Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Need help with this

I can’t stop crying. My thoughts are going insane, they’re so fast I can’t keep up. I want to tell everyone around me what’s happening (my family doesn’t even know about my OCD). I can’t seem to resist compulsions today. I’m freaking out. I want to give up. I feel like I’m suffocating in whatever is going on. I feel like I need to go to a hospital. I don’t know how to ask for help. I don’t feel okay. I don’t understand this at all. It feels like I took some random drug. I’m really scared I’m sorry, I am so panicked. It’s embarrassing but I feel so desperate for help right now I feel crazy

Does anyone else struggle with this? I get a sense of dread and then I feel like the need to find the answer. For me it’s about like sexual reproduction or like some other taboo topic. Especially anything reproductive related to children or pets. I feel so awful after researching. I don’t know if the compulsion is to research or to ruminate about my intentions after researching. I have a hard time understanding why this happens I’m assuming it a question of morality? Like “what does this say about me if I wondered this and looked into it?” Does anyone relate to this?

I’ve been going through this rough patch for the last four months, and I can already feel an even worse one coming. I just feel scared. And on top of that, I’m going to stop therapy. After everything with my current therapist, I just don’t have the strength to keep trying anymore. I feel hopeless. My head hurts so much, and it’s hard to keep going when everything feels this bad. I just want to cry, hope this feeling passes, and maybe try again if it ever lets up. But right now, it feels like nothing will ever get better. I don’t feel like I can ask for help. I hate that it took me so long to realize this wasn’t the therapist for me. I was too scared of being dramatic, so I let it go on for far too long, and now I feel like I’ve just become a burden-like. I hate that I let it get to that point, especially when I was paying for this. I just want to give up. I feel broken down, and I don’t even want to be okay anymore.

Whenever I see a picture of someone—whether they have attractive features or even if there’s no clear reason—I sometimes get this intrusive thought that feels like there’s a man in my head moaning or saying something sexual. It’s not always tied to someone being attractive; it can be triggered by seeing a child, a family member, or just about anyone. When this happens, I get a sinking feeling in my stomach. I wonder if I’m confusing that feeling with arousal, but it scares me because the experience feels so real. I know it sounds strange, but it genuinely feels like there’s someone else in my head making these noises or comments. This is especially confusing because I can acknowledge when someone is attractive, when a family member has nice features, or when a child is beautiful without any inappropriate intentions. But then I get stuck on the thought, and I start feeling like that “man” inside my head is actually me, which makes me feel even more unsettled. I don’t really know how to explain it better, but that’s how it feels. It’s immediate and intense. I don’t know if OCD can do this but it feels like real arousal. I am scared. Please help

I know I’ve been posting a lot lately, and I apologize for that, but there’s just so much on my mind. I try to share positive things too, because not everything has to be dark. This is a fairly long post, so apologies for that too! Right now, I’m slightly calmer than I was earlier, and I need some advice about therapy. I’ve been doing therapy through NOCD for two months now. I’ve always felt a slight disconnect with my therapist. It often feels like she doesn’t fully understand what I’m saying or experiencing. We’ve had about 20 sessions, and she constantly reassures me that she sees progress in me, which I’ve noticed in myself as well. She did mention that my progress is slower than most, but that’s expected given how severe my OCD is. She’s aware I’m also dealing with major depression, PMDD, an anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and extreme sensitivity to medications, so managing all that has been a difficult and long process, which she says she fully understands (she mentioned this two sessions ago). A few days ago, my **obsessive-compulsive scale went down by 26%**, and I was really proud of that and excited to share it with her. But in our last session, she surprised me by saying I need more intensive therapy—outside of NOCD. She said she only sees constant anxiety and compulsions in me. She thought that when I shared specific experiences, I was seeking reassurance, but in reality, I’ve just been looking for guidance. After some clarification, she seemed to understand that, calling it a “therapist oversight,” and said she wanted to take back her recommendation for more intensive therapy. But it left me feeling like she’s had such a hard time understanding me and my struggles. Honestly, I feel like you all understand me so much better than my therapist does, and I find myself trusting your advice more than hers. I really want to trust her, and I’ve been trying to for the past two months, but this last session left me feeling frustrated and confused. I’ve been focused on getting better, and she’s constantly reassured me that she understands how complicated my situation is, and that my slow progress makes sense. But then she tells me I’m not making enough progress and need more help, and I just feel dismissed. I’ll be honest, it feels like she doesn’t want to help me unless it’s easy and straightforward. I know that’s probably not what she intends, but that’s how it feels after these two months. Before this, I only had one therapist, but she wasn’t an OCD specialist, and even though talk therapy made me worse, I still felt more understood by her. It felt safe and like she actually wanted to help me through the confusion I experience with OCD. She was also very kind and understanding of how sensitive I am to medications. I feel like I’m constantly being dismissed by my current therapist and she thinks I have health anxiety when it comes to medication (I can assure everyone I do not and am willing to take whatever it is to get better). She reassures me I’m making progress, then in the next breath, says I need more help. It took me clarifying that I’m not seeking reassurance or confessing, but that I’m just confused because of the OCD, for her to finally understand. I just feel like I’ve wasted so much time and money trying to make this work with her, especially since she has great reviews and she has OCD herself. She just hasn’t experienced the same themes, not that that matters but it does my compulsions harder to identify and she doesn’t seem to make that effort with me unless I ask her every time. It’s really my main issue, not being able to identify my compulsions because they can get really sneaky. There are moments where I feel better, but then there are times when I feel misunderstood, ignored, or dismissed. When I try her tools and they don’t work, she seems to get frustrated and thinks I’m not doing them right. But I’ve read a lot here, and not every tool works for everyone. Some advice from you all has actually worked for me. Honestly, I feel like this is comparable to paying for a college class where the professor is stuck in their ways, and it’s just frustrating but starting over sounds really hard too. I’m not sure what to do.

Pls help me i am new to rocd or so ig i have… Am i actually in the wrong relationship not ready to accept going in circles or is this rocd cause if i feel so strongly its wrong and not even relate to rocd test or get intrusive thoughts and these are backed by like actions and feelings how is it icd then? Idk if this is rocd but like i hope i can get some help... like i will tell my bf i want to spend more time and all my time usually with him while he tonight said something like baby lets go early i wanna play cod and all these watch these shows and stuff and what does that even mean i felt like i had to force him to tell him to stay and if i have to force thats not true and real and means he doesnt like or isnt right for me cause i could be with someone who would just stay and sometimes i feel like he doesnt give enough kisses and stuff as well and i have to ask for it what does that means and say? And this is my first relationship as well so idk...we started off friends with benefits and moved on to a relationship been 4 months now so i am constant asking or scared so idk and the other day we were on the brink of a breakup 'cause we were fighting so much so are we just fundamentally not ideal and wasting time he hopes we can make it work but still... And like also like ask for good morning and goodnight texts which i do but he doesnt and i have to ask? Did i make the wrong choice or what? Like i need these and if he cant means what and why do i have to ask for it someday i will burst and be like you dont care and let it be and breakup and am i just delaying that idk? And these topics come up everyday and that means not ocd and actual problems i am delaying and denying and means what tr v am scared i am forcing the relationship? Are we even right? Is my ocd doing anything to this or are we just not okay and i am forcing him to change and me to and that will not work cause i am compromising with self and if i know all this feel all this then not ocd and truly think then what am i even doing? And if he is dominating not being ideal then am i wrong to stay and not ask for more and he is gaslighting me so idk what do i do?

I’ve shared on here before that I don’t have the best relationship with my parents but I still care for them a lot. I love them. This disorder has been so debilitating for the last 4 months. It keeps getting worse. It’s been attacking any physical contact with my parents. Any touches, hugs, playful jabs, caresses, anything. Anything that’s supposed to be pure and loving. My brain jumps to it being inappropriate, or weird or just comparing it to something sexual. Then I just feel so uncomfortable. I don’t know if I’m just hyperaware of how I feel, I tense up badly or if I’m checking how I feel. I don’t know. It breaks my heart. It genuinely hurts so bad. I feel like a child who just wants to cry in her parents’ arms but OCD is trying to take them away. This feels so painful, I’ve been dealing with so many themes but this specific situation hurts the most. I feel devastated and scared. If anyone else has been through this or has any advice, I’d really appreciate it. And if not, just knowing that someone heard me would mean a lot. I feel so deeply sad.

Help Talk Help

I cannot for the life of me stop ruminating or checking how I feel about thoughts or focusing on thoughts or creating more thoughts. I feel like I’m losing my mind. I want to scream. I try not to ruminate about the thoughts, but trying not to just makes me think about them more. I try not to check, but somehow, I still check. I want to let a thought sit in the background, but the more I try not to focus on it, the more I end up focusing on it. I don’t want the thought to expand because that feels like engaging with it, but I can’t just stop it from expanding. It feels impossible. People keep saying I’m in control of my compulsions, and maybe that’s true for the physical ones. But when it comes to the mental compulsions, I swear I have no control. It feels like I’m missing something that everyone else seems to have, like there’s some tool they’re using that I don’t have. Controlling mental compulsions has never felt possible for me. I’m starting to fear them. And every time someone says I’m in control and can just choose not to do them, I end up beating myself up even more when they happen. Or when I *choose* I guess. I don’t know anymore. If this is my fault, if I’m responsible for this, then what does that make me? I feel like a monster. I am at my wits’ end. How am I supposed to control mental compulsions when it feels like they control me? I freak out when they happen. They don’t bring me relief, they just make me panic. I want it to stop so bad.

I’ve always been someone who likes to daydream or fantasize about scenes from books, like a passionate kiss or something similar. Sometimes, I act it out by kissing my hand, or occasionally, I might kiss my partner. However, lately my POCD has been acting up, and now I’m worried about imagining something inappropriate. For example, I might kiss my hand and then have the thought, What if I imagine this kiss being with a child or a family member? I’m not sure if I feel tempted to do this out of curiosity, or if I’m trying to prove to myself that it’s just my hand and nothing more, but it’s scaring me. When I kiss my boyfriend, it feels easier to acknowledge that it’s just him, and there’s no issue. But with my hand, I’m scared that I might be tempted to check or do something wrong, even though I know deep down it’s just my hand. Same thing for m*sturbating. I feel embarrassed for being scared of my hand, but the anxiety feels real, and I’m afraid of checking by kissing it or self intimacy because I worry that would be wrong. I’m feeling really confused and don’t know how to handle it. I won’t see my therapist for another week, and this is starting to bother me more than I’d like to admit. If anyone has advice or guidance, I’d really appreciate it. Thank you.

I had about 3 panic attacks, lost what’s been a very HUGE appetite lately. Cried myself to sleep. Spiraled, spiraled, and spiraled. I’m calming down but I’m still spinning mentally. Probably gonna keep crying all night 😛 I’m sorry if anyone else had a bad day today 💗 We can do this, stay strong 💕

I’ve been struggling with something that’s been really overwhelming, and I’m hoping to get some perspective from others here. I feel a lot of guilt about it, and I’m not sure if I’m alone in this experience. Lately, I’ve found myself daydreaming about romantic situations or getting caught up in ‘what if’ scenarios—where I wonder if I could develop feelings for someone else, or if someone develops feelings for me. The thing is, I’m in a relationship that I love, and I don’t want to act on these thoughts at all. What makes it even harder is that these thoughts often hyperfixate on one specific friend, and sometimes they feel entertaining or give me a dopamine rush. But then, of course, I feel even more guilty because it makes me feel like I’m betraying my boyfriend. These thoughts usually happen when I’m upset and looking for comfort, but then they morph into romantic scenarios, which makes me feel so disloyal. I’m constantly going back and forth between feeling curious or entertained by the thoughts and then feeling horrible for even allowing them to happen in the first place. I keep confessing these thoughts to my boyfriend, and he tries to be understanding. He’s just never been the type to daydream, so he doesn’t know if this is something other people experience or if it’s just me. I feel like such an awful girlfriend. Has anyone else dealt with something like this?

Well, it's been a year since things with my OCD spiraled out of control, which led me to eventually seek a diagnosis and get the help I needed. A little over a couple of months ago, I didn't want to be alive. But now, there's hope for me. I've been managing on my own, but I'm going to start therapy soon (working out insurance right now), and I'm so excited to begin this journey of recovery and working on bettering myself so I'm able to live (and enjoy) a quality life!! ☺️🩷 I wouldn't have made it this far without all the lovely people in this community, so thank you!! To anyone who's struggling right now, it can and will get better, so don't let OCD win. You got this!!

OK, this might sound really dumb, but when you guys get intrusive thoughts, do they just come once and then go away? I’ve heard that repeatedly thinking about an intrusive thought is considered ‘checking,’ but it doesn’t feel like I have any control over how many times it comes up in my head. It’s not like I’m trying to check anything—it just keeps showing up, almost like it’s terrorizing me every time. I can’t seem to stop it from looping, stop remembering it, or prevent it from coming up. Every time it does, I feel horrified, and I already know it’s going to horrify me. I don’t think I’m actively trying to see if my feelings have changed, so is this still considered checking? How do other people get an intrusive thought and just move on? Doesn’t it pop up a million times for them too? I always thought that was normal, but now I’m hearing this could be a compulsion, and I feel really confused, scared, and lost. Is this why my OCD feels so extreme? Because I really don’t feel like I can control how many times the thought pops up.

Does anyone else struggle with this? It's been the main thing powering my POCD, and it's only been getting worse. Especially when I see posts online of people sharing their personal stories relating to CSA, specifically grooming. It's so triggering now, but before this theme developed, the most I'd feel while reading posts like that would be disgust targeted towards people who did those things. Now, my first thought is, "What if I do something like that one day? What if I've done it before and I don't remember or didn't know I was doing it?" I have many, many different intrusive thoughts or worries related to this theme, but it all circles back to this specific fear that I'll become like the people who hurt and took advantage of me. Does anyone have advice for this? I'm not sure if I've asked a similar question in the past or not, but is this something I need to deal with separately before beginning ERP for OCD? I'm just curious and also lost on where to begin with all of this. I'm just glad I'm able to begin working through all of these issues now, rather than later in life when I'd probably have a lot more responsibilities. Anyways, any feedback is appreciated! 🤍

I always wake up full of dread and fear. My anxiety is through the roof two seconds after I open my eyes. Someone on this app gave me a similar insight once I believe. But I think anxiety is just the urge to ruminate. About what? It probably doesn’t matter, as long as I can torture myself, as OCD loves. Does anyone else relate to this or agree maybe?

I have been doing my best to not ruminate and let the thoughts be. I’ve done ERP for some of them with my therapist. The sexual intrusive thoughts are the worst. I was feeling better and then OCD started to throw my bf into these sexual intrusive thoughts. Now I have these awful images and terrible thoughts of my boyfriend doing vile immoral things. I’ve been trying to just shrug it off and say “yeah, okay OCD.” But I still feel deeply disturbed, and the thoughts are very sticky. I know it’s just another intrusive thought, but these feel extra horrendous. I don’t know what to do.

Two things are happening: I get thoughts that just keep looping. They almost feel like song stuck in my head. Also, I’ll imagine something and I feel my stomach drop. Then as the seconds go by I keep getting fragments of the this thought but with different details. For example, it’s kinda like how a “vision” is portrayed. I’ll get a glimpse of the thought and then it’ll rapidly expand into something worse every few seconds. I don’t know if I’m causing this or if it’s just an automatic thing like any other intrusive thought. It feels unavoidable, idk if this is a compulsion or if it’s just another manifestation of an intrusive thought. Apart from that remembering an intrusive thought triggers the full thought again and then it just keeps looping or expanding. I don’t know how to stop any of this. Help?

I suffer from a really bad case of ROCD. I am constantly afraid to do anything wrong towards my boyfriend and our relationship, such as cheating, lying, or hiding things, and my compulsion is to talk to him about those doubts. I once used to think that acting on these compulsions was in both of our best interests, but I now understand that it is not his responsibility to take this weight out of my shoulders, and this time, truly in both of our best interests, I fight myself daily so that at least one of us can be free and most importantly, happy. For the sake of my relationship, lately, I've tried my best to hide my pain and as my main goal for this year's, I promised to try my best. But it is a really hard and time-consuming task for me to do on a daily basis. I crave the need to talk to him and this feeling is eating me alive. It is preventing me of living the life I deserve and it is confining me to my own daily prison. At the moment, my only yet, so small little relief is to write my thoughts on this app. I'm having a really hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I indeed do not need to disclose anything and everything to my boyfriend, as I am not doing anything wrong. Instead, i know i’m trying my best to do everything right.