Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I’m going for my first run since my most recent OCD flare up last year. Running is a huge trigger for me so this will be a pretty big exposure. Hoping I get through it! I used to love running. 🥺

I realize this is an extremely rare condition, but does anyone out there have this? The ENT tells me it’s psychosomatic and sensorimotor OCD. I do feel that there is likely some somatic/sensorimotor OCD involved since people become hyper focused on their breathing. Are there any good therapists for addressing this?

How do you all handle feelings of isolation? I feel so alone in this and I feel like I will never have a friend or partner that I can really truly talk about everything with.

I want to move on from my past relationship but can't shake it. Everything reminds me of her, and I know I didn't do my best to facilitate the "best" possible relationship. I need to take accountability; however, my life revolves around her. And there's nothing wrong with that because I love her. And I know she's moved on. I have been stuck in the past and still am. I play music sometimes which reminds me of her, and I am filled with joy. I guess I just need to stop. We can all push forward and realise that we are capable. (I say this but I almost contribute nothing to my family). (I have everything). I feel as if she is me and I am her because we are. (Or were. That is a very irresponsible and disrespectful connotation for me I feel not anyone else). I'm so selfish. The last message she sent to me was very respectful, but I continued to pursue her. And it poisons my mind. I understand that there is nothing wrong with love, but is this love or obsession? I've written an entire story dedicated to her but it still feels wrong. Again, I must stop. However, it feels like I cannot. Feelings do not represent the entirety of the situation. I feel lost, but I am not lost. (We are never lost). My father also molested me when I was younger and I feel as if I am the issue with everything. (In the context of my previous relationship I was). I have a sort of saviour complex, but I just need to let her go if I really love her. And me (If anyone is experiencing the same issue or has then I am here to tell you that it is okay). (Your thoughts do not define you, only actions). And by acting like a saviour I become nothing more than a pebble. (Pebbles are good). I am attempting to become my "true" and "authentic" self but feel so fake. I was extremely irresponsible in not thinking when getting my previous relationship. I also gave attention to another girl and I also feel (as I should) horrible. But we're worthy even if we don't think we push forward into the future. My relationship with my family, in my childhood, (Not representative of now) deeply effects me. Everyone is here for the first time, so we must consider everyone. And what my dad did to me was not justifiable. I have to forgive myself, ultimately, for what I did in my previous relationship in order to grow. I am growing. We all are growing. There is hope and light for everyone. I attempting to stay true to my self, but every day is a reminder that I don't really love myself. If I loved myself I would be perfect. (No one is perfect, and I am not perfect). I miss Lauren so much. But I know she is thriving. And I feel like the victim but I'm not. I feel as if she owes me something when she doesn't owe me anything. Not very often "consciously" but subconsciously I think I am a bad person. Which I am. There is no excuse or pity party event that will absolve me. And I embrace that fact. She is so strong. And I'll always admire her. I do not want to be absolved. I am a toxic person. And I always will carry this burden.( But there is nothing wrong with Acknowledging your faults). I just feel if I do one thing wrong, which everyone does things wrong, I will end up being supremely horrible. And I am horrible. (No one is horrible we are all human). I am full of contradictions. We all are, but I feel as if I am the only one. (I know I am not). I wish I wasn't so toxic. And I know wishing won't solve my issues. She was my sun. And she was never "mine," Which I thought. Possession is not love. Neglect is not love. Selfishness is not love. After we broke up, I could barely sleep. And I kept having sleep paralysis. I could literally feel my heart bursting out of my chest when I tried to go to sleep. (I am alright now and know that I am loved by myself). But I am not really okay. I always attempt to humble myself and it's working so far, but it's also not. I guess that's part of the process. There is only me. And I cannot blame anything on anyone, nor do I blame anyone. I am responsible for what I did. And I really want her back. But I know that is not the right thing. I am lost. (Or I feel like it). Always. (My love for Lauren). (I am deeply disgusted by my previous wanting of another woman. I never pursued anything, but I still feel guilty and I shouldn't). But I do feel guilty. We were both not ready for a relationship, I suppose. I must love my self. (I apologize for the grammatical errors).

ROCD, MOCD, HOCD, SOOCD, POCD. The worst ones I'm flitting between right now, is H and P, the ones that feel the worst and are the most sickening. Up until 2 weeks ago, I was doing well and feeling more positive. Today my mind has been trying to go back to where the POCD actually first started, or the biggest trigger that I can remember. Never a good idea to do that. It's gone back to my friend's child. Remembering at a wedding when she was so pretty all dressed up, really beautiful. And I don't know whether it's the physical and mental state I'm in now that's doing it, but it makes me feel like I re-acted mentally and physically to thinking that. The worst thing was, she was really beautiful, really photogenic and there's a cloud in my heading giving me this feeling of I reacted in "that" way and wanted to. I didn't. But I'm in major anxiety right now, because I'm "feeling" it. Why? Does that mean I am? In my head it's questioning I'm in denial. It makes me feel sick. Ever since then I worried about being around ,not just her, but other responses that I felt would trigger that. Oh my god, writing this down is making me feel sick and anxious and I've convinced myself I'm evil. I don't want to do anything like that, I swear. All this is ruining my potential for a friendship/relationship because I don't feel I can ever be around him because of what is going on, how crazy and psycho I am, and on a physical level with them. And I really them them too and loved spending time with him. I've always avoided relationships in the past, because of my confidence, and I've missed put. It makes me feel so sad, because I'm not evil. I seem to convince myself I'm the P word (I can't even say it), that I'm gonna harm someone because I get angry or upset, that I'm other worse things as well. That I can't do this, and I'm gonna fail. Right now, I feel like I've undone everything positive I've done and experienced over the last couple of months. Which makes me spiral more, I dont want that.

Hey, I’ve never dated before and I’m in my 20’s now and I’ve considered starting to use a dating app to start just talking to people but I’m scared. Scared of getting obsessive over the conversations, the people or if it’s the right decision to use it or not ? Any advice ? Thank you

I’m new to all this, but it seems that this individual Robert Bray is the only person who seems to be discussing sensorimotor OCD. I’m looking for a very objective opinion here. Upon looking him up I came across some very bad reviews, but those seem to be at least two years old. Then I see comments that are more recent, and they seem very positive I like to believe that people can, and do, change. Despite some of the bad reviews that he has from a couple years ago, can anyone speak to what it’s like to work with him now?

And how are you dealing with it? Let’s have a discussion. I have health OCD and the worst part for me is that I will likely have to deal with health issues at some point in my life. So when I have intrusive thoughts about my health, it feels like they will come true at some point…even if they aren’t true now. Trying to reframe this but it’s been hard! Always welcome to suggestions.

Please help me… i get the most horrible sad feelings around my little girl… and my suicidal ocd goes crazy when im alone with her… I can’t do this… i can’t keep having horrible thoughts/feelings/urges especially suicidal ocd around my little girl!

Hello i was a porn addict for 16 years. Iam 25 abused alkohol and was sex addicted to girls never could have enough. Few months ago i was heavily drunk and without knowing ended up sleeping with a trans which i regret heavily I developed HOCD heavily which confused me and brought me to suicidal thoughts i was so confused that i actually believed that iam gonna turn trans without me wanting it then it developed to be scared that i could kill myself without wanting it. I want to just turn normal as i was can anyone help me ?

No matter what I do I can’t stop ruminating thoughts. I feel so frustrated. My mind is so loud and the thoughts are just on a loop. I feel paranoid and can’t stop obsessing. Anyone have any helpful suggestions? 😣

I've been doing really well. But today my OCD has brought up a portion of my past where I had a sexual dream of me and my friend (my friend is a girl). Now my head is telling well you had that dream and thought maybe you liked her. I didn't like her and I knew that. But now all my head is telling me well you must like girls because this happened and I know my sexual orientation. Any advice would be great.

I'm having issues with hit and run ocd recently. It's very hard for me to even drive anywhere anymore. Everywhere I go I feel like ive hit someone's vehicle without me noticing, even though there isn't any damage to my car I can't stop thinking that I've side swiped someone or hit someone's car while backing out or something and didn't feel it. Has anyone else dealt with this? If so, was there a way you could make the thoughts go away? It's all I can focus on and it's giving me a sort of task paralysis where I'm so focused on the thoughts I can't get anything I need to do in my daily life done.

Officially trying to get help for my OCD. Contamination OCD is mainly what I’m struggling with right now. It feels like my brain is going to explode from the thoughts on repeat. Just wanted to vent that in a safe space. Stay strong everyone.

What are your experiences with meds? Would you recommend them? Are some of the OCD meds meds that are usually prescribed for depressed patients too? If so, do they have any side effects or negative effects overall? Like make you tired or make you stop feeling things like I've heard some people say Would you say meds need to be taken only if the situation is very bad and super out of control?

I’m not sure what to label this under or if this is OCD. I just downloaded this app, have been diagnosed with OCD previously (no sun category) and just want some sort of help. I work as an auto tech in a small shop for the last 8 months (3 workers including myself). The boss and my superior are childhood friends (now in late 40s) and im 25, newly married and have a 18 month old. When they are stressed, especially my boss, I immediately jump to its something I did. So I seek out affirmation that it’s not and I feel it comes off annoying and like im not mature or just plain sensitive, which I know I am. I texted him last week apologizing for a mistake I made on a job and even called him about 3 hours later after not getting a reply because it was absolutely debilitating thinking that I’m going to get fired or how disappointed he was. He told me that it was ok and I needed to improve on not making mistakes as often and assured me he wasn’t thinking about firing me. Flash forward to this week he’s been stressed just about everyday with what seems like clients and a bigger job we have coming down the pipe and it’s driving me crazy that he’s not in the best mood and pretty snappy. I’m obsessing over the thought of being a disappointment, that I’m not going to be good enough to keep around and my questions and mistakes are what is aggravating him. Im afraid of losing my job and not being able to provide for my family or that my mistakes and frequent questions have put him in a weird position of not wanting to keep me around. It feels like I can’t breathe or think when the people around me are stressed and in a bad mood, and I can’t solve it for them. Thank you for reading this far, I feel alone and like I’m losing my mind. I bawl crying when I have moments alone in the gym or shower, I swallow it and smile to be there for my child and wife but my insides are inflating with fear and stress of performing to par at work and being enough for my boss and family. Has anyone experienced this, how do I get over this. Im on venlaxafine, propranolol and lamectal for anxiety and panic attacks. I’ve been like this in previous jobs, I just feel like this until everybody at work is happy, then I’m happy, until there’s another stressor for them and I’m right back in this boat. Thank you so much

Anyone else having sleeping problems with their ocd? Today had to be the worst… last night I honestly was having an ocd episode about me having a fear of doing something horribly wrong. I honestly don’t even know wtf is going on. I have groinal response, and my brain feels Like it’s gonna explode. I have been struggling with this for like a year and I know I have Pocd. I get fears every time I see my little sister, or just any little girl. Yesterday I locked myself in my room. And right as I woke up right now, I keep nodding my head no to the thought. This crap is really bad.

Has anyone overcame this theme? Or been thought this theme? I have a fear of schizo and now I’m just constantly scanning to see if I hear things. It’s so bad I constantly pay attention to every single noise and can hear everything now because of this theme. I’m constantly scanning and even my inner voice/ imagination has scared me because I think “what if this is schizo” I’m so scared of everything due to this theme

I’ve been diagnosed with ocd. I first started off with harm ocd.when I got over it, it started switching into new themes. Every week I’d have to deal with a new thought/fear. And now i feel like im stuck again! Im not sure what type of ocd im going through right now. But im scared of hallucinating. Im scared of hearing things that aren’t there. So that caused me to be hyper aware of every sound I hear. And I now focus on white noises so much ( like AC, fridge, water pipes, the tv when it’s far away etc.) and I start to question my sister: can you hear that ? Because I’m super scared the I’m hallucinating. But usually she’ll answer with yes she can hear it. But I’ve been struggling with something else too. I sleep with the AC on and I’ve been doing for years. But during the past month that caused me so much stress and anxiety. Because I feel like whenever the AC is on I hear other things (not people talk or words or specific things) just unclear sounds. And I’m not sure if that’s in my head or it’s actually there but because the AC sound loud I can’t recognize the other sounds im hearing. And I get so anxious when I try to sleep because everything is so quiet and it’s just me and the AC on. So I feel like everything is loud. And I don’t know if the unclear sounds are in my head or real. And yesterday when I tried to sleep a police car went by and the siren of it was loud too. I focused on the sound. And questioned if it’s real or not. Then I started hearing the siren non stop for 3 minutes probably. Even though I’m sure the police car went by. So I was scared and terrified that I was hallucinating. And now I’m just scared that what if I’m not hyper aware ocd. What if I’m schizophrenic. What if I’m going crazy. I’m so scared. And I’m worrying that this will happen again if I go to sleep tonight. Someone help me please and give me advice!

Hello. I am 39 years old and I see that OCD is increasingly damaging my mind. I forget things, I am unfocused, I tolerate changes less, I get tense very easily, I am more fearful and so on. I stopped leading a social and active life, let's say normal or functional, at 19 years old. I locked myself in a bubble in the hope that I would find a cure for my disorder and unfortunately I lost my youth without improving, which is a horrible burden that has often made me become very depressed and feel such a great degree of nostalgia and regret that it makes me think about suicide. I have never had a girlfriend and many years ago I stopped having friends. For many years I was fine with it and even enjoyed my loneliness, my misery, my depression, my isolation and my lack of connection and harmony with the outside world. The problem is that for about 6 years now, this has finally taken its toll on me, especially the fact that I have never had a girlfriend or sexual experiences. My libido has increased, I fall in love very easily and become attached to many women that I barely know or with whom I have minimal contact in a store, street, etc. My rational part tells me that it is not a real love, but my obsessive disorder is characterized by sabotaging myself and making me magnify many things. It is a disorder in which I ended up stopping going out and going to school because it suggested that I couldn't speak, that I was very hungry, that I liked vulgar and disgusting things, etc. Even to this day I can get a feeling of hunger because someone insults me while I'm driving or if someone says a mocking comment to me it can cause me to not be able to speak or any of my suggestions. All day I feel a tickle of anxiety in my mouth. He's not leaving anymore. I also can't speak naturally because there is almost always the fear of losing the topic of conversation, not knowing what to say and boring the other person. I imagine scenarios asking a woman out and I know that at any moment she could lose the ability to converse fluently and therefore bore her. Plus my self-esteem is on the floor. I have felt disgusting in the eyes of women since I was a boy. I've tried logging onto Tinder, Bumble, and other apps without much success, which further affects my self-esteem. Sometimes I can't stand the urge to have sex and it bothers me a lot because I also tend to have animosity towards women. I would like to be asexual or not have a libido. I also wish I didn't feel this need to socialize, but I can't. It's already overtaken me and all these years of isolation have finally sabotaged me and my body and mind are crying out for social contact. I really regret not having been braver in the few opportunities I had to have a girlfriend or sexual relations. I think if I had had these experiences right now I wouldn't have this need to date a woman. It would be the same as what I feel with friends. I did have friends, I know what that is and therefore, I don't need them. If I had had a girlfriend and sex right now it would be a reminder that I was once able to be functional, I would already know what that is and therefore, I could concentrate on other things and even close that chapter. To make matters worse, my disorder makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong when I suddenly have the opportunity to talk to women more or less my age. I feel something ridiculous and disgusting that makes me feel like I'm cheating on my mom and my brother. It's something very strange. My damn fucked up mind has me in the middle of needing to have sex and some relationship with a woman and not being able to, because I don't know how to flirt, I have low self-esteem, I'm afraid of cruel and mocking rejection and I also don't want to expose myself to women who could be shit Does anyone identify themselves or has something similar happen to them? I've been taking fluvoxamine and quetiapine for years, but they only keep me more or less functioning and not going under. I'm tired, really. I hate having this need and not being able to do anything. I see even ugly men on the street with girlfriends and it irritates me. I also have this fixation that when I see a woman touching, kissing, caressing or sitting near a man I am surprised that they are not disgusted by it. I do not know what to do. I am getting sicker and sicker and also all these years of isolation and bad social experiences have made me hate people in general and women even more for not paying attention to me. As a teenager when I went out with my friends I was the one who only saw how my friends flirted, were successful with women, had affairs, had sexual experiences and I was invisible. They didn't seem to care and didn't even know what to do. Furthermore, the lost years of my youth are a very heavy burden that does not allow me to live in peace. I could even win the lottery and my life could magically improve and I couldn't even be happy for these lost years. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated. To make matters worse, I haven't seen a psychologist in years because I have never worked because of my anxiety and as a consequence, I depend in part on what my mother gives me in terms of money, who sometimes drives me crazy. The problem is that sometimes my body and mind also ask me to be alone, but my OCD makes me have at the same time fear of loneliness and panic attacks because if I am going to live alone, it is really being alone without anyone. No friends, no work colleagues, no girlfriend, nothing. I thank you in advance for your attention.