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working to conquer OCD
does anyone else get urges to confess to a loved one when experiencing anxiety from an intrusive thought/image?i used to do this in the past but recently i have been trying to not do this, is this a compulsion?anyone else relate?
i have been doing clinical ketamine treatments for over a year and a half now and am curious anyone elseās experience. i have found that my depression and ocd can really feed off one another (obsessions triggering depressive episodes, depressive episodes being the perfect breeding ground for rumination, etc.). because of this, i believe treating my depression in turn supports my ocd treatment. does anyone else notice this relationship between co-occurring mood disorders? or has anyone had experience with ketamine? would love to hear from you guys ā¤ļø
Iām new here and Iām not sure what to ask, but I feel like I need to ask something. The first thing that come up is a recent experience I had with waking up in the middle of the night just thinking my life isnāt real, like not that nothing matters, but like actually not real. It was terrifying. Other times Iāll wake up in the middle of the night just spiraling thinking that Iām just a terrible person and Iām ruining my childrenās lives and my husband would be able to manage things better if I was not here. Anyways, I was wondering if there was anyone else that has experienced things like this. And how you deal with these things. Iām not sure that I even have OCD but it is something that I keep thinking about. I donāt want to assume though so Iām just trying to reach out for some community and outside thoughts. Thanks.
my brain keeps on trying to convince me Iām gay. Why do I care so much?? Iāve been sure of who I am for all my life, but ever since that thought that I could be something else appeared in my head. Itās ruined me completely, Iāve lost attraction to my preferred gender and overthink everything when talking to the same gender. I know pick about everything Iām feeling and ruminate on the past for evidence. Iāve always saw myself being with a man and having kids with a man. But now I guess my ocd (maybe itās just denial idk) Is telling me I never wanted that and it was society or whatever. It makes me extremely uncomfy and very anxious. When I think about being gay that doesnāt feel right neither does being straight anymore since this theme. I just want to be normal again I hate this. I feel like Iāll never be in a relationship again ever because of this.
Some time I feel traped and stupid or mad at myself for having ocd can anyone relate? I wish i was normal even though normal does not exist and I know that but I wish could blended in more with other people you know. Sometimes my family treats me like I am weird, and I am but I can not help it ,you know.
this is honestly the worst summer of my life. i have intrusive thoughts almost constantly and when i tell myself i can get through this i get even worse intrusive thoughts to destroy me. and even worse, i cannot help but mumble, whisper, or even say my intrusive thoughts out loud sometimes. this is honestly ruining my life. i donāt even know whatās real anymore and what i do versus donāt do. my mind is convincing me i have done things or want to do things that i havenāt and donāt want to do. i canāt enjoy my vacation and honestly just want to go home.
Hi everyone. Iāve been on Zoloft for a couple of years now. Overall a very good experience. My Doc slowly worked me up to 150mg, but lately (past couple weeks) seems like my OCD has been stronger which is also triggering depression. OCD + Very low energy, easily annoyed/angered, etc. Any positive/relatable experiences out there with increasing above 150mg? Thanks in advance!
I have a very shameful consequence of my OCD, and my compulsory avoidance. It's been impossible to open my mail and to pay bills during my adult life. Coming from a recoursful background one of my deepest trauma is how my at that time undiagnosed disabilities prevented me from functioning in studies and jobs. So I recieved welfare and felt extremely shameful about it and desperate to get out of it. So I started my own business and despite my absurd struggle (more and more expert of hiding, no idea it was OCD, I always referred to it as my phobia in my mind, the more hidden the worse it became- unnoticed that it was worsening by me) I managed to succeed with my business (!?) My OCD can be described as living with an invisible 10headed Boa Constrictor around my body, squizing so much that I chronicly grasp for air and think.I will die when the giant snake š talks in my ears and brain constantly telling me from different heads how useless, ugly, terrible, horrible and repulsive I am and multiple all obstacles if I dare to think forward, take initiative and try to liberate my self from its grip. So I learned to live with my business and "outside-me" and the invisible nightmare I paralell was facing. My goal was to achieve a healthy self sustainable life. When this actually became realized and my success grow the constrictor tighten its grip more and more til I in the end was complicated paralyzed and withdraw all tasks from my accounter and everybody else due to the shame of the scenarios that still did not happen- but if I moved an inch they would happen. I could not send enquiries, open bills, emails, deliver, order, call or respond, the money to pay my responsibilities was there, but instead of dealing with my reality, I was dealing with a coming scenario produced in my mind and all my money went to pay for totally irrational prevention of an imagined scenario. Writing this makes me very unhappy. I lost everything. My first very hard earned 1.4 million the only positive thing I can see with that which in the end is about to give me a new and true life - so it's good- my OCD was discovered and diagnosed after 28 years with horrible intrusive thoughts. And I am back on welfare. It breaks my heart. My life is not sustainable on these money, my success was to short-lived to be reflected so I am now diagnosed and this gives me hope, but without money to pay my treatment. I feel so embarrassed, so embarrassed and to post this makes me very worried, but I just hang up the phone with a relative- I had to call and ask for a loan of money to cover my own everyday expenses, and it throws me back to the traumas I tried with all my strenght to escape in the first place. It feels like my entire life project has completely failed and that there is no way out of this financial nightmare. And to ask friends and family members for financial help makes me loose all my powers, and hope- I still can't belive this has happened- even though I realize that the OCD mislead me all these years, so it's also very difficult to see the pictures others have of me- as successful (?@#%*??) . The reality now is that I am on the absolute rock bottom, 30 years of my adulthood is lived, and I am suppose to start from scratch. Thank you if you read all this. I really don't want to complain and feel sorry for myself- but its so tough to believe that I can get out of this trap where my OCD keeps me in my phobias and the phobias/compulsions prevent me from money which blocks treatment which blocks income which then reinforce the obsessions. This app and all the material available online is my lifeline- even though I am feeling so extremely desperate I also can feel the resistance inside when I write honestly like this. Ok, no matter what, I am going to win, I am going to beat this monster and achieve a good life. A future with a manageable OCD will be a new life that can bring out who I truly am for the first time since my onset of what I now know is OCD at 21 years old. I love you all here who are sharing and helping others with sharing your stories. I hope one day I can share mine and be open and I know I must be greatful that I have someone to call to even though it's tough. Love to all OCD surviversā¤ļø
Idk if I have ocd or not I just want to know about 4 months ago I started getting harmful thoughts to loved ones im very scared because I would never hurt anyone. These thoughts scare me so much because they are so vivid and I have like these urges as if Iām going to do it. What is this? Am I ok? Am I going crazy please someone help it feels like I canāt take it anymore living this way with these thoughts haunting me day and night.
hey guys, this is going to be long but iām trying to heal and i really really would love advice. iām looking for help with confession ocd in romantic relationships. my question is, how do i stop myself when i have the feeling āwow this is something i REALLY need to confess. no itās actually important this timeā even though the logical part of my brain is saying all it will do is probably cause an argument and isnāt important. how do you get past that feeling of āi HAVE to say this thing because they NEED to know?ā that feeling of it being so important. another question is if you do confess and you struggle with false memory, i feel like a lot of the time i say āi might haveā it āi think iā¦ā. this feels unfair to my bf because he never knows whatās real and what isnāt and NEITHER DO I!!! most of the stuff i confess is from around 2 years ago, so small details i donāt remeber. false memories can also make literally anything feel real. so when i months later after confession remever the REAL answer (i DID do this when i said i MIGHT have) how to stop from RE confessing?? sorry this was so long but iām really trying to heal and i REALLY need advice. thank you guys!!
What do you do when nothing feel right. Like for example I feel like everything triggers me, everything feels weird, sounds, actions, my room. I feel like i will go insane any second and I cant enjoy anything, I cant be happy about my upcoming new job or events. I have OCD about me having shizhophrenia and omg it has ruined my life, it has only been about 3 weeks, but it has got me complitely. I want my old self back and I am scared that my loved one will leave me bc i am not getting better. I really want a new theme as funny it sounds, because even 2 years ago harm OCD was't this hard. I feel like something in me is changing, but i dont want it š I will start therapy in the end of August and I just started taking medication. But for now I cant imagine this stopping and I fear that it will go downhill from this, i cant see me doing better, because if i have a good day I rember how i felt yesterday or when I had a panic attack and I cant get enough of it, i always remember those feelings and I start to worry about it over and over again.
What should I do if I catch my self ruminating. Most of the time when I ruminate is when I have urges, sensations or images. I just want my life back.
I don't. OCD has its pitfalls, its horrors, and its crippling themes. But why do I have to constantly focus on its harmful symptoms in order to overcome its harmful symptoms? My experience with OCD forced me to perseverate on so many meaningless things. Even worse, it forced me to RUMINATE on shameful, terrifying, and traumatic memories, thoughts, and feelings. I've obsessed over religion and morality, sexual orientation, cleanliness and illnesses. When I was in my teens, undiagnosed OCD lead me down the dreadful path of anorexia and bulimia. I was obsessed with my weight and fitness. I was thinking magically, forcing myself to knock three times on bona-fide wood with my right hand only to stop myself from jinxing something. I sometimes still repeat prayers, asking God to show me a sign regarding some unforeseeable event in the unknown distant future. I would say "God, if I'm going to get fired from work today, then let me find a parking spot!" Needless to say, I always found a parking spot and then went into work shaking like a leaf all day. Looking back, I wager that that alone helped me be one of the lowest performing employees in the lot. And oh boy, was I frightened as all get-out when I thought - believed - I was HOMOSEXUAL! (The audience gasps). What if, though, I wasn't homosexual... What if I was worse? What if I wanted to hurt... God, please no. I can't stop. It won't stop. MAKE IT STOP! How do I stop this? I have no idea. I need to learn how to stop this. I need to learn. I need to learn everything. If I don't KNOW FOR SURE, then how can I BE sure that I am none of those things? How can I be sure nothing bad will happen? Maybe... Just maybe, I can Google the answer. I just have to be smart while doing research... (12 hours and many BS websites later) By this time, I haven't eaten, showered, brushed my teeth, slept, or drank water. I would crawl up and out of isolated research, checking, rechecking, rereading and reassuring myself... Only to later find out that my attempts at quelling the insatiable obsessions were in vain. My compulsive activities only bolstered my fears, and I lost all of my insight, leaving me paranoid and almost clinically psychotic. I felt hopeless, and so I drank into oblivion. Only when I was sloshed and seeing stars did I find peace and sleep (albeit very dissatisfying sleep, and the peace was just a lie I told myself until I believed it). I took medication that doctors told me would help, but I drank away all the benefits of those prescriptions. On the other hand... Did you know that anxiety is not just an emotion, but an instinct? We adapted it throughout evolution to help us survive before civilization. If you are a creationist, the idea still stands: it is an alarm that warms us when the enemy is near. Isn't that nifty information. I wonder how I can use that... Did you also know that perseveration is the umbrella term used for multiple psychological diagnoses that means to fixate on one thing - emotion, thoughts, or external things - for longer than normal periods of time? It's associated with autism, ADHD, OCD and other anxiety disorders, depression, and more. Fancy that. You know... now that I'm sober and continuing therapy, I look back on the dreadful days wasted obsessing over themes of my own design, acting compulsively to eliminate them only to find out I made them stronger, and I realize that I've actually learned quite a lot of useful information. Through compulsive checking, I accidentally learned how deeply rooted OCD is in my genes. Instead, I was trying to learn the signs of being 100% gay. Now I realize that I'm just some bisexual dude with anxiety. I also learned that mindfulness meditation isn't just a Buddhist idea. It actually spans across every continent, every culture, in different forms. Pacific Island cultures practiced a form of meditation where a person would focus their gaze on a single point, without looking away. Blinking was necessary, of course, but their goal was to notice things in their periphery, as muted and blurry as those things might be. How amazing is that? I don't want to beat OCD, but I certainly do not want to let OCD overtake me again. I would say that "OCD once beat me", but it didn't. If it truly won, then I wouldn't be able to share this with anyone. I wouldn't be able to look back and say to myself "That experience taught me a lot about myself and the nature of OCD." Today, I can share my experiences and knowledge with others and I can say with 100% certainty that there is hope. The light at the end of the tunnel does not need to be checked and turned off and on multiple times. Instead, it can be what it is - the light at the end of the tunnel. So, I've quit drinking for good. I am continuing therapy, and I am aiming to restart medication management on top of all that. OCD may have taken a lot of time, energy, and health from me in the past, and as much as I WANT to completely get rid of it... I can't. It is a terminal diagnosis... So, how can I use it to benefit others? Well, I'm doing that right now by writing this. If it has become an issue, then that is okay. Asking for help does not mean defeat; it means refusal to give up. Embrace the unknown, and go forward fearlessly.
Hi, can someone please told me how to dealt with compulsions i been avoiding a lot of music because if i listen to some songs someting bad will happend
I tell myself so much that I don't believe in myself and that I feel like a bad person and that events of the past leave me greatly uncertain about who I am no thanks to OCD. When it comes to who I was as a teenager, to be honest, I was straight up fucking weird. I did weird things, I acted out, I wasn't good at socializing with people, and the more I try to look back into the events of the past, the more disturbed and disappointed I become. That just was not the person I wanted to be. I just wanna be able to put all of that aside and just be nice to myself. Be kind to myself and accept myself for who I am and just be confident. The thing is OCD doesn't let me. It feels like I'm not OWED to feel that way about myself or that I don't deserve to. Or that I need the permission of OCD to feel that way. I don't want it to be that way. I just want to be able to think positive about myself despite the past but that's next to impossible.
Huge trigger warning related to porn and pedophilia. Please don't read if it makes you uncomfortable. Thank you if you get to read this long post. Something awful happened recently. I was watching porn, I won't say what page because idk if it is allowed, but it is the most famous porn page there is, so you'd think you wouldn't find something so horrifying there. The problem is that one of the automatic pop ups that appeared really terrified me because the girl looked way too young. I'm not sure if she truly was underage, but she looked it, and I can't express how horrifying it is considering if she could have been. I feel like my mind is playing games with me. I can't tell if it was paranoia or reality. My memories are really fuzzy, as I was on a state of shock when I saw it. I remember feeling scared right away and trying to look up how to report it, but the page refreshed on it's own and I never saw the pop up again. I felt so gross for seeing that, and guilty for not reporting it. It was an accident, but I can't help but think that I enjoyed it and that it is my fault for watching porn at all. I am a monster. If this had happened to someone else I wouldn't question it so much, as I know that I didn't look at it on purpose and tried to do the right thing when I saw it. But I already hate myself because years back, when I was 16, I discovered loli. Which is really wrong drawings of young characters. And since then I've been obsessed with the topic and developed pocd. I never looked for those drawings again after that, I dont enjoy them. But I've accidentally found them again on the internet and it's made me feel disgusting and evil; but at least I had the certainty that it wasn't real, until now. I think that this is recent event is further proof of the monster that I already thought I was. After what happened, I immediately contacted a therapist, but tbh, I don't think that I'll ever move on from that. Life isn't looking good right now.
How can i reassure myself (comfort) if i am angry and upset about having compulsed when i am not supposed to either compulse or reassure myself?
I have been with my partner for about a year and 4 months. My ocd symptoms started in February. Recently, my ocd is making me seem annoyed by everything my partner doesā¦ I have a bad problem with forming my opinion off of other random people instead of making my own, possibly fear of perception/upsetting people with an opinion so I have to follow like a sheep. This frustrates my partner. My ocd might latch onto a random dark humour joke he made or an opinion for example about social issues that is different to me where we have to agree to disagree and I end up going searching on mainly TikTok. If I see a comment where some people are against what my bf said I have to go and tell him and itās almost every day my ocd manages to nitpick something. A lot of the time itās me setting it off by asking his opinion or something where I can feel my ocd being like āletās scan for things in this conversation to latch on to šā and starting a convo where something could trigger my ocd. He might be playing a video game and says things, for example if heās shot in the game and gets a little bit annoyed. My ocd will instantly latch onto something. I try to hold it back but I ocd tells me I NEED to tell him off for it. If I bring something up while communicating and my boyfriend asks why I think something is bad, it usually always starts with āwell I saw a tiktok/instagram comment-ā¦ā and my boyfriend stops me to tell me Iām going off a small group of peopleās opinion and I need to be able To form my own opinion and itās okay for me To have my own opinion. A lot of the time I canāt form an opinion because Iām scared what people think so I resort to looking at random peoples comments on posts. š My ocd convinces me heās a bad person because he has dark humour. Is all the need to confess my thoughts and tell him off ocd? Is the best thing to do sit with the uncomfortableness? Does anyone relate
This may be a little taboo so discretion advised. I stumbled upon this Twitter community thatās labeled to post 18+ Porn content and Iāve went in there a few times to view the posts. For some context Iām 19. For those of you who may not understand how Twitter communities work hereās some context for that as well. In these communities they are separated by a topic and everyone can join the community to then collectively converse or share media/pictures about the topic. Of course people made porn communities and anyone can post in these communities. Obviously knowing this I try to be as careful as possible by only viewing videos of individuals that are obviously above 18. I should also add this particular community has moderators that are supposed to be verifying videos and deleting anything that is suspect or not compliant with the rules but sometimes i worry the people in these videos arenāt actually 18 like they are supposed to be. I have every reason to believe they are of age except the fact that anyone is aloud to post in these communities so I fear I masturbated to a minor or viewed child porn without knowing they were underage because I misjudged by the video. I am currently in therapy and I have been for a while now so I know I should stick with the facts and really try to stick with my core values but this really is sticking with me and I donāt have a meeting for a few days can anyone help? (Also I should add I donāt have any of these videos saved and I didnāt share them either only viewed)
my aunt gave me edibles to help with my anxiety from my intrusive thoughts. well i think i ended up greening out and i woke up this morning and my brain feels all fuzzy and i still feel like im going to die. has anyone with ocd ever been through this. im so scared right now.
If you are in crisis, please use these emergency resources to find immediate help.
OCD doesn't have to
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