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the NOCD Community

So today my boyfriend and I finally saw each other and it was so good!!! It felt just like before but we were intimate and when we were making out it was great but when it turned more serious I felt myself get disconnected again it’s like I’m not as present as I should be and I feel horrible because I want to be. My body reacts just the way I want it to but my mind just doesn’t stop buzzing. It’s like I’m into it but I’m also in a state of panic and I think it was like this even before soocd. I just don’t know what’s wrong with me and God I hope one day I can get past this. I just want to love him.

I overcame HOCD and came out straight ask me some questions! ❤️💕

Hiya, happy Tuesday night :). How was everyone's day? I just made a really good fig butter/brief baguette 😋 Tonight's screenshot is very relatable lol--i quite literally related to everything on here. A lot of us (myself included) find comfort in our negative coping skills because it is what we are used to doing, and what we have been doing to survive for however long. But we must ask ourselves, are we HAPPY doing these things? Are we happy with being on edge, feeling empty and sad, and being disconnected from the world because we are so caught up in our thoughts? Recovery is hard, but possible. I am working on things everyday--and it is scary, overwhelming, and a pattern of trial and error at all times. We must treat OCD as an ongoing illness and keep practicing our ERP to become the best versions of ourselves. Take care of yourselves 💛

How do you open up to your therapist about very taboo OCD themes. I currently struggle with "Race OCD", always worrying if I'm coming across as racist to BIPOC. Racism is something that I find horrendous and awful. I consider myself to be an ally to BIPOC & to work and fight racism. So the fact that I'm worrying over interactions with people is complete opposite to my values. I act awkward around people, and I'm sure my anxiety is coming off as strange to people. I just don't know how to open up to my therapist about this without sounding like a piece of s***.

Im at a crossroads and theres a couple things I really need to ask and get advice and opinions on from anyone. 1- Should I try do self help and try my best to tackle ocd( If I even have it). But I feel like its too late to do that, My brains a hot mess, even towards things outside of ocd.(self esteem, social anxiety etc). My life has crippled since this started. 2- My family is very conventional and old fashioned, If I did open up to them they would get scared especially my mom. She would probably tell me to do stop being on my phone too much, wake up early, exercise and all the generic things that one is supposed to do to feel healthy and I understand where she is coming from. But I feel like Im not mentally stable. Am I just self victmizing myself by thinking this? I could try to do all this but the anxiety and thoughts are unbearable, I struggle to get out of the bed almost every day and see su*cide as the only option to be free but again I could try and give it a shot see what happens. Ive had ocd(I think) for 1.5 years 3- Even If I decided to do therapy, I think language barrier will be my biggest issue. Im not a native english speaker but I can speak well enough to get by and live in the Us and I just found a ocd center near me too. But when It comes to explaining, describing and articulating thoughts and feelings, I fall short, I run out of words. Im afraid I wont be able to connect to the therapist at all and itd all be just a waste and awkward. I really dont think I can become normal again without any outside help. I really dont know what to do then on top of all this, I dont even know If I actually have ocd or not. I dont think I do but Im not sure. I had most symptoms of It at first (I think)but idk anymore. I would really appreciate any opinions.

BRO SOMEONE READ THIS! 😭 Today was the worst. I’m already insecure about my breast size and WHAT MY FRIEND DID I SWEAR TO GOD- after reading this you’ll be mad asf too. While I was writing my paper 📝 I felt someone touch my breast edge and I was shocked. And I was like “wtf-“ and my friend who’s also a female said “my rib cage hurts and wanted to see if it yours hurt” She has boobs and wearing a bra and I wasn’t cause mines aren’t that big so I felt even more insecure that she felt I wasn’t wearing anything. So I try to convince her saying “Oh I’m a late boomer so I’m not having problems like y’all having” and she said kinda out loud but not to much. “Your growing your boobs?” It wasn’t too loud but enough for the girls in front of us and maybe few boys behind heard it. It wasn’t the whole class I hope. What if the teacher heard it. I’ve been comparing myself to other girls since school started. What a great start to the school year right? 🤌😌 I just love it 😊 can’t wait for some more trauma

Ok so this is going to be lengthy and probably have many mistakes so I apologize in advance. I used to live somewhere completely different to where I live now. I lived back in my hometown until I was 10. That was a living nightmare for me. I was bullied lots and had lots of very traumatizing things happen to me that are a VERY big part to my ocd today. When I was very young like 7 or 8 I was at a sleepover with another girl and she was pressuring me into doing things that I was very uncomfortable doing. She was pressuring me to take some of my clothes off. At the time I was very young and didn’t know right from wrong and didn’t know what to do so because she was being very peer pressure to me I did so because I was scared. I have never been able to come to peace with myself after this even though I have been told that I did NOTHING wrong and that I was very young and stuff. But then I moved somewhere completely different, and lost contact with everyone because I knew that it was too much for me to handle. Today someone from there reached out me ( a good person) and wanted to talk and catch up. I did talk to her for a little bit (it’s not the same person that pressured me) and I texted her after telling her how I needed to lose contact with here because so many of my intrusive thoughts came from living there, so being in contact with people was mentally not ok with me. She was completely understanding and all’s good. But I’m wondering. What happened with that girl. Should I fee guilt about? Or is this my ocd. I just need some other opinions. Please help me out!

Something I have to remind myself is that everyone’s ocd experience is different. I always compare my symptoms and compulsions to other people and I always feel like I’m not feeling anxious enough, not doing enough compulsions, etc. to have ocd so yeah but everyone is different and experiences ocd differently

Seek therapy, ocd is not your friend, you can't do it alone. Seek help. Seek God. Don't be afraid, you're not alone. He loves you.

How bad can HOCD get because right now it feels so believable

I just had leftovers for lunch, so instead of posting that boring meal, I’m posting my beloved coffee with a small Reese’s Pieces for #tastytuesday!

I went through a bad break up two years ago and started putting pressure on myself to have sex. I ended up having a couple experiences of getting so anxious and in my head that I couldn't get an erection. The past year and a half has been a constant battle with intrusive thoughts over whether I am impotent, whether I even like sex, and whether I'm even attracted to women. All of which I know are false worries but I just replay them over and over. Any advice?

Happy Tuesday everyone! Okay I'm totally going to try to make #TastyTuesday a thing 🤣 post some food pics and make me hungry? This is sauteed shrimp, aloha peppers and mango over wild brown rice...with some spice 😊. I hope everyone slept well and is having a great morning so far!:)

Does anyone have ROCd where they are obsessed about their partner cheating ?

i’m so scared i’m just in denial. my mind is telling me i’m attracted to people that are 13 and younger but i’ve never had these feelings before. i was never worried about this prior to a week ago. everything felt fine. i am so scared… i’m not attracted to kids but my mind keeps saying ‘yes you are!’ and sometimes i don’t get a reaction from that. what if i am… there’s no way in hell i could ever hurt a kid. does anyone else ever get scared they might actually be attracted? i am so afraid. my mind has always tried making me out to be a horrible person but this is too far. i wish this could just… be over with. i’m so tired.

Can you have like 3 or 4 syptoms and aspergers and not actually have it? Weird question but I know that you guys could answer it for me.

I just read about GAD and took some online tests, turns out Im just about touching the severe anxiety mark. Im worried that Im just gay and cant accept it which is why I have gad rather than Ocd. Ughhh, I also took a ocd test and marked No compulsions since I have no idea If I have any compulsions or not. Its mainly just thoughts/feelings which I dont even know are intrusive anymore or not. Im so tired of all this nonsense. Sorry for so many posts :/ I just need some closure

I don’t like that I have developed this form of OCD. Part of me wishes that I could’ve formed any other one, this one hits way to close to home to me. It touches upon something that happened to me as a child so it feels absolutely disgusting for me to be struggling with this. It is pretty much going to ruin my life and I don’t know how to keep living anymore with this. My convulsions are horrible, I know logically I would never EVER do anything to hurt children. I spent so much time in my life working with kids and loving kids so for this to manifest out of nowhere is horrible. I seriously don’t think I can live with this. How do some people live with this, I wish I knew peoples success stories because it feels like I will never not feel this way now. I can’t eat anymore, I can’t sleep, I just feel constant intense anxiety, I don’t want to leave my house, and I just don’t want to live anymore. How am I supposed to be able to even live anymore?

i don’t like this feeling that i’m not into my boyfriend anymore i don’t want to NOT like him. idk if these are thoughts or not it feels like my intuition i just don’t know why i would lose feelings for him like he hasn’t done anything

Venting, explicit kinda, Share similar experiences if wanted. Finished my first day of school. Managed shame. Saw my girlfriend and she was cute as ever. Felt good to see her but I felt bad around her for some reason. My self worth has just tanked for some reason. My obsessions just feel ruining to my character, and sometimes I feel dishonest and sometimes I feel good knowing it's OCD. I don't know what I'm feeling now but I miss my girlfriend for some reason. I haven't seen her in a month and today I only saw her for 30 minutes. And it sucks because when I had hocd I got intrusive thoughts about her having a beard or a manly face, and with pocd I worry that I like her because she's childlike, which I can recognize is false because she is very womanly. Long day. Feel sad, kinda happy that I get to socialize again. OCD (which I want to believe is doing this to me) makes me feel like I've acted on my thoughts, because I had an intrusive dream one time about babies and woke up in a panic with an urge to look up naked ladies. I didn't do that compulsion. But I did m*sturbate two hours later, I can't remember why. But I remember after I had a panic attack that I may have acted on my dream. And I just remembered that panic today. That happened a month ago. It's funny how ocd can spiral, because it all started because I saw a child in a swimsuit, and worried about that since I was looking at women in swimsuits during my HOCD compulsive era. All of this is disheartening to write. I never looked up shit or got off before OCD. I hated it. I feel like I've lost myself. Old me would have never worried about anything like this. Old me would only unplug my power brick daily before leaving school. Check multiple times for a door being shut. Having to say I love you to my family right. Having that kind of ocd behavior was way easier. At least I felt like I could fit in. Sorry for the long vent. I just am so fed up with all the doubt.