Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Does anyone have advice on how to better manage this? I know we're not supposed to engage with intrusive thoughts, but it's hard not to when they feel so real. Sometimes, I get the most disturbing images (won't go into specifics obviously, but just super wrong, disturbing and gross stuff) relating to POCD that trigger physical arousal (like erections), even though I feel disgusted and scared by them. The arousal feels the same to normal sexual arousal, and a lot of the times even stronger than normal arousal, which makes it more confusing and upsetting. It feels like it's gotten worse lately, and that it use to feel more dull and less real in the past, but now it feels so much more intense even super real. I’ve also had a history of excessive porn use, including weird or taboo content (nothing illegal), which makes me worry I’ve somehow conditioned my brain to respond to anything taboo. That thought really scares me and makes me question my morality, especially since I sometimes felt bad about it even while watching. Sometimes my brain somehow manages to convince me that I actually like the thoughts, too. I hate the thoughts and don't WANT to engage with them, but the physical sensations make everything feel more "real," and that terrifies me. I also feel guilty trying to ignore it, like I'm avoiding the truth or letting myself off the hook. The anxiety is constant and overwhelming, and I feel so lost. If anyone has advice on how to cope with this and learn to be able to better ignore it/not assign any meaning to it, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Quick explanation: I get stuck in mental checking and ruminatiom for hours, and it's to the point where I feel nonconcordant arousal to intrusive thoughts. It feels ridiculously real and I'm horrified. My brain has learned that normal, desirable thoughts get replaced with intrusive ones (causing anticipatory anxiety), and once those appear, it forces checking, which leads to arousal, which leads to rumination and feeling like "oh my god, I may want these taboo thoughts, what the hell" even if I know I've never been attracted to such things. It really feels like there's a real issue, it feels so disturbing, and I feel like I'm not the same person anymore. I feel like there's no way this is only OCD even though I rationally know it is. I also kinda feel like I may be reassurance-seeking, but how am I supposed to not do that if it feels as real as it does I don't expect reassurance, in fact don't give me any, I just want to know what's going on or why. I just want some sort of help, support, anything

I desperately need some advice or tips. Now that I’m having a horrible flare up that feels sooooo real it’s hard for me to feel good around my man anymore. The feelings and attraction I felt for him turned into numbness and OCD constantly makes me feel like a liar and question everything. I’m trying to stop checking and ruminating whenever I’m with him but it’s so hard especially when I feel like a full on rock again. I have no libido (haven’t in years actually), barely any attraction to men anymore (been happening ever since this theme started which was a long time ago but I think it’s from the years of feeding the OCD cycle,depression, and anxiety), and I’m feeling emotionally numb again. I don’t know if this is asking for reassurance but I really just want to know how to continue my relationship that I was so excited for. I was so happy to feel genuine attraction and to have a crush again after years of numbness 😭 I was so excited for this new chapter. All these missing emotions were waking up again, and I was starting to feel happier and normal. But ofc OCD had to make an appearance again. Any tips will be greatly appreciated!! (how this flare up has me feeling)

I am reaching out because I haven't been diagnosed with ocd but Im hoping it's the case. When I was 14 I started having harm intrusive thoughts almost fully surrounding my little brother. Later they progressed to sexual. At first being i was afraid i had done something sexual and couldnt remember. Then they turned into actual sexual intrusive thoughts. They have only progressed and I get extremely strong groinal responses. Sometimes I get them about other people. But its mainly my brother. Someone pls tell me what u think.

If anyone who's had experience with sexual OCD can answer, please do Like actually, why am I no longer sure of my preferences. Why am I not sure whether I'm not attracted to something wrong. Why am I actually considering that may be the case, and why do I have moments where I feel neutral about these thoughts? The thoughts don't scare me as much, they do disturb me but they're not as scary - what's more scary is their possible meaning. At first, Sexual OCD feels like pure torment - intrusive thoughts and images looping in your head forever. But now? I still have the thoughts, and I've been told that anything from the thought itself to even a groinal response can be OCD related, and the more I go into ERP/ACT the more I feel like the fear is becoming real, even if it eases my anxiety somewhat. I'll put it briefly: I still don't want these disgusting thoughts to mean anything. I still don't wanna be a person that would act on them in any way. But OCD has made me even doubt this: "Do you really not want to act on these thoughts? Are you sure you aren't attracted to this? Are you?" and then that triggers checking, which only makes things worse because "Wait... would I say yes? Why would I ever do that? Did that reaction mean yes? Oh God, what if it did" I've been told I'm not actually who I fear and I can live with these thoughts and feelings, and I kinda do. But that hasn't stopped the doubt from creeping in, and feeling more real with every passing day. In fact, the lack of anxiety and panic makes it feel even more real, like I'm not actually having OCD symptoms. The less I fear, the harder the doubt hits. Picture this: 1. You're told to treat the thoughts as just thoughts, the feelings as just feelings 2. You do that, and you slowly start feeling better 3. But when OCD inevitably goes "but what if?", it seems stronger than before. All of a sudden you're panicking "maybe these things actually do mean something, oh no" ..that's my reality. It doesn't even feel like OCD anymore because it's nothing like the constant panic and dread I experienced in the beginning. But the dread and panic are still there, just more in the background - which doesn't make it any less distressing. And when you start falling into doubt, the rumination, checking, all the compulsions feel much more rational and warranted, they're automatic at this point. Also I tend to get thoughts like "but what if this is real", "but what if that thing that happened means something", "but what if this isn't ocd", "but why does it feel like you're denying it", "you're denying a real issue" - all of these basically keep me in the cycle. Is this meta-obsession? I do actually think that the thoughts, feelings, all of it could be pointing to a bigger issue, even if that's unlikely and the worst case scenario. I don't know if this just isn't poor insight, probably is (I've had poor insight since the beginning). If anyone could give any support or feedback, I'll greatly appreciate it 🙏

I have known something was wrong with my “brain” for a long time. I am a recovering alcoholic who will be celebrating 5 years of Recovery in January. For me, drinking was my solution, not my problem however, I was OBSESSED with alcohol and could never say no to my CRAVINGS no matter how much self will I had. I eventually got sober through the program of AA, found a higher power and for many years my life was great. I never thought about alcohol and stayed active in AA. Over the past two years is when my Pure OCD started. First it was my relationship. Then I changed jobs and was in school for 9 months. I was constantly over studying, repetitive flash cards ever day, all because of fear of failure. It was the most stressed I have ever been in my whole life. The day before my final exam, I was driving and the word “alcohol” popped into my head. Not a craving or a want, just “alcohol.” I immediately started spiraling. “Why am I thinking about this” “why won’t this go away” “is my addiction/craving back.” It was torture. I became so scared of relapse I went to an AA meeting everyday, called my sponsor everyday, started re working the steps. I started doing everything I did the first time that got me relief but yet the thought remained for three weeks. This is the night “my brain broke.” While engaging in sex with my partner, an image of someone close to me popped in my head. Not in a sexual manor but because I was in the act my brain associated with it. I spiraled for two weeks. I was convinced I was a pedophile. Constantly seeking re assurance, re playing past memories. Every day my brain found a new fear. During that time I remember almost NEVER thinking about alcohol. At some times I welcomed that thought to come back. I have started therapy and my POCD has slowed down a lot and the thought/fear of alcohol is back and constantly in my mind. This poses a challenge for my brain. Is this an OCD fear or is it craving? My brain can rationalize now (on good days) that I’m not a pedophile but with alcohol it’s something I was addicted too and always will be. So my question is, is there anyone out there struggling with OCD and is also in recovery?

I have been blocked by so many people on here, I am struggling with POCD and real events OCD because of the stupid positions I put myself in, and it feels like my worst pocd fears are coming true one by one... But since I put myself in these situations, I deserve this right? I deserve this pain and hell I created for myself right?? This is absolutely what I deserve right...? I dont pity myself because why would I pity something I despise...? I dont even see myself as a human anymore... i see myself as an "it". UPDATE: Oh dear god... I think my worst fears came true... I think I unknowingly ERP'ed with a minor on an 18+ discord server 5 years ago... they currently are on Astralspiff's discord, having been there since 2023, and have switched their username, with a chicken emoji as their bio... they also switched their profile picture from Nana Osaki to a fan art of Kasame Teto... its making me think that these three things are certainties that she was a minor on the 18+ sexual server... and that I ERP'ed with her not knowing this... Im genuinely feeling shocked and sick to my stomach right now... they don't have their age listed on discord or anything, but they joined 5 years ago and it was 4 years ago that we ERP'ed... god I feel disgusted and horrified right now... someone talk to me... please.... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it...

looking for recommendations for counseling, I struggle with POCD, and just right OCD and probably a number of other s. I unfortunately don’t have insurance so I’ll have to pay out-of-pocket so looking for sliding scale options.

UPDATE: Oh dear god... I think my worst fears came true... I think I unknowingly ERP'ed with a minor on an 18+ discord server 5 years ago... they currently are on Astralspiff's discord, having been there since 2023, and have switched their username, with a chicken emoji as their bio... they also switched their profile picture from Nana Osaki to a fan art of Kasame Teto... its making me think that these three things are certainties that she was a minor on the 18+ sexual server... and that I ERP'ed with her not knowing this... Im genuinely feeling shocked and sick to my stomach right now... they don't have their age listed on discord or anything, but they joined 5 years ago and it was 4 years ago that we ERP'ed... god I feel disgusted and horrified right now... someone talk to me... please.... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it... (edited) (edited) (edited)

UPDATE: Oh dear god... I think my worst fears came true... I think I unknowingly ERP'ed with a minor on an 18+ discord server 5 years ago... they currently are on Astralspiff's discord, having been there since 2023, and have switched their username, with a chicken emoji as their bio... they also switched their profile picture from Nana Osaki to a fan art of Kasame Teto... its making me think that these three things are certainties that she was a minor on the 18+ sexual server... and that I ERP'ed with her not knowing this... Im genuinely feeling shocked and sick to my stomach right now... they don't have their age listed on discord or anything, but they joined 5 years ago and it was 4 years ago that we ERP'ed... god I feel disgusted and horrified right now... someone talk to me... please.... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it... (edited) (edited)

Please can I talk to someone who’s 18+ and knows about Pocd

My main theme is SOOCD and with my flare up the groinal response goes crazy. Does anyone else get the groinal response for literally anything? Like faces, looking at body parts, being in close proximity to someone of the same gender, or when you’re literally just anxious, stuff like that. I think it’s maybe bc of the automatic checking. Like i’ll see a woman on social media, immediately get anxious (sometimes), and start checking everything. TRIGGER WARNING for anyone with another theme!!!!!! This makes me feel so disgusting to type out. I don’t want to think about it for too long before I trigger another theme. Like sometimes it happens with my own family members. It makes me feel so disgusting. Can anyone relate?

UPDATE: with my harm ocd hitting full swing... i find myself triggered by my pocd again... and i feel like a horrible person... i tried not to post... i tried to do what people told me... but right now i feel absolutely horrible... I genuinely feel so guilty and wanna exile myself from society... Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p3dophilic activity and inappropriately messaging women and minors and abusing others and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... (the 18+ HOCD situations were about 18+ s*xual HOCD situations that triggered me immensely...) When I was 19, in an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... The 14-15 year old said she was uncomfortable the first time and i tried to stop venting to her... after she said i was a bad person for supporting trump, i vented to her again because her saying i was a bad person triggered me... she said she was uncomfortable for the second time and then i blocked her... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way...

Can someone please talk to me about something, but I want someone 20+ and someone who knows well about Pocd

Has anyone else ever had a groinal response that they physically can’t tell apart from real arousal??? I have had it the past few days and when I’m genuinely aroused the initial stages feel exactly the same as groinal response and it’s making me so depressed 😔

Twtw Feel sick Back when I was 21 I roleplayed with someone onlineand I can't remember whether or not I asked them their age first or if it was them or me that initiated it. Anyway like the next day they sent me a pic and I asked wait are u an adult because I panicked because they looked young. They said yes and the next or a few weeks after that soon they'd turn nineteen. I felt relieved and kept in contact with them but continuously felt uneasy about the whole thing. There were times when I should have reached out to their friends to ask if this person lied to me or not but I didn't. I kept asking this person if they were an adult and they kept saying yes. However I kept growing more and more suspicious because of their behavior and because still they looked young. Ig the part that's scariest is that on September 15 ( I started talking to them end July and kept interacting with them until either October or November) I searched what the average age is of a high schooler ( or graduate) in the UK. Because apparently they were still in school. And the search said sixteen. I found out recently that in the UK tho some people go for an additional two years like college or college prep idkThat same day I asked them ( can't remember if it was before or after I searched this) if they were actually 18 or I asked them if I had asked them if they were 18 before we roleplayed.(or both can't remember) Also it was weird because when I told them I didn't want to roleplay anymore they freaked out and said they we're actually going to turn 20 soon. . I feel awful and disgusting. I know now this( was four years ago) that I would be a lot more vigilant if I was single and trying to mingle I just feel really gross. I feel like I need to confess more details of this to my bf. He's heard the basics but not all the details. I feel awful.

I had a best friend middle school. We were friends for a long time and I can guarantee with 100% certainty that not once did I ever have any crush or romantic feelings for her. No matter how much I analyze it, I can’t find any trace of romantic feelings. However what is eating me alive right now, is a time where she was showing me a martial arts move and I was VERY uncomfortable. I’m not really a touchy person even with friends I’ve never been comfortable with hugging or anything like that. Even if i’m very comfortable with that friend I just don’t like to be touchy feely. But when she was showing me her martial arts moves I immediately got very uncomfortable and stiff especially because to my brain it was like a sexual position and I didn’t like it. So as I sat there full of discomfort she was sitting on my groin and my focus went to my groin and I felt a tingle. I immediately got up and just felt disgusted and again, UNCOMFORTABLE. Yk that uncomfortable distressing feeling you get with a groinal response? that’s how it felt. I don’t remember what happened after but it never changed my sexuality or how I viewed her. I completely forgot about it and we remained friends for a little while in high school but nothing ever changed. Now that my OCD has latched onto my childhood exploration/reaction to sexual content/porn use/ false memories/this particular memory/ and me mistaking a cartoon character and masc lesbian as men, I have been going actually insane. Before my spiral i completely forgot ab all of this. It didn’t mean anything to me and changed nothing. The logical side of my brain tells me I’m obsessing over nothing, my real genuine feelings i’ve had for men all my life and the ones I felt for my boyfriend after years of numbness, are the real me. But my OCD is telling me it HAS to mean something that i know nothing about myself. But what tf does ocd know if even when I had no attraction and had absolutely 0 libido(still happening but worse now) I was in my mans car 2 months ago literally wanting him to kiss me, feeling a thick layer of attraction for him, admiring his smile and his eyes, and this was when my mind was clear and ocd let wasn’t fully running my life. I feel my mind and body shutting down again. I’m going back to that fully numb place again. It’s crazy because I felt like I was slowly defeating OCD a couple months ago. The feelings I felt for my (now) boyfriend after years of feeling nothing were coming back and made me feel like I could fight this. Now I feel like everything is ruined again. I miss how I used to feel about my man. I’m going crazy again I FUCKING HATE THIS. I used to be able to tune this out and enjoy my time with him but not anymore. This is consuming me again. The checking, rumination, mental reviewing, analyzing, reassurance, hyper awareness, the numbness, loss of attraction, the fucking debilitating anxiety IS DRIVING ME INSANE. I’m questioning everything I do and feel, even the good feelings I have with my boyfriend. I miss who i was 2 months ago even if it was still slightly controlled by ocd, I had hope. My posts when the spiral was barely started showed how much hope I had. Now i have lost it. I feel anxious and like a liar when I call, text, or am round him when it used to give me peace. I just reminisce thinking about our early dates and I feel like those feelings are fully lost. I don’t wish this type of pain on anyone.

Just remembering that 14 year old girl who I went to the Waterpark with I thought she was pretty and when she showed me intimate photos of herself (I didn’t ask her to show me nothing) and then she looked at me and I was going to say you’re very pretty thank god I never said that because I feel like a p for even thinking she was and why would she show me pictures of herself and being too touchy with me not giving personal space I’m just thinking it’s my fault I don’t know what to do in situations like that

So whenever I see something that could be possibly made by someone who's 13 I always check the age and if they are around 13, I get scared but if they're not (they're pretty much ALWAYS older than me) I'm ok and relaxed, I'm always afraid of being around kids online ngl idk, watching content with kids makes me uncomfy, especially little girls, maybe it has something to do with the fact I wanna be a girl (🏳️‍⚧️) but I'm afraid I'll always just be a creep and a man idk, any advice on how to work through this (undiagnosed btw so if this isn't in line with OCD, please let me know so that I can try to figure out what's ACTUALLY wrong)

I (22M) had been...pleasuring myself, and just as I was finishing, I felt like I needed to test myself mentally and a thought popped up (again, solely mentally) and it felt like I enjoyed it for a split second while I was "finishing". I tried to redirect my focus in the moment, and it didn't really work. After, I felt really off-put and worried about what it could mean. I have been extremely fearful of ending up being "that" way. I know false attraction etc. could have played a role, but I've never been officially diagnosed. There had been times I tested myself in my head before (not like in a context like this), and I felt like I had spikes of attraction before feeling offput by it, and I've been really, really worried if I had been in denial. The thoughts that I tested myself with included non-problematic things that I found attractive, so I'm not sure if that affected my reactions all those times, but regardless I had been worried. I also tested myself in my head after waking up almost every day, and it felt like I failed when I did. I tried to not assign meaning to it, and it helped with avoiding spiralling, but again, I don't know if I'm in denial or not. I understand if this is probably, but I was wondering if I could get any insight.