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I’ve been struggling with something that’s been really overwhelming, and I’m hoping to get some perspective from others here. I feel a lot of guilt about it, and I’m not sure if I’m alone in this experience. Lately, I’ve found myself daydreaming about romantic situations or getting caught up in ‘what if’ scenarios—where I wonder if I could develop feelings for someone else, or if someone develops feelings for me. The thing is, I’m in a relationship that I love, and I don’t want to act on these thoughts at all. What makes it even harder is that these thoughts often hyperfixate on one specific friend, and sometimes they feel entertaining or give me a dopamine rush. But then, of course, I feel even more guilty because it makes me feel like I’m betraying my boyfriend. These thoughts usually happen when I’m upset and looking for comfort, but then they morph into romantic scenarios, which makes me feel so disloyal. I’m constantly going back and forth between feeling curious or entertained by the thoughts and then feeling horrible for even allowing them to happen in the first place. I keep confessing these thoughts to my boyfriend, and he tries to be understanding. He’s just never been the type to daydream, so he doesn’t know if this is something other people experience or if it’s just me. I feel like such an awful girlfriend. Has anyone else dealt with something like this?

Well, it's been a year since things with my OCD spiraled out of control, which led me to eventually seek a diagnosis and get the help I needed. A little over a couple of months ago, I didn't want to be alive. But now, there's hope for me. I've been managing on my own, but I'm going to start therapy soon (working out insurance right now), and I'm so excited to begin this journey of recovery and working on bettering myself so I'm able to live (and enjoy) a quality life!! ☺️🩷 I wouldn't have made it this far without all the lovely people in this community, so thank you!! To anyone who's struggling right now, it can and will get better, so don't let OCD win. You got this!!

OK, this might sound really dumb, but when you guys get intrusive thoughts, do they just come once and then go away? I’ve heard that repeatedly thinking about an intrusive thought is considered ‘checking,’ but it doesn’t feel like I have any control over how many times it comes up in my head. It’s not like I’m trying to check anything—it just keeps showing up, almost like it’s terrorizing me every time. I can’t seem to stop it from looping, stop remembering it, or prevent it from coming up. Every time it does, I feel horrified, and I already know it’s going to horrify me. I don’t think I’m actively trying to see if my feelings have changed, so is this still considered checking? How do other people get an intrusive thought and just move on? Doesn’t it pop up a million times for them too? I always thought that was normal, but now I’m hearing this could be a compulsion, and I feel really confused, scared, and lost. Is this why my OCD feels so extreme? Because I really don’t feel like I can control how many times the thought pops up.

Does anyone else struggle with this? It's been the main thing powering my POCD, and it's only been getting worse. Especially when I see posts online of people sharing their personal stories relating to CSA, specifically grooming. It's so triggering now, but before this theme developed, the most I'd feel while reading posts like that would be disgust targeted towards people who did those things. Now, my first thought is, "What if I do something like that one day? What if I've done it before and I don't remember or didn't know I was doing it?" I have many, many different intrusive thoughts or worries related to this theme, but it all circles back to this specific fear that I'll become like the people who hurt and took advantage of me. Does anyone have advice for this? I'm not sure if I've asked a similar question in the past or not, but is this something I need to deal with separately before beginning ERP for OCD? I'm just curious and also lost on where to begin with all of this. I'm just glad I'm able to begin working through all of these issues now, rather than later in life when I'd probably have a lot more responsibilities. Anyways, any feedback is appreciated! 🤍

I always wake up full of dread and fear. My anxiety is through the roof two seconds after I open my eyes. Someone on this app gave me a similar insight once I believe. But I think anxiety is just the urge to ruminate. About what? It probably doesn’t matter, as long as I can torture myself, as OCD loves. Does anyone else relate to this or agree maybe?

I have been doing my best to not ruminate and let the thoughts be. I’ve done ERP for some of them with my therapist. The sexual intrusive thoughts are the worst. I was feeling better and then OCD started to throw my bf into these sexual intrusive thoughts. Now I have these awful images and terrible thoughts of my boyfriend doing vile immoral things. I’ve been trying to just shrug it off and say “yeah, okay OCD.” But I still feel deeply disturbed, and the thoughts are very sticky. I know it’s just another intrusive thought, but these feel extra horrendous. I don’t know what to do.

Two things are happening: I get thoughts that just keep looping. They almost feel like song stuck in my head. Also, I’ll imagine something and I feel my stomach drop. Then as the seconds go by I keep getting fragments of the this thought but with different details. For example, it’s kinda like how a “vision” is portrayed. I’ll get a glimpse of the thought and then it’ll rapidly expand into something worse every few seconds. I don’t know if I’m causing this or if it’s just an automatic thing like any other intrusive thought. It feels unavoidable, idk if this is a compulsion or if it’s just another manifestation of an intrusive thought. Apart from that remembering an intrusive thought triggers the full thought again and then it just keeps looping or expanding. I don’t know how to stop any of this. Help?

I suffer from a really bad case of ROCD. I am constantly afraid to do anything wrong towards my boyfriend and our relationship, such as cheating, lying, or hiding things, and my compulsion is to talk to him about those doubts. I once used to think that acting on these compulsions was in both of our best interests, but I now understand that it is not his responsibility to take this weight out of my shoulders, and this time, truly in both of our best interests, I fight myself daily so that at least one of us can be free and most importantly, happy. For the sake of my relationship, lately, I've tried my best to hide my pain and as my main goal for this year's, I promised to try my best. But it is a really hard and time-consuming task for me to do on a daily basis. I crave the need to talk to him and this feeling is eating me alive. It is preventing me of living the life I deserve and it is confining me to my own daily prison. At the moment, my only yet, so small little relief is to write my thoughts on this app. I'm having a really hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I indeed do not need to disclose anything and everything to my boyfriend, as I am not doing anything wrong. Instead, i know i’m trying my best to do everything right.

Whenever I'm around my mom, she starts singing romantic songs (idk why) and I feel like she's singing that for me. It makes me feel uncomfortable sometimes and I started doubting and panicking that whether she's into me or not, whether she's bi or not. She behave in such a way that it feels like she's into me (I swear). Idk how to find out, some of you might say it's because of OCD but why do she sings romantic songs only when I'm around? That makes me feel very anxious. Yesterday, she was again singing some romantic song and then I leave that please, and then she started staring at me as if she's singing it for me and why I'm leaving. I swear I'm very paranoid because of this, the way she behaves, overreacts sometimes, blush etc makes me feel like something beyond the platonic love, I can't handle this. Please someone tell me if it's normal for mom's or not, does it mean she's into me? I'm very scared and anxious right now. Somebody please help me to know (and don't suggest to go for uncertainty as you all know it doesn't work and I would definitely go for uncertainty if it's about someone else, but it's about my own mom, so don't suggest me that)

This is the first time I have seen my boyfriend in a month because I have been so debilitated by OCD on top of everything else I struggle with that I isolated myself simply because it was easier. For the first hour, I felt great. Genuinely great. My head was clear, and I was able to just be myself, the real me, for a whole hour. Then the first obsession hit. After that, every other obsession came crashing down, one after another. Now I am standing in the Target bathroom, completely overwhelmed. It always hits me hardest when I am with him. I have realized that the reason I turn into a little compulsion machine around him is because I am so desperate to feel normal and enjoy our time together that the compulsions become even more tempting. I get anxious about being anxious around him, which turns my OCD from a background annoyance into a full-blown supervillain. It is unbelievably frustrating that this is ruining time with the love of my life, who is so understanding, but he should not have to deal with this hell. And yet I keep dragging him into it because I cannot seem to stop. I do not know what to do because I cannot even redirect my attention. I think I am managing it, only to realize I am still ruminating. Okay, I’m venting a bit, but does anyone have any tips? Even tiny ones or theoretical ones that might help make this more bearable?

I'm not drowning in overwhelming anxiety anymore after starting medication, but I feel... off. There's still this lingering anxiety, but it's like it's blocked or something. I hate the sensation of it. I don't really feel like I'm living, just existing. I'm afraid internally, but I can't express it anymore or experience physical symptoms of that fear. I can't even cry, but I feel like I want to or need to :( Maybe things are just worse right now because I'm on my period, but I'm genuinely so tired. I don't know how recovery is going to be for me, and what if it's not enough? What if this doubt and guilt that surrounds my life doesn't go away? I'm just afraid because I enjoy living and I love my family, but every time I think about having to deal with this for the rest of my life, I get bad thoughts of ending things. I just want peace. I just want to be confident in my own identity for once.

So, I'm going to share one of my most triggering memory or experience of mine. What I did was, I was reading a sensual story/experience of man on reddit in which he shared his experience that how he got physical with his own teacher when he was 13-14. I then became arosued by reading it and then pleasured myself by putting myself in that scenario. I made such kind of fantasies in which I'm getting physical with my students, sometimes they're over 15 and sometimes over 18 and so and it has happened a lot of times. Now, such things triggers me because I'm going to be a teacher soon (I'm 21), and when I remember about this, I feel disgusted by myself. I feel guilt and this also triggers my POCD sometimes that once I pleasured myself thinking of a 13-14 boy. This makes me feel very disgusted and anxious that how can become a teacher because whatever I did was so ridiculous. I feel like a horrible person. Please someone help me. Am I actually a very horrible person?

I don’t have much of a support system outside of my bf, so I find myself here a lot. I think I just need to vent, so forgive me if I do this too often. It helps to have a community of people who truly understand. I haven’t felt this debilitated by mental illness in months. There has to be some explanation, maybe it’s hormonal, because I feel like I’ve completely lost myself. The panic hits in waves, sudden and overwhelming, like my head is submerged in lava, burning and suffocating. Then, for a brief moment, I feel almost normal and wonder what all the fear was about. But it never lasts. The chaos always comes back. I even considered going to the ER because I’m not sure I can trust myself anymore. Something has to be wrong, because this isn’t me. My life isn’t perfect, but it’s not unbearable either. Since I withdrew from school, I’ve been so much less stressed that even my cycle, which has been irregular for years, has somehow regulated itself. But even with that, I feel like a failure. I was one semester away from finishing, so close, but OCD hit me harder than it ever has. It felt like drowning, gasping for air, reaching for something solid, only to be dragged under again and again. Now, I feel like that again, but worse. I feel hollow, like something is wrong with me at my core. I don’t just feel sad; I feel broken. I break down into uncontrollable sobs every few hours, and I don’t even know why. I just know that whatever is happening, OCD is taking full advantage of how vulnerable I feel. Is this what MDD feels like? Everyone tells me I have it, and it’s been confirmed by my psych, my pcp, and my therapist, but I still can’t seem to fully see it. I don’t know how to separate what’s OCD from what might be another disorder. I’m sorry to anyone also going through such a hard time, my heart goes out to you 🤍

Really need someone to talk to about my pocd and identifying if the memories are just false memories or not. Research tells me if it’s something you can’t remember for sure and are distressed by then it didn’t happen. Please someone help.

I’m embarrassed writing about this looking back now it was all so uncalled for and down right crazy, a few years ago I was convinced I had “sold my soul” to the devil i prayed on my knees sobbing begging god to forgive me. I was scared to even say “Satan” in my head and when I did I would hit myself trying to stop and I couldn’t stop so I looked crazy slapping myself, i even looked up “how to sell your soul” to make sure I didn’t? But then got scared after I read about two sentences on “how to sell your soul” then convinced myself I really did sell my soul. After confiding in my mom she blamed it on my “phone” and I agreed cause that’s such an easier thing to say it “explains it” but it wasn’t my phone it was just me and that’s so much harder to explain. For about two days my mom was my anchor reassuring me letting me sleep in her bed, but that was short lived after three days she was over it and openly talked about putting me in a psych ward, and like anyone would be I was scared so I put on a face that i was okay but really this “episode” lasted three months and I was alone and scared, and even though it’s been a few years sense this “incident” when I think about “Satan” I have to say a prayer in my head and pinch myself.

I was scrolling on here and now I’m having a panic attack. Someone posted resources and one of them was a NOCD article and I thought that was so great. I clicked on it because I like learning about this disorder and I love NOCD’s resources. But I read that one of the compulsions for pocd is watching cp? I thought that wasn’t a thing with POCD. I literally cannot breathe because I feel like this thing is now possible and I cant calm down. That was the first time I’ve ever seen that stated as a compulsion. I feel like I’m dying. What triggered my spiral in the first place was months ago someone contacted me and told me they watched it but claimed OCD and I felt absolutely horrified. I deleted my account and removed that person entirely. I am freaking out so bad I really can’t seem to breathe right now

I was doing slightly better for twenty minutes, and then I had a bad thought. I felt like I liked it for a few seconds before my stomach twisted and my heart dropped. This is too hard.

I want to go do something I enjoy so badly but I feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m full of guilt, shame, and anxiety. I wish I felt okay like I did a few days ago. I feel so awful right now. I hate OCD. I HATE pocd. I hate all of it. I wish this was easier. Sometimes I have the thought that I wish I was the things my OCD makes me afraid I am out of desperation to stop the anxiety, but then that thought makes me panic bc I don’t actually mean that or want that I just want the anxiety and urgency in the compulsions to stop. I’m so tired

**TMI Warning: This post is very personal and might be uncomfortable for some.** I’m feeling panicked and need to get this out. I have intrusive thoughts that make me question my morals, especially about consent. I have a CNC preference (consent to non-consent), but I feel so conflicted because I know how horrifying and heartbreaking real non-consensual acts are. The thought of anyone suffering in that way is so awful, yet I get thoughts that feel like I’m justifying the real thing—the immoral thing. Sometimes, I feel like I have to focus hard just to truly condemn it, and that terrifies me. It’s hard to separate these thoughts from who I am, and I’m scared it means something terrible about me. I feel so much shame for having a CNC preference. I know it’s rooted in consent, but I feel like I’ve never had certainty that I fully condemn the real thing. I’m scared that deep down, I might think it’s all the same.

+18 only!! TW for sexual content!! (This might be TMI, but I need advice) So, this is kinda embarrassing, but I haven't been able to self-pleasure without feeling shame or guilt. It's so bad that I've just stopped altogether, but I don't want to avoid it. It was something I enjoyed and was comfortable with, and now, because of OCD, it just makes me feel... gross. It's a perfectly normal and healthy thing to do, but my mind just tries to convince me that it's wrong. Had anyone else dealt with this? It's not a huge issue, but I'm tired of unnecessary shame. :(