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I just want to feel normal again. My new theme is destroying me. I feel so lost and I just needed to say it somewhere. I'm glad this group exists. One of my few comforts has been knowing I'm not completely alone.

Went to the church for the second day in a row to help with some decorations. I asked the priest to say a prayer with me. This was the first time in my life I ever said a prayer in church with a priest. It was much needed but I feel horrible I got a bunch of intrusive thoughts throughout the entire time there. I know god loves me but I feel bad for getting these intrusive thoughts. It doesn’t help that I hear people talking the entire time judging me for my thoughts. (I know hearing voices isn’t part of ocd)

unfortunately I'm having a rough few days with OCD this week, even though I'm super excited to be finishing college and making progress in my treatment and therapy, last night I had a dream about an intrusive thought and it made me worry and it's on my mind throughout the day, I couldn't even sleep very well because I kept waking up and ruminating about what that dream could or couldn't mean. I hope tonight is calmer and that it doesn't affect my sleep so much, I really wish I could get rid of OCD for good, it's just too tiring and confusing some days.

I would like to get an answer for this cause i want to know why this keeps happening. I compare myself with others cause i dont see others having the same problem. When they have a setback its usually because of a hard day or a big trigger, however for me its just forgetting what i have to do. A month ago i was really good, i dont say i didnt had setbacks but i saw that im going somewhere, you know the setbacks were weaker and weaker, and one day i just someone understood how emotions and thoughts works and i was able to enjoy my day while i had thoughts and emotions, but it didnt affected me. Then i was like this is so good, but im afraid i will just forget it like everytime and believe me or not, the moment i said it i felt that im slowly losing what i learned and after some time i didnt know what to do with the thoughts and emotions when before i realized it and i was living my life like that. And then i was unable to do the same thing, it was like my brain deleted it. It really feels like theres something wrong with my mind, how it foegets just like that what i did before? And now after 1 month im still struggling, the videos that used to help me and made me realize what i need to do doesnt help me, its like im watching nothing, my mind doesnt realizez this video made me understand what i need to do before, now it doesnt make me do anything. And im keep falling back to the point that my panic attacks are back, and it makes me feel so bad cause it means i did nothing, after all this work it got back and im still dont know how to deal with it. Im feeling like how i felt 2-3 years ago, like these years were nothing. Im really afraid that sometime i will get the night panic attacks again when i will be afraid that i will hurt myself or be afraid of i will unalive myself... It doesnt seems like im learning something. Look st my other posts, it seemd like im so close to recovery and im learning alot, but now if i read those i cant relate to those... its like a different person and it doesnt started slowly, like i engaged in unhealthy behaviours, it all started when i thought "i hope i wont forget this" and then i actually forgot what i learned... just like that... and now im again questioning acceptance, what to do with my emotions when i understood that and i was working on it. Im sitting in bed and i try to remember what i did when i get these bad emotions and all i can remember is when people say "you have to let yourself feel the feelings" and im letting myself but all i do is im drowning in them. After anxiety it comes anger then anxiety again and then im depressed and hopeless and then panic comes... i dont get why letting these to come helps me, it makes me drown and become depressed which will only send me to a therapist who will say accept it too... It doesnt make me learn anything it just drowns me, i dont get this acceptance and letting myself feel bad... Im just letting negative emotions take over me without trying to stop it cause now im accepting it...and it doesnt makes me realize anything.

I’ve suffered with OCD to some extent most of my life—rituals, counting, religious themes, etc. After some bad episodes of family abuse + a bad breakup + work toxicity, I developed some pretty bad OCD-related anxiety. I went through a few very bad panic attacks, and became badly depersonalized/dissacotiated. My obsessions and panic began to focus on my bodily sensations—like vertigo/dizziness, worry about floating into the sky forever, the ground falling, the ground disappearing, the ground warping/rotating, etc. I’ve been applying the 4-Step process by Jeffrey Schwartz, and it’s been very very helpful in snapping back to reality and preventing anxiety/panic cycles. So I got his book—Brain Lock. In the preface he talks about a woman who seemingly recovered after 25 years, but still has these thoughts. My question is: Will I be stuck like this forever? The very nature of my thoughts make it very difficult to live happily. I felt discouraged reading that, because it feels like I’ll always have these thoughts and be doomed to undergoing this anxiety/OCD cycle forever. Is there any hope?

I was basically having a breakdown arguing with my family, I was in the phone and my cat kept coming towards my feet meowing and I got mad and used my foot to push her out the door but she kinda went far and she went meow:( I slammed the door and I feel so f-ing bad I feel like I hurt her and im an abuser :( ive never done anything like this. I pushed her really hard with my foot. I know I didn’t kick her but what if the push really did hurt her:( im crying so bad im supposed to go on vacation today I don’t want to leave her

So I have been 5 days without intrusive thoughts which is a big accomplishment for me. Yesterday broke the streak. I was job shadowing and this girl i thought was so skinny and pretty how does she not have a boyfriend and i thought I was a dude i wouldn't turn my head away and now I'm thinking no one has said this before and that this means something. I know it's my ocd acting up but it's annoying. Plus it also tried to say in a narrative that sounded like me that I would date her and i immediately felt disturbed which just again told me everything about who I am sexually as a confident and comfortable straight woman

does anyone ever feel weird about explaining their compulsions to people? my mom doesn’t believe i have ocd (haven’t been diagnosed) because she hasn’t “seen” me do compulsions and when i try to explain it to her, i just feel so awkward. another thing is most of my compulsions are more of an in the moment thing than me doing the same thing everyday. while i do have ones that are typically a daily occurrence, mine are reliant on being in the moment and when i need do something a number of times to feel “just right” if that makes sense. anyways, it’s just hard to explain that to people and i almost feel embarrassed to. i know i shouldn’t, but i just feel abnormal in a sense.

Mornings are terrible. During night i feel awful. I have intrusive thoughts during night. And when I wake up i had quite stranger feelings.

My mind keeps going in circles and it’s so much to think about and I don’t know how to stop it and I’m all alone. I don’t have anyone I can go to and it’s hard for me to feel like anyone cares about me. Maybe my head is spiraling right now? It feels like it is 😭😭😭 I just want it to stoppppp it’s putting me in a fog and I’m so scared ):

Hey guys so I just got broken up with in the last week. I’ve always had really bad ocd and self harm thoughts. When my bf and I moved into together I was so happy and he understood how to help me with my ocd. I didn’t have bad thoughts for the full 8 months we were together! And then we broke up bc I found out a lot of things he was lying about. I’m living back home again, single and all of my bad thoughts and urges are back again, I don’t know how to make it stop. Living with him is the FIRST time I’ve had these thoughts go away. Now everything is bad once again. If anyone has any advice that could help I’d appreciate it.

Hello, I am fairly new to this app. I wanted to speak about the way I dream. I have dreams like I am hurt physically usually bloody either self inflicted or by some random person in my dream. Then I get saved by people I care about like friends or even people that I have a crush on. Or sometimes I have dreams that I speak about tramuatic events that I went through as a child to a crush and the feel bad for me and want to help me. I dont fear these dreams at all but I notice every time I sleep I ball my fists and when I dont I cant sleep.I clench my fists so hard in the morning they are sore. Also these dreams are almost every night.I am also very sensitive to how people talk to me if I am yelled at I shut down and have chest palpitations that radiate to my heart to my arms numbing it. Does anyone else experience any of these? Ive been researching and found myself here. For reference I have been tested for ADHD and I dont have it but I was told I might have OCD from the other symptoms I experience like heavy Intrusive thoughts, anxiety attacks/episodes, depression,dissociation ( like I am not real and even my emotions are like frozen and more) , bothered all day if something is moved by someone else when I put it a certain way, rituals ( blinking, and looking away from something multiple times mostly in number of twos etc), contamination ( washing my hands many times in between getting dressed after eacb task to feel clean), hating certain textures of fabrics or objects(more of a werid one ive had for a long time),procrastination, reassurance on all my action causing me to not think for myself, poor memory or false memory,and more.Any response would be helpful.

Not sure if I'm experiencing OCD or actual relationship problems. I was intimate with my fiance one night and shortly after had this immediate feeling of "I don't want to be with you anymore" out of what felt like nowhere. I know all relationships have issues and take work, but all I can think about now is "is this OCD or do I not love him". For context, there are things that bothered me about him and that I did sometimes wish I could change, but I never felt this gut-wrenching panicky feeling before the past week and a half about him, at least not for a while. I'd had similar feelings before but moved past it, all while having other OCD themes show up, so I thought it was all encompassing and felt better after a while. He's a good person, and there are still moments where I settle down in my head and feel like I can do this, but then it all starts up again where I feel like I'm searching for the answer to whether I should or shouldn't try. Different people say I should do different things, and I don't know how to feel as I've only ever had this happen with one other person and I broke it off with them. With them, it was a good thing, but I'm not 100% sure if it would be with this person because he treats me so well and I know I used to love being with him all the time. So like, how do I know the difference, and if I want to get back to the way we were, or have our relationship get better, does that mean we are not facing the end?

Does anyone else believe there is a tie between toxic overbearing mothers and OCD?? Ive had some therapists tell me this in the past. I love my mother but she is insane and gives me so much anxiety. If I am around her for more than 10 minutes my brain and obsessions start spiraling. Its great because I live with her 🫠

Hi I’m looking to connect with people who are experiencing harm/suicidal and pure ocd. I’ve had these themes for a while. The compulsive behaviors have always been in my head (ruminating,catastrophes,what ifs, intrusive commands “do it”, “you want to”, “you will”, “you’re suicidal “). I’ve had other themes in between but these specific ones aren’t letting go. I’m in ERP therapy through NOCD for the last few months, my therapist is great but I’m just having a hard time. I’m just wondering if anyone has overcome these themes? What exposures have you done and how did you get through it? How long did it take you? Etc … any shared experience is greatly appreciated thanks

Can intrusive thoughts make you feel crazy? What are yours like I need help mine are so bad . They pop up random when im talking to someone while someone's talking ..... it feels like they are getting worse by the minute .

About a year and a half ago, my friend group went out for karaoke. On the way to the bathroom, in the empty hallway, I passed a guy in my friend group (who had a girlfriend at the time, and I was already with my partner at the time). I remember it was dark, quiet, and empty, and I remember thinking “what if I made out with him right now?” I know I just walked past him and went into the bathroom as normal, but I remember the intrusive thought lingered even after I got back from the bathroom. It made me anxious at the time but I quickly got distracted and moved on. Now for some reason it popped into my head again and I am thinking maybe I did make out with him. However I know this is ridiculous. First of all, if I had actually cheated, there is absolutely no way that I would have just forgotten that and moved on. I know myself and I know I would have anxiously confessed right away. Second of all, the guy is still in our friend group, and there is no way that BOTH of us would have randomly, completely out of the blue, cheated on our partners and have no one find out. I have looked through my very brief messages with that guy, and there is nothing even remotely suspicious. There is no way that we would have just decided to make out all of a sudden without some sort of indication of something in our messages. I know i’m being stupid, but I’m getting so anxious about this that i almost want to message him and ask if anything happened. But I know how incredibly weird and strange and insane that would be. This sucks. False memories suck.

ive been on 3 different meds this year and havent found anything that works good yet (im in the uk and i think the medication names are different elsewhere btw sorry) i was on fluoxetine (prozac) for 7 years and it worked ok but Erased my sex drive and also did nothing for my depression, then swapped to mirtazapine this year and it worked great but caused hair loss and my intrusive thoughts wouldnt let me take it anymore so i had to swap to sertraline and my ocd is unbearably bad. tbh its probably too low of a dosage yet and ill go up on it soon but wondering if anyone is on one that works really well for you

I’ll start - Worried I was a zoophile because I enjoy eating octopus - Thought I was dying of a brain aneurism because my head hurt - Thought that because my towel touched the hand towel that my family uses that I had to wash them both so that way my family wouldn’t become attracted to me.

Sorry I’ve been posting a lot lately, im just really really distressed. I’m worrying a lot and my thoughts can’t seem to be quiet. I want to distract myself and stop thinking about all of this, but when im this stressed out, I can’t enjoy the things that I used to because all I can do is ruminate. Does anybody have advice on this? Advice on calming down your thoughts and ruminating