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If I've tried erp and other forms of therapy where do I go next?

TW POCD Is it possible that pocd can turn into something worse? Why all of a sudden is it that after all this time struggling with pocd that it’s trying to convince me that I’m a monster and that I like the thoughts? Like wth…..I am so confused. It’s like my anxiety isn’t there! I know that I would never in my entire life harm anyone. I think the thoughts are disturbing and weird but I’m guessing because they are sexual intrusive thoughts that maybe that’s why it’s doing that? Because they were sexual? But then my mind tells me that I like it because of them…NO! First of all heck no! And second of all I refuse to ever let that be true. If I give it time will it become more clear to me? Will this go away with time or am I what I fear? I don’t know what else to do. I need to know because I would rather give up than to become a monster……

I can't stop comparing myself to others and wishing I never did the things I did. And that I would stop having these intrusive thoughts about everything in life..sexual and non sexual thoughts. Its killing me .

Happy Thursday night everyone:) what's uppp. How's everyone doing? Just a reminder that everyone moves at different places. No need to compare your progress to someone else's. Or your life for that matter. Keep doing you and the progress will come naturally. You deserve all the best 😊

Really struggling today😪 anyone up for a conversation about the similar things we struggle with? (Not looking for reassurance just could use a friend)

I keep thinking about what happened and I keep wanting to cry and cry I don’t know if I should just go home but I can’t because my sister is there or just stay at work and try to distract. I just keep crying like crazy I hate my mind

I have this one specific intrusive thought that never wants to leave me alone. It’s about my 7 year old sister and it makes me so sad. The first time i had the thought I was sent into a full panic mode. It went away but now it’s back and every time I think about how I have to go home at the end of the night the thought comes and comes strong and it doesn’t stop. The other night the thought came strong and it right after the thought screamed in my head “do it” and I just remember getting up and I went to the bathroom and I kept getting up to try to walk it off in a sense but when I would get up to walk there would be a scenario playing in my that I would end up in her room and it would just play out. Ever since than im scared to go home or see her. I cry sometimes when I see a picture of her at home when she’s not there because im seriously scared that one day I’ll lose control and it’ll happen. I don’t want to go home and there’s no where else for me to go home. I have so much guilt in that house. I share a room so it’s hard for me to just isolate. I feel like this isn’t OCD anymore and ERP won’t help me. I just wish I had enough money to move out or stay somewhere where I can’t hurt my family or anyone. Every day is just so hard. It’s really hard to get through the day. Everyday I just wish something bad could happen to me so I don’t have to continue living this fucking nightmare. Im not looking for sympathy or anything I just need to release how I have been feeling because I really don’t have anyone to tell because im sure people would just say im crazy or a p and I feel like they are probably right. I hate that this is happening to me I wish I could just end up but im too much of a coward to do it

I'm scared and increasingly sure that I'm the exception who is truly what I fear. At this point I'm close to just assuming I'm a p who's in denial, but I so desperately don't want to accept that, so maybe I'm just here because I'm in denial. I don't know. I know I'm not a danger to children. I would never hurt a child. But the things I did at 11-14 are not deniable, and the older I get the worse I realize it was. Ik I posted about this once before and I don't mean to repeatedly seek reassurance but I don't think I explained properly how serious what I did was. I will explain v briefly, basically I developed a fetish as a small child, exactly what it was of isn't important, the thing that's important is that at 11-14 I wrote stories and watched yt videos and looked up pictures of children, specifically little girls as young as sometimes preschool age, related to this fetish. The content was never explicit, contained nudity, references to sex, anything like that, which is why for those years I couldn't imagine how it could possibly be sexual (I now have learned that fetishes are inherently sexual). I would never do the things I did at that age again, but there has to be a reason I wanted to. If it was a one time thing it would be different. It wasn't. Meaning even if I didn't know it was wrong at the time, there had to be a reason I wanted to, aka I must be a p. It's a bizarre situation bc I don't have attraction to children, I don't want to hurt a child, etc., nor did I ever want to engage the fetish stuff I was doing in sexual activity (in fact I'm asexual), which means I literally don't fit the description of what a typical p would be, unless I'm actually enjoying my intrusive thoughts and not actually getting groinals but just am in denial. Idk. I'm afraid I'm either a suppressed full p or some unusual kind of "partial" p just because of what I did when I was younger. I just hate it all, I want to make it all go away, I want to press a magic button and delete pedophilia from the universe, but those are real past things I did and I can't just run away from my past, when there's a pattern of behavior like that. I know this is a mental health support community and ppl are rlly nice here but please don't be afraid to tell me if this isn't OCD and I'm actually a p. I swear I will not post about this again after this.

I have been crying all day. I feel like no one understands. I feel like somethings terribly wrong. I say to myself that I would never harm anyone and my mind comes back on me and says “yeah you would”. I tell my self that it’s disgusting and terrible and my mind says “no it’s not” or “you like/want it don’t you?” And then I go on this endless spiral of what if’s. What if I am in denial? What if I am a monster and I just don’t know it yet? What if this is the end of me? What if I have to kms? What if this pain never goes away? What if my thoughts are the deciding factor and then everyone is going to find out, hate me or want me gone. I never asked for this. I never wanted this. I don’t want to become what I fear. I have POCD that’s it. I downright REFUSE to let it be anything else… So I pray to God to heal me right now in Jesus name. Calm my mind and give me strength. There has to be a way to make this all go away for good. I just can’t seem to figure any of this out. Why me God, why me?

Going through a rough patch with hocd, I feel like I completely believe that I am a lesbian but won’t come out/accept myself. It just feels like a realization when I go through these rough patches and I’m just ignoring them so that’s why I keep having them. When it spikes my thoughts/feelings are revolving around arousal and what I get aroused by sexually. I’ve done my exposures but it feels like nothing is helping today and I can only let it pass and hope for a better day tomorrow.

Someone help me 💔

I feel like no one gets it. That I’m all alone in this. I don’t understand why this is happening. The thoughts feel so real. My mind keeps trying to trick me into thinking that I like the thoughts or want them. It just can’t be. Why does it feel so real? What’s wrong with me 💔

Did anyone freak out even more when they were diagnosed with OCD? I had some intrusive thoughts but they were bearable. It got 10x worse when I started looking into OCD more and was diagnosed.

I have a lot to say to my parents, I am 35 mine started young but hit hard at 16. Why didn’t they get me the help with this I needed growing up?? I could have been cured of this mess this disorder I didn’t have to suffer for 22 years. I feel like a fool like a idiot for suffering all these years I feel like a fool for my past for me trying to “figure myself out” it didn’t have to be like this or like it is for me right now my life could have been so much better and full of love. I am angry both my parents were drug addicts my mom had OCD she didn’t deserve to have kids when my symptoms got severe I turned suicidal my mom decided she wanted a divorce and abandoned us took my bro and sis and left me with her ex. I watched my dad tumble thru the divorce threatens suicide on me 3 times and I watched him put a shotgun in his mouth. All this is coming back up I am 35 now. I can’t stop thinking about the things I saw and the things that happened to me growing up. All this is on the surface now I am dealing with it. It’s all horrible I have been holding all this in for 22 years. I just want to be free and happy 😊. I feel Horrible

How does NOCD make money? And am I wasting resources by using it even though I'm not doing the therapy?

+18 only please Is there anyone on here that has their OCD heavily focused on pornography? It's how my OCD came up in the first place. This article here basically sums up how I feel about it all: https://fightthenewdrug.org/true-story-shame-kept-me-from-quitting-porn/

TRIGGER WARNING I wrote a story about what sexual orientation ocd looks like on a daily basis for me.. I am in no way trying to offend anyone by the context, I am just simply hoping that somebody with the same struggles reads this and knows that they are not alone.. yes I am doing therapy (currently searching for exposure therapy) with the assistance of medication. I'm doing what I need to in order to break this from my life. Hopefully somebody who reads this and relates,, this is a sign for you to get the help too.. we are all here for a reason. Let's work everyday to try and make tomorrow better♥️♥️♥️♥️ Thank you to all who read this!!!! I wake up and taste what kind of day it will be as soon as I let out my first yawn. I never had much uncertainty on that, knowing that my anxiety would alert me as soon as I opened my eyes. I lay down, staring at my phone, looking out the window, feeling like nobody in this world knows what is going through my head. Hell, if I even knew. I put on my robe and slippers and head to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I stare into the mirror procrastinating starting my day, looking into the eyes of somebody I once knew. Somebody that was sure of themselves in every aspect. I stare and I reminisce about the person I used to be. The person I knew. I start my coffee pot, debating on going to class. I can't possible leave the house today. My mind isn't right. How can I focus on my studies if I don't even know who I am anymore? What if the person that was once so passionate about my major, doesn't care anymore? Then the other side of my brain knows i can't give up, but man what a fight it is going to be today. I drive to school blasting my music. Music I used to enjoy, music I used to sing out loud with my horrible singing voice and never cared what anyone thought. The music that I used to dance to in the ice cream isle in the store. Then my mind sinks in. I sit in class waiting for my teacher to arrive. I look at my classmates who are all chatting amoungst eachother who have such confidence in their beings. I can't help but feel jealous. Wow, her hair is so long and pretty. Wait? Did I just think that? Great, it's starting. I just thought her hair is pretty because gay!!! Then my teacher comes in. Her makeup looks gorgeous today. Really? Another one? Now I can't stop looking at her makeup because I'm GAY! but how can I be gay? I never had a crush or romantic feeling towards a female? I'm not gay. But what if this is denial? What if I never truly knew my sexual orientation like I thought I did. What if me wanting to be friends with the popular girls in middle school was me actually being attracted to them? Even though I was more boy crazy then any 12 year old should be. What if, that time that my friend showed me lesbian porn at age 11, (striking my pornography obsession during puberty) was a sign that I was meant to be a lesbian? Why do I have such fear of this? I'm not homophobic in any way. Am I just a judgemental horrible person? No. I'm not. What if during the magical time that I was falling in love with my amazing boyfriend at age 16, it was just hormones? And it wasn't true love? How can I kiss the man that I know i love so dearly every night before bed with all of this uncertainty. Why do I have this uncertainty? Why do I like to look at other girls makeup, outfits, etc. Oh, thats right, it's because of this toxic fear I internalized growing up that I will never be pretty like the other girls. I've been insecure since I can remember. That must be it. Right? I would know if I'm gay. I mean, come on, I'm 18. I would of had a girl crush by now, right? But that article I read last week said sexuality could be fluid. Is mine? I knew my fear of being with a women was internalized since I was young and I knew a day would come that it would get worse. Is this a sign? ***Bell rings*** My teacher- "great class discussion today, remember the homework is due at midnight!" I leave knowing I took nothing out of that class. Just more uncertainty and anxiety that I have to go home to face. I scramble my thoughts throughout the day until I'm able to shut my eyes and wake up to start this horrible cycle all over again.

My relationship ocd is only one small obsession, but it’s causing me a ton of stress in my marriage. I constantly feel paranoid of cheating or just not ending up together. I often reject affection or love because I’m scared of there attachment I feel. Even after 6 years. What ways can you block out those negative thoughts???

Help 💔 I keep arguing with my mind. I keep having sexual intrusive thoughts and every time I tell my mind I don’t like the thoughts my mind is like “yes you do” and I’m like no, no I don’t. What should I do? Like honestly it feels so real. I do NOT want to ever be a monster or like the thoughts but it’s so convincing. Please help I’m on the end of my rope here

Every time there is more on this Larry Nassar case my real event ocd is triggered once again and I am sent spiraling for days