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Make you feel like you actually do? I’ve always checked my feelings to try and find my “real” ones and now…when I check, my brain runs away with the thought and makes me feel like I’d actually enjoy hurting my dog. Please help.

Hello everyone. My name is Cathy and I have severe intrusive thoughts that seem to come out of no where. However only one thought at a time. I fixate on that scary thought for days and days and my anxiety builds up and up. I try to then attack the suggested catastrophic thought such I may have this disease or going to die from that disease or rot in hell etc. scary thoughts always. I try and do a ton of research on line to counter attack the thought trying to prove it wrong and this helps me but if I can’t find something that proves I won’t get the disease or have it already or prove other things too depending on what the thought is, it doesn’t help at all and can make it worse. Is anyone out there experiencing what I have. I don’t have ocd cleaning or washing or checking but have intrusive scary thoughts.

so idk what this is but last year around this time is when my anxiety and ocd got so bad, it was the worst time of my life to the point where i had a plan to end my life, i also was in a horrible abusive relationship that traumatized me. so last year august-November was so horrible for me like those months absolutely ruined me and i think about it everyday. And now that it’s august again i feel like that person again, and like i feel like im in that same situation all over again and I hate it so much. What does this mean? And now im scared that im gonna feel this way up until November and that’s terrifying.

So I have this new thought that is “I have to do what my ocd is saying to do (which involves my kids)for these thoughts to go away”. Is this remotely normal for harm ocd? I feel so disgusting for even having this cross my mind. I feel like such a horrible mother. 😭

Hey everyone. Long post, but just want some advice. I’ve had suicidal ocd, with some relationship & existential on the side lol, for about a year and a half. My suicidal ocd is pretty severe. I did a small amount of erp for a month or two, but then took a break. Last week I started an IOP program. I also take 10 mg of Prozac, and have for about 5 weeks. The first week of IOP was great. This week I have went downhill and feel like my ‘old ocd self’ again meaning heavily ruminating and seeking reassurance. My exposure today was standing near train tracks. It made me sad, and scared. I didn’t want to do it. I keep ruminating. I am absolutely terrified I will not get better. I’m scared I will get depressed and think life is not worth it. Thoughts constantly run through my head. I want to be here so bad, but I’m scared I am going to give up. I constantly worry I won’t be “happy” long term and I won’t recover. Can anyone give me some hope? I am scared I’m a lost caus. Any recovery stories? I’ve never had depression and I’m feeling a bit worried about myself from feeling tired and sad. I don’t know many people with suicidal ocd- I just want to know I can recover. Thanks for reading!

The other day I was with my mom and I had these intense urge to do this horrible thought, and a knife was in the table and I grabbed it but I grabbed it knowing that I know I was not capable of doing it and I put in the sink, I had to grab it in order for me to stop the “urge” that I was having. I love this women with all my life she’s been my inspiration to keep going forward, but ocd is telling me that I grabbed the knife because I actually wanted to do it. I don’t know if what I did was ok or not, or if I’m actually dangerous.

I don’t know why my brain keeps targeting you but it is and it’s pissing me off, I hate how my head goes like oh did they bleed or enjoyed it or why didn’t they and I know full well why they didn’t and it just pisses me off because I don’t want these fucking thoughts anyone!- Or ask these questions. Oh did you cry?- Or the fact that more stuff pop into my head and me just imagining what happened is stuck in my mind and one of my thoughts- I don’t want to say sexualised- More like it popped up- About a baby!- I DONT LIKE THIS AT ALL!- I know it’s wrong!- I can’t even look at any other porn and my head keeps saying that I like my mom romantically and not platonically!- LIKE WHY ME?!— IT JUST PISSES ME OFF AND I DONT WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS ANYMORE I JUST WANT TO SEE THE DOCTERS SO I CAN STOP SUFFERING WITH THESE THOUGHTS AND IMAGES, I FEEL LIKE I VICTEM BLAME THEM AS WELL, MY THOUGHTS ARE LIKE THAT WHEN I KNOW IT WASNT THEIR FUCKING FAULT!— AND IM SO SORRY.

I (15m)am seeking advice because I believe I may have a false memory OCD. I am worried that I may have sexually harmed people without realizing it, especially my young cousins. I am also concerned that I may be a pdophile as i think im aroused by kids but idk if its kids or the idea of s*x. I believe my exposure to explicit content at a young age may have also given me hypersexuality, which still affects me.I feel guilt too because when i was younger i did cocsa against my younger brother he doesn't remember it but i do and i'm just scared what if i did other bad things like that. I do not want to use this as an excuse for my actions at age 14 when I made sexual advances/jokes towards my friends, causing them discomfort and harm. Some forgave me saying they didn't care about it now, but one friend ended our relationship due to my inappropriate behavior during a game and is scarred/traumatized and doesn't even want to look at me i tried to tell him i'm sorry but he doesn't really want me talking to him ever again. I am filled with guilt and shame for my actions and consider turning myself in as a result. The idea that I may have harmed someone without remembering it terrifies me, and I struggle to forgive myself for the pain I have caused others. I'm scared to even encounter people I hurt. I'm a monster that deserves to be beat up/ publicly hurt as most pdos/ s*x offenders do.

I have severe various forms of ocd. Now it’s harm related. I love my family and daughter but today all of the sudden when I’m driving I had a horrible thought of: omg i will kill my own child one day because I’m crazy. And this thought is so horrifying because I have no intentions of harming anyone but these thoughts come up and I’m freaking out…anyone else have extreme intrusive thoughts?

I’m tired guys. I’m tired of thinking something is always wrong with my health, tired of letting random symptoms/ sensations take over my brain and make me think something is horribly wrong. Tired of thinking I need to go to the doctors to get X & Y looked at. I’m tired of always assuming worst case scenario. I’m tired of constantly thinking if something is unethical/ immoral if I don’t do something, tired of always thinking I’m offending a religious higher being, tired of thinking I’m a bad/ disgusting person for my thoughts. I’ve had OCD ruin so many things for me that should have been fun. It’s ruined intercourse/ intimacy because of religious thoughts, or I keep thinking about STDs/ infections. I’ve been having panic attacks lately, something I’ve never experienced, because of life changes and it’s all gotten in the way of my structured life and it’s been very uncomfortable. Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m in danger, or nothing is real. Right now I’m fearing the most that I’m losing my mind, who I am, and I’m just so scared of my mental health getting worse and going manic or developing a dangerous mental illness. My mental health has NEVER been this bad. This is all new and it’s so scary. I was just fine a few months ago, sure I was dealing with other OCD stuff, the intrusive thoughts, the fears, the repetitive actions just to make sure something is the way I want it/ brings me comfort. But ever since my structure was changed/ ruined, it’s all been downhill. I just finished an EMT program, and that messed with me. Saw/ experienced things I’ve never done before and man, it’s really messed with me. Working on getting a new job in healthcare but still don’t have insurance so getting a new OCD specialized therapist has been difficult. Can someone relate just so I don’t feel like I’m crazy?..

So i don't have access to an OCD psychologist and I really wanted to try ERP so I tried it on my own, but to be honest it made me feel sometimes worse. The only exercise I was doing was the look into a mirror and say "You might be gay, you might be bi, you might be straight it does not mather" I did it like 3 times per day. After some time I started having stronger compulsions and had a small amount of time where i was at my worse (even doing self harm) thinking I was just gay and should just acept it and that by saying it i was just acepting it. Do you think i did something wrong?

Having a recurring intrusive thought that im evil bc when i was 14 i was dog sitting and I was told by the owner to tug on the dogs leash when he would stop walking to keep him moving. Well I did that and he was very stubborn so I remember tugging harder than I should have out of impatience which makes me hate myself so much. The problem is I can’t remember the specifics of the memory like how hard it was or if he was hurt. I do remember him coughing which is terrifying. Like half a year later he passed away and I’m always scared that I hurt him. He was old and I hate myself for being so impatient. I just wish I could remember correctly. How do I live with myself?

Recently I’ve been struggling with obsessing about becoming depressed and not being able to control myself. It started when I was trying to be empathetic for my friends who are going through depression and suicidal thoughts. After hearing about all of that I started to obsess about those feelings. I bought books about how to not be depressed and listen to music that is anti depression. I’m so scared of becoming depressed and having any negative self harming thoughts. I was so scared of rope that was brought home, that I told my parental figure to remove the rope from the house out of the fear of harming myself. Hi my name is Anais, I am 15 years old and I go to a prep school. Currently I am on summer break.All of these feelings have all suddenly spiked during the summer. At school I had none of this. I am reaching out because I don’t know how to cope with these stressful feelings. I am scared of being depressed and self harming. Every day these what if thoughts about self harm are on my mind. Like example “what if I’m depressed” “ what if I’m like suicidal” and I become super afraid of myself. Do you have ways to cope. I think because of these obsessions I am slowly gonna actually be depressed and that scares me more. Like my mind is trying to put me in the shoes of someone else even though I know I’m not depressed. This literally spiked over summer. I have had obsessions before like constantly being scared that my throat was closing so I avoided foods that I didn’t regularly eat. I don’t know how I got over it. I constantly read books about depression, listen to podcast, and make sure I can do whatever I can to not be depressed. I also talk about my feelings to loved ones and friends all the time. I’m scared of being depressed. Does anyone have advice to overcome fear of harming themselves or advice for overcoming feelings that aren’t mine. My mind is trying to trick me into feeling sad so it can prevent me from feeling depressed ever.

Today I got ran into after not doing my compulsion to have safe driving that morning. Now my obsessions are telling me that it’s my fault and that it is just going to keep happening. I have harm ocd regarding driving and thinking I am going to kill someone. Ugh it’s so annoying that I’m triggered again just wanted to rant

My name is Lily. I’m from a small town in Colorado. I have had OCD since I was 6 but I was finally diagnosed at 9. I am constantly being bullied for being different and I came here to find others dealing with the sales things as me. I have never met another soul with OCD and no one in my area really knows what it is either. My most prominent OCD is sibling contamination OCD. I feel like my brother is dirty so I can’t touch him or anything in my own home. I can’t even touch the doors to leave without someone opening it for me or using gloves and washing my hands afterwards. I struggle everyday with anxiety which transferred over to harm and suicidal OCD. Whenever my anxiety gets to great I have to cut myself or sit on the roof and cry with my thoughts telling me to jump because I hurt my family emotionally. My parents call me a burden and my dad used to physically beat me. I’m trying to heal but all I can see in the mirror is a messed up 15 year old girl who is a burden to her family. Sometimes I wish I could just bring myself to the end and put my family out of their pain. I think I need someone with OCD to talk to.

18+ // when i was 15, i had sex with my boyfriend at the time who was 16. we both consented to it. we broke up a couple months later and remained friends for 6 years. a few years ago when i was dealing with harm ocd, i asked him for reassurance several times if he consented and he told me each time that he did and i needed to stop worrying and that there is nothing to worry about. he also told me if things weren’t fine we wouldn’t be talking. recently, he had a falling out with my brother in law and all of a sudden he said he didn’t want to talk to me anymore because he didn’t want to get me involved. this is making me anxious because what if i actually did hurt him back when i was 15 because why is he randomly cutting me out of his life?? we did argue all of the time but that was because he has a severe lying problem so what if he wasn’t telling the truth when i asked him if he consented?? i was sexually assaulted in the past (not by him) and i never went around the person that assaulted me ever again so i feel like if i did hurt him he would of cut me out of his life right then and there. something still doesn’t add up i don’t buy that he wants to cut me out of his life because of my brother in law. this has been making me so anxious and i want to ask him the real reason why he is cutting me out but im scared if i do, he will tell me what my ocd has been fearing. he did bring up the fact that us arguing all the time affected him so i think its probably just that but he was the reason we argued all the time because i would call him out on his lies and he would manipulate me into believing him and get upset if i didn’t believe him. idk im just so anxious over all of this.

I am typing as I sit on the couch after a mental breakdown due to the frustration and fear I have with my Suicidal OCD intrusive thoughts. I know so much about why this is happening from therapy, research, and self help books that I feel like knowing this much about my condition is almost making it harder to recover. It’s like I feel like since I logically understand my problem, why can’t I change my response to it? I know logically that these thoughts are stuck in a loop because I have assigned meaning to them and am so scared of the concept of harming myself, yet ERP/CBT hasn’t yet helped much with my ability to tolerate the anxiety. I have moments where I feel good but the sense of impending doom and feeling like I “am bound to hurt myself” always comes back. At least for the last 2-3 months since this theme and OCD flare started. I don’t have any physical compulsions that me or my therapist have been able to identify except *maybe* researching too much. But other than that, my compulsions are all mental. However, I can’t pinpoint what exactly they are. It’s also important to note that I don’t avoid anything. I still use knives when I need to, I don’t hide them like others with this theme do. Yes they can trigger anxiety but I don’t actively avoid them or other items that trigger/have potential to harm me. When I do audio exposures (listening to my voice saying I am going to hurt myself), I hold a knife to my wrist to intensify the ERP, per my therapists request… and still the same or similar level of fear behind suicidal and harm OCD thoughts is there. Has anyone dealt with this and can help provide some insight as to what helped you? Anything is helpful here except negativity.

I had a terrible graphic intrusive image. So why didn't I feel nothing? I should have been disgusted immediately. I was just passive, it didn't effect me as much. I'm currently obsessing about the fact that I didn't react. I don't know if I should be afraid of this. I know I didn't like that, but when things like these happen I feel like I never have enough confidence, like to simply say "no I was disgusted, I don't like this, I would never do that" end of the story, without any second guessing thoughts. I can never have that statement confidently without feeling that it might not be true. And sometimes when I try to answer to the "OCD question" my brain double downs and says "well what about this? how about that? would you like it that way? you've never thought about it that way!" My brain asks me "would you do it if it was like that? have you ever considered what would it be like? maybe you would like it?" What do I do? I think I know what should I do, but I don't know if it applies to this, if it applies to me at all, as sometimes I think that these are not OCD symptoms or it isn't OCD at all.

My brother and I (I’m 20, he’s 16 but he’s taller and heavier than me) used to get violent with one another. I had anger issues growing up in an angry home (our dad was just like this), and I would yell and shout a lot, and we’d get into physical fights. I’ve been a LOT better about it over the past few years especially since I moved out to college, but yesterday as I was laying on the couch healing from my wisdom teeth extraction, he started hitting me with a plushie and then wiped his boogers on it. I tried really hard to ignore him but he just kept going and going, and then i tried to leave the room but he followed me and kept bothering me. I finally slapped him, he punched me with what felt like full force in the back (causing me to tear up from the pain), and I ended up scratching him so hard that it left a big mark. He punched me in the back again really hard and I ended up just crying. I now feel really really really horrible. We talked it out and both apologized and said we loved each other. But now i’m really worried. I’m concerned that I’m an abusive monster, that I have a personality disorder, that I’ve traumatized him over the years. I don’t know if these sorts of fights are normal between siblings or if there is something seriously wrong with me. Things like this have happened before. I keep googling scary things.

Was watching a YouTube video and the person talked about school shootings & how people are crazy. I immediately got distressed thinking “what if i’m crazy, what if I do something as horrible as that” and got so many scary intrusive thoughts after. I feel so ashamed and i feel like a terrible person for these thoughts and some days I want to burst out crying but no tears come out, just a lot of panic & worry. I feel so shameful. And to make matters worse, later that day I saw this funny news for a video game and I didn’t remember how to spell it correctly and when I pressed search, I saw a photo of a bullet & that made me feel so damn scared. Like what if I intentionally searched for it even though I was expecting a video game. Then I started thinking about how on the news they always claim the mass shooters would be obsessed with firearms and It just made my OCD that much worse. Then my OCD goes into my past to find “evidence” that could prove I’m a horrible person that would do something like that. I can’t get these intrusive thoughts and images out and I hate it. I hate violence. I’ve talked to my therapist over and over about how I feel like this horrible person and I give her a list of all the things that I’ve done wrong and to her, she knows that it’s OCD. I would never intentionally physically harm anyone. The only time I would get into a physical confrontation is to defend myself or loved ones. I just feel like I’m going crazy