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the NOCD Community

That come and tell me that my fears are not true 💔

Hey! I’m French and I’m thinking I sufffer of Pure O, it’s hard to find a specialist in ocd in France so do you know a person whhich is specialised in OCD and can speak French ? I’m not sur my level in English is enough now to follow a therapy, maybe later? Thank you so much !

tw//talks of sa and sexual acts I'm kinda worried because of something that happened with me and my boyfriend forever ago. When me and my boyfriend were being all over each other and things were heated, he asked if he could kiss me Down There and I said yes and then he proceeded to lick me down there a couple of times and then stopped. It made me uncomfortable and I told him to not do that because it was not that I expected and it shocked me a bit. He apologized and said he understands why I felt that way and I know he never meant to make me feel uncomfortable or upset. we talked more about it, and set a boundary about asking before doing anything like that instead of like before where we were both comfortable with kinda just doing stuff when we knew we were in the mood. I trust him but it did make me feel bad for a bit. This isn't SA right? I feel like I started to ruminate on this trying to figure it out desperately even though I used to be confident that it wasn't. this wasn't triggered by anything personal, just a random tik tok video talking about SA. I'm just worried but I have felt better ever since we had that conversation and set boundaries.

I am a 22 year old female and have never gotten into a relationship due to the fact that I have OCD and how ugly it can get at times. I also feel like I would be a burden and be too much to handle especially in modern dating when people want to have fun and dont want to deal with anything that's exhausting not saying it's wrong but that's how it is. I have these two mindsets of 'I'll have someone who will accept me someday' Or 'I'll just be on my own cause that's what's good for me'.I don't think anyone will look at me and think they want to settle down with me or stuff. I feel like i will be too much to handle. Even if someone likes me, they will never actually love me enough to spend their life with me. Maybe if I were more pretty maybe people might put up with me idk really. This just saddens me to the core. I don't know how to deal with this. Is there any hope for me P.S my ocd is manageable most of the time but when it flares up it gets ugly and i go non-functional

Yall. Does your ocd make you become so scared of depression, that your imagination tricks you into thinking you’re depressed?! Cause I know I’m not depressed ( I think) I love my life my family sports and I’m constantly just wanting to be busy. But sometimes my imagination tricks me into thinking I’m feeling depressed. I also think I’m an empath, and lots of my friends are real deal depressed. So my mind is questioning itself, even though there is no reason to. I look forward to the future, have fun with my family, yet I feel like the trying to feel depressed to prepare yourself to feel depressed is almost a constant. Also usually these trying to feeling depressed episodes flare up when we are doing fun things. Like eating out or spending time together. The only time that I don’t fall into a mind trick is when I’m playing sports. My mind sometimes can be clear a whole day and suddenly we do something all together that’s nice and the fear of depression fear of myself flares up! Anyone else relate?

I’ve got ocd (lol obs) and I’ve always had it, and I’ve tried to tell my mom so many times. I’m 17, and for years I’ve had so many horrific (what I call) flare ups. And it sometimes feels like a bingo game w the amount of types I’ve had. Sometimes I really do just wish I could go to my mom and say “mom I’ve got ocd and it’s really bad atm and I just wanna be okay again because I know it’s ocd but I’m sick of it being there can I please please get some help please it’s not okay please get me some help.” The ironic part is she’s a frigging nurse. And she must just be in some kinda denial. I’m just kinda waiting for this part to pass, I’ve made it 17 years w nobody to help me. I’ve only just told my friends what it’s like but I said things that weren’t currently in my flare up. I swear I’m on the verge of being sectioned for psychosis at this point. But I have made it this far- it will go away at some point on its own. But why won’t my mom help me. Why’s she so defensive- (I know why just like “why oh why won’t she. Yk?) but she’s so blinded by no no it’s all okay everything is okay. I’m sat in my room thinking the only way I could make her see- mom I rly am not okay is if I k*//ed myself. Like, then she’ll be like “…ohhh so she wasn’t okaaay” 💀🥹 if any one person could read this, and just type that it’s okay or something not as obs and generic as “it’s okay” but like just something to show someone’s listened. Thanks. I’ll ignore my trust issues, it’s an ocd app we’re all out here struggling but thanks x🤍🤌

My recent intrusive thoughts have been triggering bad panic attacks. Do you guys also get panic attacks or anxiety from your intrusive thoughts? 😣

I guess I'm seeking reassurance, but please tell me these horrible images are just the OCD and doesn't mean who I am

Hey guys. Me and my boyfriend broke up about a month ago. He told me not to contact him and that he wouldn’t contact me. I saw glimpses of him talking to a past lover on social media.. but who knows they could be friends.. idk. Still i realized i messed up with him, things ended badly and i wanted to start things back up. I went to target and someone asked for my number on the same day i realized this. Same field as i am entering, similar interests. I gave it to him.. but i later felt guilty. If my intention is to reach out to my ex.. how could i give this man my number? Is that not disrespectful… Well after some effort (a day or two after the target guy gave me his number) me and my ex started talking again. I waited until i had a break in classes because i knew it would be emotionally intense for me, and we decided it was for the best that we part ways.And during this time while we were getting that closure/ i was figuring things out i texted the dude from target and told him im freshly out of a relationship and there’s still alot of feelings still there so that id really just be looking for friends and he was ok with that, but a part of me always thought could it be possible to move on with him if my ex didnt want me back? I still wasnt sure if i wanted anything romantic with target guy or not.. I feel like i had him on the back burner and that i wasn’t being respectful to my ex by giving another guy my number even if we are broken up because my intention was still to get back with him. Now I’m being eaten up with guilt and am trying to figure out if I’m being too hard on myself or if i wasn’t being respectful.

Make you feel like you actually do? I’ve always checked my feelings to try and find my “real” ones and now…when I check, my brain runs away with the thought and makes me feel like I’d actually enjoy hurting my dog. Please help.

Okay so, when I first started with ocd I was extremely scared and depressed because the thought of me even hurting my family made me sick and I would have anxiety, now 8 months pass I feel like, I have no emotion, I still get these thoughts, but I tell my brain “don’t think like that” but I don’t feel anything. Like i feel like I don’t have any love or connection with my family, and me having these thoughts, are like what if I actually do them? But that’s horrible because my family is such a loving family. I don’t feel nothing, I feel like I don’t have no empathy. But I hate having these thoughts. I don’t know what to do? What if I’m a psychopath?? Should I send myself to a mental hospital?? Is this normal ??

Do you think one day in recovery they’ll be a day I don’t think about the fact I even have ocd?

I have never dated anyone bc of the fear that ocd would flare up too much and cause problems but this time i have taken a leap of faith and thought to myself that whatever ocd is gonna throw my way I will deal with it cause that's what I should be doing cause I can't not do anything in my life. What are your tips to when my ocd flares up due to me dating

Hello everyone. My name is Cathy and I have severe intrusive thoughts that seem to come out of no where. However only one thought at a time. I fixate on that scary thought for days and days and my anxiety builds up and up. I try to then attack the suggested catastrophic thought such I may have this disease or going to die from that disease or rot in hell etc. scary thoughts always. I try and do a ton of research on line to counter attack the thought trying to prove it wrong and this helps me but if I can’t find something that proves I won’t get the disease or have it already or prove other things too depending on what the thought is, it doesn’t help at all and can make it worse. Is anyone out there experiencing what I have. I don’t have ocd cleaning or washing or checking but have intrusive scary thoughts.

sorry for bothering, for posting too much. but can ocd cause you to sort of.. change? i’m scared i will change. right now i don’t feel like typing all extra with a bunch of emojis and hearts like i usually do. it was usually to represent my values of love and kindness and positivity. but i don t feel like doing that. i feel like typing like this. i’m worried that i will lose my values/morals. i’m scared i am becoming a less emotional or empathetic person. i’m scared that i forced myself to be that way in the past. i’m worried that i don’t know who i am and i will never truly know who i am or feel at peace with myself or my values. i’m worried that because of this ocd i am changed forever. i’m even worried that it isn’t ocd anymore.

Any tips on whenever you’re getting that intrusive thought, what can I tell myself without reassuring myself

I went to see a psychiatrist today. She was pretty nice, but even though I was listing ALL symptoms of OCD, all the obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors, she was uncertain about it, as if she did not understand what was going on. She didn't rule out the possibility of me having OCD, but she didn't confirm it. I understand that doctors usually won't diagnose patients in their first visit, but goddamn... I'm so scared right now. I keep doubting that I have OCD myself, I identify with all the symptoms but I doubt it all the time and feel the need to reassure myself that I have the disorder. If I don't have OCD, my life is fucking over. She gave me a diagnosis for Generalized Anxiety Disorder and prescribed me some medication. I received that diagnosis because I shared some of the trouble I'm going through at work. But if I fear that I don't really have OCD if an actual mental health professional can't recognize that as OCD. All the relentless researching, rumination, mental checking/testing, spending hours doing these things to achieve a sense of certainty and avoiding things out of fear of getting triggered.

Hi, I'm Sky. I'm not 100% sure if I have OCD or not. I've had multiple psychiatrist diagnose me with it but also one that said I was misdiagnosed. It does run in my family heavily on my father's side. I was wondering if anyone could talk to me about their experiences with OCD so maybe I can see if I relate. I feel like I suffer from intrusive thoughts but I also struggle with CPTSD and GAD. I find myself obsessing over made up scenarios or problems and I cant think of anything else. I have a lot of routines but I'm not sure if they are OCD related or not. I know this input wouldn't truly tell me if I have it or not and that I should reach out for another professional opinion, and I will. But I'm just trying to reassure myself that it's even worth bringing up. (Cat gif just because it's cute uwu)

I had a lot of mental stamina before my OCD got severe and I often compare my current state of being to who I was. I especially do this with the recovery I experienced 2 years into ERP. I thought I'd never have to face that terrible suffering again. A lot happened last year and my OCD blew up in my face. It's been difficult, but in a different way than I experienced when first going through OCD. Rather than being moved by desperation to recover, I became apathetic, which scared me even more. But here's what I've learned for myself about recovery apathy and I hope someone finds this helpful, too, because I haven't heard many people really talking about it. - My apathy was actually overwhelm. I had fought hard to overcome OCD and the thought of having to go through that again triggered feelings of hopelessness. Really, in retrospect, I see that it was rooted in a desire to get out of the spiral immediately because what if this ruined all of my progress? - By expecting myself to feel better quickly, I became fixated on monitoring my internal world. I was checking every feeling and sensation I had, and using them to figure out how to escape. The more I did this, however, the more I lost touch with my actual needs and desires. - I began to feel ashamed of myself for slipping and losing myself. I kept telling myself I'd do xyz to get back on top, but either wouldn't follow through, the goals would be too big, or whatever I was aiming for was a means of neutralizing the noise, as I like to call it. When you try to neutralize OCD noise, it just gets louder. - My repeated "fails" and attempts to fix myself amplified my shame and feelings of apathy. I didn't know how to break free or sit with what I was doing to myself. I didn't even know how I was doing it. I felt like all of my OCD knowledge went out the window. - A year into it, I have started to learn that it's all the same. This is also OCD. The noise tells me that I can't get better unless I do x first, I need to pay attention to how I'm feeling to learn how to take care of myself, I need to analyze my thoughts and sort through all the uncertainty. At the core of all of these fear-statements is a little girl who feels unsafe. - I started a journal on my compulsions, opened up to people I trust, and moved towards discomfort. I feel anxious and don't know why? Huh, guess I'll color for a bit and use that as inspiration. I used to love writing but now it feels like an apathetic gridlock? I'll set a timer for 10 minutes and write creatively without editing. I'm scared of being weird at work and being so uncool I'm not well liked? Unfortunate, that's their loss because I'm pretty cool. - I work on building myself up instead of analyzing thoughts about whether or not I'm worthy or loveable. I reconnect to things I loved as a kid. I invite my body to relax instead of forcing it to because I choose to honor how afraid it is after being through so much stress and turmoil. I hug myself and imagine hugging that little girl, and I remind myself that I never need permission to be loved. I go to my fiance when I feel trapped or alone, and when he isn't around, I utilize empty chair exercises where I have an open discussion between myself and those lonely parts of me. - Essentially, I realize that acceptance comes from befriending and normalizing our experiences. Just because others don't understand or don't like us doesn't mean we must feel that way about ourselves. What we experience is just as valid as what anyone else goes through and we don't always like or understand them, yet they treat themselves well. Shame tells us we can't be kind to ourselves, rather we must fix something that's wrong in us. I've learned that the true exposure is to soothe the shame with as many tears, hugs, and hobbies as it takes.

How do you stop the bad number loop