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I was checking out a community of adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse, and there was a post that said that pedos sometimes don't even know that they are that, or they don't realize it, like a racist person who won't admit that they're racist. I also saw a comment that mentioned that a ped0 tried to groom them and then when the victim realized, the predator simply said that "they were going to therapy and that their behaviours were a product of childhood abuse" They also said that people like that often did mental gymnastics because they had a personality disorder. This made me feel extremely anxious because, what if that's the case for me? I did things from 10 to 15 years old that made me extremely afraid and shameful, and thinking about the possibility of being that, i didn't abuse or groomed anyone but i saw disturbing things on the internet. Stating the things i did are sometimes accompanied by saying the abuses i experienced as a child, this worries me that it is a gigantic mental gymnastics to evade responsability or to deny being a paraphilic. This is horrible

Wondering if any of you have tried cannabis for your ocd and if it helped or made it worse.

I really don't know wtf to do. Out of everything I've been through this has to be the last straw. I'm getting so much better with regards to POCD and HOCD but omw! This is the worst. I actually never had incest intrusive thoughts or even pedophile intrusive thoughts until I basically had an existential crisis where I asked some really normal thoughts I'd say but due to OCD, they were just blown out of proportion. One of the questions being "are morals real?" I think I did quite well with unlearning and learning in the "existential crisis phase" but one thing that stuck is incest OCD! That scared me from the beginning right now it's just so bad. It's okay for me to be around my family, I can handle that to a certain extent but the problem is other families. It's like my perception of families has been ruined. I hear about families and immediately think of incest between them and it's frustrating! I don't know how to see families the same way anymore aarg!!!!! I don't like this !

Hello, I've struggled with possible OCD but it didn't involved POCD at first, at first it was basically me denying that I was ever a victim of grooming/pedophilia and how I was the real abuser towards my abusers despite the fact that I was the child, they were the adult, how is that possible??. Then eventually in 2023, I saw a video based on a FNF modder exposing him as a groomer/pedophile, and it was because when he was 17 he allegedly had an interaction with someone who was 15 that was nsfw. Now keep in mind, I was a victim of grooming/pedophilia especially since age 11 and even at 17, however I was also a bit of a promiscuous teen due to years of being groomed and I was having nsfw discussions/heavily sex positive convos with people who were 15/16/17 at 17 and I never considered how that could be inappropriate and my intent wasn't to be predatory but the fact that I was just simply exploring my sexuality, also a lot of the people I was doing this with, we were apart of a discord server that heavily encouraged NSFW convos between Teens and adults and it was made by an adult so bad environment overall made by an actual predator. However it didn't stop me in 2023 thinking that I was a pedophile as a teenager and I was genuinely worried and thought that I was a terrible person and I still do. I only did what I did because I was being hurt and thought it was okay, I never meant to hurt anyone and I at 19 literally convinced myself that I was a pedo in my under 18 teen years because of the age gap between me and my friends {1/2 years} and we had conversations that were sexual based even though I at 19 was dating my BF who was 22/23 at the time, I was 19 having sexual convos with adults, I at 19 had friends that were minors and our conversations were always appropriate and never nsfw or those same friends that I had previous convos with that were nsfw, {they were all either 17/18/19 and I was 19} our conversation topics have switched to more SFW ones unlike the ones we had when we were all minors so how could I be a pedo? and I freaked out about it, I couldn't concentrate in classes at all, it was a genuine nightmare. Eventually I did get better and realized that my behaviors were under duress and how I'm not actually a bad person and how I've changed as an adult and do not wish to harm anyone however I'm back on my cycle of worrying again and I've communicated to the people who I thought I affected and they all express no ill will or any anger and were never uncomfortable, do not think about it or just don't care/simply forgot. But Guilt eats me up like a stray dog. I also sometimes see people on twitter calling 17 year olds dating 15 or 16 year olds pedophiles or calling them "P diddy"

I have been suffering this for about 3 weeks now and its absolutely unbearable, I want to state more explicit details about this but I dont want to distress others, all I can say is I am experiencing this weird feeling in my groin and an urge to masturbate and its horrifying me. I already am diagnosed with anxiety but it pales in comparison with what is happening with me. I had no interest in children at all before this but now I am experiencing doubt and uncertainty. I have already cried 5 times today, this is the most awful thing I have ever experienced. I am only 20 years old and its both physically, and emotionally destroying me

I fear I may have POCD, I am terrified of being a pedophile. my symptoms were initially strong surges of anxiety. I made the mistake of looking up what pedophilia is about and now I fear I am one. I have a bad masturbation problem and that didnt help, as now I feel a weird feeling down below and its distressing me. I'm only 20, this never happened to me before and now I only feel confusion and doubt, Ive cried like never before cause of this.

i currently am getting over my period and have been having a horrible flashbacks from some real events. it’s a amalgamation of all of the horrible things i did as a child/young teenager. all of it associated with p0rnography + sexual activities i did. i was exposed to sexual activity very young and it lead me down a dark path. i’ve had OCD forever it seems. it’s hard because i can see that i’ve had OCD symptoms since childhood but i constantly doubt wether or not my actions where because of OCD or something i genuinely wanted/was attracted to. i can’t seem to differentiate the two and it’s scaring me. i’m worried i was genuinely into the kind of stuff and it’s constantly flashing in my mind the last two days of things i compulsively did years ago. to be absolutely clear it has been years since i’ve even thought about those taboo things or saw anything of that sort. i’m talking 5 or 6 years give or take. it still feels like yesterday. in recent years i’ve completely pulled away from p0rn and now find it and s3x a lot less appealing. but every so often i get these intense flashbacks on things i did or saw or thought and it puts everything on hold. everything im interested in gets but on the back burner in fear of my intrusive thoughts being thrown into the mix. currently experiencing that now. im mortified of ruining everything i love because of these stupid thoughts. does anyone have any advice or experience with this specifically and have any tips???

Does anyone else find it hard to let go of an intrusive thought when you can find some irrelevant truth to it that feels relevant? Examples: **“You’re attracted to *insert inappropriate person* (family member/child/animal)”** “But they are pretty/cute/adorable…” **“You think your bf is ugly.”** “Well, his hair did look weird the other day and I’ve taken unflattering photos of him. He *could* be (more fit/better dressed/etc)…” **“What if I actually want bad things to happen to me for attention?”** “Well, I have imagined people comforting me… and sometimes I do not mind when others check in on me.” **“What if I’m actually a bad person deep down?”** “Well, I have made mistakes before… and sometimes I do not immediately feel guilty.” **“What if I secretly want to be with someone else?”** “I have thought about what it would be like to date different people.” **“You wanted (family member/child/anyone else) to find you sexy”** “Well, I don’t want to be seen as ugly, and a compliment is flattering.” —— It’s such a skillful distortion at times that I don’t even realize things are twisted, and I genuinely believe the thought, causing me to panic so intensely. Only later, I look back and have small epiphanies where I realize it wasn’t at all what I thought. Anyone else?

Hello everyone, forgive my bad English since it is not my native language, I have been suffering from OCD for 6 years now. It started with being afraid of harming my loved ones and soon it escalated. All of this leads us here towards sexual obsessions. I was abused many times when I was a child. I don't know if that had any impact on my sexual issues. so everything lead up to a intrusive tought of what would happend if i touch myself with a picture of your parents" and I ended up paying attention to the intrusive tought and i ended up doing what my intrusive tought told me so i said to me "OCD would make me touch myself for everything i loved so what, i would do it before the anxiety attacks" and I end up in a spiral of having touched myself by several photos of my family members, friends and even my own therapist all wanting to prevent future compulsions and anxiety now I only think about taking my life, I never wanted that to happen I am not a monster who has sexual desire towards my loved ones I fell under my own intrusive thought and the only thing I think about now is taking my life life for what I've done

May I speak to someone 20+ preferably about POCD if that's okay, drop your email here if that's okay

Today, I was telling my husband about an event from my past—an intrusive thought I had in my late teens that was sexual in nature. It was a casual conversation, but when he said, ‘Thanks for sharing, but I don’t want to know that,’ I started spiraling. My OCD immediately went, ‘What if he thinks I’m disgusting?’ Right away, I noticed the urge to confess and go into detail about the thought, just to prove it wasn’t bad. But in my mind, he already thought I was horrible. I had to sit there and cry, because if I gave in, the doubt would only linger. Now, I’m cleaning my bathroom, trying not to ruminate. Just putting this here to show that OCD recovery isn’t linear, I have been in remission for two years but today OCD decided to show up. I know I’ll be okay because I am using my tools, but today, I’m just going to cry and sit with the discomfort.

Ughhhhhh it feels like I can’t tell between false attraction or attractive 😭 :/ idk I just saw some pics of joji and artist that makes music when he was younger (it was a post on insta) and on one of them I thought oh he looks cute here, but no I’m like omg but idk in what way tho but it felt like not false attraction like I thought or meant it in another way and I. Felt that and then kinda freaked out bc idk if it’s weird and then I felt groinals and *sigh*

I started having intrusive thoughts about my sexuality when I got into a relationship with my ex and I wondered if it would seemingly go away but it hasn’t and I find myself ruminating about it constantly especially before or during my period. Has anyone else felt with this?

I worry people might get the wrong idea when I share this but I must post it because I’m scared so basically this is gonna sound weird but I have always sorta been a violent kid but in a normal way if that makes sense like if someone tris over I would find the ridiculously funny but what kinda confuses me is when loved ones hurt themselves I laugh it’s not like I’m putting it on idk I just randomly laugh and i find funny please don’t think I’m a bad person because I’m really not and I’m scared abt this but that’s not the point of this story so I will get to the pint now so basically I was walking upstairs and I hit my head on the door and my mum laughed at me and I said “its not funny I hit my head” and she said something else that made me angry I can’t remember and then I started to charge at her like I was gonna hit her or something and it scared me cuz I wanted to push her or something ( not harmful just like as a back off kinda thing) which I know it’s horrible writing it out but then while I had that urge to push it her or something I also got a groinal so then OCD was like ”you were gonna s3xualy attack just then and you liked it” and now I’m to scared to go near her just in case it happens again cuz I’ve been in a spiral for days now, again please don’t tell me I’m a bad person cuz I already feel like that cuz writing it out it sounds worse then it is irl im sorry if this was triggering and please reply and tell me your thoughts on this.

Started therapy recently and I feel like I’ve gone from being triggered every few days to every few hours. It’s like, I can’t even get out of bed for an hour before something new happens. I’m a stay at home dad with a 2 year old. This morning, I hesitated checking his diaper by patting him, just because any sort of touching in his diaper area makes me anxious or causes intrusive thoughts. But, I did it anyway, only for my brain to then go, “His diaper is always wet in the morning, why did you need to check?” I have this huge fear of accidentally doing something inappropriate or harmful, so any kind of touching, that isn’t completely necessary, feels harmful. At this point I’m just trying to survive between therapy sessions, but the risk of sitting with uncertainty with this theme, feels so strong and I feel so irresponsible by not trying to “figure it out”.

Adults only as pocd mentioned I'm still thinking abt all the friends online who have unfollowed me,some cases even i think softblocked or fully blocked me. My brain is convinced that I must have done something gross and predatory or I did something racist or in general bigoted and they came to terms with it and left me. I can't stop thinking abt it. I just remembered checking an old discord for a fandom I was in when I was 17,half the people there had unadded me when we were friended and possibly even blocked,I hadn't talked to a lot of them in a long time though,but I thought we were on good terms. I think we also used to follow eachother on tumblr but before I made a new tumblr I remember not seeing their posts after some point and I can't remember if it's just bc I wasn't on much or i unfolloed or I got blocked. I feel I must have done something awful. One of my worst fears is people i care abt or was friends w leaving me and not telling me why,I have so much stuff I did on the internet I feel regret abt and it could be any of those things,as i mentioned i cant stop goint thru old messages and there have been times ive seen me make like a nsfw joke as a teen in a group chat or me not react negatively when someone else in the chat does something weird . I'm constantly scared who the next old friend i have will suddenly disappear one day,letting me wonder if I did something hurtful or predatory or bigoted to them or someone they know. I have so much stuff I regret a lot when i was younger,I have so much stuff I wanna confess but I'd be here all day and I'm bound to forget something then remember it later and spiral.

I have been struggling today, most likely due to lack of sleep. I had a thought that I would consider intrusive, but what really unsettled me was that I felt like I liked it, **not just in the sense that I lacked anxiety over it, but that I genuinely felt like I wanted it.** It left me feeling really confused. It happened during intimacy, which makes it even more unsettling. The thought was incestuous, I found myself imagining and comparing the moment with my boyfriend to my father :/, and what really alarms me is that I felt like I wanted it there, both mentally and physically. I was having a really nice time, so maybe the physical sensations got mixed in somehow, but it still worries me. I did my best not to ruminate in the moment and avoided checking. I tried to move on, but the feeling of genuinely liking the thought was so clear that it is hard to shake off. Has anyone else experienced something similar? This is one of the first times it has ever happened to this extent.

Hello everyone! Me and my fiancé are planning to have a child and my fear is that like what if I think something bad during intimate time and those thoughts are what comes up when I see my child. Something like that. I know it’s not true and I know I didn’t have another person in mind or anything like that in my head. But now I’m having thoughts about like abortion or a plan b pill and I don’t want that. Any advice? I feel super guilty

i was thinking abt the time my ex friend randomly sent me without consent illegal stickers to mess with me me and while i didn't look at it because i didnt want it i read through the description what it was. now my brain is telling me intrusive obsessional questions such as "why is it wrong though?" and trying to convince me this thesis with "think about it", trying to make me doubt my belief. it's a question to which my answer is "obviously wrong" as for me is a dogma but my brain keeps knocking on me and persisting with multiple "why?" and "why?" and "but why' and i feel more and more uncertain, almost like believing it while not wanting it and not liking it. im not attracted to that shit, i didnt enjoy this thought process i was bothered and anxious abt it, not liking it but still distressingly seeing it through. but the obsessional question still persists, and it scared me a lot because i gave it value, i gave it validity by hearing it out and perceiving the possibility of it being true, even though i dont want it at all, I BELIEVED IT!!! i know it's clearly ocd, but i cannot tolerate the fact that i gave it validity and believed it even though not agreeing with it at all. what i want is for it to be wrong and for me to be confident about that, but this thing still happened. im very stressed and also disturbed and feel horrible for believing when i dont want to. i also had a forced egodystonic sudden thought like "huh why would it be wrong if one just did it for <pleasure>? doesn't make sense" in response to a particular disturbing ocd question but that was made it seem and placed as a generic question... as if i didn't want for it to be wrong under that generic circumstance and that is bothering me a lot, im afraid that even if it is egodystonic and i clearly dont believe it is right as i think with more effort and remove that cloud of momentary irrationality, that i still genuinely thought that for a moment, that that thought still happened, but i also remember it being an induced, automatic answer... maybe it's because it was formulated in a manner that made it for me to answer that way. maybe it was just an impulsive fast thought in reaction to the generic aspect and premise of that disturbing wrong question that wasnt thought enough and it doesn't really reflect truth and reality of what i believe. i cant tolerate that i had that thought. was i just manipulated into hearing out that question and i automatically believed that doubt and agreed with the doubt? i dont like that at all. I don't believe it is right, for me it's wrong and disgusting, so why did i have a suspension of the disbelief? im stressed the fuck out from this single moment. i hope that thought was intrusive, but also i know that i don't like it and dont agree with it, but still cannot tolerate that that thought took place. i don't know what to do. i cannot tolerate that i believed this ocd horrible take (even though not agreeing with it). im traumatised by what my ex friends did to me. im hoping it's one of the case that i call condition of existence, that in order to check a intrusive question your brain automatically sets it as "true" in the realm of that thought.

And i dont think there ever will be... im genuinely feeling horrible and i dont feel like ill ever recover from today... first the youtuber mocking pocd... to someone on NOCD telling me that im hiding behind a diagnosis and that i need to turn myself in... im genuinely at a loss for words... i am broken and alone... I have no one to turn to... and at this point i dont think i ever will...