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Worrying so much is so comforting somehow. I feel as though it’s the norm. I’m a little hesitant to part with it. I’m scared to feel nothing when I’m supposed to be worrying. I hope this doesn’t sound ridiculous.

trigger warning so nobody accidentally picks up this ocd type and tw for weed usage. i think this is ocd at least. i am diagnosed but it could be something else. im 15 and it all started after i got too high off of weed one night and had a panic attack when i was 14. it felt like my whole reality was shattering. i felt like i wasn’t real and that the world around me was fake. ever since ive been struggling with self image and wondering if im insane and if the world around me and the people around me are real. or if im even real. i wonder about people and the evolution behind it. what are we?? we created this civilization and its just odd to me for some reason, how everything became to be. i look around and wonder who i am, if im insane, i look at myself in the mirror somedays and wonder if i fit inside my body. if personality is just a construct or something else. it spirals into thoughts like am i even real?? am i a real person?? is the world around me real or a simulation or god knows what. it used to cause me major distress but ive learned to manage it because what else am i supposed to do. the worries come and go. it usually happens when i worry if im gonna die (ex if i stay up too late and arent tired i wonder if im gonna have a heart attack) and that spirals my anxiety. i feel like im in a constant state of disassociation or existential worries. i keep trying to find proof that im sane and everything is real but it just makes me worry more. im not good at letting stuff go, but i think thats what i have to do. i wonder if anyone else struggles with this or if im just crazy and alone. i think my ultimate fear is losing control of myself, if my brain spirals off to far and i cant reel it back in. sort of like a point of no return.

Hi! So I can't stop thinking that I am a bad person .. Idk .. I doubt everything .. I can't stop thinking about all may past actions and I cant stop thinking that I had bad intentions in everything .. Also I keep having thoughts about what if I really want to hurt someone .. I keep having intrusive thoughts about harming people .. I am so scared Idk if I really want or its just intrusive.. but they cause me distress... Any advice? Is someone going trough the same thing?

I need to go to church tmrw but I feel like crap... ^^ Idk if this is OCD or not but I feel like I do not fit in my own skin no matter what I do :( Yeah basically I feel like sleeping forever idk :p

Because I struggle with false memory and real event ocd, I feel like God hates me. I remember praying to God please give me a reason to live and I honestly don't deserve it. What it makes this worse is that, I ask God to just end my life.

vent // ‼️TW: implied thought of su*cide‼️ hey guys, this is my first post. just wanted to share something from my notes app to see if anyone could relate! and if not, just something to see of how I feel/think when intrusive thoughts are beating me down :D here it goes: “I feel like I’m burning up. drowning. trapped. what if I am a bad person….? it’s like I’m obsessing over and over…. overthinking….. it’s killing me…. and I feel selfish for not wanting to die….. how would I react to someone who is going through the same thing as me…..? of the opposite sex….? I feel like I can’t even think for myself…. I doubt everything….. what if the next thing I feel or decision I make is wrong? I just want to be good. it feels like I just shed into a new person the next day……. like the past is not me……. but it’s still the same body……. I feel like I can’t ever be clean again…. I’m stained…… if I could go back to being a child, I would do the right things and make sure to stand my ground……. it’s hard…… not knowing if I should continue or not….. but again, I don’t want to die….. how selfish of me….. not because of that…… why do I keep asking so many questions…..??? like I’m not even sure who I am…..??? I’m doubting myself again……. sometimes I feel like a child that’s still learning about rights and wrongs…….. is it possible that I’m different…..? I feel like I see the world differently……. everyone does….but for me……there are certain things I don’t understand…… it’s hard……. sometimes wanting to go……. but thinking of her…….. oh, if I could just protect her from the world……. if she could just stay happy being little…… it’s funny how I want to shield her from the wicked…… but what’s the point if I feel like I am wicked myself……????”

I’ve been wondering a lot these past two months have been really bad. I’ve had just about every theme of OCD from harm, sexual, existencial you name it. The only theme I haven’t had is germ OCD, I think it’s because I’m a nurse and I literary live around germs. This time around I’ve been obsessing with sleep and not being able to sleep, which has caused me to have depression. And now I’m like obsessed over my depression to the point where I’m literary questioning my own sanity, and my own experiences almost as if I’m over analyzing every experience and feel depressed over it evened good experiences feel like ass cus I just start doubting them. Has anyone experience this before? I got started on sirtraline and now I am obsessing over the fact that I need a pill to get better which I hate cus I’ve been able to beat my OCD unmedicated. Am I beyond help at this point ? I feel like I am a completely different person I don’t even remember what I used to be like.

Waking up in a panick everyday thinking if this is real life or not, the thoughts never stop, I just want to get better, I had a panick attack yesterday thinking this wasn’t real life, I coped with alcohol for the past 4 years, now when I wake up it’s straight to this isn’t real life and you should just hurt yourself, am I going crazy ?

I’m wondering if anyone can relate? I often overanalyse my feelings/emotions and check that I’m feeling happy enough. If I’m not, it makes me super anxious that I’m not enjoying life enough. In the past, Ive been known to keep diaries when on holiday to keep track of my feelings so I can check back afterwards to make sure I did actually have a good time. In my brain, everyone effortlessly seems to enjoy life, social gatherings, big events, holidays…enjoyment seems to come to easy to other people? Whereas I, whilst I do enjoy myself at times, find myself obsessing over enjoying stuff enough or being happy enough. Like if I’m not euphorically happy or crying from laughter every 2 minutes, I’m clearly not living life. I’m not sure if it’s an OCD trait or…? It certainly feels it, what with all the checking and monitoring of feelings. It’s definitely heightened around big events (parties, social gatherings, weddings, holidays). It’s a theme I come back to quite a lot and I find it quite distressing. Most of my themes are very internal and a lot of compulsions are mental, I spend a LOT of time ruminating if I’m having a bad day. Hope someone else can relate or maybe has some tips? :)

TW I hate that God considers others like Israel and the apostles as more special than me and the Gentiles. And I also hate that everyone has someone they would rather be with than with me.

What was your most absurd obsession? I’ll start. I once convinced myself I didn’t have blood. Yes I am fully aware that you need blood to live, but I just didn’t believe I had any and I was resisting the urge to try and find out.😂

I’ve been diagnosed with OCD and GAD. I pick my skin to cope with this sense of impending doom, then become more anxious because I’m afraid I’ll get an infection through the wound so I immediately pour hand sanitizer on it. The burning sensation provides temporary relief and it’s like I can “feel” the microbes dying? Like idk how to describe it. I also get unwarranted thoughts of self harm. I’ll randomly be like “being dead is easier” or “I don’t deserve to be alive.” I just get so overwhelmed with the future and then my brain is like “you could unalive yourself.” I know there’s some overlap between both disorders so I’m just wondering if anyone else has similar experiences? I feel like even though I have a diagnosis and am on medication and have been in CBT that something is off.

I love my husband very much. I feel at peace when I’m with him and I like to make him happy. But ever since the soocd kicked in, I can’t stop thinking about whether im an imposter. What if I’m actually not straight and this whole time I was just going by what society told me was right - liking guys. What if when I was little I forced myself to crush on guys because my dad is homophobic? I had a sexual dream with another girl and it was like if I could control my actions and thoughts in the dream and I didn’t stop myself. That scares me so much. I just don’t want to hurt my husband in the future if I ever figure out if my true self is not who I thought I was. Sometimes I don’t know if it’s truly ocd or denial but it consumes my thoughts alllll day!

Suicidal ocd got so bad again, i means i still didnt healed that and i dont know how to heal it. I say its suicidal ocd but i still feel like it might be real and i explain why. Again i got so frustrated and felt down that i got thoughts like just end it im tired. Theres no guarantee that one day i might not act on this tho and this is why im afraid. Alot of times these thoughts come up when im angry, frustrated and depressed and even that i dont want to, its not concious, it makes me cope with the feelings cause when i have these thoughts suddenly the pain goes away and thats why im afraid cause it feels like im coping the pain with the thoughts of dying. I feels so diffetent than how others discribe suicidal ocd. I actually find it that mine is similar to the people who says they experienced suicidal thoughts before. I heard someone sharing her story and said she hated how shr looked and she experienced suicidal thoughts. For me when i deal with any anger or shame or i feel like i look ugly i do have these thoughzs too popping up my mind, i dont like them but they are there, but the girl who said it didnt liked them either and i feel like alot of times when people share about their suicidal thoughts, they doesnt like them. And what is the scariest thing to me, the usual beleif is that suicidal people doesnt want to die, they just want to end the pain. So there is, they doesnt want to die, they just want to escape. And when i ask that myself, i respond like well yeah i dont want die but do i want to stop the suffering? Well yeah who doesnt... and these thoughts are really strong for me it seems like i do have some problems with that cause others doesnt seem to struggle like this with it. So should i accept that im actually have suicidal problems and accept the shame and bad feeling and work on that?

Hi everyone. I really want to go back to enjoying my life. I know its possible as i felt like this before 7 years ago but i am to much in my head to remember how i snapped out of it. I keep having panic attacks. I know there panic attacks. I know there is nothing seriously wrong with me. I know im not gonna just drop dead. Yet i keep getting anxious. I absolutely love my life. I have a job i enjoy. A loving husband and two beautiful children. Although we have normal life struggles i am still happy with my life. Yet 4 weeks ago my panic attacks started again. After being dormant for 7 years. Im afraid of death and leaving my family and life. I dont know why i am so afraid. I am a Christian (although i dont go to church) i believe in God and i believe my life is planned out for me. I believe whatever is gonna happen will happen and we are just along for the ride. I know whenever my times comes it will be my time. No amount of panicking will change that. I guess despite my faith i am human and the unknown of death and the fear if what i believe isnt real i could cease to exist and thats terrifying. I just want to be able to take on life not living in fear.

I've struggled for years thinking if I offend God, he'll unalive me in my sleep. I think every pain is a sign I've offended him. The issue is, I'm not religious. Not in that way. I was raised pagan. But my brain is like "God is gonna kill you" and I obsess over dying. Im terrified. Because i believethere is life after death but my brain wont let me believe it in bad obsessive times. Am I alone in this?

Hi everyone I honestly feel so defeated My anxiety and ocd has been so intense I have intrusive thoughts about everything for example I suffer w harm ocd I suffer w the thought that I feel like I’m not genuine I suffer with being terrified of mental illness such as schizophrenia I get scared I’ll snap n lose control I suffer with the fact that I’m scared my anxiety will never go away n I’ll never get better I suffer w being so irritable w the people I love Recently I’ve been terrified people r staring at me and can read through my body language of how I think Today my brain felt scrambled, I woke up for work when I didn’t have work - in my defense I didn’t check the schedule and took this day off a month ago I went to the wrong location for a workout class And I went to a friends house took off my shoes n can’t find them. So now I’m fearing that I’m losing my mind n becoming delusional. I want to try medication but I’ve heard so many bad things. I’m just so sad of feeling like this. This is my outlet bc some of you understand. But it’s really isolating idk how some people even work it’s hard sometimes I push myself every single day and it’s been 3 years and I feel like I’ve had no sense of peace. Any advice?

I just want my brain to stop. I feel like I can’t even talk to anyone about it anymore because I’m just bothering my boyfriend with my problems at this point. I have compulsively vented since elementary school about my intrusive thoughts, and that’s all I’ve ever known. I’m afraid of almost everything and can’t even get on an airplane. I don’t even have the money to afford specialized therapy for OCD. I keep thinking I might be God and everyone else is fake, getting scared at that thought and upset for even thinking it, but still continuing to think it. I’ve been stuck in bed all day. The worst part is nobody can give me reassurance because they could just be a figment of my imagination, so I’m just stuck in this loop.

When i was a teen (younger than 18) i fell into the world of 🌽. I admit i would get off to it and it may have became an addiction. Eventually i fell into more taboo topics. Things like cnc and pee which eventually lead to diapers. I don’t have those kinks but as a teen it was just something new. Anyway the main thing that distressing me was people roleplaying younger. I didn’t know they were trying to act like kids and thought it was just something new. About a year later i was diagnosed with ocd officially even though i had been dealing with it my whole life. Then i fell deep into a spiral thinking i got off to kids. I obviously never watched child p or things like that it was all roleplay and stuff but i feel horrible. I’m older now and think about it all the time. I read things about real pedos doing stuff like that when they were younger and i’m so scared i’m one. I didn’t even realize they were trying to act like kids i thought that was just how it was. I feel horrible and wonder what to do a lot. Please don’t be mean i’m really struggling.

I can't get out of bed. I can't eat. I'm already skinny. My thoughts and responses are so confusing now, they've all blended together and it feels so real now. All I'm thinking now is "I am." Even though I don't want to be, it's not me, but scenarios are playing in my head as if I like them and want them. I just don't want to be here anymore. I had other themes but they have been pushed out for this one.