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the NOCD Community

I miss the old me 😔 I miss enjoying my boyfriend without questioning if I'm even attracted to men at all. Just feeling low....

Does anyone have OCD and bipolar disorder?

Does anyone else take the smallest things personally? I feel like my brain tricks me into thinking the littlest things mean something big and terrible. Last night my SO and I called to say goodnight (like we always do) and then I went to bed. He usually stays up a little after me and I wake up before him. This morning when I woke up, I saw he opened a Snapchat from me and left it on opened. I immediately spiraled. I know it was only because he opened it after we said goodnight so in his mind he knows I’m asleep and sees no need to respond cuz I’m not awake to answer. But my brain always convinces me it’s because he doesn’t actually like me or I get scared that I did something wrong or something to offend or upset him. It’s just so exhausting. I’m tired of fighting my brain. I’m tired of the self sabotage and trying to trick myself that he actually doesn’t like me (especially over something as dumb as a Snapchat). I’m tired of feeling like I did something wrong or that I’m broken. I’m tired of fighting those thoughts and having to assure myself we’re okay. I know he’s tired of it, too. It’s not fair to him. Does this happen to anyone else? What do you do?

Let’s be happy & confident in being straight for 25 years and then one night while watching a movie think “Oh she’s really pretty” (like you have many times before) but this time your mind goes “Gasp! Maybe that means your bi!.” That makes absolutely no sense and I am so exhausted from my intrusive thoughts. I just want to go back to before I watched that movie. 😮‍💨🥺😣

Happy monday y'all😊😊 yesterday's road trip to the rock and roll hall of fame was the COOLEST place ever Totally recommend it if you want somewhere awesome to go :) hope everyone is doing good! 💗💗💗

Hi all, I am sharing this information to meet others who have had the same thoughts and discuss about how to treat them. I have just moved in a new apartment and I am living alone for the first time. I have always been scared of horror movies. I have episodes of existential OCD every now and then. But moving in alone has made it worse on so many levels. My existential OCD is triggered by this. All the events feel like they are not real. Feeling disconnected from reality. And to top it off, my OCD is giving me thoughts that I have schizophrenia. It is making me believe that I will hallucinate and hear voices. Therefore I have become sensitive to the random noises around me. I also keep feeling that someone is watching me or someone is behind me. I keep imagining that I will eventually hallucinate a scary person or like a ghost or something in the house and it’ll chase me. I am scared of dark corners and opening doors. My OCD giving me scares that I have another mental disease is nothing new. But I don’t want to actually hallucinate because of these thoughts. If you have experienced something like this, I could really use some help talking about it.

Good Morning everyone! It’s Monday, the most dreadful day of the week, but day after day we keep moving and so do our emotions and our experiences so I hope this Monday lifts you up and helps propel you throughout the week. My little update about yesterday and the one beautiful thing I did, made homemade salsa and I don’t think I have ever did anything as hard as canning before. Kudos to y’all who can things regularly because that was tough! I’m gonna spend my Monday today watching the third Harry Potter movie and maybe do some gardening. I hope y’all have a great day today, I wouldn’t mind if y’all wanted to share some fun things about your day today. Sometimes it’s nice to share your experiences, even if it’s to complete strangers!

Is anyone awake right now? Just need support 😟😔

I have been doing really well until tonight. I have a terrible relationship with my little sister, ever since we were kids, she would hurt me physically and act out and would always find ways to make me feel horrible whether with words or physically. It hasn’t stopped and I’m 24 and she’s 23. When we were kids, I wanna say 6-7 years old, we were way too involved with stuff on the internet and I remember us doing sexual things and knowing we probably shouldn’t but we did anyway, we may have been to close or I don’t know what it was. It maybe happened 4 times and then never again and we carried on with our lives and never spoke of it. We fight a lot because she has put me in situations where I get beat up by her ex bf’s or she puts our home at risk because of the crowd she’s around. And so I sometimes can’t handle it and I go off and she says anything to hurt me. I’m very angry and distressed because I have tried to process this on my own in my life because I just never want to be close to her again after this, she tells my dad and then she says she’s over it and just wants to be my friend. But I want nothing to do with her. I feel horrible now and searching up on the internet if I am okay in the damn head because of what happened as kids. I know this is A LOT and maybe there is judgement on me and that’s okay, I feel grossed out myself which is why I dug it down into my memories but right now all I can think is if I told my bf or anyone close to me they’d think I’m disgusting and I sexually abused my sister when we were kids.

I came home tonight from hanging out with my boyfriend and I go into my room to see a heart drawing made by my little sister taped up on my wall next to my bed and it makes me feel so sad and guilty. I wish I had never gotten any intrusive thoughts about my sister. I’m such a shitty older sister I hate it. I just wish this never happened. It sucks because she sees me cry because this is all new and it’s hard and she’s always like “big sis are you okay” I don’t deserve her kindness. Tomorrow I start ERP let’s hope it goes well. This is the heart drawing it made me sad :,(

I’m so bothered right now I sure hope it’s just OCD messing with me and not something else 🤦🏻‍♀️😭💔

Hi everyone! I have tried really hard to stop posting as much on this app. I realized that I was using it as a compulsion and posting on here almost everytime I had an anxious thought. It’s so nice to be met with compassion and understanding but I was also using it for reassurance/a crutch. But anyway, I’m REALLY stuck on something and I’ve already wasted my entire afternoon being really anxious about it so I’m just going to post it here as a way to salvage my mental health. My ex and I broke up 3 months ago and I am CONSTANTLY getting super triggered by things that happened in our past. Even things that occurred years ago, I seem to suddenly intrusively remember and then have to “solve them” all over again. What’s so frustrating is that my brain is so fuzzy and my memories are so blurry since it was so long ago, but I can’t seem to rely on my brain to accurately remember or decipher the situation. Today, I’m completely stuck as I remember a situation from one of the times him and I broke up temporarily. I remember being at a friends house and her and I were swiping through my Tinder for fun, when he popped up on my profile. When I went to his profile and checked his latest Instagram posts on his profile, it showed the latest Instagram photos of being from while we were still together. At the time, and now, this has led me down a rabbit hole of anxiety wondering if he was swiping on tinder while we were “madly in love“. I’ve googled everything I could about when Instagram and tinder update themselves. But now, everything I Google or look up about Instagram photos syncing with tinder makes it seem like there’s no way he wasn’t swiping while we were together. I’m pretty sure I confronted him about it at the time, even though him and I were broken up, because I was so upset and anxious. And I obviously worked through it at the time and let it go until now- 2 1/2 years later. Him and I are still great friends at this point, and all of me wants to call him and ask for reassurance but I know that that’s silly because it was so, so long ago. I feel like these things keep coming up because my anxiety is trying to still take this relationship away from me, even though it’s technically already over. In my mind, if I find out that he did bad things in the past, I can’t be friends with him in the present. I’m so tired of having these things come up on a daily basis and giving away my days to anxious thoughts from years ago, but I don’t know how to stop it from happening. Sorry this is so long, but thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate any advice and I’m crying as I write this. Thank you

Does anybody have any advice? The intrusive thoughts and groinal responses have really affected me… Even when I’m not anxious and not having thoughts or groinal responses. It’s like a part of me is lost or like un sure… In my head I’m like “can you really go back to “knowing” you’re straight or feeling like how you use to?” It does feel like I won’t ever be the same. Like I can’t see things the same. I don’t know what to do.

does anyone have any tips on connecting with your partner again? i feel so disconnected from him to the point where it feels like i don’t even know him and he’s a stranger.

Has anyone recovered/recovering from ROCD and have a successful relationship?

I just started Therapy with NOCD, which I'm so happy about. Finally told my husband I am doing therapy, which I have been so nervous for because he doesn't fully understand OCD, he thinks I should be able to just fully shut it off and know my thoughts are ridiculous. I feel like that spirals my thoughts. Also, because we are Christians, there is a danger in allowing bad thoughts to just be there, I feel like that spirals me because with OCD, you must allow it to be there.

How do you explain your daily torment to your spouse in a way they'll understand? I have pure o and huge avoidance behaviors. My husband thinks I'm lazy or I feel too much or I overcomplicate everything. He tells me I'm negative and I always think the worst and I'm exhausting. :( I wish more than anything he understood that I procrastinate making dinner bc I picture poisoning my whole family and it scares me so much that I just order take out again. Or I ask him to clean my daughters ear piercings bc I pick at my own skin and if I touch her ears she'll get a horrible infection and get septic and die bc I touched her newly pierced ears (even with the alcohol stuff). Or I lay around playing games on my phone because I need distractions to numb out so I don't think about hurting anyone or cheating on him. How do you say that to the father of your kids without him trying to take them away from you? He doesn't even believe in mental illness. He sees it as weakness. :( Any help would be awesome bc I don't know what to do.

This post involves discrimination in the workplace. am under a significant amount of stress. I am concerned my employer is attempting to terminate me and believe that my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is being used to discriminate against me. I wont mention said employer, however I work as a fraud investigator and there are significant regulations that exist which I cannot go into detail about my work. I have been employed for this company coming up 6 years, never had a disciplinary act, before I was employed, I advised protection under the Americans With Disabilities act that I had OCD. During training I nearly lost my job. The trainers were in my opinion discriminating against me for taking too many notes, asking questions because I did not feel the answers provided were clear or were not answering questions I had or that I had found contradictions in some cases and that the trainer was taking their frustration out on me. My name was openly displayed in front of the class and I was taken to the back and coached almost everyday to the point I was taken before management and was about to be terminated, I contacted HR and explained my situation and I was left alone. I succeeded with my job and was promoted on multiple occassions, management and peers liked me, no disciplinary actions and I was eventually promoted to a fraud investigator due to my previous background. During my tenure, I found that my tasks had started off very easy and I was quick, but over time my work became much more complex and I was expected to produce much more work in less time, I found the lack of consistency causing me to doubt decisions or that my work was being challenged despite never causing a single loss. Even minor things I felt I was being questioned about my time if I went to use the bathroom, if I had made a joke, had asked for assistance for someone to help with a task, for simply asking procedure questions to management, I was constantly being called into meetings, denied job postings and opportunities despite no formal warnings and interviews going exceedingly well, any critique that was to sound helpful was treated like I was being negative, I felt I had been cheated out of bonuses and punished for things I literally had no control over. As of recent, management has been aggressively staking out esentially anything I do like a pitbull that just won't let go. I genuinely am trying to do my job, stop fraud and properly investigate but I feel like this is being hindered because any decision I make is the wrong decision, Yes or No doesn't resolve the issue. I am currently paying a mortgage, have a wife and child to support and this has taken a dramatic toll on everything to the point of tears, anger, depression and anxiety not knowing what to do. I have attempted to resolve this in so many different ways but I feel powerless in my words, actions or anything to prove I am doing the right thing. I have asked and invited management to watch what I am doing. Just recently after asking to speak to a supervisor, I was advised I was being referred for disciplinary action as a result of this. I recently had to contact our HR to provide ADA documentation but I feel like the people I report to are going to continue to make my life a living hell and I am just lost at this point.

Hi I need help. I have not been diagnosed with ocd but I am sure I have it hence why I am here. I am a teenager and matured quicker then normal so my family treat my younger than my mental age ( understandable). The accept when my cousin has ocd and we share compulsions but completely dismiss it when i bring up getting help and getting an official diagnosis. It feels like they are ashamed of having a child with a mental disorder and it kills me when they are accepting of my cousins ocd, another cousins autism and another cousins dyslexia, and support them. When I told my friends about my situation they said I was lying and accused me of being one of those people faking it ok social media to seem edgy or different. I can’t sleep without checking the 46th minute of every hour, turning off the lights in order, tucking my curtains behind my cushions, picking my socks in a specific place, avoiding touching all water except for showering counting things to eight, counting my steps too and from school and tossing and turning in my bed in a certain way. This started very young and got worse when someone very close to me died the same day as when I didn’t do one of my compulsions. I still blame myself to this day. You may have seen my post and I have tried to post it here to get as much help as possible. If anyone has any advice whether you think I don’t have ocd, whether you think I am a dramatic teen or not any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.

My grandparents living room ceiling had a leak and broke through seven years ago. They had asbestos in the ceiling and a special company had to come and repair the hole. There was some large statues in their home next to the debris. My grandparents died of natural causes two years later. My parents took the statues into their home and they have been there for five years. I walked past one today and bumped into it. My ocd is telling me I now have asbestos on me and I’m going to die. Although it thinks it’s immediately I know this would occur for a number of years. The anxiety is very intense, but I am sitting with it and trying not to respond. Does anyone else have these same worries about asbestos? Please don’t post any reassurance. I would appreciate a general consensus of the same fear. Worrying about asbestos has really destroyed my life for eleven years and I’m trying to go against it to recover but man it’s difficult especially without meds.