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I just feel petrified and I don’t understand why. There aren’t even any thoughts right now. I just feel so scared.

Literally everything. I was talking to my friend, I have to confess that to my bf. I post on here, I have to confess that to my bf. I make a joke, I have to confess that to my bf. This is getting out of hand. I was doing better and I had stopped confessing but now it’s like on crack.

I remembered something and it was awful. When I calmed down, I thought “I don’t think it actually went like that?” I feel like I’m making an excuse to make myself feel better. Like I’m lying to myself to feel okay? Like it’s not false memory ocd mixed in with real event. It’s just me being a monster and I just want to feel better. I feel like I made a big mistake, didn’t think twice back then but now I feel like crap and want an excuse to think I didn’t do that. I don’t know what’s real and what isn’t. I’m so scared.

Lately, I’ve been struggling with a fear that I know is tied to my OCD, but it still feels overwhelming. Sometimes I wake up from a dream feeling good—like happy or even a little aroused—but I can’t fully remember what the dream was about. This triggers this intense anxiety for me because my brain starts spiraling: What if I was happy about something bad? What if it was connected to an intrusive thought? I know dreams are random and don’t reflect my true self or my values, but it’s hard not to overanalyze when I can’t remember the details. It’s like my OCD fills in the blanks with the worst-case scenarios, and I feel ashamed or scared for no reason. Anyone else?

I made a comment that was stereotypical, and now I feel like a huge racist. I promise that I didn’t mean it with any ill intent. I meant it with admiration. I don’t know why I feel bad. I’m the most anti-racist person in my family and I constantly thrive to be better. I don’t know why I’m freaking out. Oh my god. Why is this happening? I know what my intentions were. I feel so scared of being judged oh my god

Hi everyone, I've been diagnosed with OCD since I was in 7th grade, and im currently 21, sometimes I question my self saying things like: Do I really have OCD? Because it doesn't feel like it and sometimes I don't know if a thought is OCD or not. Lately i've been having these thoughts about leaving my girlfriend because I don't feel in love, even tho we have fun together, I get a lot of memories of all the things I did in the past that wasn't good like watching porn while in the relationship and think to my self. If I did that it may mean that I was never in love with her and much other things and I have the need to start over. It is ironic because I think to myself, nothing is perfect and we are bound to make mistakes but I keep seeking to be perfect, I also have been obsessed with her weight and face details and been comparing are relationship before and now. I also been looking up information to see if other people have the same thoughts and when I don't find them I feel so nervous and horrible thinking to my self, then im a horrible person. I find it hard to have sex with her because I get these thoughts or im focused on her body or another thing and get erection dysfunction. I've left porn for almost a year and don't want to turn back to it because it was affecting my sex life and even tho im not consuming it I still sometimes can't have sex because I worry that I won't feel anything, that maybe I don't love her enough, maybe she is not sexy enough, that maybe I didn't like her from the beginning thous why im not having an erection. She is always ready to have sex but im not feeling like having sex and then the thought comes, that means I don't love her, and im scared that it is really me, I had almost the same experience with my last relationship even tho it had some toxic traits to it, I remembered that I felt the urge to leave her because it didn't feel the same as in the beginning. Now reflecting on it, and since im having the same experience almost (thought wise) But my girlfriend is nice to me, understands my OCD, and is willing to help me, she has always been faithful and has cared for me, I don't want to lose her and I want to give her my best, but all these thoughts make me doubt my relationship, and I don't want to have these doubts, I want to feel ALIVE and have the same energy that my girlfriend has with me. I want a happy ending for both of us but Im scared that I might brake her and make her feel bad, she's always talking about the future and I don't like it because it is like, what if we brake up and we did all of this. Why am I thinking this? but it feels so real. Constant reassurance seeking, constant thoughts of the scenarios of me staying or leaving the relationship, me comparing how I felt in the past versus know, me comparing how I felt about her in the past. I want to write everything down here to make it as detailed as posible, Me questioning my OCD and im always aware of what I think, feel, do with her. It is so distressing, Ive been like thinking about the same thing for 3 weeks, almost all day, there isn't a moment where I don't think or ruminate about it. I want to just live life, without the constant doubting, and I know must of the answers but still keep creating scenarios of what if's. And it doesn't have to with be what if, just general questions. I know that it might happen in another relationship since it feels as the first relationship minus the toxicity. But what if it doesn't and Im in the wrong relationship, this is maniac.

Hi everyone, I wanted to reach out to see if anyone else has experienced something similar with OCD and intrusive thoughts. I’ve been struggling during moments of intimacy because intrusive thoughts, particularly ones related to POCD, feel so ‘sticky’—like they’re all I can picture. Even though I really want the thoughts to go away, they persist, and I’ve been trying not to avoid intimacy because of them. However, that makes me feel like I’m somehow ‘enjoying’ the thoughts or images, which I really dislike. It’s like my brain is playing this awful trick, and it’s leaving me feeling confused and gross. I guess I’m supposed to not let the thoughts bother me and continue as if nothing’s wrong, but I’m scared that by doing so, I’m almost training myself to get off to them or something. This fear makes it so hard to trust myself in those moments, and it’s been overwhelming. If anyone else has been through this, how do you handle it?

Has anyone else experienced moments where they find themselves on “auto-pilot,” checking or testing themselves without consciously intending to? I just had an experience where I almost acted in a way I wouldn’t, but during the moment, I didn’t feel any anxiety. It wasn’t until after I pulled away that I began to panic and felt really confused. It felt like I was testing myself, but it also made me question if I was close to actually doing it or if it was a compulsion I did subconsciously. It was a very strange and unsettling experience. I’m confused, scared, and in tears. Curious if others have encountered similar situations?

It’s turning into this sort of real event OCD where I’ll remember something I thought of months or years ago and shrugged off except now I’m consumed by guilt and panic for not caring back then. Like the whole what if thinking that and not reacting or just being like whatever means I was really a terrible person and I just now grew a conscience? It’s not even past actions, it’s all about what has come to my mind before. I used to just be like “okay anyway” sometimes I’d let the thought play out and then just move on. But now I think I recognize them as intrusive and I feel shame and guilt for not caring to question them in the past. I think in developing some new theme or something if that’s what real event ocd is? Help?

My therapist isn’t specialized in OCD. I’m her first OCD client. She told me she’s taking courses in ERP and specifically sexual OCD since a lot of my themes are sexual in nature. I want help, I need help. It feels like every time I meet with her I get set back. I make progress a lot on my own. Sitting with discomfort, trying to accept the thoughts and uncertainty. But every single time I meet with her, it feels like I’m explaining OCD to her. She even went as far as to suggest that some of my thoughts that bring me distress are mine. I am not a cheater. They are not mine. Why on earth would they not be intrusive if I was in tears about having this thought? I feel bad. I really do because I can see that even though I can very much see her mistakes, I can also see that she’s trying to help me. I’m just so scared of getting worse. I’ve been in therapy for 5 weeks now. I feel like had it been with a specialist, I would be doing so much better. Instead it takes me days to come backs to whatever progress I’ve made alone after meeting with her. She’s a great person, she tells me she experiences intrusive thoughts too and she doesn’t have OCD which helps me feel less alone but I don’t think that’s enough for me. She’s always available for a call whenever I’m in extreme panic. I just don’t think this is working. I trust her and I tell her everything, but it feels like she’s just listening to me talk the whole time. We’re doing a workbook but she gives me absolutely 0 input. I just read my replies and she just sits there. I don’t understand the point in that. I feel so anxious right now. She wants me to get properly evaluated for anything that may be going on because on top of the severe OCD, I was also diagnosed with PMDD, GAD, and MDD by my primary care doctor but I guess she doesn’t trust those diagnoses? My psychiatrist also told me I have ADHD, which I’ve suspected my whole life but it sounds like my therapist doesn’t know how to handle OCD much less OCD, MDD, GAD, PMDD, and ADHD. She’s questioning the validity of my diagnoses instead of helping me figure out how to deal with all of it. This is so suffocatingly difficult. I’m also a huge people pleaser so how on earth do I end this thing?

Has anyone with medicine sensitivities, found a med that works for them? I’ve been on like 4 in the last two months and all of them had unbearable side effects on me. - Lexapro (urges felt real, almost called 911, I thought I was going to harm myself and my dogs, ended up calling a hotline and sobbing for hours every single day) - Buspar (constant panic and crying, literally could not function) - Amitriptyline (worked the best but made me moody and impulsive) - Prozac (felt petrified and frozen half the day) Has anyone found one that works for them?

For years I’ve been struggling with trying to put together a routine for myself. I always end up filling my time with things that pertain to others. I see my friends all day, I like to see my boyfriend a lot (even though it’s only a weekend to weekend thing), and I’ll scroll social media. When I go on social media I tend to look at people who is no longer in my life. With this, I’ve come to a realization recently that I’ve put others over my own needs. I barely take my meds regularly because I feel like I’m constantly busy at peoples events, hanging out, or work. I don’t want kids but I’ve grown up in a family the idolizes the nuclear lifestyle despite not having it, and my boyfriend wants kids, so I feel like I’ve put myself in a position to lose my idea of what I want. Sometimes I don’t even know if I want to be with a man. I feel sometimes that people will leave me if I just do what will work for me. I could put down my drink and I think of how it will affect others, not myself. I’ve always wanted to travel and get out but I know my boyfriend wants to stay with his family so I put it on the back burner. I’ve started to get anxious about me losing out on my life and what I want to do. It makes me think I’ve always lost out on so many opportunities. I want to try to start small. Making sure I have a good routine for myself that I won’t break and then try to apply that discipline to the rest of my life. I’m just not sure how.

Feel guilty for not giving into compulsions like rumination and confessing? I feel guilt for having an intrusive thought, trying to shrug it off or just giving it a few seconds of thought and moving along. This sounds like improvement but I still struggle with the anxiety and the guilt. The shame. I’ll be okay and then I’ll remember I have OCD and my stomach will drop and I just want to curl up and cry.

my therapist suggested that some of my less bad rocd intrusive thoughts are actually mine, and not intrusive. She ended up taking it back when she saw the alarm on my face and saw how panicked I got. I feel really freaking anxious. We were only talking about it because I mentioned a lot of doubt surrounding those less bad ones, but it only filled me with more doubt. I don’t want those thoughts to be mine. I really don’t. I feel scared and so discouraged after this session. I feel scared about the worst thoughts, what if those aren’t intrusive. I feel so much doubt.

Before I was diagnosed with OCD, I would constantly figure out why something triggered me. I don’t know if this is like bad for OCD but it usually calmed me down enough to where it would practically go away fully. I’ve been in the worst spiral of my life for about two months now. There’s certain thoughts I cannot sit down and think of triggers because it simply makes them worse. However, there are thoughts where I notice that they pop up around the same repetitive trigger. For example: inappropriately grabbing my mom would flash before my eyes when I would playfully reach for her. This happened so many times over the last several weeks and I kinda had an “aha” moment a few minutes ago. It’s basically like an extra barrier, an extra warning. The last thing I want to do is make my mom uncomfortable and whenever I grab for her, the worst case scenario appears. As a form of *remember this could happen, stay away.* Maybe this all sounds obvious and if it does, I’m sorry. Essentially, I would also feel like I almost did it, ofc it did, all I saw in that moment was the worst case scenario. The urge I feel to do it was a compulsion to test if I would even get close to considering it. I don’t actively think of it, it feels like my ADHD brain kinda solves the puzzle and throws out the answer at a random moment. I don’t know, maybe this all harms me more but in my experience understanding why certain things trigger me (not why the thought is there, figuring that out makes me worse, I keep a generic broad idea: it’s probably the opposite of me *shrug*) have helped me a ton. I’m still hypervigilant and I’m working on just refocusing my attention to the present but I wanted to share for any opinions or advice. I’m still very new at handling this and learning since I was only recently diagnosed so please take all of this with a grain of salt. The last thing I would want to do is make anyone worse. So any thoughts?

A few days ago I posted about the urge to type up cp spelt out into Google. As stated in that post I know it’s essential harmless. It would generate articles and statistics. I’ve never given into this urge. My therapist theorizes that my OCD has its own morbid curiosity. I think that’s possibly true. But this urge has me feeling almost restricted? I can’t get on my phone or computer without feeling like I can’t breathe. I think it’s maybe anxiety but it’s driving me crazy. My therapist is newer at treating OCD. She told me I was her first client with in an active OCD episode. She’s mentioned ERP and workbooks, I’ve met with her twice. We normally go in what I wrote in workbooks and my journal about OCD. She suggested I type it into Google (since it’s technically not harmful) once to see if that urge goes away and if it doesn’t, to use it against my OCD by saying, “this urge that seems to be promising relief from anxiety is a lie, we’ve done this before and I gave in. You’re lying and we’re not doing this again.” I mentioned that this might just give my OCD more power over me. Or use the guilt against me. I’m scared to do it. I know it’s harmless again. But I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I don’t know if I should take that advice. Can anyone give me their input or perspective? Or maybe even what they think their therapist would say? I trust my therapist but we’re both very new at this and I’m terrified of this getting worse but I also hate this restriction feeling/anxiety. Input please, I really appreciate it

There’s a stupid urge that’s been bugging me for a month. It’s stupid it’s to type out “cp” (spelled out) into Google. I know this is essentially harmless all I would get is articles and whatnot. But it still is bugging the hell out of me. I feel like if I just do it once it’ll go away. I don’t know if that’s the OCD talking but it’s driving me insane because I get filled with dread every other hour when the thought to do it shows up. It had calmed down but now it’s back times 10. I know it’s quite literally harmless to type that, I know the results because of a Reddit post on morbid curiosity. I just don’t understand why my brain is so hyper focused on this. I almost gave into it the other day bc it feels ridiculous. I don’t know what to do. What do I do???

Hi everyone, I’m 21 and I was diagnosed with OCD at 16. I had a great therapist who was trained to treat OCD and we made a lot of progress, but I moved out of state for college and had to find someone new. I’ve been seeing someone else who is trained to treat OCD too for about a year now and they’ve been super helpful, but I feel like I’m caught in a cycle. I did some ERP and it has helped, but I think I need to focus on it more than I ever have. I’ve only ever gone to therapy once a week at most, and I considered that a lot. But I have been struggling a LOT the past few months, and have only really been addressing new stressors that have triggered my OCD, rather than doing actual exposure work. I’ve also been in the process of finding an effective medication, and the past few months have felt like a vicious cycle of weaning off of a med and trying a new one, the weaning period making my OCD horrible, my OCD cooling down, a few weeks of being as anxious as usual (upsetting things usually being a 6 or 7 and obsessing in small chunks for up to an hour a day), then chatting with my psychiatrist about a new med, rinse and repeat. I feel like I’ve kind of boomeranged in progress, and I wonder if I’d benefit from more intensive (2+ sessions a week) treatment with ERP to address the obsessions that have been making me miserable. For anyone who’s recovered from severe OCD or has gotten a good grip on it, what resources did you use? Did you do intensive therapy (lots of erp multiple times a week) or was once a week enough for you? Did you see an expert from NOCD or something else? How did medication come into play? I feel like I’ve plateaued, and I want to put the hard work in to get to a place where I have power over my ocd and can live a more care free life!

I have ADHD and I’m struggling with impulsivity related to intrusive thoughts. Sometimes, I get these strong urges to act on a thought, and I start taking action. But then, right as I’m about to make contact or do it, I freeze in confusion and terror, realizing what I’m about to do. It’s like I’m caught between the urge and the awareness that I don’t want to follow through. Has anyone experienced something similar, where the impulsivity leads you to take action before you realize what’s happening? How do you manage that confusion and prevent following through with the urge?

Instead of browsing reddit I thought I'd ask here...do you know what the difference is between ROCD thoughts or thoughts associated with dating the wrong person? I worry in my ability to make rational decisions with regard to relationships and partners when I have OCD. Thank you very much!!