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Is it common with OCD to have intrusive thoughts that are delusional in nature and disturbing because you realize that they’re delusional?

My ocd always makes me think the worst and tells me that the only explanation for things is that I did something horrible. I had an incident years ago that has made my life miserable. I guess it’s a real event and possibly false memory as well. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me sometimes. One morning I got up and he was still asleep. I put my daughter on the school bus and went back upstairs to my room and he was awake sitting up wrapped in the blanket. I said good morning and told him to come downstairs with me and get breakfast like I always did but when he got out of bed he didn’t have his underwear on. I yelled at him demanding to know why he took his underwear off. He was 2 or 3 and he pointed at me and yelled “You!”. My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible to him in my sleep. Why would he say that? 😪. I don’t want to live thinking I could have done something so horrible. It has made my life so hard to live. Now all these years later since my memory has faded my ocd brings it back up and tells me maybe I was drinking and did something to him and just don’t remember. People without ocd probably wouldn’t think much about these kinds of situations and would just shrug them off as weird things kids do and say or that happen in life and parenthood but my ocd makes me believe I did something horrible and makes me hate myself and living. 😞

I’m crying as I’m typing this and drinking because my ocd has convinced me I raped my friend 5 times. She doesn’t believe me. It’s because she was asleep for 4 out of the 5 times and it’s killing me. It’s strangling me that I might’ve done these heinous acts. I feel sick to my stomach. I’m scared I’m so scared because I DONT WANT TO RAPE ANYONE. And my brain is telling me I did it and I believe my brain I believe it I believe it happened and I’m scared I’m so scared please please please help me I’m so scared

I cry everyday thinking of things. Please help and share if this is truly what OCD does. I keep thinking in my past I was pregnant. I remember being paranoid but i do not remember taking a pregnancy test. Ocd keeps putting things in my head such as “you did a pregnancy test” or “you had a miscarriage” I tell my mom this and she is my biggest supporter but I feel like I was because i’m starting to believe it and give up.

How can you tell the difference between actual memories and false memory OCD? I try to do this but every time I do it my mind wonders off

2 years ago I worked at a store for only 3 days. It was a family owned business that does a lot of events for wedding showers, baby showers, birthdays etc. I knew of this family from a private school I went to for one year in high school but did not know they owned this family business. I went to school with the daughter who was a couple of years older than me. She was the popular girl in school and is beautiful. Her dad and older sister owns the business and she also works there. The owner hired me because at that time, I was aspiring to become a florist and was making floral arrangements that she was interested in her business. When I had started the job, I was doing outside work. Not floral work that I thought I would be doing. I noticed that me, and two other women were doing all the outside work while everybody else was inside talking and laughing all together at the coffee bar. I thought to myself.. “we are doing the hard work while the family and friends get to have fun.” I got really defensive over it and called my mom. She told me I needed to tell the owner (the oldest daughter who hired me) how I felt…and so I did. But what I wanted to say came out all jumbled and didn’t really make any sense - I couldn’t get my point across because I became so overwhelmed in the moment. The owner started talking down to me.. like if I was a child and that how “everyone has different rolls and positions so some people work outside and some stay inside.” I knew this. But it was the fact that the three of us we were working so hard outside and I come in for one minute and see a group of women having a full on conversation and laughing at the coffee bar doing nothing to help the actual business. Now, I shouldn’t have assumed this, but I couldn’t help but think it wasn’t fair. I got really upset, picked up my floral arrangements that I had made for them and walked out abruptly. I couldn’t stop thinking over that day. I emailed the owner and said I was sorry for walking out. I got no answer. A few days after, I felt like I needed to return my t-shirts. I folded them neatly and walked in and the beautiful sister I went to school with was at the front desk. I told her I wanted to return these shirts and asked if she could please tell her older sister that I was sorry. I also noted that I had really bad anxiety. She gave me a very uninvited face and said “I will let her know”. I said thank you and walked out. I could feel her watching me leave and felt so bad about myself. 2 years go by and recently, like couple of months ago, I went BACK because all this time I had been thinking about that day. My OCD thinks I constantly need to apologize and that I’m always wrong for my actions. When I walked in, the popular girl I went to school with was there with one of the girls that I originally worked with outside. I asked if I could please talk to her sister. She said “My sister only comes in on Tuesdays and Thursdays.” … that day was a Thursday. So I just asked her if she could please tell her sister that I was sorry again. I constantly replay that day. I constantly compare myself to the girl I went to school with. I constantly feel like I did something wrong…. Maybe I shouldn’t have assumed they were doing nothing. Maybe I should apologize to the sister again. I can’t even make floral arrangements anymore because I feel that the flowers are associated and contaminated with the store and the people. I loved gardening and because part of the business was a garden or for people to buy plants, I feel like I can’t like flowers or gardening anymore. When I drive past the building I can’t help but think. I think about them all the time. About how much I messed up! I overreacted and maybe I deserved to be talked down to. I constantly compare myself to the girl i went to school with. I convince myself that I constantly need to apologize even tho it was 2 years ago. Even though I know there has been way worse that has happened to me or even to other people, this is the day I can’t get out of my head and I don’t know why. Sometimes, I even convince myself that I have the incident wrong.. like I forgot a big part of the situation and I’m way worse of person in the story than I think I am.. even though I already blame myself for it all. What if that job would have been an amazing opportunity if I just wouldn’t have said anything. Maybe they really were just having a short conversation and headed out when 5 minutes after. I do take medication but sometimes I feel so hopeless and immensely down about life because of this. So many of these unwanted thoughts about these people I really even barely know.. sometimes it’s hard to even think I’m actually living anymore. SO SO sorry this so long.

Honestly, I relapsed so hard these days. I can´t keep my mind free of intrusive thoughts. My mind always come up with something I did or I think I did that makes me feel Iḿ the worst person ever. I feel super ashamed and guilty. I can´t stand it anymore. Im crying in my bed right now, out of frustration.

i’m sorry for posting a lot but i’m relapsing again and it’s hitting hard this time. It feels so real the thoughts feel like they are becoming mine and I thought i was doing better but no Im not because im suffering again. I feel like this time i can’t ignore them if i do they will be my thoughts. i will become who i fear becoming. i don’t want to die but i don’t want to live like this. i’ve never been more suicidal then when this last ocd relapse hit. this is the 3rd month im going through this theme and it’s relentless and painful and attacks every.little.thing. i doubt everything. i’m sorry for posting so much but. i’m afraid i can’t keep on moving. my heart is tired and beat up and broken and my mind is against me so how can I trust it? idk i don’t want this. it feels so real.

I woke up extremely sad today, sad that I have to live this struggle on a daily basis, having to deal with bad thoughts telling me that I'm a bad person and that I'll never deserve good things. I don't even want to get out of bed, everything hurts. Will I ever have a normal life? Like, will I be able to trust my memories without imagining so many bad possibilities? I know there's a treatment, but so many bad things have happened in my life that I don't know if I can handle so much anxiety.

I'm having such a hard time dealing with a false memory, it kills me to know that I'm not going to get the details of this memory. My aunt tries to calm me down by telling me that I didn't do anything bad to my little cousin, but I can't stay okay for long. The fact that this memory occurred on a day when we were just starting to wake up makes it worse, because immediately the thought comes that my aunt might not have been fully awake at the time to confirm anything, plus it's practically impossible to ask my little cousin to remember anything either. But all of this is frustrating because I have a memory of waking up and just lying there thinking about random things, apart from the fact that my cousin never changed with me, he never acted as if I represented some kind of danger. And one thing that also confronts all these bad thoughts is that at that time I already knew I had OCD, I always remember what they say about people with OCD never doing what the intrusive thoughts say they are capable of, and at that time I was scared to death just thinking about something bad, like, I didn't even want to think about it, how would I have the courage to do it? And on top of all that, I remember the memory I have of just lying there thinking about random things, why doesn't my mind trust that? Why does it keep coming up with horrible details that make no sense? Like, before I discovered OCD I never behaved like that, I never wanted to hurt anyone, why doesn't my mind just focus on that? I know they're traps, but this idea that I'm a bad person is desperate, it makes me think that I'm not worthy of living, that I don't deserve good things and that I'm deceiving everyone and myself. I don't know how to get out of this cycle, sometimes I'm okay but it always comes back, it's like something saying "No matter how much you run away, you've done something bad and you're not as good a person as you try to tell everyone" or something like "The only way to get rid of this is to have all the details and you'll never have them". It's just scary, I have no words, it's scary and suffocating. How can I live with it?

sometimes when I read all these posts I just start crying 😭😭 I hate that we are all suffering like this… ocd is not for the weak and its so frustrating 😭 Im really tired honestly… my ocd has its good and bad days but im just exhausted by all of it. I cant enjoy simple things because my ocd has to overcomplicate every little thing and create these “signs” as to what I am and what I am not. Ive had ocd for over a year now im a just upset 😭😭😭 I dont want to live like this forever… I have a lot of people who say, “you can talk to me if you want” and its really sweet 💓 but I dont think anyone can understand what I am feeling because even I cant… I dont know what im doing- how im feeling- who I am- or even what my values are 😭 ocd just makes me question everything. I am a 14 year old girl 😭😭😭 how am I supposed to know what to do? Ive talked mom about my ocd a few times and she tries to help but she doesn’t even understand 1/5th of what I go through daily. I appreciate her caring even if its a little but I just want some help 😭😭 I am a bit scared of therapy though. But im willing to try but im not sure if my mom will let me… Ocd just makes me feel so unlovable. I hate it.

It's been a couple of years going through my mental health journey. Long story short I had an identity crisis after smoking a lot of weed consistently. Psychosis runs in my family along with some other mental health issues. I started to question everything about myself I broke down in front of coworkers and they started tormenting me. Purposefully taking fallic shaped objects and dangling them around my face. Telling me I'm gay, purposefully triggering me by messaging me you don't know who you are multiple times a day. It was psychological warfare. Everytime I tried to stand up for myself my body would freeze and I would go into survival mode. I would black out and suppress these memories to make myself feel better. It became a habit. At home I was also getting bullied by people that I thought were friends. One of them grabbed my testicles and told me to repeat after me "you're gay". I remember repeating "you're gay" back to him as I was in survival mode and had no control of my body or mind in the moment. I couldn't even see clearly or hear my own voice. This happened 3 more times. I now think I say my trauma out loud after I'm triggered. I believe I go back into my trauma moments and repeat things people may have said to me while I was "spaced out" in the past. I have some memories but they are very foggy and I feel as though I can't trust my own mind right now. I'm scared to go into any social situations because I'm afraid I may say my trauma responses out loud. So do I have HOCD which is then triggering my trauma? Can trauma create OCD type symptoms? I am doing trauma threapy but should I be more focused on OCD therapy?

I am having a really hard time with what I think is a form of memory hoarding that started about 3 years ago. I have seen multiple therapists and explained my symptoms, but they are not aware of what memory hoarding is and have a hard time understanding what I am experiencing prompting them to try to address a possible underlying issue. While it may be beneficial to address the underlying issue, it is still not helping me get through the episodes of panic and severe anxiety that has thrown me into a cycle of depression. I am now taking Wellbutrin and Fluxomine, but they are only slightly helping me. I am constantly trying to remember what I am thinking about, talking about, listening to or doing and often times things will "slip my mind" (almost like a feeling of amnesia) and I cannot move forward until I either remember or convince myself that I remember. Sometimes this will take days to get out of the cycle of trying to remember and I am so stuck I cannot think about or focus on anything else. These are not important things which is the hardest thing to explain. This is causing major issues in my life, family, work, personal to the point where I could not get out of bed, had suicidal thoughts and thought I would need to quit my job. I used to be able to forget things and be able to laugh it off and think, if it was important it will come back to me, otherwise who cares! Has anyone else experienced anything like this? I have seen a lot of posts on reddit, but never spoke to anyone that has the same or similar issue.

Advice needed 8 years ago I had the worst experience ever with intrusive images. They were flashing like crazy. They felt immersive. They felt real. My first worry was “what if these are from god” and I found that other people experience that I proved this wrong… however it’s resurfaced Now it’s “your images look weird… nobody else’s images look like this” So I check my memory But god, it’s difficult to know what’s accurate and what’s not How do I prove it’s not supernatural? Not from god? Not from something else? Not something more than OcD? I’m afraid there’s a message - something telling me to do something bad I just want my old head back and not being in this space Please help

i hate ocd i hate the control it has i hate the inability to distinguish real from fake i hate the immense guilt i hate it feeling like a horrible person

It starts off with thinking you’ve done something wrong but it’s hazy it doesn’t say what but it fits with what you’re afraid of. It then starts adding pictures and scenarios and they start to become more and more detailed until you don’t know what’s real or not anymore. I’ve struggled with this for almost 15 years of the same false memories occasionally adding more details. Has anyone else had this experience of false memories becoming so detailed it’s hard to argue against?

Just now I was thinking of all the times I was at my sisters kindergarten and after proving that I haven’t done anything inappropriate there I suddenly remembered when in November there also was some event there and I had to walk somewhere different to go to the toilet. And now my brain keeps bothering me with the thought „what if you graped sb on the way there and forgot?“ and like, this is abt last November. And I know for 100000% sure I hadn’t. I remember my entire way there, I even remember details abt people being around some water fountain and lighting candles. Like I remember everything. And there were people all around me too. I remember using my phone after using the toilet too. And I remember I was also going for a walk and my brain keeps being like „but what if I graped somebody on the way there?“ and like, I remember almost the entire walk I went on. I also remember seeing two people and an old couple talking and listening to music. It doesn’t make any sense and ik I’d def remember if I had actually graped somebody but my brain won’t leave me alone I just can’t keep false memory ocd up I hate it all so much. Whenever I’m like „I gotta stop thinking abt it, I KNOW I didn’t do anything.“ my brain goes like „but what if I’m risking the change of it being true in the end? And am ignoring it?“ but I KNOWWW it’s not true 😭 But the thought keeps bothering

I'm having intrusive traumatic memories of when someone sent a p***phile gif in a telegram group out of nowhere. I was traumatised, I saw something that shouldn't ever exist, I remember condemning him and then leaving the group. It was many years ago. I'm starting to even remember the details, it's traumatic. I wish I could erase this memory. I was a child too and I even forgot this shit happened, a lot of years passed by and I developed pocd and I've been healing from it but I'm just remembering this unsettling and disgusting event just now and I keep having flashbacks of it. I feel guilt. I understand it wasn't my fault but I wish that never happened in my only life; I got marked by this event forever, nothing changes that. How am I supposed to go on with my daily life aware of what happened? It's ingrained in my memory. How can I ever be intimate again? How am I supposed to practice erp with this fucked up stuff? I'm lost. It's too much. Others triggering memories are returning. I wish the victims are doing okay and I hope that those who are responsible, and that person who sent that stuff are burning in hell. Trust your parents when they tell not to chat with strangers at a young age. I learned the hard way and now I'm dealing with the permanent and irreversible consequences.

Im on the verge of panicked spell and i don’t want to do that while in still at school- this is really long im sorry i just need help Since yesterday I was randomly reminded of a random horrible memory. I was a family bbq and i was supposed to have fun but then my brain made me remember two horrible things that since then i cannot stop obsessing over it. I keep trying to calm myself down but i simply can’t, i try to rationalize but my brain keeps thinking over wise. Basically my brain decided to remember something a really old toxic friend of mine told me when i was younger.(about 13 maybe) i asked them to accompany me to a family members wedding party and we were standing in front of my older family members table by the dance floor. All of sudden, unprovoked-this leans in my ear and tells me one of my beloved family members that i love so fucking much is “staring at my a**”. Obviously i was in shock and quickly said no they were not-i paused for a long time because i was scared of the possibility and turned around to face them. They were staring at this “friend” i had with me very clearly. I look back to them and say “they were staring at you-they don’t know who you’re-“ then they go on and say “why did it take you so long to answer?” and i remember wishing i told them to call their mom and go home. I wish i ended the friendship right then and there. I was and still deeply afraid of this because years later when i was like- 15 maybe-me and two beloved family members(with the one my “friend” accused that awful thing of) were standing with me for a photo and as they reached to hold my waist their hand accidentally grazed my butt, not a grab just a graze then as soon as that happened they held me between ny other family member. Then the picture ended and i remember feeling so fucking defeated-so horribly sick and ill god typing it im shaking now-i remember i told me parents crying because the first thing i thought of when that happened was what that “friend” told me and i was so scared because they were “right” my parents told me that family member would never do that to me because they love and and they wouldn’t do on purpose which of course i want to believe but i was just so scared that that “friend” wad right about everything they told me. I didnt mention it but they’re a huge part of why my s*xual ocd is so fucking bad and a big reason i had a fear of male family members hurting me or worse-it was and still is horrible even though i thought i got better until this happened. Do i think what happened was on purpose i dont think so because this family member has taken care of me since i was born and i love them and other family member so much-i dont want to believe that but all i think about what that kid told me-ill never forget it. Please help me i don’t know how to calm myself or work through ny issues i just wish i could forget everything. Please and thank you.

Nothing can shake off the guilt. I don’t start therapy for a couple weeks. I’m almost non functional, what can I do