feel like i often admire other women and sometimes its quite intense (like role models and stuff or people i look up to or wish i could be more like them). Im terrified im secretly in love with them or that in the future it will happen again and then i’ll realise ive been gay all along even though i dont feel attracted to women (although my ocd says im in denial about that). Its killing me, im terrified. Im starting uni in a couple of weeks and im so so scared im going to end up crushing on another girl or something and also that i will never experience strong feelings towards a guy because im denial 😭 i feel like theres too much proof and im in denial and i feel like i cant get treatment for ocd because i probably dont have it because im just in denial or that i have ocd but i am also in denial or something. I know its so stupid, im just really stuck at this point.

I think Ima lose control I have the urge to but I don't want too I don't want my arms anymore! I don't wanna be like that I wanna be how I usually am just shy, quiet and scared. I don't feel scared omg I have this tingling feeling in my feets my arms feel like they're gonna do bad things! I'm just so worried I'll stop caring! I wanna feel like my old self again!

Any other parents on here that deal with POCD type intrusive thoughts and or Harm thoughts? Mine usually are about my own child and it gets really hard for me some times, I love my kid but im very overwhelmed lately and the thoughts are coming back. I'm also 32 weeks pregnant. Last year I was really bad, and on the point of taking my own life due to the thoughts. I've been in therapy for like 7 or 8 months and although I am not diagnosed with OCD, after learning about it over the past few months I think this is what I'm dealing with. I dealt/deal with mental compulsions like praying and asking for reassurance everytime I had a thought. I have gotten better at not doing those things but lately I have been finding myself starting to have thoughts I can't handle again. I've been very over lately and I feel like the thoughts are coming back again and I might be dealing with some depression. I have been diagnosed with depression, GAD, panic disorder and recurrent depression. Therapist said that they can't really diagnose me with OCD because mental compulsions are hard to diagnose or something. Any advice? Any other parents deal with this?

Guys im so scared, i fear psychosis and i know visual disortions is a symptom and 20 minutes ago i was putting my clothes in a bag a i started to see this yellow spot and i started to get so scared and i was like sweating so much and im scared i have psychosis, im gonna insert the pic of what i saw in my vision

Has anyone gotten sober since finding out they had OCD/other mental illnesses and how have you felt since?