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last night my rocd felt super real, i dont understand why it felt like that i felt like it was my truth and that im in denial, i was crying so hard, it was telling me i dont love my bf and that i never did. I hate it. Right now i have woke up and im still scared. my bf is amazing i hate this. Why does it feel like o dont like him

**TW for POCD** I’ve spoken about this a few times before. That urge I had to type in “child porn” into google. I talked to my NOCD therapist today about it. She told me the ERP for it was to type it in. She even did it with me. Obviously nothing but news stories, crime statistics, and photos someone would use for a project showed up. I’ve been so petrified of typing that in there. She wants me to do it every two hours and listen to what OCD will say. I typed it in that way, I typed it out full, and I typed it out with an additional word. I clicked and browsed through all the google tabs. I’m okay, but I can’t stop crying. I’m scared to do it again. She said it’s not likely going to get flagged due to people looking that up for research projects and stuff. I’m just afraid repeatedly searching it up will cause some sort of alert. I feel so scared and full of nerves. I guess that’s what the ERP is supposed to do, but it was so scary. So scary :(

i have uninstalled this app for one day bc someone here told me so but i dtarted talkinv to chat gbt again after one week of not talking to it. i am scared and i dont know what i feel but i do at the same time, i know i love my boyfriend but i still have this strange feeling in me, and so many emotions, i sometimes think he is cringe and annoying and i dont like it i dont understand what i feel now. I am scared that i will mot have anxiety anymotr and the thoughts will be true. i wamt to cry but i cant im so confused, one moment im happy one moment im confused and i feel strange

I've been posting and commenting often, and I've developed this weird fear? Like, what if one of my posts or something I've said has made someone uncomfortable, or maybe they didn't agree, and they blocked me or just disliked me in general? It's so silly because this is a place where you should be comfortable to share anything, and there's always going to be people in life who have different opinions than you or maybe even dislike you. I know that, but I'd just hate to make someone upset or uncomfortable. I don't think I have, but... it's just been this reoccurring thought of mine. I'm also afraid of accidentally offering reassurance. I'm sure I have at some point... It began after I made a vulnerable post on here, and I felt self-conscious about it the next day. It's just been nagging me ever since. Has anyone else felt this way after posting or commenting? Just wondering, thank you! 🤍

I remembered something from a few months ago. I zoomed in on family beach photos, particularly the bikinis, and now I’m feeling awful about it, especially because the people in the photos were underage (my boyfriend’s sister and cousin). I think my brain is twisting what my intentions were maybe but saying that feels like I’m trying to excuse myself. At the time, I stopped because it felt weird, but I’m not sure if OCD was involved back then. I moved on and only now am remembering this. I’m struggling with whether this was normal behavior or if I should definitely be feeling guilt over it. The guilt I am feeling right now is unbearable.

I’ve been ignoring the googling urges I get. They’re the strongest urges I feel. I’ve been distracting myself and going on about my life without considering them or ruminating. All for what? I had to go into a public bathroom to have a panic attack that had been building all day. I’m so sleep deprived, so tired. My sisters say I resemble sadness from Inside Out. I believe them. I feel so drained.

I feel so freaking scared. I know I’ll have an intrusive thought/urge and whatever I know I’m going to fight off another compulsion until I eventually give in bc I’m still so new to this. I am petrified and I feel like I cannot for the life of me relax. I’m sleep deprived, in a terrible place hormonally, withdrawing from meds, and being treated like a burden by people around me. I literally feel like I can’t do this. I keep thinking about those posts where people talk about the hypothetical scenarios where you learn your death date. I feel like if someone told me I’d die soon, I would cry of relief. I would never hurt myself but boy do I not want to experience this anymore.

my bf knows abt my googling and talking with chat bgt but does not know about this app, he is at my house and now im alone bc he is at the bathroom and he told me to not google and things but im confused idk what i feel i want to feel good and happy, i was good amd happy today, but now i have a lot of thoughts, my libido is low and i found it hard to kiss and do sexual things. Im scared i will br like this forever amd that i will never want to have sex (i am a virgin) , i will be 18 soon and i hate that i am like this. Im so scared i will never want to do this. i want to, but i always feel strange and my thoughts attack me making me feel so bad. i hate myself for posting here bc it is a compulsion and i feel like a liar, he loves me so much :(

I keep seeing people say that thoughs are just thought amd if they were real i wouldn’t feel this bad about them (not liking my partner not feeling anything, rocd feeling real, etc.) or that you will know when its real bc it would feel clear and in afraind im preteding and yhat someday i will find out my rocd is actually real or that im in denial rn . i have the most beautiful relationship and boyfriend that loves me and tries to help me and i feel very bad and so scared

Hey everyone, I’ve had this app and responded to some people before but never posted I don’t think. My name is Matt and I’ve been diagnosed since October but have been struggling since I was 11. Now struggling is not choice words for ocd especially since I’ve gone long periods without having intrusive thoughts or unrelenting compulsions. But I’ve had bouts of it since then, I had a worry once that I was showing symptoms of ALS, and this came after the bout where I thought I must’ve contracted rabies. But my OCD themes had remained similar recently. I’ve gotten so much better but the start of January I fell into a trap and got stuck for a couple days, I’m now back to normal, but my fear is going back again. It almost feels like relapsing, there is this woman I love so much that I haven’t had the opportunity to tell but I feel that my ocd will get in the way of any positive relationship we’d have which would be devastating. I want to tell her but I’m worried what happens when I get like this again? I’d hate to have her worry about me. And I hate to be alone but I’m also not wanting to cause any harm to her for not being able to be in a relationship. I’m feeling alright now but I don’t know what the future holds. I got to ask John Green advice he has for OCD, he said “firstly im not a medical professional I’d recommend seeing one” “and secondly remember ocd tries to take things away from you and take your joy away, make sure to remind yourself that things are good, and doctor pepper is good.” Idk if that would help anyone here I just thought about adding it TL:DR feeling good, worried Ill stop, In love with a girl, afraid of upsetting her, Doctor pepper is good Thanks guys

I posted this last night(the next paragraph) and i’m still feeling horrible. Sitting with it until it passes rather than ruminating and trying to disprove it feels like a constant feeling of doom and gloom. I’m so depressed. Has anyone else been through this? I feel horrible😪 I developed ocd as postpartum so my ocd has always latched onto my children. It started as harm and stayed harm for years but then when I was finally able to overcome that theme it switched to pocd and it disturbed me so much that my ocd has stuck with that theme. I was finally able to overcome my ocd and it was mostly gone for many years until a recent stressful life event 2 years ago. I’ve had it under control since it came back until a bad flare up last month and I got through that and have been okay for a couple of weeks but it’s starting back up and i’m scared it will get bad again. It switches back and forth between my son and my daughter. I know my only true thoughts and feelings towards them are genuine motherly thoughts and love. They are my world but my ocd twists everything into something horrible or inappropriate. It can feel so real sometimes even though I know it’s not at all real. It’s so painful and upsetting. I don’t understand my brain. If I know the truth why do I get so stuck on these intrusive thoughts and feelings? I just want to go back to looking at, thinking and feeling about my kids the way I actually do and not the way the ocd says I do. I’m really struggling. I know other moms/dads experience this but very few post and it makes me feel so alone. I’m here if anyone needs support and I can only hope to get support also.

**TW** I think my OCD is latching onto this. It feels extremely real and scary. I basically learned about the dark web and a browser name. And now I’m petrified I’m going to get on it and find terrible things. I can’t stop imagining myself do it and I’m scared. I feel like I had already heard and known about it but learning about it this time feels different. Maybe it’s just the OCD. I feel like I’m going to lose control. I wish I would stop learning about these things. I’m so tired :(

in actually scared i dont care about my partner as im supposed to and that i dont like him, i have dificulties with sexual stuff, and im scared i dont like him and that i am lying to myself, im scared. He is a very nice and caring and beautiful man, i love him (or i think i dont lnow) he dosent deserve this , i talked to him about this he knows about my thoughts, some days ago he calmed me down and used some logoc on me and i was good and now im questioning everything i feel bad for posting here i feel like im lying to him and im scared my thoughts are real

So, I'm currently in panic mode. I commented underneath a post on here, just trying to be helpful if I could, but I ended up getting triggered by the messages exchanged with the person? I've blocked them now. I just got scared, and I feel really, really bad about it, but they said they'd interacted with a real offender and said they had behaved inappropriately in front of minors. I still don't really understand what they did, but I felt like since I'd started the conversation, I couldn't just leave them hanging... Ugh. I told them to seek professional help because I didn't feel comfortable trying to give advice if they really did do something horrible, and they said they felt like the only reason they felt guilt is because they didn't want people to label them as... one of those people. I can't even get myself to type the word. I don't want to offer advice to someone who... you know. But, I also wouldn't want to isolate someone who might really be struggling with OCD. I'm just at a loss right now. I feel really scared.

*****TW***** I keep remembering an interaction I had with a person who reached out to give advice on OCD. *****TW***** They ended up dumping the fact that they searched for illegal content to the point where they got arrested months later. This person claimed OCD but I really think there was more to it. I felt horrified when I learned what they did. I really doubt they simply typed into google. They most likely made a lot of effort to find this illegal stuff. I can rationalize that much, but I still feel so scared that this is possibility for me. Sure, I’m impulsive and my compulsions are super hard to resist but I think I have strong morals. I don’t ever want to become that person. Ever. I’m so scared. I’m panicking and maybe it’s the new medicine I’m on but I would really appreciate some support. I think it’s my OCD convincing me I’ll become that person eventually and I’m so petrified. I feel contaminated from ever interacting with such a person. I feel so scared.

I go to sleep and I’m ruminating. I can’t stop it from happening in such a sleepy state. I’m asleep and in my dreams in ruminating. I wake up and I’m already ruminating bc of how tired I am from not sleeping well. I’m so nauseated and overwhelmed. On the verge of tears. This has been happening for so many days. How do I stop this??? Please help

Yesterday I seized the opportunity to take a big step forward in my own ocd and personal journey. I have been going through a ton of inner turmoil over the past couple of months involving romantic feelings I have for a friend. OCD uses those feelings as evidence that I am a horrible, evil person and I am left feeling very alone. I wanted my feelings for this friend to go away. OCD says I can’t tell anyone about what I’m feeling because they would find out how awful I am. And if that happened everyone in my life would find out and I would be left alone and irredeemable. I’m steering into the abyss that ocd wants me to avoid. I started by confiding in friends and family removed from the situation. I only told them what I was feeling. No asking for reassurance. No trying to get them to say something that would counteract my anxiety. Just presenting them with what I am going through and giving up control of how I am perceived. It was agonizing but I was able to get through it. Last night I decided to tell my roommate, who is also in my friend group with this crush, about my feelings for our friend. It was very difficult to get the words out and he had a mixed response to the news. I made an effort to not seek reassurance or try to confess my perceived “misdeeds” in this situation. Just practicing relinquishing control. We were able to talk through it more. He is one of my best friends and he made me feel accepted regardless of whatever I felt, feel, decide to act/not act on. It was a very big moment for me. Not only in defying the rules ocd has set for me, but also with being more aligned with my own values and connecting with those who are important to me. Whether or not things do or don’t end up working out with this crush is separate from the issue I am attacking here. I don’t know what’s going to happen there, but I do know that if I pursue the values that are important to me and put in work to be the person I want to be, I am one step closer to finding the person I’m looking for.

My therapist told me today that if I get intrusive thoughts of other people: friends/randoms/children/pets, to put them in the corner of the room. I can try that but I feel like I’ll still be focusing a lot on the intrusive thoughts during such a vulnerable time. It makes me feel like if I focus on intrusive thoughts, and I reach a point where I am feeling good physically, I’m scared I’ll associate those thoughts with feeling good or feel like I “got off” to them. ***TW*** Apart from that I have creative intrusive thoughts like imagining my bf isn’t a grown man which repulses me to even type. Or that he’s a family member. Those drives me absolutely insane. Those I don’t know how to handle. How would you handle this? How do y’all handle this?

I’m really struggling right now. My mind is racing and I’m panicking about the content that I watched in the past because I don’t have a way to ‘prove’ that it was safe and consensual. I stupidly caved in and googled “what happens if an accidentally saw illegal porn” and I ended up making my anxiety so much worse. What if the images I saw in the past had underage people in them? Am I going to jail? Will my ip address be tracked? My brain is making all sorts of scenarios up and they feel so real. At this point I don’t know if I’m a bad person or not, I just feel like something terrible is about to happen. Although I know I’d never intentionally look for that kind of stuff there’s still a chance that I could have seen things without realising, and I actually don’t know what to do. I’m in total panic mode

I went to bed one night in November, and I can't quite say what happened, but I believed that I had a "memory" from childhood. I won't discuss what, but I had "remembered" doing something sickeningly awful. This thing came to me almost as clear as a real memory. I remember thinking something along the lines of 'How could I forget doing something like that?' followed by a feeling of complete horror and terror. I have moments of "clarity" where I can't believe that I'm questioning doing this thing, and it appears obvious that it's false. But now, I'm more than often believing that I did. I am spending 24/7 fighting my head, and it's taking me to dark places. I know this is the worst thing to do, but you don't understand, if this is real then I am a monster and I can't just adopt the 'maybe I did, maybe I didn't approach'. I just can't. I have to know. I'm so scared. My entire life is on the line. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Literally no one. I feel like I'm insane, like I'm a monster, like I'm hiding my true identity from everyone I love. Does this sound like False Memory? Or am I in denial, trying to convince myself this didn't happen? Why does it feel so real? And why do I have moments of clarity? I also had my first nightmare about it last night. Please someone help me.