Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Recently I’ve been having scary intrusive thoughts about hurting myself or others. I’m so scared, what do I do?? I wouldn’t hurt a fly.

So I’ll be watching callout videos and I’ll get these sorta intrusive thoughts and feelings as if I’m defending or sorta wishing the allegations weren’t real… why? I don’t know…. Is this an effect of ocd? I don’t actually agree with a single action these losers do and like this has to be a new intrusion cause before my reaction was pure hatred and frustration… Honestly I’m extremely uncomfortable with the way my brain views these callouts…. I don’t agree with my brain but it feels like my own thoughts….

+18 TRIGGER WARNING I’ve been trying not to post as much on here, but it’s been a rough time facing these thoughts on my own. I’ve been trying to force myself to move on and not take my thoughts so seriously but it’s hard not to sit with them. Basically, to try to cope, I’ve been watching expose videos on internet drama and those who have been “cancelled”. Sometimes, though, it can just get to be too overwhelming as I start comparing myself with the people in these videos and I just want to cry because I’m just so disgusted with myself. I’m starting to question what’s real or not, if I’ve hurt people in the past or not, and separating my thoughts from my actions. I don’t trust myself anymore. I can’t find happiness in anything. I just keep pushing my friends and family away because every little thing triggers me. Sleep is the only time that I can find peace. Because then, I know that I’m not hurting anyone—including myself.

Struggling today with my thoughts and maybe some dissociation. I can’t get any clear thoughts. I felt like lately I’ve started to recover and then the past few days have felt so hard. I feel scared for the future. I am scared I don’t have enough hope for living with ocd. I am scared that I’m not gonna be happy. I’m scared I’ll chose to end my life over this. I’m scared I’ll want to end my life. I feel weird. My thoughts are jumbled today. Something feels like it’s going to happen and that’s what is giving me anxiety.

Okay, i leave for vacation tomorrow with my boyfriend and some of our friends. i’m so nervous about this trip and im really worried that i would hurt someone on this trip. i don’t want to hurt anyone, and im so so worried about it. i don’t even want to go anymore because im so stressed out. i’m not really getting any intrusive thoughts or anything but im still so anxious that im going to do something like stab one of my friends or my boyfriend, or lose my mind. i’m so worried. and then i seen this thing that said “people who hurt people do that because they want to and they plan it out” so now im scared that im subconsciously planning on hurting one of them even though i dont have a plan or anything and i dont want to hurt anyone. AGGHH😭

Hi everyone, I am currently experiencing what I believe is an OCD flare up. I have been diagnosed with OCD and I primarily suffer from Harm OCD. I used to only experience it about once a year but since my second child was born, I am experiencing it a lot more and live with almost constant anxiety and maybe depression? So the new thing is that I'm afraid I am developing psychosis. I am scared to look at my oldest daughter (4yo) because it scares me when she spaces out and stares off into space, chooses the color red for anything, or has dark circles under her eyes (she has asthma and always has them). I guess the fear is that I will be one of the those psychotic moms (specifically like Laurie Daybell) and think my child is possessed and hurt her. It is literally hard for me to look at her and I feel terrified to be alone with her. On top of that, I have intense guilt because it seems to be more towards her than my youngest. Has anyone experienced something similar? What type of ERP was helpful? Looking for a therapist now but it is so hard to find one that understands. It's so hard to talk about. Thanks for reading.

I honestly don't know how to fix myself. All these terrible feelings and overwhelming thoughts constant is exhausting im so tired of it all I really just want it all to end any means nessecary. And yesterday I actually made that decision and then I overthinked it, not to not do it. But what I wanted people to know or feel. And I had to tell them before I go. So I tired with my girlfriend, I guess I was not subtle at all probably because I was honestly at the really emotional stage of my brain cycle at that point and so we both were breaking down and she was panicking and I felt bad I was doing that to her but I didn't wanna lie and reassure her but she wouldn't calm down and kept saying how much it'd hurt her and that she'd do it to. Eventually I realized I have to stay alive for her for now at least (till she dumps me) but deciding that doesn't make the thought stop. So if anyone knows how to do that I'd appreciate it. I can't keep dealing with this cycle of feelings of numbness then overwhelming emotions and derelization, and depersonalization, the thought of how I really want it all to end, is there constantly. But I made a promise and I'm trying to keep it.

I genuinely feel like this is the worst my ocd has ever been. I logically have no reason I’d want to harm myself. Great family, friends, job, low expenses at the moment. Not going through a loss. Feels like all day my brain is kicking the shit out of me telling me I need to kill myself or I should. Intrusive feelings and urges galore. Also so wrapped up in it that I’m unsure if it’s ocd or my own thoughts / I want them or not. Normally I’m the guy terrified to get on a plane because I’m afraid of death so this simultaneously makes no sense but also feels so real?? It feels like this is my fate now or something Any insight welcome

Hello peeps! So for the past like 3 weeks I was struggling with SO-OCD where I was worried if I was gay or maybe Bi and so on. ( female) And I always thought I was straight or was straight but then the thoughts would come up and stress me out if i was either gay or bi. And the thoughts would stress me out and make me think a lot. I have a bf too for 6 years so as you can tell it caused quite a struggle in our relationship. Also been dealing with Relationship ocd as well which I feel like SO-OCD go hand in hand, in my opinion. It happened 2 Years ago too but this time it's just more intense I guess? So my question is, this past week I feel like I've been doing better, more okay than I was the last 3 weeks. But now I guess when I think about these thoughts or if I look at a female or see one I still kinda get what if thoughts or I do a compulsion and try to test myself if I would get with one and stuff. But now it doesn't bother that much. It's kinda like oh? Idk how to explain it but it doesn't give me that anxiety spike, at least rn. Sometimes it feels like my brain has accepted that I would? But like I can't tell if that's ocd or me actually being in denial still. It's hard to explain. But the other day I was at the book store with my bf and we were looking at the manga section and I saw a girl on one of the covers and it felt like I reaacted to her as a crush type deal? But I've always liked guys so it's confusing. I tried not to think too hard about it this week. But I do feel like if I see a attractive guy now or even a fictional one. It feels like my brain wants to skip passed it because it's not a girl so it's like "you can't look at a guy rn" Lmaooooo it sounds dumb but that's what it feels like 😂 Or sometimes I would think oh maybe I would get with one( a female)? And usually that line or thought would stress me out so much for the past 3 weeks. And now it's more like okay, maybe I would? But idkk??? So I guess my question is, is this like another ocd trick or is it me just like tired of the thoughts that my brain was like I need a break haha? Or could possibly mean I'm gay or straight just I'm denial or won't come out?? It's confusing I guess. I'm also in a relationship for years and I've been struggling with the thoughts cause obviously It causes a toll in our relationship. But now I just worry what if we're not compatible or like maybe I'm in denial? Like especially since the SO-OCD theme popped up it just makes me feel like what if I'm im the wrong relationship? It's just been tough cause it caused a dent in our relationship. Just relationship ocd things. He's been trying really hard to keep it together and not worry but I feel like I lost feelings for him due to all this worrying. I just get unsure what to feel or think now and days. ( ocd sucks lmfao) But I just wanted to know if someone has gone through something similar, if you are straight but had all these SO-OCD thoughts come and how did you face them? Also when I had harm ocd for a year, I literally did my best to avoid my bf cause I thought I'd hurt him cause I loved him so much you know? So this whole Relationship OCD and SO-OCD theme is annoying. I mean I hope it's SO-OCD and I'm not in denial but idk???? Ughshshhshhsgsggsgg. I have clinical depression too so it's even more confusing cause I be feeling emtionally numb sometimes so it adds more confusion haha 😎 I also just wanted to vent as well haha. Thanks for whoever took the time to read and whatnot! If you have any questions to ask me regarding what I said, I'm willing to answer too haha

Hey everyone. I could really use some advice. I finally hit what seems to be rock bottom today. This constant, horrible urge to hurt my puppy. It’s everything. And it feels like I really don’t care. I have no emotions. I can’t think straight. I’m holding myself back from actually doing something because I know deep down in my heart that’s not me. It’s a physically paralyzing feeling that feels like I want it. I don’t know what the difference is between this and someone who’s actually dangerous and losing it. Everytime I look at her it feels like I have a flashback in my head or something and I see a movie/get an urge to just do it. It feels like I have to even though I don’t want to. But at the same time it’s like I don’t care. I hate this. I valued my dog’s life so much. And I loved her so much. Now I feel nothing. I don’t understand. I’m going to give her to a family member later and probably check myself into a psych hospital. It may be the last time I ever see her but I don’t think there’s another option.

this is an event that im not at all clear on, it took place 7 years ago when i was 12 (i am now 18). i was holding my baby cousin on the couch and using snapchat filters to entertain them per the usual. i used to love doing that, i was always the baby in the family so i was excited to have a baby cousin of my own. and then i think i looked down and noticed my hand was over their diaper area and they also had on a diaper & pants ofc), and then i rubbed over the entire front of it (ew)🤢 i think because of the area and curiosity, this is what i've tried to remember. and now my head is saying that i liked it and was turned on idk truly, it happened years ago it's all a blur. i don't know why i would do it. but i know i would never hurt them, i mean i've been obsessed with them since before they were even born! but i don't have any clear memory of what happened, but i do think it was something like that. I think i was too young to think much of it or see the full spectrum of things because they had a diaper on. but i still feel terrible, this is an old obsession because i almost offed myself 2 years ago because of the same dilemma. i broke completely down and was crying so hard i could hardly breathe. she told me to calm down, & that i was probably curious and i was young. but i still feel like i sa'ed them, even though i didn't actually touch their privates and definitely had no intentions of it either. and then someone on her told me if it was sexual intentions then it was sa, but i hardly remember the situation so i don't fully know. i can't live like this.

Something came up on my fyp on tiktok. The possibility of asteroid Apophis hitting the earth in 2029 and 2036. NASA assured it wouldn’t hit instead coming between the moon and earth. The comments are all fear mongering. They say you can’t trust NASA and they’d have a reason to lie to the common folk. If it was about anything else i’d wave it away because I don’t give sceptics the time of day but this is bothering me severely. I’ve been staring at a wall for the past hour absolutely terrified and trying my best not to reassure myself. This is horrible for me, because images of my own death and that of the world keep relentlessly attacking my psyche. I wish i could just wave this off but it’s sticking to me terribly.

I am really struggling. I feel like I have a constant harm related intrusive thought in my head, causing a horrible intrusive feeling in my head. Even if I’m just simply scrolling and see someone sometimes this feeling of an intrusive thought becomes present, leading it to become horrid intrusive thoughts and feelings. I would never want to hurt anyone. Let alone do it and I’m struggling so much. I feel like I have a constant harm related intrusive thought in my head and feeling. Which is reinforced when I look at people. It goes when im distracted and then i remember the horrid feeling. I feel like bursting into tears, ive had enough. Can anyone relate? I feel like a constant intrusive thought and feeling IN my head im so sad :( I feel horrid. Scared ill go crazy.

So for the past month I have been dealing with the theme of going into a psychosis/or becoming schizophrenic. Having thoughts like is this really my reality? I am really here? I’m I just hallucinating what I want to see and did something horrible? Very scary thoughts. I’ve also been dealing with harm intrusive towards myself and towards my family. Recently this week I’ve developed a new theme of fearing not being able to sleep and going crazy from not being able to sleep. I lay there at night waiting to fall asleep and no matter how tired I was all day sleep doesn’t come. And then when I actually get some hours of sleep I question if I really slept and didn’t just hallucinate sleep. Which is very ridiculous I know. I’m just really scared and feel so helpless right now. I haven’t been diagnosed for OCD but I’m positive it’s what I have. I’m just so tired and feel like crying all the time. Sleep was the one thing I had to escape from all this crap and now that has gotten taken away from me as well. I just want my life back. Yesterday my family came over and for once I was able to forget about the thoughts for the time they were here and it felt so nice. I’m trying so hard to be okay for my family but I’m not. Im drowning on the inside and I just want to breathe. I can’t afford therapy right now and I have been prescribed sertraline 25mg for my anxiety but I’m to scared to take it. If anyone can relate or give me advice it would be greatly appreciated. I know reassurance is not what I should be getting but I’m just so scared.

Hi everyone. I already went to the psych ward last month for the first time for four days for reasons unrelated to OCD. Now, I’m having my first ever major OCD episode/flareup/? and if you recognize me you already know my issue. I’m having weird sexual thoughts about my parents. Not really any way to sugarcoat it. Also with some harm OCD sprinkled in. I’m currently in a 6 day per week outpatient program and I’m considering telling them I’m really losing my mind. They might drug me up, throw me in inpatient again (have no idea how helpful that would be lol) and I just don’t see a positive future for me. Does anyone have any words of encouragement, or could possibly connect with me? This might be dramatic, but on top of my anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, this might be too much for me. Genuinely.

I was exposed to pornography at a young age and it messed me up pretty badly. I don't even know how it really happened, I just do happened to find it one day. I didn't realize all of the damage it was doing to me and my life until I became an adult. It's still bothering me a lot and there were still moments where I couldn't stop my behaviors even if I wanted to. I've hurt myself because of my sex addiction and I've been trying to stop doing this to myself for a long time now. There are some harm related issues the I still see and remember and it makes me really upset. I just ended up tearing up because I just wish this didn't have to happen. I just wish I didn't get so hooked on this. I just wish someone could have told me what I was getting into at that age. I'm always anxious, worried about my health, and concerned about my addiction and if it will ever go away. I just want to go back to a time where I didn't have to worry about this along with OCD. This is why I feel like my adult life isn't going too well: It's always because of these problems that I've been dealing with for years. Recently, I've been able to stop because I didn't want my sleep and anxiety to be affected, but they still bother me in the form of thoughts and mess me up. I just regret so many things that I can remember. The things I've watched, the things I've done to myself, the things I've done to other people. I try to tell myself that I should just be kind to myself and do my best to move past this. It can work but there are days like this where I just can't shake the pain. I just know now that I didn't deserve that and that I deserved better. Same goes for everyone that goes through this too. I just long for how things used to be because I'm not exactly happy with how things are now. I want to just accept that I didn't know better and I was curious and did my best to just get through the times, but there are days where I just can't. I guess it's because all of this stuff still exists in my life today. I just want to find a way to beat it. I envision the life I want for myself and it's not this. It's not holding myself back to this addiction and it's definitely not treating myself in a way that says I don't deserve that. I guess what hurts me so much about this is that I never thought I would have this kind of problem in my life. I thought I was understanding to not be so caught up in problematic fields like this. Pornography, relationships, and sex overall was never something I was really talked to about. It just seemed like stuff I figured out the best I could at the time. I don't think I really have relationships figured out still because I just don't have experience with it all.

Hello, I have been having Harm OCD episodes where I hit a bump in the road or drive past someone, or even zone out when driving and worry I hit someone by accident. Has anyone else dealt with this or has any suggestions to deal with this? Thank you!

I’m looking for some help with this, of course OCD themes switch and lately it really is about harming others through contamination. Every time I touch something almost I have constant thoughts “if I don’t do this this means I want to hurt my family or loves one” but the thought feels so real like I want to do it, but obviously I don’t and gives me so much anxiety. Last couple months I was really spending a lot of time washing my hand from counting but now it’s got to the point that I can’t do anything without having thoughts that if I don’t clean or wash myself it means I want to get someone sick. It’s scary and I’m trying to not engage into the thoughts but they keep popping up. Any tips with harm contamination OCD and reducing these crazy thoughts? It almost feels like I want to have these thoughts but really they scare me if that’s makes sense? Any help would be awesome, thanks!!

I love my son more than anything. Just writing that's making me tear up from guilt of these violent thoughts. Everyday for the last 2 weeks I cry. I don't want to move from my couch. He's 6 and he looks up to me and is always around me and I feel so guilty from these thoughts I want to avoid him but I can't. I feel guilty whenever a happy thought comes up or when I do anything I like. The ocd tells me why r u doing anything you enjoy remember what you were thinking earlier. My brain is constantly ruminating this specific scenario it's conjured up that makes me frozen. As soon as I wake up the thoughts start and never end. its a struggle to get ready for work and even go home or go to the gym all things I love. I haven't hidden knives around my house because I think I'm giving in if I do. I know coming on here is a compulsion but I can't help it today. I'm ready to just runaway but something in me keeps me from leaving the family I love so much. I'll get through this but had to write it out

Please help… I’m starting to panic and I know I shouldn’t do this because it’s a compulsion and I’m looking for reassurance but I wanna know if it happens to others so I just watched a video on TikTok about this mother loosing her child to fentanyl and like I don’t know why every time a drug is mentioned or like I see someone drugged in the street my mind instantly makes me feel the urge of wanting the drug when I really don’t or making me think I’m gonna become addicted to a drug (I don’t do drugs I’m scared) like it scares me because I see what they do to people but it makes me feel like the urge to do it or to think I might become addicted or I might go try it and become an addict idk the worst case scenario it makes me think or like someone is gonna drug me. Like I always feel like someone is gonna drug me I always feel like someone is out to drugging me or I grab something and i immediately think I’m gonna become drugged. I hate it.