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Yesterday my in laws said I could hold my nephew and my head said what if you throw the baby I hate OCD :( I would never harm a baby

guys im feeling a lot of anxiety right now and l'm very scared. I was searching on reddit on how to disable automatic download for stickers, and while I was in there I found a thread about someone issuing the problem of telegram automatically downloading all media like stickers, images, videos, gifs in the gallery. This activated a horrible trigger in me because I have this horrible memory of someone in telegram sending out of nowhere an explicit illegal **** gif in a groupchat related to minecraft, then I think he deleted afterwards, but I'm not sure if that changed anything. It traumatized me but I had forgotten quickly because I was so young, I was around 13 or less. Now that I developed pocd for a while I started remembering all the past including this, and it triggers me more than anything because it's something real that happened and I can't tolerate it being a part of my memory, that it's something "saved" in my brain" and the fact my eyes saw something like that even though it wasn't my fault makes me feel complicit. Now l'm stressing because "what if my phone automatically downloaded that gif in my gallery without me knowing?" l've already searched on my phone and the previous one and I found nothing, but that it's because they are not the phones that I had when that thing happened. I actually don't know what phone I used. I'm panicking, The old phone doesn't charge, the other one that I think was around that time is not here anymore and I should ask my father but I can't talk to him anymore because he discovered my self harm scars and is abroad. This is not anymore a matter of sitting through distress and letting uncertainty be, this is something that could be real and destroy me. I can't live like this, I have to know for sure that there is nothing like that in my galleries I don't know what to do. I wonder why that dude had to sent something so horrible and ruin my life. I can't practice erp with something like this, and I can't continue living with the uncertainty that there could be something illegal downloaded without my consent in my old phones. I don't know what to do. Yersterday was also very triggering, and now today. I also have to study for a difficult test tomorrow, everything is against me. I don't know what to do. I've been dealing with ocd all of these years alone but everytime I make a step forward ocd sets me back two before. Please help me deal with this situation Somebody.

guys i'm feeling a lot of anxiety right now and I'm very scared. I was searching on reddit on how to disable automatic download for stickers, and while I was in there I found a thread about someone issuing the problem of telegram automatically downloading all media like stickers, images, videos, gifs in the gallery. This activated a horrible trigger in me because I have this horrible memory of someone in telegram sending out of nowhere an explicit illegal **** gif in a groupchat related to minecraft. It traumatized me but I had forgotten quickly because I was so young, I was around 13 or less. Now that I developed pocd for a while I started remembering all the past including this, and it triggers me more than anything because it's something real that happened and I can't tolerate it being a part of my memory, that it's something "saved" in my brain" and the fact my eyes saw something like that even though it wasn't my fault makes me feel complicit. Now I'm stressing because "what if my phone automatically downloaded that gif in my gallery without me knowing?" I've already searched on my phone and the previous one and I found nothing, but that it's because they are not the phones that I had when that thing happened. I actually don't know what phone I used. I'm panicking. The old phone doesn't charge, the other one that I think was around that time is not here anymore and I should ask my father but I can't talk to him anymore because he discovered my self harm scars and is abroad. This is not anymore a matter of sitting through distress and letting uncertainty be, this is something that could be real and destroy me. I can't live like this. I have to know for sure that there is nothing like that in my galleries. I don't know what to do. I wonder why that dude had to sent something so horrible and ruin my life. I can't practice erp with something like this, and I can't continue living with the uncertainty that there could be something illegal downloaded without my consent in my old phones. I don't know what to do. Yersterday was also very triggering, and now today. I also have to study for a difficult test tomorrow, everything is against me. I don't know what to do. I've been dealing with ocd all of these years alone but everytime I make a step forward ocd sets me back two before. Please help me deal with this situation. Somebody.

For the past fee days my ocd has fixated on my boyfriend losing one condom i cant get over it Then a few things he said im over thinking now I was drunk (for context) He then asked me to check if his brother replied on whatsapp and my intrusive thoughts got the better of me and i checked his archived messages i didn’t look properly because i felt bad so i just came out of it- but now i just feel like a horrible human. I dont want to be someone who doesnt trust their boyfriend i feel like ive abused his trust Anyone got any advice here

So, I really need to talk to someone, because I'm beginning to believe that this isn't OCD anymore. Anytime I'm reminded that my intrusive thoughts or feelings are apart of a disorder, I feel sad or disappointed because it feels like there's a part of me actually wanting to act on my thoughts. Anytime I look for reassurance of any kind, it feels like I'm trying to defend my thoughts. Anytime someone tries to tell me that it's OCD or that, "I am not my thoughts." I become upset or sad. Can someone please explain to me what is going on? Is it possible for there to be an intrusive feeling on top of an intrusive feeling?

Hi friends, I may have figured something out. I’m not a doctor, I just play one in my own mind. 😆 Ok, we all know that OCD usually acts up under stress. This is a given. I would go as far as saying it comes in as almost a “defense mechanism” (an automatic one) whenever something is causing us anxiety or extra stress. Perhaps it is a distraction (?) I believe it is. What backs this up is if one OCD theme or game doesn’t hold your attention, your mind will try a different one to see if that one works. So then why does it like to come in and “ruin” the good times as well? You’re not under stress, you’re excited and happy, or doing something you really enjoy. Or looking forward to something. It comes in and ruins it. I think the OCD part can’t distinguish between “nervous-excited” and “happy-excited”. It just comes on in because it is an automatic defense mechanism, and it has no idea that the excitement it’s picking up on has nothing to do with anxiety. It just knows that part of your brain is all revved up. It does not know that you’re all excited because things are going well. This is why when you’re having a good time somewhere and you’ve ventured out of your comfort zone and you feel all proud of yourself.. guess what’s coming right around the corner.. 😵‍💫 Thoughts? No trigger warning. This ain’t scary. Just a theory.

This guy I’m friends with has this rumour spread about him recently, the thing is I can’t say if he did or didn’t do the thing he’s being accused of, nobody can, but it’s a rumour that could get very serious very soon. But the entire situation that is at hand is absolutely disgusting, and I hate that I’ve even been involved. The only reason I am is because my ex and his ex are sleeping together (2 weeks after saying he didn’t want a relationship and 3 days after she broke up with her boyfriend) and we became friends because we were at the pub at the same time we found out and both started crying together. Apparently she has been sleeping with her ex and trying to sleep with her ex still to this day, that’s what he has told me, even though she is now in another relationship, I haven’t see. The evidence except for some pictures he took at her flat with the date and time showing he was there (not incriminating pictures, would be of her hugging him on their bed, or her doing her hair, stuff like that) I can’t choose to believe it but if he’s telling me then I will, until proven different, have no other reason not to believe it. But then this rumour came out, this horrible horrible thing that if has happened then I hope nothing but that she’s okay and recovers from what’s happened, but if it’s a lie is a massively fucked up lie to tell people. How do I know to believe things or not? Because right now being his friend is making my brain tell me some absolutely horrible things about myself that I just can’t seem to move, that I’m siding with the guilty party, that I’m having rumours spread about me in hay, that everyone is talking about me, that I can’t be friends with him, that I’m disgusting and just as bad as the rumour is (if it’s true). It’s horrific like I don’t want to side with either of them, I’ve heard from a fact source that she’s done some horrible things to her last boyfriends that should not be excused, but now I’m hearing this like I just don’t know what to do. And it’s making me panic and stress and it’s taking over my entire life like I’ve been sat here for 2 hours unable to do anything else because it’s all I can think about. There’s nothing else in my head except this right now, that I can’t just get on with my life and if I find out that what someone has told me is a lie until that point I can’t seem to just leave it be. Until it is proven different should I not be allowed to just live my life? Because nothing is being done about this rumour on any side, hers or his, irs just sorta there. Which makes me think even more that it’s just not true, but u til proven different I choose to not belive nor not belive it and I just wanna live my life. If I’m told that someone lied I’ll hold my hands up and apologise, I’m only getting one side of a story, but if they haven’t then I have nothing to pressure myself with. So why do I constantly go over and over and over in my head these thoughts? I’m hurting myself so many times I literally can’t do anything and I have so much to do today. I hate it I hate being involved I don’t want to anymore. I even said to him I’m an outsider and I don’t want to be involved, I don’t know anything and I shouldn’t it’s not my business I’ve only known all of you (her and him) for like 3 weeks, her I don’t even know but my friends do so I’ve heard from them what she’s like. It’s just all so hard for my brain right now

18+ I’m afraid that at some point I might’ve watched something illegal while I had a bad porn addiction as a teen- I’m not sure and that’s what haunts me. How could any of us know? How could we know the people in this porn are the age they say they are?! Why does this make me even more consumed with doom. I think rather dark stuff after that, concerning stuff for my well being cause I literally spiral so hard I feel as if I’m losing touch with reality. My panic attacks, my depression- all spurred on and taunted by a “what if” Do normal people genuinely not think about this? Do normal people keep moving forward knowing that’s a possible risk? If so then what? What if your eyes saw that? How would you even keep living? Or wanting to.

When someone talks behind my back and i come to know about it, it makes me a bit upset but the problem is that when someone accuses me something and lies about me to someone else i feel like i need to tell the other person that no this is not true and that person is lying about me. Although my inner self tells me not to do or say anything bcz i don't care what people say or think about me especially when i haven't done anything wrong but my ocd tells me to clear my name or something will happen. Is this also a type of ocd? What sub theme is this? I am just trying to ignore these thoughts although my mind is continuously ruminating and it is causing me alot of anxiety. Can some one please tell me what to do in this case? Or am i doing right by not doing anything bcz i feel like ots a compulsion for me?

Hello, does anyone here want to talk about their day and how they use coping strategies to get through their day I’m curious to hear how you guys fight your compulsions and intrusive thoughts I like to get another perspective because that helps me

I'm trying to study and I have a really difficult time making decisions so when thinking about whether to do old content or new ones my brain just said 'promise on your mum's life to only do old content until Tuesday' and that's really bad because I need to do new content too and now I don't know what to do

I can't stop crying. Everything in my life is difficult, and my OCD isn't making anything easier. My life feels like a constant battle, and I can't even find refuge in my own mind. Why can't my mind be my safe place? Why is it my biggest bully and enemy? I simply crave peace. I simply want to live a normal life, and think in a “normal” way like everyone else

I remember before when I went through a phase of having really gory messed up intrusive thoughts it felt like I ‘liked them’ or like an ‘urge’ but I still knew I didn’t want that and I felt stressed out having it and now it’s been a long while and the themes come back but I literally feel nothing I’m desensitised and it feels like I actually like it and I’m not anxious or anything and I can imagine really horrible thoughts Literally on purpose I’m imagining them because I use to test myself by imagining thoguhts to see if I ‘like it’ or if I get anxious but now it feels like I jsut start imagining really messed up gory thoughts I got triggered when it remembered soemthing soemone told me a killer did and then I started having this and now everyday it feels like I am one and that I like it and it doesn’t even feel like I don’t want to be or that I hate this it and sometimes it feels like I like the thoughts or want that or as if I’m ‘enjoying’ the thoughts or want to do that and I don’t know what to do I wasn’t like this before and now I’m thinking what if after imagining yhe thoguhts now I’ve taken a liking and want to do that, it’s coming to me really strongly sometimes that I want to do or like/enjoy these really sick things and I keep letting myself imagine them and I don’t know why it doesn’t even feel like I’m testing myself it’s as if I’m just letting my mind wander thinking about sick things and then feeling like I am like that or want that, or I had this thing where I kept worrying because I had an intrusive thoguht about stabbing and then it felt like I knew what it felt like to stab soemone and ‘liked the feeling’ of physically doing that and now it’s like I will randomly get a thought ‘imagine you done that anyway’ or ‘imagine you did that right now’ and then it feels like I need to imagine how it feels to do that and feels like I would actually do that or that I want to idk what to do I don’t even know what I feel anymore and it’s scary it feels like I’ve accepted being this awful thing and almost like I want to be or am one and I feel confused and then just now I remember how some bad people supposedly ‘wanted help’ and then ended up being bad and now I’m thinking what if that’s me and me writing this doesn’t mean anything because these last few days it’s literally imaginined the most gory worst thoughts you could think of and it’s felt like I like it or want that and I don’t know

It feels like OCD has taken everything good out of my life. I only feel free from anxiety, guilt, fear and lack of control when I'm sleeping and I'm lucky that my intrusive thoughts don't affect my night's sleep either. My therapist has already warned me about the dangers of not doing anything that is good for me as this can result in severe depression, but I feel so guilty about my thoughts and then carrying out a compulsion, that sometimes I don't even feel like eating, I feel truly sick to my stomach. I have suffered from undiagnosed OCD for as long as I can remember, I finally had a diagnosis at the beginning of this year and it was a relief at first, to have an answer as to why my whole life was the way it was, but now I continue the treatment and I don't know if one day I will be able to improve. I know that OCD has no cure and it hurts to think that I will have to live every day of my life fighting my own brain. Anyway, this has gone on too long, this app is one of the best things I've ever done for myself and my disorder, I hope this all passes soon, I'm tired.

Stay strong your videos helped me. I was diagnosed with ocd. Pocd false memory real event themes. I had p*rn addiction in the past and i would specifically search adult porn or particular celebrity names to ensure i didnt come across any p*do stuff by accident. There were times websites still had images of what looked like underage or normal family ads and i would get angry and anxious because i dont want to see that. There was one time i looked for a celebrity video and it had compilatiom of her s*x scenes from her movies. It was all good until one scene it was her trying to arouse her husband in the movie and he was holdimg their child in his arms (nothing bad) but since all the videos prior were adult s*x i fast forwarded passed the scene with the kid. I couldmt find the scene i was looking for of the lady so i had to go back and found it. Finished the deed and moved on. Told my wife how i came across that kid scene and how angry snd mad it made me. I wasnt trying to do anything bad i was intentionally looking for a female celebrity. I went on and now years later ocd doubts if i intentionally looked for the child or when i went back to find the scene i passed thst scene snd i recall being anxious having to pass it but i was looking for a scene and now my ocd worries was i looking st the child scene again. If i wouldve done something that bad i wouldve confessed and turned myself in. P*do is the worst thing to me. I am not one and dont have a history. The false memory real event ocd therapt says just accept uncertainty and move on but i cant accept if thatbwere true. I use logic and reasoning to try solve the ocd. Im not a p*do and it gives me anger and anxoety. Not pleasure. Plus my intentions was to look at a particular adult celebrity i found attractive. In my religion doubt is falsehood and in liberal arts doubt is conquered by logic and reasoning. I used my cbt tools and have more evidence against the ocd doubt but i still feel guilt or anxiety about what if i did that unimaginable thing when i came across the scene of the child when i was looking for margott robbies s*x scene.

So before ocd and thoughts i liked to pleasure myself jus like any person would do but now after i do anything my mind convinces me that i did to smth bad or like thought of smth that I wasn’t rly thinking off and it keeps me thinking after it for a while if i did do it with this thought even tho i did it for smth I actually like enjoyed please any tips cause this is so distressing

I realized recently that there is nothing I fear more than uncertainty. All my obsessions are that fear dressed up in different clothes. Accepting uncertainty desensitizes the brain to the fright of this, and therefore, the obsessions begin to dwindle because the brain is no longer fighting shadows to survive. It’s safe. You’re safe.

hi everyone found this app out of desperation, because i realized i never really had control of my ocd. ironically most of my ocd triggers revolve around being out of control. i have recently noticed that the stress i’m under is taking a physical toll on my body. to the point where last night i spent 5 hours in the emergency room because i was convinced i was having a heart attack and had a blood clot that was killing me. it was heart burn. i had to get an iv which is another phobia i have, needles. which i’ve been inadvertently doing my own exposure therapy due to my extreme health anxiety and needing to have tests done. every headache is an aneurism, every cough is a blood clot, every pain is cancer, tender breasts during my period is cancer, etc etc. i just turned 30. the age everyone tells you you’re too young but you know that’s not really true. so says my ocd. because if they say i’m too young i’m the exception. and besides! KIDS get cancer and die every day, why not me. so after they tell me it’s not a heart attack, it’s not a blood clot-after an xray, blood test, ekg, the next day the heart burn i’ve been experiencing for three days straight starts to lessen. go figure. talk about irony. the thing i’m afraid of is causing the thing i’m afraid of. and what’s worse is it genuinely seems logical. when you have people on the internet telling you, that’s how my sister died, and women’s heart attack symptoms look different! and if i stopped now (if i stopped caring) in my eyes, the odds are that i’ve gone this long without anything being wrong, of course when i stop compulsively checking, researching, going to the dr, looking for reassurance, that’s when it would happen. boom dead. and i can’t sleep, but lack of sleep can make you sick, damages your brain. and i can’t eat, but lack of calories you cant think, your body can’t function. and when i can eat, it’s too much, i have stomach pain, my intestines don’t work, it’s definitely colon cancer! speaking of which that DOES run in my family. and so like i do i wanted a colonoscopy and everyone told me i was too young. but tmi (which i believe we are way past that at this point) i have horrible ibs (cue irony again, stress makes it worse!!) and im severely constipated, which means i get fissures and have hemeroids. aka BLEEDING out of my body. so they said sure, but you’re too young to find anything. well they did, a polyp and they said i’m extremely lucky because it’s so rare to find anything in someone so young. (again young? didn’t people only live till 40 up until a few centuries ago?) anyway so that validated my fears to the point where i’m convinced im physic. my ocd loves it. i don’t believe in god, anymore. when i did it was fuel to my ocd fire. as a little 7 year old i didnt know what ocd was, but i’ve been responsible for the health, death, etc of my friends and family ever since. now that its not praying its through other means like, holding my breath waking up stairs, having to walk evenly on each foot, i honestly dont even have that many examples because its unconscious at this point. i wont even realize im doing it, ill look down and im pressing the tips of my fingers so they all feel even. whatever that means. i try not doing it and i get nauseous. after all it’s not hurting anyone. rather the opposite, im saving lives! please sense my sarcasm here. anyway the list goes on and on. and here i am, 30. “too young” to have any problems. but when i think back to when i was first diagnosed, i think 9 years old. i thought 30 WAS OLD! and you know what, it’s starting to feel too old for this shit. it’s exhausting, aggravating, isolating, anything but good. and i genuinely apologize if any of this is triggering. i just need to get this off my chest. im grateful i have a loving family and partner, but i put so much of this on them. and they don’t know what it’s like and im glad. i downloaded this app and read through the first couple posts and started to cry. of course its sad but more than anything people actually feel the same way as me. i’m not the only one im not alone. that matters to me.

For example, I have the intrusive thoughts "What if you went and put olive oil on your TV/phone?" And my compulsion is to check to see if I've done that. I don't understand why I'd need to actually put olive oil on my TV/phone. That could damage it or make the screen blurry. I'd rather just ignore the intrusive thoughts and not check. But then we're supposed to make things imperfect on purpose for exposure?? I'm so very confused. Why can't we just let an intrusive thought be a thought and not do the compulsion?

It genuinely feels like this disorder is taking away my whole life. I cant go outside and hangout with the people I love or even be around strangers because my thoughts will include them and I’ll just get really uncomfortable and anxious. It has made me distance myself from so many ppl in my life and made me have thoughts and feelings that I don’t want and that I hate making me feel like a monster and a disgusting person. Sometimes I’m genuinely so close to taking my life. It feels like there’s no hope for me at all and that I’ll be like this forever fighting my own brain till I’m old and on my death bed. I’m supposed to be enjoying my summer but I just can’t. I cant go outside, I can’t go on social media, hell I can’t do anything because there will be a child around that will trigger me into a spiral. I can’t stay all summer locked up in my room and constantly making excuses to not go out. It’s been feeling so real too like I’m really the type of person that I don’t want to be and it’s so scary.