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I look around at others and feel like they’re “normal” and happy and I’m not. I don’t find joy in things like I used to.

Please can someone help, I have realised that I am having Rocd about my best friend. I have experienced it with my boyfriend for a few years, and for the most part, it doesn’t bother me so much anymore, but I seem to be really agonising over my best friend at the moment and trying to figure out if we have drifted, if she still considers me a best friend, if our friendship will ever feel back to normal etc… basically worrying I am going to lose my most valued friendship! Some context is that she has two very young children, and we have both had a lot of difficult family circumstances this year- which have led to us both feeling a bit out of sorts, and of course since she’s had children her main focus has switched. We’ve managed to maintain a great, very close friendship for 12 years even though we live a few hours away from each other, and prior to recently, I have always felt so secure and at ease with her. These recent obsessions about the friendship have made me feel so disconnected from her, my brain is making me feel like I don’t know her, like she’s a stranger when we’re together, and I have been feeling so anxious around her that I have started to avoid it because I don’t know what to say anymore. I have felt distant and disconnected and lonely with a lot of friends this year , like I have no true connections… but it’s making me feel particularly bad about this friend because I value her friendship more than anything else in the world. I have experienced this feeling with my boyfriend in the past when I convinced myself that he was going to leave me, but I managed to get over it. I am finding this friendship theme really difficult to get over because I don’t see her regularly to enable me to do erp, and I don’t want to be clingy by messaging her all the time. Can anyone advise a way of getting over this theme or a way of doing ERP even though we live far away from each other? I’d love to hear from anyone who has experienced the same thing and got over it. I feel desperate to not lose this friendship and I pray that it’s just my brain playing tricks on me.

I am new to NODC and starting therapy this Tuesday. I am excited but very anxious and honestly a bit triggered about starting and making my symptoms worse (on top of my other current triggers). I hoping for some positive vibes and the ability to take back control. All of my issues are mental obsessions and compulsions in various categories of OCD. Any good insight would be much appreciated!

I wonder if anyone has had any experience of this. I’ve always been scared of they’re becoming a compulsion that I couldn’t complete. Either for practical reasons, like I’d have to get a flight back to a different country to step off a curb just right, or that if I’d didn’t complete the compulsion on a certain date it wouldn’t feel right. I was always worried there would some day be a compulsion that I could not fulfil. It happened. I held my brothers hand that had committed suicide and my magical thinking made me feel that his suicidal energy had transferred to me. I actually know this doesn’t happen but OCD convinces me it does. It doesn’t help that I’ve since found out that he suffered from intrusive thoughts, he’d always been diagnosed with depression and anxiety. My anxieties around obsessions manifest as intense stress. The compulsion has become my biggest fear, something I genuinely don’t want. To end my own like. My head is so full of pressure, if feels like my brain is on fire. It’s a compulsion I have got given in to for a year and a half yet the intense head pain and jaw clenching it causes has not subsided. It builds. It makes me want to just give in and die. Not giving in to this Compulsion feels awful. Has anyone experienced a compulsion they absolutely cannot do but somehow came over it and had any advice? Young mum and I really do what to be around for my daughter. The not doing that compulsions has haunted me for months on end, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t be present, it disgusts me yet my brain is trying to push me into doing it. I spend virtually every day thinking this is the day if have end my life to escape the physical pain. Many thanks for reading guys. Anyone else’s experience or advice would be so appreciated.

Does anyone else get so tied up about ‘proving’ whether something did or didn’t happen? And they feel like they can only be happy if they prove OCD wrong? Been going to extremes recently to look for evidence if I did something and after finding nothing, feel very low.

1. Has to move forward in the car 2. Doesn’t like seeing reflection 3. Doesn’t like 1pm (cause of the 13th hour) 4. Doesn’t like 6pm 5. Doesn’t like the number 13 6. Doesn’t like the number 6 ( not as bad anymore ) 7. Has to go outside for 12am 8. Can’t go to bed until after 12am 9. Can’t go over level crossings 10. Can’t go under bridges or train bridges 11. Doesn’t like certain road names 12. Has to have window open in the car if eating 13. Doesn’t like negative tv programmes/news/docs 14. Doesn’t like old places 15. Doesn’t like certain songs 16. Can’t eat in places if they say certain things on the menu 17. Doesn’t like certain words/sayings 18. Doesn’t like knives 19. Sometimes swaps chairs or tables when out for a meal 20. Doesn’t like the colour red or black 21. I can’t wear certain clothes/t shirts ( usually anything with words on ) 22. Has to wear certain clothes to drive his car in 23. Can’t use the water in certain places 24. Can’t eat food in/from certain places 25. Can’t get own money out ( I have to ) 26. Can’t pay for things ( I have to ) 27. Can’t drive through a ‘welcome to’ sign talking 28. Has to go the same way back that he went somewhere 29. Doesn’t like phones/tablets 30. Doesn’t like phone chargers touching certain things 31. Has to use certain till to pay for things 32. Has to get out onto curb when getting out of car 33. Doesn’t like certain supermarkets 34. Doesn’t eat without me 35. Doesn’t like police 36. Doesn’t like ambulances 37. Doesn’t like anything to do with charity (negative) 38. Doesn’t like hoods/hoods up 39. Has to get out of bed before I go out/work 40. Doesn’t like tunnels ( especially water ones ) 41. Doesn’t like going under bridges/railway bridges 42. Doesn’t like having his picture taken or being in them 43. Doesn’t like things being paid for by phone 44. Rewinds and forwards the tele 45. Has to watch certain programme to turn the tele off to 46. Doesn’t like seeing food he likes on the tele/adverts .. has to fix it 47. Has to eat something when he gets up and before bed 48. Doesn’t go to certain places from his past 49. Doesn’t like certain things associated with his past 50. Has to go out first through doors 51. Can’t use phone in his car 52. Doesn’t like 3am (witching hour) 53. Has to go on and off the drive 54. Has to go outside/in the car every day 55. Doesn’t like outside noise ( building work ) 56. Doesn’t like the tele on whilst getting up/ when cooking 57. Has to touch my arm when he gets into bed. 58. I’m not allowed to be turned away when he gets into bed or have my eyes shut 59. Likes people to be quiet when walking in and out of the house 60. Doesn’t like my watch (digital ) 61. I have to control the tele 62. Can’t watch a program without putting 2 or 3 other things on afterwards 63. Can only turn tele off on certain channels 64. Has to get changed into different clothes, house clothes - tele clothes - going out clothes - cooking clothes 65. Makes me do rituals like he would 66. Makes me open food/packets 67. Doesn’t like people talking to him whilst holding cigarette packets or knives etc 68. Can’t do things in threes 69. Asks me to sit before and after I need a wee 70. Makes me change my socks 2-3 times a day 71. Makes me go out the front door like he does because he says about us getting out the house before it’s dark 72. Makes me have a snack before we leave the house if we are going to get a snack and drink 73. Has to go and fix things if it’s done three times 74. Doesn’t like the number 25 or 30 or 7 and a few more which I can’t remember 75. Can’t do most other things if a wash is on ( like making a cup of tea )

I visited her over the summer and I had the best time but before I went back I started feeling numb and dissociated. Like I had no feelings, I am back at school and I feel the same way worse even. I feel nothing, I have thoughts like I don’t love her anymore and I feel urges to break up. I have been fantasizing about someone and anytime I see that person my brain is telling me to check if she is pretty, staring at her. I also feel attracted to most girls, I have thoughts that I should experience college life even though deep down I know I don’t want to. It is so difficult because I feel nothing to what my girlfriend says, all I could say is that I am sorry. Even when I say that I struggle to, my mind makes me think I don’t want to be be back to normal and it feels so real it is scary. The same thing happened last year too. I got to school and I started fantasizing about being with someone else, I followed that person and once I knew she didn’t have any interest I was back to sort of normalcy. I don’t know what to do. It is overwhelming. I am still feeling this way and my girlfriend decided to take a break because she is unhappy about what I say about my thoughts brings her confidence about herself down, I feel nothing towards her. have thoughts that I am a manipulator and narcissist, thoughts that I don't care about breaking up, that she is fat, not attractive, etc and that I can just move on and date other people or live the typical college life or download dating apps and engage in hooking up with people. I also have thoughts about people performing oral sex a certain way that I want it to be like, anytime I see a girl my mind thinks oh she can probably give a good oral sex then I have the image of how it would be in my head, I also have this fetish/kink with acrylic nails that if a girl has it my mind start to fantasize about the person performing oral sex on my with the nails or having sex with them. I am not sure if this is because of watching 🌽. Anyone else feeling like this or have experienced this?

How are you and sum it up into one word or phrase 😊 💚Amazing 🧡Ok ❤️struggling 💙awful

Ok so this might be a long one, I didn’t realize I had OCD until recently and when I found out it was such a weight off my chest! I’ve struggled with this since I was a child I used go to constantly wash my hands to the point that they were dry and cracked and had a fear of touching certain things like bleach and still do but not a much but my nan was in the garden and I went out in a panic because I touched a bleach bottle and thought I was going to die and she had compost on her gloves and rubbed it all over her face and was like do you think I’ll die now? After that it snapped me out of it but then it changed to something else, I was playing a game boy a lot and my mam told me to stop playing it so much or it would have my brain buzzing and one night when I was randomly playing it I started to panic and imagined a game boy in my brain and I had severe anxiety and didn’t even know what it was, all I could tell my mam was that I feel nervous all the time! Eventually that stopped too and when I got to around 14/15 I had a dream my friend who is a girl tried to kiss me and woke up in instant panic! All of a sudden I kept having thoughts of being a lesbian when I knew I wasn’t and have always liked boys! I’ve always wanted boys attention I’ve never felt attracted to girls ever! This effected me for months and the anxiety was so bad I could barely eat and sleep and getting up in the morning to go straight to the bathroom to get sick the anxiety was taking over totally and the thoughts never stopped. I was constantly repeating sentences in my head over and over like I know I’m a girl and I know I like boys for reassurance. I couldn’t look at any girl without feeling panic. I looked in the mirror and didn’t feel real, it was so bad I used to cry and think about ending my life and it would make me feel better but I didn’t want to hurt my family, I spoke to them and told them how I was feeling and eventually this stopped to a certain extent. Now I’m older and all of a sudden these thoughts have come back again. It’s so bad I could be in bed with my boyfriend and feel like I’m lying to him but I’m not I know I love him more than anything and I think about the time we first met and how excited I was and how happy I was and I want to feel like that again. Some days are better than others ❤️ when it’s so bad I lie in bed and can’t sleep I’m afraid I’ll dream of the intrusive thoughts I have in certain scenarios. I used to think there was something wrong with me and if I told people what I was thinking they would think I’m a freak and still do. Im glad I’ve found an app where there’s other people that go through the same thing I go through. I hope I can eventually get over this and be happy and not let these thoughts affect me!

Has anybody else had panic attacks out of nowhere and have a fear that you can’t breathe. I get shirt of breath just thinking about a panic attack happening

Ugh I just wanna think and feel normal again, my souls tired. Does anyone have this horrible feeling inside of them in their chest, idk if anxiety or depression but even when I’m not thinking about my theme or having intrusive thoughts/images this feeling is eating me alive. I literally can’t sit peacefully and enjoy the moment cause of this terrible feeling and I don’t even know what it is, must be anxiety. I think it’s just driving me to have negative thoughts cause it’s such a horrible feeling.

Let me know how you’ve been with a heart and sum it up into one word. And I’ll send a message back x 💛 Amazing 💚 Good 🧡meh 💙bad

Can someone explain to me what urges are with ocd or what they feel like

Do people with ocd also have obessesive thoughts of friendzoning their boyfriend/girlfriend? It's been bothering me so bad it doesn't stop. I repeat myself that my boyfriend is my lover my soulmate the one I want to be with romantically. It made me view my relationship as friends and it's bothering me alot. I don't want my boyfriend as a friend I want him as a lover. That's why he's my boyfriend duh. I told him and he said don't worry! It didn't stop it still stuck with me. I have been arguing and trying to fix these thoughts for the hours and hours. I become relief than I end up spiraling then relief than spiraling. It made me feel like a bad girlfriend because I love my boyfriend as a lover! I want to marry this him. After a few hours of ruminating, I decided to play a game and teamed up with this friend who is a boy and ik it was gonna be a issue for me because I'm gonna end up having obessesive thoughts soon but I only view this friend as yk friend obviously. But then I started to have thoughts of liking him or secretly liking him and it made me panicked because I felt like I was cheating on my boyfriend and stuff and I started to have these unwanted feelings and I hated it. I left and has a anxiety attack. I was crying because I really didn't want to friendzone or cheat on my boyfriend. Then my obessesive thoughts just made me believe I was crying for the boy I was playing with and making me think I had these secretly feelings for him and I started to panick more because that's not true!!!. I don't have feelings for that boy I never did I only have feelings for my boyfriend and I only love my boyfriend!!!. I don't care about that friend I have a boyfriend!!!! But it's making me believe it so much and I feel like I did have this false crush on this boy and now I'm scared that my boyfriend is gonna end up having a crush on his friend. I feel like I messed up I'm trying to tell my mind that I was crying for my boyfriend and I was crying because I was scared of leaving my boyfriend or cheating on him and also crying because I didn't want to have these false crush on a boy again.

I’ve almost just accepted that I’m a bad person. All i can think about is my intrusive thoughts, at this point I’m literally obsessed with them. I’m almost not even anxious anymore because I’m accepting it

This ocd makes me feel like l don’t own any morals or values that l have always stood by and it makes me feel lost and confused

Hi everyone, I have finally worked up the courage to post here. Something about posting made it feel like someone was going to find out about my OCD and judge me. That is one of my fears “being found out” about what? Well, that changes… But hey, I DO have OCD and this is supposed to be my community! If anyone is going to get it and not judge it is going to be you! I have been making great progress since my diagnosis and am doing pretty well with higher doses of Fluoxetine (lucky to have minor side effects) and therapy. I was feeling great, having an awesome and productive day, and then WHAM! Out of seemingly nowhere I was triggered. I did my exercises to not avoid the trigger and so forth, but now my anxiety-linked body sensations are super high. Any healthy tips for calming yourself and reducing the residual physiological symptoms of a huge anxiety spike? I’m looking for tips that won’t lead me down my compulsion path so any advice is welcome!

Is researching ocd therapies and mental health constantly a compulsion? Even though I have always enjoyed learning about psychology and reading articles on mental illnesses or relationships and attachment theory. And I now have a wealth of knowledge of how to combat ocd... looking for hope for a cure or some relief. Is holding onto hope a secret compulsion?

So, this may not be everyone’s cup of tea. But eight years ago after getting out of the military. I was very ill, my walking around weight now is 219-225 I love food. At that time I was 159 I thought I had cancer I couldn’t keep food down. I spent more time going to that bathroom than living. The VA thought it would be good to put me on muscle relaxers, it did the opposite affect. It made me worse almost to the point where I almost lost control and took my own life. Fast forward eight years later and the fear of losing control is what is consistently on my mind. I do rituals to make sure the door is locked, I have to watch my groceries at all times because I feel like someone might poison me. I have to put my clothes on a certain way or else I feel like I might lose control. So, this is my life right now I had my first appointment today and I can feel some light at the end of the tunnel. I know erp therapy is going to be rough. But I just want my life back. To all suffering from this terrible thing called ocd keep fighting and turn to God, it really does help me when the anxiety kicks up. Love you all and remember the valley is only temporary and the sun shines brightest at the peak. Don’t give up.

I’m new to this app but wanted to just get it out there. I have ocd that comes out as obsessing that I have some unknown disease or cancer that is killing me. It gets really bad before I travel and causes me heart palpitations. Before I travel I’m convinced I’m going to die on the trip so then I start having heart palpitations which leads me to think I’ve got some rare heart cancer. It’s a weird circle. I’ve had an echo so I know there’s nothing wrong with my heart but my brain doesn’t care. This worry extends to my kids where I constantly think something bad is going to happen to them. It got 10x worse after my stepdad died in a motorcycle accident a few years ago then my mom and brother had cancer. It seemed to have solidified that death is going to happen so no self talk is working. It’s exhausting.