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So I havent started NOCD therapy yet, I see my therapist on Monday. Backstory- I was on paxil and I started having lots of break through anxiety/panic last year. So in December my dr and I decided that I should try a different SSRI. On dec 27th I started a crosstaper off paxil on to lexapro. Little over one week I did 15mgpaxil and 5mg lexapro. Then I did a little over 1 week on 10mg and 10mg of both. Then went to 5mg paxil and 10mg lexapro. Then 2.5 paxil for a couple days then on Jan 21st I start just 10mg lexapro. From there I did about 18 days on 10mg then moved to 12.5mg lexapro. Then this past Saturday I went up to 15mg. During this I have been taking ativan for my anxiety and panic attacks. I had ativan or xanax to take as needed before but during the starting of lexapro I have been taking ativan almost everyday to cut the anxiety. Then I googled if I was addicted/dependant on my ativan and got scared from what I read. Then I started reading about ativan withdrawals and that scared me. So last night and this morning I've been spiraling on if I'm going to have a seizure from the ativan and I started panicking this morning when all I wanted to do was lay down and sleep in since I didn't have to go anywhere today. Since I started panicking I took my ativan and now I feel like a loser. I just want the lexapro to start working so I can feel some what normal again. I have good days and bad days and yesterday and today were bad days... When does this get better... I hate worrying about my health and if something is wrong or if something will cause me to get sick. Im scared to die and my emdr therapist says that means that I love being alive and respect life but then why do I waste it worrying and living in fear

It's one of those days where I can't get out of my head, the anxiety feels so debilitating, all I can do is cry, the intrusive thoughts won't stop and I can't keep myself from my compulsions, I feel so alone, my fear of hallucinating sounds went to fear of hallucinating people or things, to the worst of all fear of becoming delusional, my mind is plagued with "delusions" that I've read online through all the compulsive research I've done, earlier I saw a shadow next to a light pole and my mind immediately went "what if little people are watching you" my grandmother had delusions like that growing up so that's where it comes from I think, no I don't actually believe that little people are watching me but what if I do believe it, what if I am psychotic, what if I start believing people are out to get me, im so terrified I can't shake the fear of this I can't accept it I don't know how, im terrified that my ocd will forever plague my mind and I will never feel better I'll always be fighting this monster and I will never feel peace again, I don't want to be alone in a mental hospital, I don't want to go to the doctor and them tell me I'm crazy or psychotic, I don't want to become a burden to my family, i dont want to scare my family please I just want to feel better 😭😓 I don't want reassurance about the intrusive thoughts I just want someone to tell me it'll get better and I won't feel stuck forever

Two days ago, my neighbor let me know her child had tested positive for flu. Since our kids are friends, she told me to keep an eye on mine. It disturbed my peace a bit, but I pushed thru as best I could. (I say that then think back over my movements the past couple of days and it's honestly kicked up the compulsions.) Today, she woke up with a fever and now the obsessions have taken over my thoughts. I'm so worried about getting the fever. Usually it would be because I'm scared to take medicine, but this time it's something different entirely, which has me more freaked. My nose has been bleeding off and on for a month now and it just started happening again a few days ago. From prior research, it says you can't take Tylenol or ibuprofen with a nose bleed because it thins the blood. So I'm freaking out about how I'll treat my fever IF I do get one. 🤦🏼‍♀️ Such thought loops bring on such feelings of inadequacy. How can I help my child heal when I can't even help myself? Or how can I care for her as best as I can when I'm so afraid of catching it? Also, I rely on my husband to talk me down and help me emotionally when these situations arise and it makes me feel incredibly weak. He didn't marry this person. I was confident and didn't know the meaning of anxiety when we got together 16 years ago. But since the birth of our youngest daughter, fear, anxiety, and OCD has been my new norm. I feel like a failure for needing so much reassurance and for constantly feeling like I can't do this on my own. Sometimes it makes me obsessed that he's going to give up on me because I'm not worth the trouble and other times it makes me want to give up so I stop relying so much on him. My child has a little cold and for the most part, is totally fine, but still I'm obsessed about this being something I'm going to catch that ultimately is going to kill me. all because of a stupid little nose bleed and fear of fever.

strange signs of ocd that i initially didn’t realise were ocd related: - ensuring all synonyms for a word had to be included and spoken/considered. also weighing out which synonym would be ‘just right’ to integrate in the context. - being hyper aware of everyone’s emotions, the atmosphere and my surroundings. - randomly ruminating about an event that happened years ago and convincing yourself you said/did something bad and potentially apologising for it years later. - never saying swear words or cancellable things out loud or on camera when younger. i feared these videos would resurface and i would lose my job or if i became famous id be canceled. - being extremely superstitious (e.g. thought i would attract the bad energy that stemmed from seeing certain ‘evil’ numbers & words, watching manifestation videos that promote bad luck, going near cemeteries, not touching wood or stepping on the cracks etc.) - checking power outlets several times to ensure you have turned them off to ensure the house doesn’t burn down. - checking emails several times before sending to ensure you haven’t attached some ‘inappropriate content’ before sending it off. - checking alarms that you have turned alarms on several times and ensuring there loud enough to guarantee you will not sleep through them. - feeling heightened urges to confess every little thing otherwise i’ll attract bad karma. if i don’t confess or do something i deem as ‘bad’ i perceive any tiny inconvenience in my day as bad karma as a result of my actions. - taking tiny things in my day or that i see on social media as admonitions and signs from the universe that i need to make immediate changes/decisions in my life. - avoiding situations/people/things that trigger your OCD. - paranoia 24/7 (e.g. walking in the middle of the street so no one can pop up from behind a car and kidnap you or stressing about someone secretly living under your bed/or in air vent). - being hyper aware of your bodily sensations (e.g. what if i can’t breathe, trying to breathe in the ‘right’ way). - worried about thinking or saying things incase you ‘manifest’ them. - trying to think the ‘right’ thoughts. shaking them out of my head if you personally categorise them as ‘bad’. - constantly seeking reassurance that your not a ‘bad person’ from others. - having to rewrite a sentence 1000x to make sure it sounds ‘just right’. - latching on to safe/lucky numbers. - and many more…. (share yours down below!!) i’m just trying to help others feel less alone. i hope this brings peace to some of your minds.

Hello everybody! I know Valentine’s Day was yesterday but hear me out haha… Ever since my first boyfriend left me 3 years ago (along with the embarrassment of never having been able to get into another long term relationship…), Valentine’s Day has always been a stressful and depressing holiday for me. Being 23 and seeing many of the people I went to high school with getting married or even starting families makes me so unbelievably depressed. Don’t get me wrong! I’m so happy for these people, I just wish I could experience what they’re having too… My OCD loves to focus back onto my ex whom I haven’t spoken to or even seen in a little over 3 years (except recently when a childhood friend of mine posted a picture with him skiing). It frequently obsesses and conjures up very distressing and painful scenarios about him starting a family and getting married while I remain alone for the rest of my life. I still love him and always hoped I would’ve started a family with him. I know…it’s incredibly far-fetched and naïve thinking. I have gone on several dates and even got decently far in one relationship, but it only lasted for a few months due to some life changes. But nothing ever came close to my first relationship. In the spring of 2023, I had an incredibly bad crash out that left me an emotional and physical disaster. My health started to decline, I couldn’t keep up in university and had to drop out and move back in with my parents, and my mental health completely shattered after I found out my first boyfriend had moved on with someone else. So many things started to fall apart in my life that I contemplated taking my own life. I gave myself a year to fix everything, and if I failed, I planned to buy a gun and shoot myself in my car. While I managed to overcome most of my failings, there was still so much that was affected by my breakdown. I used to be pretty active (I was a runner and a weight lifter), and now I’m very sedentary. I find no joy in the things I used to love doing, I often feel tired and unmotivated. I do nothing all day, and I’m ashamed. Some days it’s even hard to want to bathe myself. All I do is sleep and engage in compulsive stimming (rocking back and forth in a chair and maladaptive daydreaming). I also have autism, so that plays a portion with the stimming. Rocking has always been a major problem for me, it overtakes my whole life; I spend hours engaging in this behavior and nothing has helped…. I finally got accepted into nursing school yet I feel no joy, it’s a private school so I’ll be shelling out a shit ton of money which scares me. I love being a nursing assistant, so this has nothing to do with not having passion. Helping people, even on here; reassuring people when I can, is the only joy I get nowadays. I know this is my calling, I’m just not happy in my life right now. I miss being active and being in university…I feel so isolated and lazy (lowkey a hermit) nowadays. And it scares me because I find myself not caring sometimes. I’ve never been so sedentary before…I’ve always been somewhat of a homebody but never to this extent. I don’t even like driving anymore or going outside. I feel so ashamed and unhappy…I don’t make a lot of money right now even though I live with my parents so it feels even more isolating. I just feel like a failure and I’m afraid I’ll never be able to get out of this rut. There’s so many things I want to do in my life yet I have no motivation and I’m too broke to go anywhere or sign up for anything…it’s genuinely frustrating. Anyways…thank you for hearing me out!! 🫶

Last year I lost my dog and since then it has been a roller coaster for me, im just trying to move through the feelings, and back in december i thought i found the last problem cause i realized theres alot of shame and guilt that i feel because I know in his last year i was not as close to him as his early years. So I worked with those feelings and then alot of things happened, I lost my grandma, then i developed health fears, changed my workplace which came with alot of fear and i found myself in these problems that also the fear and feelings of the grief of losing my dog came back. Im afraid of what will happen in summer when it will be a year since i lost my dog. I dont know what to do with the memories of seeing him really sick and barelly breathing, its normal that it makes me sad but when it makes you sick and it haunts you all day even after months its a problem. Theres also a feeling that im stuck, just now i went to his grave(yes we made a grave for him) and i thought i will have a healthy conversation with him in my mind, which will help me mentally healing the pain, and at first it was that, but then i got hit by a feeling that i cant describe, and i tried to move into compassion and not let these thoughts take away my peace, but then i felt like its wrong to change those sad feelings to happier ones, its like disrespectful, and there was a strong reaction of feelings to the positive thoughts like i dont want to feel better, its stupid, and when i tried to be compassionate to myself it made me triggered more... which made me feel stuck with those feelings of sadness and anger... Compassion sbould help me but actually it doesnt gives me peace,maybe thats normal at the beginning but i dont know how to react to those angry hopeless feelings that nothing helps me and the intrusive feelings that i dont want to be compasionate, i dont want to get better(i do, its just and intrusive feeling)

6 months ago I had a severe panic attack and it’s changed my life. Scared of 99% of foods, can’t take meds out of fear, been hospitalized a few times cause of blood sugar drops and other health scares due to poor eating. I’m constantly scanning my body finding any little thing that’s uncomfortable and then fixate and panic over the smallest things. Whether be a smell I’m unfamiliar with, a weird sensation in my arm literally anything freaks me out….. who has had success with exposure or has dealt with similar issues. I feel like I’m unintentionally slowly killing myself but I’m too scared for meds and therapy doesn’t seem to make much of a dent right now. Please share some success stories I need hope.

I’ve been dealing with ocd for years when it first happened it tore me apart I completely convinced myself I was the worst person on earth and I could not continue after months my ocd jumped to different themes and each one usually distracted me from another. Fast forward I recently went through another bad episode constantly focusing on the past and how I’m a horrible disgusting person comparing my story to everything I could and coming to the conclusion mines the worst and therefore I’m X or Y then it went into somatic/idk if I actually have this incurable condition that terrifies me but now it’s both it’s the uncomfortable sensations and going back on certain memories that I can’t tell if are real/don’t want to be real/ don’t make complete sense but feel real and now I can’t get out of the idea that even ifs not real I’m always gonna think it might be idk it’s a lot I just know I don’t want to be these things and never will ever want to be. I want to confess again so bad but my bf is not understanding at all like these “memories” or thoughts genuinely traumatized me when I remembered them.

Yes. You may be confused but that is literally what my brain is hyperfixating on right now. Less than a millimeter. I’ve done too much google searching today and now I feel like my teeth are gonna fall out. Can someone help me or give me advice to get over this? I’m not trying to ask for reassurance but do your teeth move very slightly too? I already made a dentist appointment because I’m so freaked out. I hate ocd.

So I was waking to the grocery store and felt a prickling pain in my chest, like under my collarbone and thought something was irritating it. It happened twice. A prickly feeling like if the plastic part of a tag is like moving around it. Nothing was there. The third time it happened I was panicking. My heart rate went to 140-160 and I had to call the ambulance. They came and took me to the hospital. They checked my blood and found no heart attack or blood clots. They also did an EKG. I was sent home to see my primary doc and cardiologist. My health anxiety is THROUGH THE ROOF. I was wondering if anyone else experienced these strange prickly feelings on their chest. It happens when I walk but not while resting usually (or if it does it lasts for only a few seconds)

can anyone give me some insight on this? i was given 20 mg of prozac by my doctor to help me calm down while i wait for a psychiatrist appointment for ocd (i went in for an ekg because i was worried. nothing was wrong) yesterday was the 2nd dose, should i expect anything? i almost feel like it keeps me up at night since i take it around 7 pm, and i already have been sleeping poorly for a week or so.

I don't know what to do anymore, the fear of psychosis and schizophrenia is so bad in so hyper aware of everything I hear and everything I see, I've always had eye floaters now I convince myself that it's really me hallucinating, I've always had tinnitus but now I'm convinced it means I'm going to go crazy soon, I can't sit in quiet because all I'm focusing on is what I'm hearing, and searching for any sounds I can't distinguish, when there's background noise I get so anxious if I think I heard something but im not sure I did or I'm just anxious, I'm terrified I'll start having delusions and sometimes my brain confuses some sounds for other sounds for example say I'm hyper focused and I breathe and my nose makes a whistling sound my mind interprets it as a scream and I freak out thinking I'm hallucinating only to focus closer and realize it's my own breathing, earlier I was so anxious that I couldnt tell if I had an intrusive thought or heard something, I don't know how to make it stop, I've been through this theme before I just forgot how hard it was I'm having a panic attack please help

Alot happened since christmas and i feel like i not doing well right now. I cant deal with stress and anxiety/panic, i dont know how to respond to those emotions and im being hard on myself again. It makes me angry when i hear "its normal to feel that, accept it" cause in a way i know what it means but i need help about what to do with it cause sitting and accepting what i feel makes me just stay in this dark hole. If i get a panic about something, i start to react to that and when i want to change my reaction it triggers me cause i feel like im trying to change my emotions, but then what to do? Again just staying with how i feel and the reaction will feed it more and more, i know the basic saying that you should do nothing about it, but if you do nothing then you do the same thing you did before and never learn a new way... The reactions are so strong i cant control it and it adds more negative feelings like fear, and if i have to accept them too then i go nowhere... i just accept that i add more fear to my problem... it doesnt make any sense... im struggling with alot of stress and anxiety and worry with physical symptoms and i dont know how to react to them in a way that i wont feed them, or what to do with the negative reactions that comes automatically.

I’m 18 and very new to my diagnosis, I’ve had symptoms my whole life but it’s gotten significantly worse within the last few years. I’m honestly just looking for advice. My days feel impossible, I wake up and have to convince myself I’m real, and I continue with that battle my entire day. Sometimes this battle happens and i start worrying that I can’t breathe. When I eat I get worried there’s fentanyl in my food that I will overdose from. My life feels impossible and I can’t see how this will get better or when it will. I’m on medication, and am in conversational therapy but I’m still learning about myself and my triggers etc so it’s hard to know what to talk about, how to explain it best and what can help me overcome my struggles. Anyhoo any advice would be so insanely appreciated. I don’t have a very supportive community around me. they try to be supportive but I don’t think they understand what OCD is or how mine works.

i’m so afraid of having cancer. bc i always think of you have it you WILL die from it which isnt accurate at all. im also SCAREDDDD of going into a coma SO BAD. but im so scared to go to the dr. im thinking ab all of the symptoms i have & other things & i keep making myself think i have cancer , then if i do & when i go to the dr they tell me i have it but what if i only have 2 months to live. im so scared. i hate this.

how to know if it’s anxiety or something else when you feel like you can’t breathe.

I started dealing with OCD when I became fixated on health issues, particularly the fear of contracting a life-threatening disease. If I experienced any kind of medical symptom, no matter how small, that even remotely hinted at something potentially fatal, it would drive me crazy, and I couldn’t stop obsessing over it. Then one day, I started having intrusive thoughts about accidentally hitting someone with my car, and I would end up driving in circles to check if I had. Eventually, I found myself overwhelmed by a flood of new obsessive thoughts and compulsions. One day, while I was at the park, a squirrel came near me, and for some reason, I felt like it attacked me. I Googled it and learned that squirrels could carry rabies, which spiraled me into a deep fear of rabies. I became consumed with the thought I received a bite from a squirrel, raccoon, or bat any time I’m in areas that trigger me. It started off only being inside then transferred to even being in my own home. This made me obsess over every physical sensation in my body, compulsively checking to make sure nothing was wrong. One compulsion that I hated the most would to be putting rubbing alcohol on me to make sure that I had no open wounds. Every day feels like I’m walking around in a fog of anxiety, constantly worrying that I won’t even make it to old age. Sometimes, it gets so overwhelming that I just want it all to end. It stresses me so bad at times to where my brain feels like I’ve been studying all day.

i’m desperate, i’m not 100% sure if this is due to ocd or anxiety or both, if i’m wrong i apologize, the past week or so i’ve only been able to sleep 3-4 hours a night, it literally doesn’t matter what time i go to sleep and my brain has me fully convinced i’m dying or i’m gonna die and it’s terrifying me, making me have more anxiety. if anyone has any advice at all, please help me.

Any advice? btw I’m 14 :) I feel so useless I want to give my dog The best life I can and I want to spend lots of time with him because he’s my best friend but Its so hard because of my OCD, I feel like I’m not doing enough. I want to give him long walks everyday or even a walk but my OCD makes it hard for me to do that, I cant even go outside without holding on to someone but I still have compulsions even doing that. Its so tiring and I just want to look after him better but I cant even look after myself, I don’t eat,drink,sleep enough, and my hygine is not that good I feel so gross sometimes but I don’t know what to or how to look after myself, I dont know if anyone would tell me to give him to a better family but I can’t do that I have had my dog since he was 2 months and hes nearly 7. And life would be harder without him, I want to do everything with him since my family doesn’t care as much about him and calls him stupid but I think thats just because they can be very moody because they feel stressed, I wanted to also give my dog a healthy diet but my family acted as if that was a silly thing to do, I want to give him more attention and my OCD has had too much control over me for 3-4 years now, I was supposed to write a message asking how I can be a better best friend & owner to my dog while dealing with OCD but i Just noticed that I wrote too many “I” but this isnt all about me am I selfish? I feel like theres more to say but I can’t explain anything

I'm currently living through a massive health scare with really scary symptoms. I am scared I might have an aneurysm due to my symptoms but despite that the doctor's don't think it's urgent. I have some test scheduled but I will have to wait weeks for some of them. I don't know how to get through this knowing I could die any moment. I live in constant terror ever since those symptoms started. I can't function. Can anyone here please help me with this??? I don't know what to do?