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I feel the right thing to do is own upto my rape memory/thought, It was when I was intoxicated and walking home on my own I feel I grabbed someone and committed an awful act on them. What shall I do

Can anyone give any advice please IS IT POSSIBLE TO CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVEN’T DONE? HOW CAN A THOUGHT/FEELING SEEM SO REAL IF ITS NOT REAL? When you have thoughts/think that you have done something bad in the past to someone ,but you are sure you haven’t and never would. One minute you say to yourself no I would never do such a thing and then you say what if you did as the feelings/thoughts feel so real. The thoughts/feelings sometimes are so convincing you have done something to someone but you truly believe you haven’t , you even question what if there is proof of this happening like recordings and that’s where the constant checking starts. Is this false memory or is it something else?

When i was younger in my twenties especially i did some things i really feel guilty of.. I have false memories of things but some things i think happened and they go against my values... I cant stop feeling guilty and thinking im a bad person.. I wish i could turn back time but i cant... I ruminate all the time and i get trigered by a Million things...

Does anyone else suffering with false memory ocd give yourself ultimatums? For example if I have a horrific intrusive thought I’ll try so hard to debunk it by trying to think of random facts like what colour top the person was wearing , I’ll say blue. Then I’ll look back on old pictures and if the person was in a top was blue I’ll just label myself as guilty? Does that even make any logical sense?! I’m literally just randomly guessing , how do I stop this😭

I’m 54 yrs old and had my first episode at 17. Didn’t know what it was at the time. Intrusive thoughts that made me feel like I had lost my mind. It’s continued off and on since then. But just recently found out I have ocd. I was too stubborn or embarrassed to ever admit or ask for help. Anyway, when this is triggered and I get chronic severe anxiety that lasts months I get these symptoms and wanted to see if anyone else experiences these? Severe memory loss from recent events. Even feeling like I don’t know people. A numbness always on the left side of my face. Extreme ear ringing. Feeling like my head is in a vise, but not a real headache. I was just curious. The memory thing is a real issue for me and makes my anxiety worse. These physical symptoms always go away when my anxiety is gone but it’s concerning to me. Please share any similar experiences. Hope everyone has a great weekend. Jeff

My ocd always makes me think the worst and tells me that the only explanation for things is that I did something horrible. I had an incident many years ago that has made my life miserable. I guess it’s a real event and possibly false memory as well. When my son was little he would crawl into bed with me alot. One morning I got up and he was still asleep. I put my daughter on the school bus and went back upstairs to my room and he was awake sitting up wrapped in the blanket. I said good morning and told him to come downstairs with me and get breakfast like I always did but when he got out of bed he didn’t have his underwear on. I yelled at him demanding to know why he took his underwear off. He was 2 or 3 and he pointed at me and yelled “You!”. My ocd immediately kicked in and made me think the worst that I must have done something horrible to him in my sleep. Why would he say that? 😪. At the time I didn’t think too much of it though because toddlers randomly do weird things and take their clothes off and they yell back or blame you because they don’t like getting in trouble or getting yelled at so I shrugged it off but out of nowhere all these years later my ocd brought this back up. Since it’s been so long my memory has faded so my ocd adds more “evidence” and tells me things like maybe I was drinking and did something to him and just don’t remember. I try to think of all the scenarios that could have happened as to why he took his underwear off but my ocd won’t let anything make sense except that I did something horrible and I can’t live with that uncertainty like other people can. It makes me not want to be alive anymore 😞

Whenever I have thoughts about things that are hard for me to handle I have intrusive thoughts about letting myself die and go to hell and I'm tired and I'm worried that I carelessly agreed that I wanted to die and go to hell and now I'm scared what if I ended up agreeing to it!? I'm panicking. I know God knows my heart and I'm really tired and the thought happened when I was under stress but I had an intrusive thought saying I wanted to die like that and I think I carelessly agreed to it (although I know fighting your thoughts makes OCD worse)

I’ve suddenly developed these obsessive thoughts not even 2 days ago. “What if I’m a pedophile” “what if I want to harm children” I’ve been researching a lot seeing the differences, I can’t sleep or eat because it’s keeping me up. I’ve never had thoughts like these, I’ve never had/don’t have intentions of harming a child or anything like that. But I still have an irrational fear and I don’t know what to do. I just want this to be over and to have reassurance that I’m not and that I’m a normal person but I know that if I do It’s just going to get worst. I’ve never even had thoughts like these before but I question if I did in the past and I didn’t remember. I don’t have access to therapy either I feel like I’m going crazy and I don’t think I’ll get better. I want it to be like how it was before being normal and living my life without this.

why do I get one for no reason? and why is it so strong and overwhelming? i ended up doing the m-sturbation compulsion to get rid of it and i kept thinking of different images to see if it made the feeling stronger and it did and it scared me so i just stopped thinking about it. but im scared im too far gone. im scared im genuinely a p. im scared im a fraud and genuinely fooling everyone. this compulsion i have just seems like an excuse to get off to this. im so sad. anxiety is low, shame is high. i use to have a lot of anxiety about this but it’s gone down a lot. I would rather not be on this earth than be a p. what do i do? why does this compulsion happen? does this compulsion mean i like this? even if the sensations feel like it does?

My false memory is of me assaulting another human and to make it worse it has a real detail being a towel radiator. I tried to guess what I would’ve been leaning on if I was standing in a specific place in a room I went in yearsss ago and I kinda just guessed a towel radiator and to my shock looking back at the old pictures I got it right…I don’t remember assaulting anyone though? It’s scaring me as yes the towel radiator was there but I do not recall harming another human it’s sooo against my nature even drunk. So now my ocd is using that towel radiator against me saying my whole false memory must be real as it has a real detail? I know it’s probably laughable to some people but my whole life is being ruined right now by a radiator. I’ve spoken to a therapist who kept saying she didn’t really understand what it’s got to do with the false memory. My family and partner keep assuring me I would never do that and to just move on. So why can’t I move on?! Anyone dealt with anything remotely similar?

I always get images of things that I severely don’t want to have. It gets better as the day goes on but I feel that whenever I make mistakes or there’s an accident (for instance my fingers accidentally grazed a students “area” when I was trying to get my pen) make me feel insanely guilty and that I want to hurt myself to compensate. For that instance I told my boss right away and she didn’t make it a big deal because it was such a swift and accidental occurrence, but that moment kept/keeps replaying in my head and I feel like a monster. Also, when I let a student use my phone to look at a picture for reference (art project) there was a search I made about birth control and how to know when to take a pregnancy test. I didn’t think much of it because I have absolutely nothing bad in my phone, but now I feel like I might be some groomer or monster. I definitely should go back to therapy but I just want to see if anybody had similar experiences/fears.

Does anybody else start to remember a conversation differently than how it happened? Like suddenly you start questioning whether or not you said something bad/offensive even though you know you wouldn’t but it feels so REAL :/

Everyday is a struggle just to get out of bed. My mind attacks me day and night with no mercy. I have flashback like images that feel uncannily real of the past and things OCD is worried about. The other problem is I have a great memory and it makes how real and the remembrance even more horrifying. I keep hoping for a miracle but question do I ev n deserve one at my mid life age. God bless everyone and I hope you at least get better. I’ll keep praying for a healing of my own.

I'm freaking out because I saw a tiktok on cocsa and now I'm afraid I did it when I was super little. I had to be like 6 or so but I can't remember, i just remember being little, not even 10 yet i dont think. I remember i was with my younger brother and my dad and we were all playing hide and seek in a hotel. And then me and my younger brother were hiding in the bathroom. I remember us giggling and then I remember making him lift his shirt? Or us taking turns lifting our shirts? Then im not sure if we showed each other our genitalia or not, or if his pants were down. I genuienly cant remember but i think we did (me and a friend in lile 1st grade got in trouble for doing that once, so i wouldnt put it past me and i keep getting a vague memory of it so maybe we did). Then i remember kissing his stomach before my dad was like 'what are you guys doing?'. And we both just laughed and left the bathroom. When I was really young, I was exposed to porn and it messed up my brain. I dont think it was innocent even though I didn't understand like what I was doing because I was really little. Hes from my dads side (who i dont talk to anymore) so i havent seen or spoke to him in years. I weve gotten along before we stopped talking though, but still. What if I traumatized him?? What of I did cocsa or intended to/almost did?? What if he doesn't remember now but will remember later and be traumatized??

Why does false memory always pick on situations that are so far in the past? Mine literally came to me 6 whole years after a drunk night out that I couldn’t stop obsessing about. The scary thing for me is the real detail in my false memory that my ocd is now saying is ‘evidence’, my therapist keeps saying that the ‘evidence’ really isn’t evidence and deep down I think I do know that but for me it’s the real details that keep me hooked. It’s like how can ‘this’ be real but ‘that’ not be real if you get me? It’s all so confusing and my brain hurts. The brain is a wild thing.

My pocd and false memory ocd have been going wild, and now two people have triggered me today... i already want this day to be over...

I was going through this website and I remembered there was a feature where you could bookmark posts. I don't have the NOCD app on my phone anymore; however, I read this one post that I bookmarked years ago that I thought would help anyone suffering from real-event ocd. *** This post was by Kyle Magri (October 20, 2020) *** A Quick Guide For Real Event OCD: Remember that it’s not the memory that is the problem, it’s the OCD that’s the issue Remember that OCD often distorts your past memories and can very often add details to make a memory seem worse than it actually was and can even create false memories. This is a challenging one but, let go of the need for certainly about your past memory or memories. Let go as best you can and be comfortable with uncertainty (this takes time, be self-compassionate) Remember that this type of OCD is not special or unique just because it’s based on a (likely distort and over exaggerated) past event, OCD attacks what is most important to us, our biggest fears and issues, it whatever way it can Real event OCD is fundamentally no different than any other type of OCD (and many people suffer from many different types of OCD all at once) The only differences in any type of OCD is what the obsession is over, thankfully, The treatment is the same, this is a moment in life what is a good thing to remember that you (and your condition) are not special Stop reassurance seeking and confessing. It may provide a little relief and lessen your fears but it will not fully take them away, again it’s not the memory that’s the issue it’s OCD’s grip on the memory Ban rumination! No matter how many times you ruminate about every detail and possible outcome of the past event will only make the thoughts more “sticky” in your brain. It’s hard, but stop giving the thoughts credence and let them go as best you can, try to catch yourself in the act of rumination Be mindful and allow the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings to just come and go, observe but don’t engage, this helps teach the brain not to attach to these thoughts and feelings and stops the brain for continuously sending the panic alarm. Meditation works very nicely for practicing mindfulness Ask yourself if you should waste your life trying to figure out the past, when you can focus on bringing what you want into your present and future. I know you don’t feel you deserve it. The main tenets of behavior therapy are: We cannot control our thoughts and feelings but we can control our behavior. If you change your behavior, your thoughts and feelings will follow. During this pandemic it can be hard, so try finding hobbies and other positive things to do to fill your day Be here now, this can be challenging but, do your best to live in the now and do what you can to make today great! The past is long over and the future is fantasy. Each day we are born anew and have an opportunity to improve. Most of not all Real Event OCD obsessions are over actions that we would never think of repeating and that we would have never done if we knew then what we know now. Be kind to yourself and remember who you are. Accept that there will be ups and downs, harder days and easier days, on your recovery journey Finally… self compassion not self forgiveness! Forgiveness implies that you have done some unforgivable act and need to work towards reparation for it. This process usually requires time spent discussing and processing the event. You may believe if you find a way to forgive yourself then you can stop obsessing about it. People in your life may have even encouraged you to work on it. With OCD, discussing and analyzing the event is not the approach we want to take. In fact, I’m sure you have already spent excessive amounts of time evaluating the situation and all its many angles, yet getting nowhere. Now, I’m not saying this is an event you are proud of. What I am saying is that it’s not the event that is the problem; it is the OCD that is the problem. There is a chance you would have moved on from the event if the OCD hadn’t grabbed onto it. And we don’t treat OCD with self-forgiveness because OCD exaggerates and distorts life events. Imagine that being stuck on this may not be due to lack of self-forgiveness but the way OCD traps you. OCD has taken over the life event, twisted it and has convinced you into believing it is a critical problem that requires forgiveness or punishment. Resources: Article: http://www.ocdspecialists.com/real-event-ocd/ Video on Real Event OCD: https://youtu.be/ojsA2z_Nf_0 Video on Letting Go: https://youtu.be/ZK6FVw4xfbg Video on “Going Through Hell”: https://youtu.be/toQMJeqdW48 Video “Drunk on Life” accepting the good, the bad and the s Gray area: https://youtu.be/WCsPCrZ4aq0 Jesus Prayer Mindfulness Meditation Guide (NOTE: if you struggle with religious OCD this may not be the best for you) https://youtu.be/6TTDjJ8Cv3Y Za Zen Mindfulness Meditation Guide (NOTE: if you have an issue with number obsession this might not be best for you) https://youtu.be/dDJ_wbjBL6c Book Recommendations: The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD by John Hershfield Christ The Eternal Tao by Hieromonk Damascene Anxious For Nothing by Max Lucando The Jesus Prayer by Frederica Matthews Green The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne Our Thoughts Determine Our Lives by Elder Thaddeus F*ck Coping Start Healing by Dennis Simsek Anxiety, Trust and Gratitude by Nun Kathrine Weston NOTE: While all this information is very helpful it is always best to seek treatment and help from a therapist or psychologist. Use the information above is a part of your healing journey, get in touch with a therapist/psychologist to help you better work through these issues

Should you let them share their ruminations and intrusive thoughts with you? How do you listen but not reassure them?

Hi team here is my two cents on OCD. I never post on this kinda stuff and on sites but I think it’s right to here. I’m in my 20s and 6 months ago woke up and had OCD and didn’t know a thing about it before. I regard myself as lucky that I found out what was going on so quickly. I know what it is like to both have and not have OCD having not had it for pretty much all my life. I have very good days and weeks of managing OCD to the point where it doesn’t exist but I’m writing this at a point where it’s been a bad OCD day. And that is ok. There will be bad days of it and I can live with that. What I don’t do is tell myself that tomorrow will be better because it might not be. If you tell yourself tomorrow will be better, it will be worse because that is a reassurance compulsion and you’re trying to find certainty that you do not need. I see a lot on here about “anyone else going through this?” And people answer back saying “you’re a beautiful person and your thoughts aren’t true don’t worry I’ve been through this”. That’s AMAZING that there is a big community who support each other and I LOVE it, but that won’t help you in fact, that only makes things worse for you. I could sit here and type about how none of your thoughts are true and that might help for 5 minutes until you just start doubting again. The thing that has helped me the most is accepting the fact that, whatever your theme is, it COULD happen. Nobody knows what the future holds and you have to accept the fact that anything is possible. You COULD get sick from that bannister on the subway, you MIGHT be a bad person, it’s POSSIBLE that you did do or will do that horrible thing you’ve been thinking about. Anything is possible. What keeps you trapped is trying to keep thoughts out of your mind or telling yourself that things won’t happen because, at the end of the day, anything is possible. Here is a list of some responses I use to thoughts that by the way, would make someone who didn’t have OCD and understand think I was a complete nutter so it really doesn’t matter what the thought is I promise you: “Well that could happen I guess” “We shouldn’t rule that out” “Big whoop cheers for that thought” “Nice one” “Is that the best you can do? Pretty weak effort tbh” By committing to using these responses you train your brain that whatever you’re thinking about is not actually a threat. OCD will say anything to stick around. It will tell endless lies to try and keep you trapped. It will change theme. False thoughts, feelings, emotions there are no gloves when it comes to OCD. It will do anything to try and stay. Whatever comes into your head does not matter. Whatever subtype, OCD IS OCD and theme is irrelevant. I write this all in the context that what I’m thinking about, MIGHT be true and this could all be a cover up for the bad person within. But that is the only way to beat it. To accept that anything is possible. Funnily enough, the more you don’t react to thoughts and use the responses above, the more the brain doesn’t wanna bring it up as often, and eventually, at all. Thoughts do not matter it’s your reaction (compulsion) that is what is keeping you trapped and what is giving thoughts meaning. I know it can feel impossible sometimes (“but I can’t live with the fact that this might be true, I need to know it’s not!!!”). You absolutely can live with the fact that anything is possible. This treatment does work. You are not the exception, you are the rule. Again I’ve written this whole thing accepting the fact that my thoughts could come true and might happen. And I can absolutely live with that fact. Even on a bad OCD day and there will be those, always remember to use a “big whoop…” attitude to what comes into your head. The more you don’t care, the better you will feel.

This ocd break down really messed up this time I’m just full of guilt and shame I want to keep going but I never will have 100 percent of the scenarios I imagined never happened