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this is an event that im not at all clear on, it took place 7 years ago when i was 12 (i am now 18). i was holding my baby cousin on the couch and using snapchat filters to entertain them per the usual. i used to love doing that, i was always the baby in the family so i was excited to have a baby cousin of my own. and then i think i looked down and noticed my hand was over their diaper area and they also had on a diaper & pants ofc), and i think i scratched it and rubbed over the entire front of it (ew)🤢 i think because of the area and curiosity, this is what i've tried to remember. and now my head is saying that i liked it and was turned on idk truly, it happened years ago it's all a blur. i don't know why i would do it. but i know i would never hurt them, i mean i've been obsessed with them since before they were even born! but i don't have any clear memory of what happened, but i do think it was something like that. I think i was too young to think much of it or see the full spectrum of things because they had a diaper on. but i still feel terrible, this is an old obsession because i almost offed myself 2 years ago because of the same dilemma. the whole thing disgusts me. I've talked to my sister about it, she's a therapist/ social worker. i broke completely down and was crying so hard i could hardly breathe. she told me to calm down, & that i was probably curious and i was young. but i still feel like i sa'ed them, even though i didn't actually touch their privates and definitely had no intentions of it either.

Anyone deal with this? Uncertainty regarding an event in your past. You wonder was anyone hurt but you can never know for sure. Always fearing you are going to get in trouble one day. Then on top of that the thoughts regarding the event feel so real that you walk around defeated feeling like you are so bad and you should just tell everyone. Then the intrusive thoughts that make you fear the worst case scenario are always in your head all day everyday for a year. Then you start seeing confirmation/signs of your worst fear/intrusive thoughts everywhere that seem to confirm your fears. You start wondering is God trying to tell you something because every thing you watch, see, hear seems to point to or talk about what you’re obsessing about. Then because of the uncertainty you ask God to tell you what the outcome of the event was. Then all of a sudden you start seeing more signs of your theme and think is God confirming this. Then there are days where you get or see confirmation debunking your fear of worst case scenario and you wonder is God giving me signs in the other direction now.

It’s the third month of 2024 and life has been just a lot of good and bad no in between, and it’s affecting my OCD. My sibling got engaged (at first we thought it was an abusive relationship but they seem to be working things out) I started majoring in sign language and made Deaf friends, My friend’s mom died and my soul sister’s best friend died and she found the body. The thoughts about me touching something the wrong way and someone dying is going INSANE and although I think that an important part of life is remembering we all die, So much death has happened I feel like the world is caving in. False memories, magical thinking intrusive thoughts etc. Any advice?

This is the worst my OCD has gotten! I’ve freaked out many times about harming my children, touching them inappropriately, etc. the other night I got blackout drunk and woke up and had thoughts of something specifically that I did to my 5 year old. It’s horrendous. Do you think it’s possible to become our worst fear when drunk? Do you think my son would wake up if I did something? This is awful! And I’ve been very suicidal since. I’m not sure how I can accept the uncertainty of this and move on. Yes, I’m in therapy.

I developed ocd only after having my first baby. Postpartum ocd. It never went away and i’ve had it on and off ever since. I have a question..If you are so focused and stuck on an intrusive thought and you tell yourself over and over “it isn’t real because you’ve never had these kind of thoughts before it’s just the ocd” and then suddenly a random memory pops up from before the baby but this time its different than you remember and now you are having an ocd thought in the memory but you know you never had ocd before the baby..can ocd change a memory and add something to it to fit the lie the ocd is trying to convince you of? Has this happened to anyone else?

For the past 8 months I’ve been terrified of developing schizophrenia, I’ve gone through various stages of this theme, like in the beginning I was really afraid of hallucinating and stuff like that but as the months and this obsession progressed I’ve become more afraid of having delusions and the negative symptoms of schizophrenia. In the beginning after watching a demonic horror movie or something I would start getting awful intrusive thoughts like “what if I start to believe my wife is a demon” or “what if I start believing the government is run by satan” or some shit, but now i get thoughts like that all the time and even without watching horror movies, and now the “what if I start to believe” part is gone and now the thoughts are like “what if my wife is a demon.. well you can’t prove she’s not” etc etc. my ocd or anxiety has really latched onto these delusional, demonic thoughts. I hate them so much, I have never ever believed in superstitious stuff like this before, I am a literal atheist and a secular humanist. What is wrong with me? Has anyone ever had intrusive thoughts like this?

Has anyone ever had an intrusive thought or false memory about a person and then some time later in the future that person says something like what your thought/false memory was about happened to them and you immediately think it was you even though you know it was just ocd and now you doubt and question yourself?

i remember when i was 13 i was on instagram and i used it to lol for porn videos and this one video came up and seemed normal to me and im worried that it was unethical or bad because they people weren't smiling like they just had straight faces and know i don’t remember what their face looked like because ive thought about it so much and what if they had a sad face and i can’t remember but i think i might be overthinking that aspect of it but they both seemed willing because of their body language and i don't want to be stereotypical but they were indian and people always say how sometimes indian men can treat indian women badly sometimes and i thought it would be okay to pleasure myself to witch i did but i stopped because i had this immense guilt after and felt suicidal because i was so scared that what if it wasn't ethical and im terrified ive done something wrong, im feeling awful right now and i dont know what to do.i always remember trying to be very careful of what i was watching but i am 16 and cant let go of this and its torture

Ok so this Friday I wanted to go to training and usually I’m always in a cabin alone bc the rest always splits up into different ones but I wanna stay alone. But then while I was standing there charging and using my phone, a little girl walked in. And now is the thing: based on all what k remember and that I know and am 100% sure happened that way, I instantly started to feel bad and decided to leave the cabin. I plugged out my phone, packed my stuff into my bag, put my jacket out first and then came back another time to get the rest of my stuff. But the thing is that the second I left the cabin, I started doubting „what if I had assaulted her?“ and like I still remember going to the toilet a couple of seconds after that and while being on the toilet I thought „yes no nothing had happened“ and I mean my memories were still extremely accurate there but the doubt wouldn’t leave me. Like I just kept thinking „but what if I did?“ and no matter how often I go back in my memories proving to myself that I literally hadn’t remembered this at any point and barely even saw that girl bc I just instantly ran out of the cabin and that that’s obviously not even the point of running away. I also remember I was on my phone right afterwards. So basically I was on my phone before she had walked in and right after. Makes not even a minute of not using my phone. And she only changed her shoes from what I know. I didn’t even look at her. But I keep and keep on doubting that. Even though I remember everything else really well. I even remember I had chuckled at something on my phone right before she had walked in and then stopped when I saw her and ran out of the cabin. I also remember that I was hurrying up extra much to get out as fast as possible. Basically I remember everything and I even thought pretty surely that nothing had happened maybe a minute after. But I’m still doubting that. Like, wouldn’t I remember that? Especially since I didn’t have any memory to doing this right afterwards.. Idk how to get rid of this thought like I know how to trust my memories but then I still doubt it even tho I know I’d remember it

I feel like I’m at the end of my ropes. I feel sick to my stomach that my false memories might be real. I have so many memories of assaulting children and raping people that I can’t tell if it’s real or fake but it FEELS REAL. IT FEELS LIKE A REAL MEMORY AND EVERYONE AROUND ME THINKS ITS JUST IN MY HEAD. I can’t continue thinking I did something so egodystonic. It makes me physically ill. My memories feel real too real. What do I do how do I LIVE WITH THIS PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME

Hi all , please comment if you’re experiencing what I’m about to share . I am going through a very tough time with existential fears & very frightening thoughts to a point where the thought of myself sends me into a spiral. I ask myself “am I even existing right now as I’m typing this” “ how do I know that I’m not already dead or in a purgatory “how do I confirm that I even exist” what if I’ve already died and this is what death feels like “ nothing & no one around me feels real , I look at my kids & my husband & question their existence. I’ve also been suffering from severe depersonalisation/derealisation & I don’t know which one is triggering the other ! I also suffer from harm ocd where I’m forever worrying that I might lose control & harm my family whom I love to bits & I’m always battling the nightmare inside me that makes me believe that I’ve already hurt them but I just don’t know it … I’m on lexapro & have been for two years but I find that all it does is numb my emotions, I can’t cry & at times worry that if sharpens to someone I love , I may not be able to cry or show emotions . I am convinced that I’ve developed schizophrenia 🥲🥲 which has always been my worst fear! Or that I’ve gone psychotic without realising . I cannot see myself out of this hole & my brain had forgotten what being a normal person once felt like 🥲🥲. I was seeing a psychologist and he did ERP with me but sadly that did Not help so I stopped seeing him altogether & lost faith in therapy altogether ! Sorry this is a very long post but I just want to know that someone out there is experiencing the same symptoms and has gotten over it through ERP or other medication ? Because I feel like I’m the only one suffering from this debilitating illness and there’s no way out!

When I was 6 or 7, me and my family would watch House a lot. It’s a tv show about a doctor who diagnoses weird stuff and rare diseases. So in one episode this school women’s diving team had a girl get sick and at the hospital they had to swap her private parts. So after that episode a girl from my neighborhood and me went to the bathroom and play Doctor, and I swapped her privates and mine and reinacted the show. Like I remember being like ok we are professionals divers and this and that. Any fast forward to when I was 10, I learned what rape was and I had my very first HUGE panic attack about what if I raped her. I have been afraid ever since, so the event took place 20 years ago but I’ve been living in hell for 17. I have been afraid that her dad would send a hit man out to kill me, that she killed herself, that I’m not worth anything, that I shouldn’t get married or have children. This is the worst thing I ever did in my life regardless of being told by people that this was normal and children do this daily. Am I rational in my fears or is this actually OCD.

i can’t move on. the guilt and shame over my actions but also struggling to remember and 100% know what happened because I was very drunk is crippling. i hate this feeling. i quit drinking because nothing is worth losing her. i feel I done something awful like semi cheat or cheat and i feel the urge to confess. i even told to my partner about the situation and she forgave me and let me with so much grace and yet i still feel like there is more to confess even tho if she’s moved on why haven’t i when im the one who was a horrible person. like i ruminate and kick analyze and essentially find/create another detail that i dont even know if its relevant or real. my partner is the love of my life and i never want to hurt her and we plan on getting married so why does my brain try and convince me i want other people when all i want is her and our life together. then if i get too drunk it’s like my subconscious comes out and tries to sabotage my life and go against all of my values and trys to get me to act on intrusive thoughts? i can’t even put it into works im so confused and feel so lonely and shameful and at rock bottom. everyone is always telling me how good of a person i am and how incredibly lucky they are to know me and i feel like a fraud and a horrible person because of my mistakes. how do i move on and recover. and then everything becomes and obsession and my comparisons worded and it’s a downward spiral. anyone else shave similar experiences or helpful tips and ways to move forward without guilt. i just want peace and love.

I have this memory of playing with my childhood friend like lifting him up in the air putting him back down just playing. And my brain is taking that memory and saying I had sex with him or I humped him or something like that. It makes me sick to my stomach to think I had sex or raped a little boy. I’m scared. Please give me some advice

So I have some false memories or at least exaggerated and distorted memories. If they are true or correct it’s horrifying for what this means about me. My mind can get so dark. I really need some encouragement to not seek answers and to stop ruminating. I know I can’t recall the past, but I’m genuinely surprised by how bad my memory is. Can someone please give me some words of encouragement to stay focused and sit with the unknown?

I thought I done it to a female when I was intoxicated but now everytime I nap I try and remember what happened etc. but when I have a nap or a sleep I have images of it happening etc and don’t know if they’re true because I was so drunk, like I had nap and I had images/memory of me with my trousers down etc. what do I do

I have bad intrusive thoughts about me committing past assault, rape, etc. Today, there’s a popular online streamer that’s being accused of SA, the allegations seem to be true to me at least. Now I’m having flashbacks or thoughts about a girl I dated years ago. I tried to make a move on the first night together, she said no and I respected that. But on the second night, I can’t remember if we were cuddling in the move theater and if we did, did I touch her chest and then further to her breast. I have rumination like was she uncomfortable, did I rape her, etc. Any advice would be appreciated

I hope this post finds someone who is currently struggling with this ocd theme. Long story short, about 3 months ago I experienced an encounter where it has traumatized me to the core. I have relationship OCD due to the fact that I was unfaithful to my partner at the beginning of our relationship. I built such fear and trauma from it to not do it again. My partner knows everything! But what I want to say today is that there is hope. These past 3 months has been a living hell for me. I experienced false memory so severely and bad. To explain the experience, I went to the gym to cancel my membership. Like I mentioned, I have slight fear with guys because of what I went through. I do admit to my faults, I was being nice to this guy. He was super friendly/outgoing. And from the start I remember thinking nothing of it but to be nice and chill towards this guy ( usually I’m super serious). Unfortunately, it is completely out of my memory now. But I said at the beginning I had an intrusive thought about being extra friendly to this guy behind my boyfriend’s back. Mind you it turned into something crazy because through I and my boyfriend’s messages, I said that the thought was about flirting. But I’ve always remembered as friendly. That completely distorted my memory. So during this months I’ve been trying to figure it out and see if after whatever thought I had, I smiled more or not due to the malicious intrusive thought I had. Then it jumped into, I don’t remember and ‘ what if ‘ I flirted with this guy or flirtatiously smiled at him. Constant doubts about this situation and the amount of anxiety this brought to me. My boyfriend said if there was any flirtation at all he’s leaving. So that left me in the trenches because as a person with OCD, there’s a 0 tolerance for uncertainty especially with a memory. Although it brought me days of not eating because I was so fixated on I have to know every detail of this encounter. Recently, I started to think to myself. Life is not always gonna be 100% certainty. But there is such thing called logic. For people going through FALSE MEMORY. Listen to me right now, if you did something bad, you just know. There’s no doubt or anything. Unless you have very short term memory like actually diagnosed. I started to think about it and told myself, you know what; if I flirted with this guy, I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED. If I would have smiled in a flirtatious way towards this guys I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED. Any aspect that would have made me uncomfortable, I WOULD HAVE REMEMBERED. That is logic. You can ask any person right now and ask them hey do you remember this memory by detail and they will say NO. But if you ask them, in this case, did you smile in a flirty way or flirt with them they’ll say no. But how if you don’t remember the details, and I promise there answer would be well I wouldn’t do that and ontop of that if I would have I would’ve known that since it happened and would’ve recalled. So please anyone going through false memory, listen up, if it begins with ‘ what if ‘ shut that off right then and there. You remember big details, as humans we are prone to that. Move forward and drop whatever you are going through and live your life!!!! Stop torturing yourself.

Everytime i try, my attraction to men is always just constantly underminded by constant intrusive thoughts. I just feel like what excuse do i have at this point. Im so unstable i cant tell up from down. Id feel like myself one day, and the next im convinced i have 0 attraction to men anymore, so what choice do i have but be straight, just to have a crush on a dude the next day. Being thrown through the ringer just kills me. It feels like my personality is being rewritten day by day, and I cant tell which thoughts are real anymore.

Just wanted to let you guys know . I hop in from time to time to read and check in and wanted to let you guys know that I’ve dealt with a lot of the things mentioned here if not all . I am not a trained therapist. I’m just telling my own testimony in hopes to help others. 1. It’s not the thoughts that are the problem …. It’s the relationship we have with the thoughts. The more we realize that OCD thoughts have absolutely no meaning , the quicker you can move forward. The anxiety will lessen once your relationship changes and you’ll be able to overcome. 2. There’s not a different regime for each subtype . ERP is the best approach ..Don’t run from these thoughts …. Sit with them And retrain your brain to learn that they don’t mean a thing. If you’re having SOCD about a particular friend , have the courage to go out and hang with them. It’s tough but the more you expose yourself to the environment that you’re afraid of …. The more your brain realizes that these fears are irrational. If you’re having self harm OCD . Expose yourself to the things that you fear … At the root of OCD is fear and doubt….. it’s not the subtype itself …. Approach them all in the same manner. OCD hit me like a ton of bricks 4 years ago …..I struggled tremendously about 2 years before knowing how to handle it or even what it was. I lost my Job due to OCD and almost admitted myself in a hospital several times because I thought I was going crazy. It was almost two years of debilitating anxiety until I learned what I was dealing with was OCD. A few subtypes to name : health anxiety, sexual orientation ocd, self harm ocd, sleep anxiety , fear of being a pedophile. It’s like once I got over one ….the next would come until I realized they were all coming from the same thing ….that’s when my life started to change Fast forward, with the help of God, I learned to retrain my brain and not to worry about intrusive thoughts when they come in from time to time. actually learned to take them as the joke they are . The more I exposed myself … the more I trusted myself . Nobody else can reassure you … better yet you don’t need reassurance because it’s actually what keeps you in the cycle. Just Trust God Now I’m a Middle school teacher , in graduate school working towards my degree in counseling with a bright future ahead. I say this to say that, if I can do it , you can do it too …. I’m no different from any of you … I didn’t have a therapist at the time so take advantage if you do. Don’t view OCD as bad ….. it’s apart of you that you will learn to manage. I don’t regret OCD cause it has made me a less fearful person …. I’ve fixed fear and doubt that rooted from my childhood through the struggles of OCD . So it was a blessing in disguise. This is a temporary phase for all of you , trust me . And I know how hard it is to believe that when you’re in the middle of it . But remember. Once your relationship with the thoughts changes that’s when you Free yourself Love all 🙏🏾