Welcome to
the NOCD Community

hi everyone. i found out that i have ocd recently. i went to different psychiatrists and they never told me that but now when i think about my past i understand that i have had ocd since childhood. now i experience rocd and it’s really hard. when i met my boyfriend i noticed that he is not perfect (appearance) but i felt that i like him really and i wanted to kiss him and to have sex with him. also it was really interesting to chat with him and to talk. but this thing with appearance wouldn’t go away. when he was away i checked videos and photos to calm down and to tell myself that he’s okay, anxiety passed away for several hours and then it came back. but i realized i have had ocd only after 3 month we have been together. i even broke up with him because i thought it would help, but obviously it didn’t because i felt that i like to spend time with him. and lately i understood that it was one of my compulsions. now it’s really hard. sometimes i think that i like everyone except him and that it will never go away, but during past week my anxiety (i do exercises and sit with my fears) went from 10/10 to 7 or even 6 out of 10. when i feel anxious i think that i just hate him and i even experience nightmares with him where he looks like really scary, not like in reality. sometimes i can’t talk to him on facetime because i think that he is ugly when thoughts about this go away my brain makes new ones – he is stupid, you never liked him, you didn’t feel sympathy it was all an illusion. it’s really hard cause before i never knew how to DEAL WITH IT cause no one told me i need to live through this anxiety without trying to make it pass away. sometimes i feel i hate him and i’m not interested about anything about him and my brain tells me to just break up but i know this is one of mechanisms to remove the anxiety. i know i liked him really but sometimes i think “does this really worth it if i fell like this?” but i know that i feel like this cause i just acknowledged that i have ocd and cause i never really coped with my anxiety in the right way. you know, it sucks when you understand that you had really bad ocd past 3 years and it affected relationship with friends and studying and like all life??? but you thought it was depression and doctors just gave you pills that never really helped you and now you can’t stop taking it cause you have really bad anxiety that will rise if you stop taking pills that you have taken for years. (i will stop taking it and now i go to new doctor and trying to find a doctor that will help me with my medicaments) but i know i can handle it and i want to know that i’m able to love and to build any kind of relationship without fear… i know that i’m okay and that i will be okay because now i know how to handle this… but sometimes i think that i can’t handle.. but deep inside i know I CAN. and also sometimes i think that i don’t have ocd and i made it up just to avoid the difficulties. but also i know that it’s one of the symptoms of ocd. if anyone goes or went through this please reply i would be happy to talk sorry for my mistakes english is not my native language

I feel so anxious now it’s feeling like I I would look bc I’m attracted to kids bodies 😣 but it doesn’t make sense bc I don’t but what if I do? I keep getting anxious and groinals it feels like I would look bc I like them when I don’t wanna look but it makes feel like I do or what if I have urge to if they’re changing or something idk why I can’t stop thinking about it it’s making me sick. And yesterday I was finally feeling a bit more calm then I wake up to this that if I can’t stop thinking abt it that must mean I like it and that I am a pedo when I don’t want that.

I’m sorry I am posting too much but is it normal for ocd to convince you it’s real? This is why I’m freaking out so much lately because it’s convincing me it’s real. Sometimes I’ll literally be like “accept it you’re a p” and be absolutely depressed for that day like not be able to function or feel an ounce of anything but then the next day I’ll be like “why did you think that, I know I’m not” oh god oh god this is horrible

Has anyone had a positive experience with meds? I feel like OCD has affected my life so much that I need them even after months of therapy (not ERP with a specialist though).

I broke up with my gf. We did it on good terms. But it's difficult to deal with. Any advice?

Hi. I'm a 25 year old. I haven't been diagnosed with OCD but I've struggled with intrusive thoughts and anxiety for a long time. It comes and it goes. I first started obsessing about one direction (I know haha) to the point that it distressed me, then I started obsessively thinking about death and how much that scared me. Then I read about solipsism somewhere and I completely lost it. I got extremely scared, couldn't stop thinking about it, and then I convinced myself that even if I couldn't be sure of other people's presence, I would try to find evidence of anything wrong to prove to myself that everything was real. For example, when I would come out of the bath, I would look at my towel and see if it was wet, click pictures of it so that later my mind couldn't convince itself that it wasn't wet (and thus impossible and so everything was unreal). I had a lot of weird things that I would check. Then I got over it once I went to college. In college I started obsessing about relationship, that what if I didn't really love my partner etc etc, and then would check my feelings all the time, and judge my boyfriend's character. It's been four years since and slowly I got used to the feelings and stopped checking my feelings but still got the occasional flare upz nothing I couldn't handle though. Now the past month my boyfriend got very busy and I got scared that you know was he losing feelings for me, I was feeling very insecure, and then I started feeling like what if I wasn't comfortable around him anymore, couldn't be myself etc etc (which is a big deal for me cause I'm not comfortable around most people) and then I got so scared of that, that I thought that if I can feel like this for my boyfriend, I can feel like this for anyone. Then I started getting scared for other people also, and then I started feeling like this with my MOTHER! I got very scared. Shes my best friend and now I wasn't feeling comfortable around her, didn't know what to talk etc etc. Then I started thinking about solipsism again and while researching on it i came across a post on instagram where a guy was suffering with solipsism and harm ocd where he felt like if he felt nothing was real then what was stopping him from harming others. I got very scared on reading this, and then I started thinking about it. Currently it's like my mind alternates between thinking about not feeling comfortable around my boyfriend and my mom, or solipsism, or harming people if I feel like this. So I just don't know what to think, what to do. I feel very alone, and I don't even know what I'm dealing with! I tried therapy but I didn't like my therapist, she was a lot more concerned about the content of my thoughts than my patterns of thinking, which I don't think is the issue. I'm also trying hard not to click pictures of things to make myself believe that things are real or whatever. And so I have nothing to do other than sit with the thoughts. I don't even know what I'm looking for here, just want to find someone who understands.

My groinal response feel like real arousal I’m scared

I emailed my teacher I wanted to switch seats as I felt excluded in my current group and told him I will step out of class when I get too anxious. Communication with teachers is a scary part & I’ve avoid that all my 10 years going to school but I’ve learnt that they have to manage 30 students in a room and all they know about you is very surface level. They don’t know what obstacles you carry during class so you need to advocate for yourself, speak yourself. Though for most people they would delete some part of the email to make it not long to not bother them, but I say they’re humans as well and 9/10 they probably can relate to you as much as your surprise. So don’t hold back as you need both parts of the story to meet at the bridge.

I’m 16 female with a problem with loving my body. I have smaller breasts than every girl at school and I feel like everyone is looking at me when I walk so I have a natural reaction to wear hoodies and cross my arms so it’s not that noticeable, my mom had intergrated and shamed me for small boobs as a kid and I want to talk to her about it. I feel like I only want big boobs to go with the flow to stop the gaze of other. This problem is something I’ve never had the courage to confront it so it makes me hard to last through the day in school. Please help before I get worst

Are others with hocd/soocd also just genuinely terrified theyll never be truly attracted to anyone again in future? Im so scared i will be faking liking a guy or just not feel anything because im so worried and checking everything or finally “realise” im in denial. It already feels like i would avoid dating anyone because id be terrified it would turn out im not attracted to them and that would feel like the ultimate proof for me at this point..

a bit of a long post/rant. would appreciate the advice <3 so i have been having very fewer thoughts and have been able to just shush them recently and ignore them. i guess that is pretty good recovery? but something that still bugs me is that i would still get eome thoughts or feelings like "i would actually enjoy being with a woman" or i would like it and want it and i have same sex attraction but just can't accept myself. i really feel in denial yet i ignore it. the thing is my ocd has gone down so does that mean these thoughts and feelings are mine or is it ocd's last try ay getting me? i am genuinely curious because now i just ignore the thoughts and don't engage but it makes me feel like i am denying it and just ignoring the obvious facts of me being in denial. i don't ruminate and barely check anymore because i am just too tired to do so tbh.

I don’t know why but everytime I’m pretty sure I like being a girl my brain always says some people don’t like being girls some people really want to be a boy and like being men and I don’t know why that scares me so bad and keeps me in the loop . Like I’m being someone that some people don’t want to be and some people are being what I don’t want to be . How do I stop this ? I feel like these questions and thoughts are what’s keeping me stuck . It kind of like a what do men feel that I don’t feel that they are comfortable like that . And I don’t know why I feel like I need to know the answers to this as if knowing will make it go away . 🤦🏽‍♀️ can someone please help

My wisdom to all of you Have a faith system. Seriously, life it hard. We all have good days, bad days, sometimes good weeks, bad weeks and beyond. Find yourself something to believe in, no matter what that is. Seriously go watch Tabita Brown's long video on why she became vegan. It was a livestream but let me tell you it will hit you harder than you are prepared for. Check your diet, seriously. You might sit there and think it won't affect things, but your diet affects all of your hormones, your neurotrasmitters all that. Many people with OCD and anxiety have gotten amazing benefits from intermittent fasting. There's studies showing within a few days there was a 40% decrease of anxiety for most, and within 4 weeks their serotonin levels went up almost 50%. Just from the time frame that they ate! Advocate for yourself. Stand up, and speak your mind when you are struggling. Stop trying to put on a face and act how you believe others want you to act. That isn't you, that isn't who you need to be. You are wonderful just the way you are, and if other's don't agree, they are just on a different path. And that's okay. Stop living by the idea of "well this happened in the past". So what if something bad happened in the past? So what if it happened 100 times? That is never going to be enough proof that it will positively happen this next time. You may have gotten rejected repeatedly, who's to say this one next time won't be the time you get accepted? Realize our struggle is what unites us. Everyone has their thing. Everyone has their own struggle, their own condition. Everyone has something that eats away at them, you just may not see it. The happiest people on the outside can be absolutely crippled inside. Realize that your treatment, your lifestyle and your beliefs will play a huge role in how you feel. Try everything and then some. When you feel like you're about to give up, try the next thing. No matter what you feel, there will ALWAYS be a next thing. Have a blessed night y'all💛

Do I have a crush on this person because I get anxious around them and when they txt me I want to see the message right away and answer immediately?? I’ve been having obsessive thoughts about this person. They are assigned sex at birth a girl but appear “masculine” and date girls. Ever since I had the thought “would I be les/bi if I develop a crush on them?” I kept having thoughts that I like them. They are also my friend and it’s hard to distinguish if I have a crush on them or is it because my obsessive thoughts?

Guys. I feel overwhelmingly terrible. I made a mistake and flirted with another guy at work while I’m still in a relationship. Me and my bf have been dating for 10 days. It wasn’t a sexual flirt but a lowkey one. I feel as though I cheated on him and I keep replaying what happened in my head. I can’t stop thinking about it. I confessed to my boyfriend and he was a bit upset but not too upset. I then, told him it was a joke and he laughed. But it’s really not. I feel like a terrible person. I will never make this mistake again but still

i keep getting thoughts abt r*pe and sexual violence and i kept arguing and saying no then i thought ‘for the thrill of it,’ and now i’m panicking i don’t want to do that to anyone nor do i want to think of this please i feel sick rn

How exactly does ERP affect anxiety? For me when j get an intrusive thought over a real event I get anxiety, which leads me to ruminate. Even if I stop ruminating I still have anxiety.

I just had a epiphany moment and wanted to share it. I'm always trying to think why my OCD developed, whilst it feels like I've had it all my life, I didn't develop it until about 9years old although I wasn't diagnosed until I was 14 I know that the behaviour I was exhibiting at age 9 was in fact OCD behaviour, so with that being said does that mean I was a happy child with no difficulties before then, no it doesn't I've actually always felt different and out of place compared to other children and now to other adults, way before I developed OCD, I'm not saying that in a naive way of thinking everyones the same and I'm such a unique individual because I'd love if I was like other people, my life would be way easier but I'm not and the epiphany moment I had was maybe me developing OCD was my way of coping in this neurptypical world as I suspect I'm on the autistic spectrum, it's also interesting how alot of people that are on the spectrum have OCD aswell. I'm still awaiting my assessment which could take up to two years (I'm in the UK) but I will be very surprised if they don't diagnose me with Autism and it's not like I want to be, I just know it would explain alot and if I'm not autistic and then I really im just a weirdo with OCD 😅. Rant over.

A NOCD friend posted requests for how to start something and how not to get locked into perfectionism once started. This post is not an answer to those, at least not a magical thing that always works and doesn’t feel like pulling teeth. I’ve been thinking about using my planner/journal again. I’ve been planning it in my head. Now I’m “forcing” myself to actually write in it today. It doesn’t feel “right”. There is so much missing that “needs” to be addressed and filled. All of this makes me dread doing it. ** Writing this NOCD post might even be another stall tactic in disguise; however, posting about anything here always makes me feel more accountable. I know if I share it here I feel all of ya. Even when I don’t listen to myself/do it for myself, for everyone here, it’s more manageable. So I’m “forcing” that first journal post. I’m not turning it into an all night make-up post for the past 7 weeks I missed, though later, I may fill in what’s helpful and already accounted. ** I don’t feel “ready” for it. I don’t want to do it. But I’m going to. Maybe I should tell my OCD what I tell my dog when he sasses me. I remind him that I am more stubborn than he is. So I’ll now be more stubborn than my OCD. It may have taken days of sitting around thinking about it, but I’m doing it. No more just thinking. ** (Also doing this as an edit style rather than more “perfectly” inserting it—) I am also not waiting for September 1st! So now it’s also uneven! The reset button isn’t being pushed on another, predetermined beginning. But it’s still happening TONIGHT. May we all be more stubborn than our issues. 💪🏼💜

I'm worried ive abused my dogs. They sometimes sit on my lap and sometimes id get a groinal response. It makes me sick even thinking about hurting my dogs or abusing them. I also had to check my dogs private area since I thought I saw a flea and I feel so gross for doing that. I was just worried something was wrong since I saw a black bit on his skin. I also scratch my dogs backside a lot since he likes me doing it for some reason? I didn't think anything of it but now I'm really worried I had some hidden intentions or wanted to hurt them. I also had intrusive thoughts about animals and got a groinal response I'm really worried what that means it was really disturbing and I dont know why my brain even came up with that.